How long is this thing? Wednesday World Cup Open thread.

Another four games on the slate today with things to play for! By Saturday we will be down to 16 and the fun will begin. The daily blogs have been great, huzzah to all of you who participate. Fuck Pepe forever.

Group F 9 am DFO time games

Sweden v Mexico at Brazzers Ekaterinburg Arena, Ekaterinburg

Litre_Cola: Will Landon Donovan’s 2nd team vanquish the incredibly boring defensive beautiful people from Sverige? Doubtful. Sweden really needs a two goal win to progress, whereas a draw will suit Mexico just fine as they would then be top of the group regardless of what the Krauts do. Chicharito has always had so much promise and has truly had a bizarre career as he is now at West Ham and sinking fast. Could this be where he finally gets it all together?

Prediction: Sweden 1 Mexico 1  Hard fought draw. Bye Bye Sweden. Since I believe they gone here is some good Swedish music that makes me feel old.

Balls: This is yet another game where my personal interests cloud my prognosticating judgment.  Did I think México could make it through the group stage with three wins and first place in the group? Not a chance in hell.

Did I think that México could make it through the group stage unbeaten with first place in the group? Not a chance in hell.

Yet here we are with a win or tie against Sweden making those dream scenarios a reality. Is this the moment where Lucy pulled the football out from Charlie Brown? It would be SO México to do that…

Predicción: If they don’t at least tie,  they might as well stay in Europe as the fans will turn on them quicker than a Bugatti Veyron. A sufrido 1-1 tie.

Don T: Oh yes. Brazzers Ekaterinburg Arena will host the most explicit fellating of El Tri by ESPN Deportes, Fox Deportes, Telemundo, Univision, and every other media outlet that employs at least one Mexican. In production, I mean.

Honestly though: México’s great! Against South Korea and Germany, México pressed, attacked and dominated. BUT! I will always think the worst about Rafa Márquez, even if it is an FBI conspiracy. The rest has been splendid, and I hope Márquez’s whiff on that late Korean goal dissuades additional pandering to his presumptive legion of fans. If El Tri bounces Sweden, I swear to be more tolerant of deluded shit like this:

Via goal.com / postimg.com

Predicción: México 0 : 0 Sweden

Wakezilla: This group is pretty wild because every team could still advance into the round of 16. Mexico knows they could still be eliminated from competition with six points, so I expect they will field the same lineup they used against Korea.

Sweden needs to outscore Germany, or beat Mexico by (I think) 3 goals to advance. While both scenarios are entirely possible, it’s going to be challenging for a slow, defensive minded team like Sweden to put up three in one match.

Predicción: Similar to yesterday’s Iceland analysis, I don’t think Sweden is talented enough to play an open game to score a ton of goals. As a result, I see Mexico taking advantage of Sweden’s desperation of matching Germany’s goal total and beating Sweden 3-1. Bring on Germany vs Brazil in the Round of 16!

Hippo: I am thinking Sweden is ded, and just waiting to be taken out back and shot.

Predicción: Mexico complies, 2-nil.

Germany v South Korea at T.G.I.Friday’s Kazan Arena, Kazan

Litre_Cola :  The Germans need to match whatever the Swedes do and it still is possible for the Koreans to progress should they ass whop the krauts and the Mexicans whoop the Swedes. The latter is not happening. The Germans are warming up now, this could be an absolute curb stomping. Draxler has a very punchable face by the way. Even if the Koreans swapped jerseys for the game I do not think it is going to matter. The machine is starting to roll.

Prognose: Deutschland 4 Korea 0  Maybe more.

Balls:  We were SO close.  We were one minute away from Germany being gone from the tournament.  ONE MINUTE!

Remember this when Ze Germans are hoisting the trophy in two weeks.

Prediction: Ze Germans will run train on the South Koreans and it will be ugly. Son will be happy to do military service so he has a place to hide after this humiliation.  Germany 5 Korea 0.

Don T: South Korea reached the semifinals in 2002, when it cohosted the tournament and received very favorable refereeing. Since then, it has been a World Cup perennial THAT SUCKS! And to think the tournament will expand to 48 teams for the 2026 World Cup. What a fucking talent show.

Anyone seen Thomas Müller? The ninny wearing his shirt has nailed Müller’s bitch act, but he’s a stiff. Wake me when Germany can finish an attack.

Predicción: South Korea 0 : 3 Germany—I’m woke.  This is how that Kroos free kick looked on my TV:

Via giphy.com

Wakezilla: Korea underachieved this tournament. It’s not the fact that they lost to Sweden and Mexico, it’s how they lost. Wanting to finish strong and knowing they could still advance to the round of 16, I expect an aggressive Korean side to make life miserable for the Germans.

Germany defeating Sweden might very well be the turning point in this entire tournament. Once that goal was scored in the 95th minute, it look like all theGerman players lost 10lbs of stress. Playing South Korea could really propel Germany’s momentum heading into the round of 16.

예측: It’ll be 1-1 midway through the second half, until the Germans score and eventually defeat Korea 3-1. We’ll say Mueller, Reus and Gomez score for the Krauts.

Hippo:  Will #WokeNazis be trending this afternoon?  Fuck if I know, I don’t believe in twitter.

Prognose: Deutschland 6-nil poundering.

Group E 1 pm DFO time games

Switzerland v Costa Rica at Stub Hub Nizhny Novgorod Stadium, Nizhny Novgorod

Litre_Cola : I do not like the Swiss style of play. I want them out. This means that the Costa Ricans have to win and the Serbs will have to beat Brazil. Nope. Do you remember Paulo Wanchope? I do. I was going to put in some highlights but this is much better.

Prediction: Stupid Switzerland will win 1-0 in a truly boring game.

Balls:  Holy shit, Costa Rica is still at the World Cup? I thought for sure they packed up their shit and headed for their home country’s beautiful beaches already!

Seriously,  what’s the point of this game? They don’t have any pride to salvage like Perú against Australia. The more I read about the Swiss,  the less I like them.

Predicción: A boring 1-0 win for Switzerland.

Don T: Ay Costa Rica. Please score a goal

Predicción: What Balls said.

Wakezilla: What a gift from the heavens for the Swiss to get Costa Rica on match day three. Granit Xhaka, Xherdan Shaqiri and Stephan Lichtsteiner are available for Switzerland  after they escaped a FIFA ban for appearing to make hand signals that imitated the double-headed eagle on the Albanian flag against Serbia. No word on why they haven’t tested Shaqiri for doping. Like I said in the open thread after he scored the goal, the guy is on such much stuff, he’s glowing green.

Costa Rica is just playing out the string and are probably fist deep in Russian hookers and on a crazy drunken bender. This game could get really ugly.

Predicción: The Swiss have to win the game to ensure they advance. They’re playing against a team thinking about going to their respective club team. The Swiss are going to win 3-0 and will clinch first place in their group. Their reward? Playing a German side that has likely found their groove.

Hippo:  Fuck the Swiss, their hordes of Nazi gold, and especially that thundercunt Shaqiri.

Predicción: Navas has a blinder, CRC gets the Puru-ish 1-nil win.

Serbia v Brazil at Hooters Spartak Stadium, Moscow

Litre Cola: Pretty straight forward this one. Win and you are in. The Serbs have played really well thus far but I think they took their foot off the gas last match after Mitrovic scored so easily. I thought their mindset just went into cruise control and the Swiss were all over them. It is ok though they are totally not on P.E.D’s, Swiss people have never been dodgy. As for Brazil they have been an enigma wrapped in a riddle thus far. Flashes of brilliance and then you watch them muddle through the Switzerland game.

I really think that the Serbs will regret their lapse in focus.

Predição: Brazil 2 Serbia 1 Mitrovic will get another one so his price with Newcastle goes up. I know you are asking yourself “Self is that summer banger still number 1 in Serbia?” You are god damned right it is. 

Balls: Brazil has not fully woken up in this tournament.  Yes,  they’ve got two wins, but you get the feeling they are doing the old Milton Berle: only pulling out enough to win.

The Serbs fucked up royally against Switzerland.  It will cost them the qualification too. Maybe they can assassinate a Swiss official and start World War 3 to make up for it.

Prediction: Brazil 2 Serbia 1

Don T: Serbia is toast. Toast! They’re wusses.

Brazil has barely whelmed, and it’s thanks to Phillippe Coutinho. On the other hand, what is this “Roberto Firmino: Super Sub” fuckery? Coach Tite’s record is unassailable, but I’ll never understand how can there be no place for Firmino in ANY starting lineup. Firmino’s an asset in offense and defense! Still, I have enjoyed Brazil so far, especially Marcelo wearing the captain’s armband at a World Cup and Neymar getting the shit kicked out of him while trying to play 1 vs. 8 heroball.

Neymar sporting a new hairstyle

Back to Serbia. After Switzerland outlasted and outclassed them, the Serbs lodged a complaint against Swiss players Xhaka and Shaqiri. Both

made hand gestures of a two-headed eagle after scoring second-half goals […] The two goal scorers have ethnic Albanian heritage linked to Kosovo, a former Serbian province that declared independence in 2008. Serbia doesn’t recognize that independence. [Via cbsnews.com.

It’s common knowledge that hypocrisy and nativist sentiment go together like lube and hamsters. But Serbia complaining of displays of nationalism, and on sportsmanship grounds… It’s a tad rich, is all. Sure, sour grapes and a strict reading of the rules are expected, but I never took for bureaucratic wussies those genocidal fuckers.

Predicción: Brazil 3 : 1 Serbia (penalty)

Wakezilla: This is an intriguing matchup because I’m not entirely sure which Serbian side is going to show up. This is a young, talented squad that has the potential of upsetting Brazil. However, this squad is also bat shit insane and may turn the match into a street fight because they felt the refs slighted them last game. As long as they commit to one choice, I’m OK with either. What’s more, Serbia coach Mladen Krstajic and his players have said all the right things. They have made it quite clear they aren’t afraid of Brazil and that a lack of discipline will cost them the match. I love that awareness. I also love that Krstajic is most likely going to play his strongest squad despite six players at risk of being suspended for the next game. Neymar better be ready for a beating.

A lot of pundits are calling for Brazil to route Serbia because they beat Costa Rica 2-0 and one of the goals was scored by Neymar. In tWBS’ world, Costa Rica and Brazil would have ended in a 0-0 draw. Brazil has done nothing this tournament to make me think they will route Serbia.

предвидети: In our DFO pool, I have Brazil reaching the finals. However, from what I have seen so far from both teams, I’m going to (stupidly) call my shot and say Serbia beats Brazil 2-1. Serbia keeps improving and I think they learned some lessons in that last second PED loss to the Swiss.

Ron Howard voice over: Brazil went onto win 5-0.

Hippo: I’m going to agree with Wakey, in that Brasil do not impress me in the least.  The Serbs will be angry, and at least take their pound of flesh.  Perhaps more.

предвидети: We haven’t had a batshit 3-2 result in awhile (if at all), so…Serbs 3, napping Brasil 2.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
litre_cola
- A pugs best friend. - Wine drinker. - Loves to use the letter U behind O. - Iggles fan, Fulham FC (Mighty Whitey) supporter, Cavalry FC Ultra. - One of the resident futbol freaks at the clubhouse.
Subscribe
Notify of
286 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Wakezilla

Da fuq was that #9?

And with that blown opportunity, Wakezilla typed in “game over” on a dick joke website

King Hippo

I haven’t seen a Serb choke like that since…

Wakezilla

This is starting to feel like Serbia is Milosevic-ing themselves

Wakezilla

“Now you know how I felt with that head shot, you brutish Serb!”

Archduke Ferdinand

bk109

Riiiiiiiiight, I’m pretty sure my kiddos really shouldn’t like “I fought the law” that much at their age, so … err.. if/when they kill me, AVENGE ME (or at least delete my porn folder’s contents and fill it to capacity with the nastiest shit you can find cause I don’t want my kids to discover that for me porn are tech mags and the like)

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Brick Meathook

That’s some good pornin’

comment image

Wakezilla

We’ll track down Fek. He’ll know what to do.

Wakezilla

Brazil has the lead and Injury time wasn’t even 2 minutes. Weird

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I’m feeling a little disappointed.
Announcer said “Shaquiri” and I looked up expecting this…
comment image

I want my money back.

Sharkbait

That was a hell of a shot.

scotchnaut

“Neymar is clutch…ing his face.

Wakezilla

Well, you can’t have a 2-1 Serb win without Brazil scoring one, Wakezilla says nervously

Senor Weaselo

Well that was inevitable.

scotchnaut

Gorgeous pass. Wow.

Horatio Cornblower

Almost a better run.

That was just a fantastic play.

Petronel

And a nice little touch at the end, too. (…phrasing)

Horatio Cornblower

Neymar’s parents must have been heavy, because he’s got more rolls in him than a bakery.

Wakezilla

So, we’re all going for Serbia in this one, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sure, if they win and Switzerland doesn’t shit the bed it sends Brazil home. Nothing against Brazil but seeing both them and Germany gone before the knockout round would be fascinating.

Wakezilla

Agreed

Sharkbait

Definitely!

–England & France

Wakezilla

Great fucking defense there!

King Hippo

seriously, Serbs came to play

Horatio Cornblower

-sigh-
“tell me about it”
Franz Ferdinand

Petronel

Jesus with a foot injury. Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves, don’t they?

King Hippo

stigmata (questionable)

scotchnaut

Calling Blair Walsh to the white courtesy telephone….

Horatio Cornblower

Hello? Hello? HELLO!?

-Blair Walsh, shouting into the red courtesy phone

Wakezilla

Hurt his foot from a guy from the Eastern Roman Empire? That’s pretty good

SonOfSpam

Did it happen on a cross?

Petronel

Aaaaaand – he has risen. So that’s that.

Horatio Cornblower

Well done, all of you.

Take the next three days off.

King Hippo

Justice Kennedy is retiring. You can kiss pretty much the last vestiges of our civil liberties goodbye.

nomonkeyfun

So that was a parting Fuck You to the nation?

SonOfSpam

Both fingers, raised high.

SonOfSpam

(sigh) Welcome, Supreme Court Justice Jeanine Pirro.

nomonkeyfun

Someone is feeling optimistic about our future. Roland Freisler III is what I expect.

Sharkbait

God damnit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well that’s just fucking awful.

King Hippo

My Yinzer, gun nut buddy from law school always said he wanted to start a liberal militia. I wish I had taken him up on it. We’re gonna need it, and go back and get a 10-year head start.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How long do you think it will take before both birth control *and* abortion are illegal?

Senor Weaselo

I would’ve said by the end of the next decade but at this point, I’d up it to 25 years.

Senor Weaselo

Wait, you said illegal. November 7th.

Sharkbait

Why stop there? Brown v. Board of Ed is probably in danger

scotchnaut

If 2nd amendment fans locked arms as often as Brazilian defenders, “Gun Deaths in the Home” statistics would drop precipitously.

SonOfSpam

But we’d lose all the Freedom Holes.

scotchnaut

Sometimes “Freedom Holes” is just another word for ‘nothing left to lose’.

SonOfSpam

No, I still refer to Audrey Tautou the same way.

King Hippo

hilarity

nomonkeyfun

Feld Marschall Paulus is no longer the least successful German manager for away games.

nomonkeyfun

And Trump has sent the Kim family his personal congratulations on their victory.

bk109

Are you insinuating that he doesn’t differentiate between Good Korea and BestestEvaaaKorea?

bk109

Everything is normal, you just drank too much yesterday, so you’re seeing glitches in reality… Also the Krauts ended last in their World Cup group… Yes, behind even Good Korea

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We had bananacakes for breakfast.

SonOfSpam

Well, let’s see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di’s clothes. I couldn’t believe it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The lava flow in Hawaii proves that the earth having cooled is fake news.

SonOfSpam

Current TV options…

Fox: Brazil vs. Serbia
FS1: Switzerland vs. Costa Rica
Fox News: Hillary vs. Christian Decency

bk109

Knowing what pornography I’m expecting from the refs protecting the Brazillians from their own ineptitude – might as well go to Pornhub and watch some football-themed stuff

SonOfSpam

Hi, just checking in, and your predictions for the early games were relatively unimpressive.

I don’t know what to believe in any more (other than Balls’ recs for Korean porn).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think there’s actually any true Korean porn. There’s plenty of homemade stuff, I’m sure, but I believe everything commercial is Skinemax-level.

SonOfSpam

Based on what I’ve seen from Korean filmmakers, a Korean porn would feature a close-up ejaculation followed by a ceramic shard slicing through the balls and doves flying off in the background.

Senor Weaselo

And Starcraft. Can’t forget Starcraft!

Senor Weaselo

Did the audio just cut out for the Brazilian anthem?

King Hippo

maybe it says sommet about social justice or commitment to democracy?

LemonJello

Well, on to the next match
comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Kellen Clemens, having discovered Tinder

Senor Weaselo

THIS GERMAN TEAM I CALL THEM THE GUY WITH THE TRUCK FROM EUROTRIP BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY THEY EVER WANT TO STEP FOOT BACK IN BERLIN.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O5mIm4bPBWE

Horatio Cornblower

At one time that was a grossly underrated movie, but I think people have caught up to it to the point that it is now properly recognized.

Also, Michelle Tracthenberg, who admittedly could have used a sandwich and a couple of milkshakes.

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

I see someone here isn’t an avid reader of Balls and tWBS: At The Movies .
Grumble grumble…
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2017/12/21/balls-and-twbs-at-the-movies-ii/

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“We’ve always been rooting for the boys from Brazil.” – German players, when asked who they will now cheer for.

scotchnaut

“I’M RIGHT HERE!”

-Ira Levin

scotchnaut

“One and a half hours until the next game? But what about now?”

bk109

Well, grab a woman and pass the time FOR ZE VATERLAND!

scotchnaut

She’s at work.-where she belongs.

bk109

Yeah, I’ve got a pair of sternly-worded memos from HR that show that this not an issue tho it helps to work in the same office as your wife, ’cause the time wasted on the commute can be better utilized in the supply closet

King Hippo

Hippo’s work call got pushed back to 1p! I must be living right.

/am totes NOT living right

Senor Weaselo

THIS GERMAN TEAM I CALL THEM BIALYSTOCK AND BLOOM BECAUSE THEY HAVE VIOLATED THE SACRED SIEGFRIED OATH!

Wakezilla

Fuck it. I want Serbia to beat Brazil. Let’s watch the World burn together, shall we?

Sharkbait

I am on board with this.

comment image?itemid=5249560

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve already started slacking off, so I’m right there with Cheryl. Carol. Whatever.

https://y.yarn.co/35db7b71-92e4-4ca9-bf4a-e429f9182ea9.mp4?1530118113775

King Hippo

absofuckinglutely! Team Entropy Forevs!!

Senor Weaselo

Yeah! Wherever he is…

King Hippo

/pours one out

//did Moose see him in the pokey??

Wakezilla

Yeah, so Germany’s players might not want to go home to Germany until late August. At the dead of night. Wearing fake mustaches.

Sharkbait

I’m guessing the Germans are going hop on the Brazil bandwagon.

Wakezilla

I thought it’d be Argentina

LemonJello

I figured them for Argentina band-wagoners.

Horatio Cornblower

It sure as shit won’t be Serbia; look how well that worked out the last time Germany had their back.

scotchnaut

“I get this reference.”

-Ira Levin

bk109

Yah, I think there are Pacific islanders that haven’t had contact with modern civilization yet that spotted that one,lol

bk109

Or the Russian one, lol – there’s like 4-5 million first-generation Germans of Russian descent, so it’s almost their own team,lol (and about as shite too, to make it feel juuuuuuust right” )

Wakezilla

So, there’s no way FIFA let’s Brazil fall to Serbia, right?

LemonJello

Peek inside FIFA HQ:
comment image

Horatio Cornblower

In Venezuela they could almost split a loaf of bread with all that money.

scotchnaut

I was on the phone with 4 different customers while the endings unfolded. I thought I was gonna asplode.

scotchnaut

German fans are Der Spiegel-less.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I heard that Mexico just got abused worse than a brown kid in a cage, but what else is new?

LemonJello

“Cages? That’s genius! Then they can’t run out of the shower!”
-J. Sandusky

clint greasewood

When your Porsche and gets lapped by a Volvo and Chevy El Camino lo rider.

ballsofsteelandfury

So, some Korean porn to celebrate? Yes, Balls, I think that is appropriate.

Wakezilla

Know any good names? For research…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I bet there’s several named “Hung”.

Game Time Decision

William Hung?

King Hippo

ah mean, she BANG amirite??

ballsofsteelandfury

Minka has biguns. There is a surprising amount of wife swapping videos on Pornhub in the Korean category…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am both impressed and frightened at how quickly you answered that.

Senor Weaselo

I guess it’s not springtime for Germany.

New Game: Guess the fate of Aging 90s German Boy Band Member Coach.

LemonJello

Sent off to a camp where he’ll be able to concentrate on what his missteps were?

scotchnaut

This is nutty.

Horatio Cornblower

Welp, I’m pretty much out of the DFO Pool.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sheesh, I take one shit in the pool and everybody gets out.

LemonJello

But it was a liquid shit…

Sharkbait

Yup.

Senor Weaselo

I only had them in the finals, so I think it means I might be winning now?

King Hippo

I had them out pretty early, because of my Coca Bros./Waffles fetish. But I did so bad elsewhere, it doesn’t matter.

ballsofsteelandfury

México is so lucky it’s not even funny.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s a sentence you don’t see every day.

ballsofsteelandfury

So, to TWBS’ point, shouldn’t this game be over?

theeWeeBabySeamus

German in charge of the clock?

Horatio Cornblower

+9? Jesus FIFA, be more subtle.

Does this mean the European Union is being dissolved now?

bk109

2-0 , wow this is going about as well as Stalingrad at this point

ballsofsteelandfury

Empty netter!!!!!

King Hippo

oh snap, they pulled the Keeper! You see a Lesser Footy open netter like once a decade!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Guess we’re good for the next decade

Sharkbait

Looks like the Germans are retreating from Russia in shame.

Horatio Cornblower

Eh, it’s not like they don’t know the way.

bk109

If not, they can always check for directions in a history book… Also, I actually put 100 euros on the Krauts outright losing this game and the Swedes winning… So … yay for free money!

King Hippo

Christ, you get like 25:1?

bk109

Well, just the Koreans winning was like 18 or 19 to 1, the Swedes were just 3 to 1… So, All hail Gamblor
Btw, I don’t usually bet, but when I do… I do ‘ard,lol (I have a nice clip that I’ll never share with you lot of me doing my best cultist “In Belichik We Trust” chant while putting a grand on the Pats against the Falcons during the halftime show)

bk109

Yeah, just checked my profile at my online bookie of choice – 68,4 to 1 combined and now I can’t enjoy it as much, ’cause now I’m thinking “but what if I put a grand or the limit?!”

King Hippo

chuh fookin’ chuh!

King Hippo

celebratory tequila shots replacing agony tequila shots

nomonkeyfun

My old town will burn like a West Virginny couch if this goal holds up.

Horatio Cornblower

Didn’t know you were from Berlin.