How long is this thing? Wednesday World Cup Open thread.

litre_cola

litre_cola

Loves to use the letter U behind O. Iggles fan, Fulham FC supporter. Bartend as a hobby in Canadia.
litre_cola

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Another four games on the slate today with things to play for! By Saturday we will be down to 16 and the fun will begin. The daily blogs have been great, huzzah to all of you who participate. Fuck Pepe forever.

Group F 9 am DFO time games

Sweden v Mexico at Brazzers Ekaterinburg Arena, Ekaterinburg

Litre_Cola: Will Landon Donovan’s 2nd team vanquish the incredibly boring defensive beautiful people from Sverige? Doubtful. Sweden really needs a two goal win to progress, whereas a draw will suit Mexico just fine as they would then be top of the group regardless of what the Krauts do. Chicharito has always had so much promise and has truly had a bizarre career as he is now at West Ham and sinking fast. Could this be where he finally gets it all together?

Prediction: Sweden 1 Mexico 1  Hard fought draw. Bye Bye Sweden. Since I believe they gone here is some good Swedish music that makes me feel old.

Balls: This is yet another game where my personal interests cloud my prognosticating judgment.  Did I think México could make it through the group stage with three wins and first place in the group? Not a chance in hell.

Did I think that México could make it through the group stage unbeaten with first place in the group? Not a chance in hell.

Yet here we are with a win or tie against Sweden making those dream scenarios a reality. Is this the moment where Lucy pulled the football out from Charlie Brown? It would be SO México to do that…

Predicción: If they don’t at least tie,  they might as well stay in Europe as the fans will turn on them quicker than a Bugatti Veyron. A sufrido 1-1 tie.

Don T: Oh yes. Brazzers Ekaterinburg Arena will host the most explicit fellating of El Tri by ESPN Deportes, Fox Deportes, Telemundo, Univision, and every other media outlet that employs at least one Mexican. In production, I mean.

Honestly though: México’s great! Against South Korea and Germany, México pressed, attacked and dominated. BUT! I will always think the worst about Rafa Márquez, even if it is an FBI conspiracy. The rest has been splendid, and I hope Márquez’s whiff on that late Korean goal dissuades additional pandering to his presumptive legion of fans. If El Tri bounces Sweden, I swear to be more tolerant of deluded shit like this:

Via goal.com / postimg.com

Predicción: México 0 : 0 Sweden

Wakezilla: This group is pretty wild because every team could still advance into the round of 16. Mexico knows they could still be eliminated from competition with six points, so I expect they will field the same lineup they used against Korea.

Sweden needs to outscore Germany, or beat Mexico by (I think) 3 goals to advance. While both scenarios are entirely possible, it’s going to be challenging for a slow, defensive minded team like Sweden to put up three in one match.

Predicción: Similar to yesterday’s Iceland analysis, I don’t think Sweden is talented enough to play an open game to score a ton of goals. As a result, I see Mexico taking advantage of Sweden’s desperation of matching Germany’s goal total and beating Sweden 3-1. Bring on Germany vs Brazil in the Round of 16!

Hippo: I am thinking Sweden is ded, and just waiting to be taken out back and shot.

Predicción: Mexico complies, 2-nil.

Germany v South Korea at T.G.I.Friday’s Kazan Arena, Kazan

Litre_Cola :  The Germans need to match whatever the Swedes do and it still is possible for the Koreans to progress should they ass whop the krauts and the Mexicans whoop the Swedes. The latter is not happening. The Germans are warming up now, this could be an absolute curb stomping. Draxler has a very punchable face by the way. Even if the Koreans swapped jerseys for the game I do not think it is going to matter. The machine is starting to roll.

Prognose: Deutschland 4 Korea 0  Maybe more.

Balls:  We were SO close.  We were one minute away from Germany being gone from the tournament.  ONE MINUTE!

Remember this when Ze Germans are hoisting the trophy in two weeks.

Prediction: Ze Germans will run train on the South Koreans and it will be ugly. Son will be happy to do military service so he has a place to hide after this humiliation.  Germany 5 Korea 0.

Don T: South Korea reached the semifinals in 2002, when it cohosted the tournament and received very favorable refereeing. Since then, it has been a World Cup perennial THAT SUCKS! And to think the tournament will expand to 48 teams for the 2026 World Cup. What a fucking talent show.

Anyone seen Thomas Müller? The ninny wearing his shirt has nailed Müller’s bitch act, but he’s a stiff. Wake me when Germany can finish an attack.

Predicción: South Korea 0 : 3 Germany—I’m woke.  This is how that Kroos free kick looked on my TV:

Via giphy.com

Wakezilla: Korea underachieved this tournament. It’s not the fact that they lost to Sweden and Mexico, it’s how they lost. Wanting to finish strong and knowing they could still advance to the round of 16, I expect an aggressive Korean side to make life miserable for the Germans.

Germany defeating Sweden might very well be the turning point in this entire tournament. Once that goal was scored in the 95th minute, it look like all theGerman players lost 10lbs of stress. Playing South Korea could really propel Germany’s momentum heading into the round of 16.

예측: It’ll be 1-1 midway through the second half, until the Germans score and eventually defeat Korea 3-1. We’ll say Mueller, Reus and Gomez score for the Krauts.

Hippo:  Will #WokeNazis be trending this afternoon?  Fuck if I know, I don’t believe in twitter.

Prognose: Deutschland 6-nil poundering.

Group E 1 pm DFO time games

Switzerland v Costa Rica at Stub Hub Nizhny Novgorod Stadium, Nizhny Novgorod

Litre_Cola : I do not like the Swiss style of play. I want them out. This means that the Costa Ricans have to win and the Serbs will have to beat Brazil. Nope. Do you remember Paulo Wanchope? I do. I was going to put in some highlights but this is much better.

Prediction: Stupid Switzerland will win 1-0 in a truly boring game.

Balls:  Holy shit, Costa Rica is still at the World Cup? I thought for sure they packed up their shit and headed for their home country’s beautiful beaches already!

Seriously,  what’s the point of this game? They don’t have any pride to salvage like Perú against Australia. The more I read about the Swiss,  the less I like them.

Predicción: A boring 1-0 win for Switzerland.

Don T: Ay Costa Rica. Please score a goal

Predicción: What Balls said.

Wakezilla: What a gift from the heavens for the Swiss to get Costa Rica on match day three. Granit Xhaka, Xherdan Shaqiri and Stephan Lichtsteiner are available for Switzerland  after they escaped a FIFA ban for appearing to make hand signals that imitated the double-headed eagle on the Albanian flag against Serbia. No word on why they haven’t tested Shaqiri for doping. Like I said in the open thread after he scored the goal, the guy is on such much stuff, he’s glowing green.

Costa Rica is just playing out the string and are probably fist deep in Russian hookers and on a crazy drunken bender. This game could get really ugly.

Predicción: The Swiss have to win the game to ensure they advance. They’re playing against a team thinking about going to their respective club team. The Swiss are going to win 3-0 and will clinch first place in their group. Their reward? Playing a German side that has likely found their groove.

Hippo:  Fuck the Swiss, their hordes of Nazi gold, and especially that thundercunt Shaqiri.

Predicción: Navas has a blinder, CRC gets the Puru-ish 1-nil win.

Serbia v Brazil at Hooters Spartak Stadium, Moscow

Litre Cola: Pretty straight forward this one. Win and you are in. The Serbs have played really well thus far but I think they took their foot off the gas last match after Mitrovic scored so easily. I thought their mindset just went into cruise control and the Swiss were all over them. It is ok though they are totally not on P.E.D’s, Swiss people have never been dodgy. As for Brazil they have been an enigma wrapped in a riddle thus far. Flashes of brilliance and then you watch them muddle through the Switzerland game.

I really think that the Serbs will regret their lapse in focus.

Predição: Brazil 2 Serbia 1 Mitrovic will get another one so his price with Newcastle goes up. I know you are asking yourself “Self is that summer banger still number 1 in Serbia?” You are god damned right it is. 

Balls: Brazil has not fully woken up in this tournament.  Yes,  they’ve got two wins, but you get the feeling they are doing the old Milton Berle: only pulling out enough to win.

The Serbs fucked up royally against Switzerland.  It will cost them the qualification too. Maybe they can assassinate a Swiss official and start World War 3 to make up for it.

Prediction: Brazil 2 Serbia 1

Don T: Serbia is toast. Toast! They’re wusses.

Brazil has barely whelmed, and it’s thanks to Phillippe Coutinho. On the other hand, what is this “Roberto Firmino: Super Sub” fuckery? Coach Tite’s record is unassailable, but I’ll never understand how can there be no place for Firmino in ANY starting lineup. Firmino’s an asset in offense and defense! Still, I have enjoyed Brazil so far, especially Marcelo wearing the captain’s armband at a World Cup and Neymar getting the shit kicked out of him while trying to play 1 vs. 8 heroball.

Neymar sporting a new hairstyle

Back to Serbia. After Switzerland outlasted and outclassed them, the Serbs lodged a complaint against Swiss players Xhaka and Shaqiri. Both

made hand gestures of a two-headed eagle after scoring second-half goals […] The two goal scorers have ethnic Albanian heritage linked to Kosovo, a former Serbian province that declared independence in 2008. Serbia doesn’t recognize that independence. [Via cbsnews.com.

It’s common knowledge that hypocrisy and nativist sentiment go together like lube and hamsters. But Serbia complaining of displays of nationalism, and on sportsmanship grounds… It’s a tad rich, is all. Sure, sour grapes and a strict reading of the rules are expected, but I never took for bureaucratic wussies those genocidal fuckers.

Predicción: Brazil 3 : 1 Serbia (penalty)

Wakezilla: This is an intriguing matchup because I’m not entirely sure which Serbian side is going to show up. This is a young, talented squad that has the potential of upsetting Brazil. However, this squad is also bat shit insane and may turn the match into a street fight because they felt the refs slighted them last game. As long as they commit to one choice, I’m OK with either. What’s more, Serbia coach Mladen Krstajic and his players have said all the right things. They have made it quite clear they aren’t afraid of Brazil and that a lack of discipline will cost them the match. I love that awareness. I also love that Krstajic is most likely going to play his strongest squad despite six players at risk of being suspended for the next game. Neymar better be ready for a beating.

A lot of pundits are calling for Brazil to route Serbia because they beat Costa Rica 2-0 and one of the goals was scored by Neymar. In tWBS’ world, Costa Rica and Brazil would have ended in a 0-0 draw. Brazil has done nothing this tournament to make me think they will route Serbia.

предвидети: In our DFO pool, I have Brazil reaching the finals. However, from what I have seen so far from both teams, I’m going to (stupidly) call my shot and say Serbia beats Brazil 2-1. Serbia keeps improving and I think they learned some lessons in that last second PED loss to the Swiss.

Ron Howard voice over: Brazil went onto win 5-0.

Hippo: I’m going to agree with Wakey, in that Brasil do not impress me in the least.  The Serbs will be angry, and at least take their pound of flesh.  Perhaps more.

предвидети: We haven’t had a batshit 3-2 result in awhile (if at all), so…Serbs 3, napping Brasil 2.

litre_cola
litre_cola
A pugs best friend. Wine drinker. Loves to use the letter U behind O. Iggles fan, Fulham FC supporter. Bartend as a hobby in Canadia. One of the resident futbol freaks at the clubhouse
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Hey look at that! I got bannered! Thanks!

I made the banner twice before, once on DFO and once on the old site. Both times I was replaced within six hours.

How long will I last this time?

King Hippo

TICOS MUTHAFUCKA!!!

Senor Weaselo

Crossbar, goalie, then in? Bananacakes goal, bananacakes ending in progress.

nomonkeyfun

I didn’t know Tim Duncan played for Costa Rica?

Wakezilla

Serbia seems to have given up. No sense of urgency coming from them.

Sharkbait

1917 all over again.

WWI jokes will never not be amusing

nomonkeyfun

Italy

Sharkbait

Just as relevant in this tournament as they were in the war.

makeitsnowondem

Fun fact: Xherdan Shaqiri is Albanian for Muscle Hamster.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Middle name: Amshelek.

Wakezilla

Casemiro hits it right through the uprights.

“Pfft, lucky shot”

–Blair Walsh–

Wakezilla

Serbs are starting to melt down. Time for them to bring out their hatchets and start hacking the bone

King Hippo

let me know when that happen, I flip over

/one suspects the Swiss have no intent to win now, as Sweden a much more favourable draw (and what a shitshow viewing that shall be)

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Kennedys don’t retire, they die in office.

Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?

Senor Weaselo

Or while running for another office.

King Hippo

BANNER!!!

Wakezilla

We can’t have Serbs 3, napping Brasil 2 score without Brazil scoring 2!

King Hippo

One could prolly get 500:1 odds on it, too! 😀

King Hippo

and with that, I’m off to see if Los Ticos can fuck with the Swiss.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m gonna go ahead and mow the lawn, nothing left to see here.

Senor Weaselo

They’re racking up Swiss yellows, does that count?

Wakezilla

This Serbian squad, I call seasons 1-7 Dennis Reynolds because whenever they have a golden and open opportunity to score, something stupid happens and they have to start their DENNIS system all over again.

King Hippo

but I’m a Golden God!!!