Your “Do You Ever Feel Like A Plastic Bag Drifting Through The Wind?” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

As of last night, this video has 1,112,055,580 views. I thought that was a lot, but then right alongside was “Roar”, which has over 2.5 billion views. Apparently, “Gangnam Style” is the record holder, with 3,181,065,840 views. Thus ends “Inane facts intro”, with Beerguyrob.

The reason I bring this up is because tonight is the start of Vancouver’s week-long fireworks curse, the “Honda Celebration of Light”.

There are three nights, Saturday-Wednesday-Saturday, each one put on/sponsored by a different country. This year, it’s South Africa, Sweden and South Korea.

Now, my annual rant about this event.

I hate fireworks.

Not in a “THERE’S POOR PEOPLE, FOR GOD’S SAKE!!111!” kind of way, but in a “big fucking deal” kind of way. Mostly, I dislike having to pull 100 pound dogs out from under beds where they go hide. But it brings in tourist revenue, and I do make a nice sum from the stags that come to the ballpark first before hitting downtown. And since I have friends who work in the service sector & this is a big-money night for them, I don’t get all high & holy about it.

But consider me irked. IRKED!


Tonight’s programming:

  • MLB:
    • Blue Jays at White Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Dodgers at Braves – 7:00PM | MLBN
  • CFL:
    • Stampeders at Roughriders – 9:00PM | TSN
  •  Futbol:
    • International Champions Cup:
      • Bayern Munich vs. Manchester City – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • MLS:
      • Toronto FC vs. Chicago – 7:00PM | TSN4
      • Sporting KC vs. FC Dallas – 9:00PM | ESPN
      • Whitecaps FC vs. Minnesota – 10:00PM | TSN2
  • UFC Fight Night
    • Prelims: From Calgary – 6:00PM | FOX / TSN5
    • Main Card: Alvarez vs. Poirier – 8:00PM | FOX / TSN5
  • Comedy Central – The Bruce Willis Roast – 10:00PM

It’s on the Comedy Network in Canada either at 12:30AM ET/PT (according to my TV guide) or Sunday night at 10:00PM ET/PT (according to their schedule).

Otherwise, ENJOY YOUR EVENING!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I went to my first Angels game tonight. It was enjoyable.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Like steak AND a blowjob? Or just enjoyable?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

The latter

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The former is more euphoric than enjoyable

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Euphoric is pretty enjoyable…. imo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Still; enjoyable is pretty damn good compared to the usual.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s my beloved late dog taking a shit in the high desert near Edwards Air Force Base. In the spring this area is covered solid with golden California poppies. There’s also snakes and the occasional stealth bomber flyover.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

She seems nice

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s Rockabilly Skull in front of 10-Year-Constellation:
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JerBear50
JerBear50

Wow. It’s almost old enough to marry Jerry Lee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He fucking shows up and hits a home run right away.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We watched Train to Busan tonight. It was fine for a zombie movie, but I didn’t see it as anything particularly special.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

I just finished Triangle. That film may have been too smart for me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Wakezilla

I just saw that Wayne Rooney scored his first ever MLS goal today. I didn’t even know he was still play lesser footy. Weird!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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clint greasewood
clint greasewood

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can’t stop laughing…. even though I know that is what he so wants to do.

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

The man accidentally liked the incest porn he was jerking off to on twitter and blamed a staff member.All on the 16th year anniversary of Sept 11.

King Hippo

trying to decide if I can take some Benadryl to counteract the Red Bull (thought I had to stay up to 1:30-2, do NAWT), or if it will just make my heart implode.

then again, not such a bad way to go?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Notice she doesn’t care about her pussy showing…

King Hippo

landing strip on duty!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Considering it is one of those candid camera shows I’m not surprised.

Wakezilla

I’m hearing great things about the Teen Titans Go movie, which admittedly has me shocked

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

About three hours north of Los Angeles is an awesome little town called Lone Pine, at the base of Mt. Whitney and on the edge of the Alabama Hills where hundreds of movie westerns were filmed. This picture is on the wall of celebrity photos in the Lone Pine Diner. I have no explanation for it.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s the men’s room at my local Costco. This is like an art installation or something.
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King Hippo

you can’t tell me someone doesn’t shit in that last one at least 2-3 times a week

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Are there drunks at COSTCO?

King Hippo

hey, you can get a good greasy meal for $1.50!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At least the flush valves are the same make.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s a Lockheed Constellation model that took me ten years to build. I bought it, worked on it for three days, put it away, waited ten years, then I took it out and worked on it for three more days and finished it. It is my pride and joy and I want to hang it from a string over my bed. Not really. I moved recently and I broke off two wheels and a propeller blade; they’re at the bottom of a box and ten years from now I might glue them back on.
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King Hippo

took me TWENTY GODDAMNED YEARS….

yeah right

Sniffing the airplane glue slowed down the projected completion time exponentially.

King Hippo

that’s an old junior high memory, the kids at PE class, huffing model glue out of a paper bag whilst walking laps

yeah right

I can see the efficacy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I still have a B-29 that I have not opened the box to yet.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

You can’t just shit out a masterpiece.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Best I can do is make an “L” for “love.”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Everyone from around the world can agree: this is an “only in Japan” video.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ball torture is everywhere, pal.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Not quite like this – there’s a lot going on here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

you should invite Bob Dornan over to help

/or is he ded?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I thought he was dead but no shit B-1 Bob is still alive.

King Hippo

we should invite him to speechify us, I really can’t believe that lunatic is still ticking

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here’s a picture of me riding a horse through Gettysburg battlefield on a hot July day a few years ago. I felt just like a Union cavalryman (which I once was – in a movie – as an extra) except that I could have walked faster than this horse. The good part was that the horse was completely on autopilot and I didn’t have to do a thing.
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King Hippo

and you didn’t get crippled liek Superman!

/why didn’t u ask to play a Johnny Reb??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The stable was east of Little Round Top which, as I’m sure you all know, was on the Union side of the battlefield.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Oh, and in the movie it was during the March to the Sea and damn straight I was a Union cavalry man. Our horses were dressed with loot like silverware sets and cool shit like that.

King Hippo

yeah, deffo the right side to choose FOAR that

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Plus that’s what they told me to do.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Speaking of which……

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Redshirt

In Soviet Russia, boobs climax on you!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There we go!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

A pleasant reminder. I don’t have to build up rage this August, because Terrell Muthafuckin’ Davis is rightfully in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

/Steve Atwater belongs there, too, but it’s not a blind rage type thing.

Redshirt

(imagining of Ken Anderson and Ken Riley on the outside looking in)

(mumbles profanities at Joe Montana’s God-given talent at last second miracle drives and the 1981 Cincinnati Bengals being unable to gain one yard in three tries)

(imagining Riley dopeslapping Anderson on the back of the head)

King Hippo

Ken Anderson was really good. I don’t remember Riley.

King Hippo

I do remember my little brother wearing his Bengals helmet, and making fun of him for crying at the loss (even though I was pulling for CIN, I had no beef with them, plus AFC solidarity, and always thought Montana was overrated). Boy howdy, did God get me back for that later in the decade.

Redshirt

Cornerback. 65 career INTs. Tied with C. Woodson fifth most for entire career. Has more INTs than Ed Reed, Ronnie Lott, Darren Sharper.

Unfortately played in the same division as the Steel Curtain in the 70s and showed up at the Championship Game playing for the Other Team in a Hollywood Sports Movie.

King Hippo

yeah, the 70s were a hard time to break through in the AFC. Then if you could break through in the 80s/early 90s, you hit a vat of acid in the Super Bowl.

I would have had a nervous breakdown without the onset of the salary cap era, the goddamned Pokes and pre-Tomsula 49ers winning every season.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I don’t care that I already voted for this comment, I wanna vote again!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

tipical demicratic.

Redshirt

Vote Early. Vote Often.

King Hippo

damn skippy, I’m busing in all teh Blacks I can find, giving ’em free Obamaphones to vote for this comment

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

At a college dorm, I saw something like that. Unfortunately it was about 200 pounds more and possibly the other gender. Thought, I cannot confirm the later. The hilly terrain made identifying anatomical landmarks difficult.

King Hippo

George Carlin mentioned that once – basically “why is it the people who walk around naked…are the people nobody wants to see naked??

Senor Weaselo

“I’m pretty sure that makes it easier.” -Dromio of Syracuse

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The trick is not clenching your butt cheeks
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I would say the trick is that 11th gin and tonic

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Me and my friends decided to play Star Wars Battlefront II for the first time in some months. It was nice, they’ve updated the game. But we did have a round where we were handed our asses by better players. Their characters were maxed out, and their skill was earned from playing the game nonstop to the point where they have no family, no friends in real life and no jobs to distract themselves from playing the game.

We may have lost that round, but I cannot help but feel like we won, to be honest.

King Hippo

there is always someone waaaaayyyyy more dedicated to being your subset of nerd than you are, in this Brave New World.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Boy that R-rated reboot of Ghostbusters is taking risks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You see, the joke is…… never mind.

Redshirt

Take you time. I enjoy the anticipation waiting for the joke to come.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You finally got it.

Oh wait, you still didn’t.

Redshirt

Yes. After banging it around for a while… (yawn) sorry, I’m kind of tired all of a sudden.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, you got it agai……

yeah right

I just came up with a great idea!

Let’s get high!

King Hippo

Did I mention that Everton got dry-bummed 4-1 by Rennes earlier?

/in other words, Hippo has 2 pill head start

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Ian Scott McCormick

My man

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Joey Gallo done killt that HOMERUN ball in The Juice Box! Goodnight Dirt Oilers fans.
/jinxes Dirt Cowboys

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Now I has that HOU-ston Oi-LERS num-ber-one!! song in mah head

/Christ, I’m old

//at least can remember Earl Campbell

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jerry Gallo’s dead

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Have a drink. Cheers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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That’s one way to steer.

Fronkenshteen

Remember “we will not negotiate with terrorists”? Well…
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/28/world/asia/us-taliban-afghanistan-talks.html

The kicker is in the last three paragraphs. Remember, the US is holding these negotiations WITHOUT CONSULTING OR EVEN INFORMING the Afghan government:

On a visit to Kabul last Monday, the American military officer in charge of Central Command, Gen. Joseph L. Votel, was asked about the new American stance on peace talks.

“As President Ghani has indicated, he’s ready to pursue something without conditions — that speaks for itself,” he said.

“Everything can be on the table here as we move forward with this Afghan-led process.”

“Afghan-led”. Bald-faced fucking lie.

blaxabbath

If there’s one thing Trump’s actually gonna do, he can broker getting out of AF. The situation is completely fucked so, hey, let the retard lead talks.

King Hippo

yeah, he’s at home talking to warlords who fuck multiple 14/15-year olds. As the kids say, game recognize game, yo.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey dumbass; HE’S SET THE RECORDS!!

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King Hippo

Big Macs eaten?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

as someone who has paid FOAR sex…that’s more than it ought to cost to have them hold you after and pretend they enjoyed it, even.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Seems legit.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

He’s more machine now than pasty white boy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Does his hand have AIDS? Please say yes!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

/pictoral representation of how Hippo is viewed at the office

ballsofsteelandfury

Spur!!

Your shirt has arrived from China! Please email me your address so I can send it to you!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Bought a new porch swing and want to order some rope to hang it (just an aestetic choice, rather than chains). Shopping for this rope online is both very easy and very difficult.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Go with hemp. That way if you get bored with the swing you can smoke the rope!
(Note: This is bad advice.)

blaxabbath

WIfe and I are watching The Staircase on Netflix.

It’s interesting. Also, the South seems just terrible.

SonOfSpam

Seems?

blaxabbath

I’ve just spent a long weekend in Savannah so I’m leaving myself wiggle room….

King Hippo

Savannah is a really fun place to get drunk and listen to music in bars, whilst trying not to notice how uber segregated everything is.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Isn’t Savannah that stripper who does that really sexy thing with her tongue?

King Hippo

she said she wud call me ,, smgdh

Fronkenshteen

When I hear that auto tune shit, I’m done. Just show your tits & go away.

blaxabbath

“I tried.”


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Ian Scott McCormick

No idea if they use this for the roast, but a while back some friends of a friend of mine had a pretty successful (in terms of internet fame) hit with this:

herodotus450
herodotus450

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

There are three nights, Saturday-Wednesday-Saturday, each one put on/sponsored by a different country. This year, it’s South Africa, Sweden and South Korea.

Next year it should be Canada for one night, and the United States for the other two. That would be bitchin’ as a fuckin’ Camaro.

King Hippo

but don’t both countries have to buy they shit en Mexico?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Funny hats and stuff, yeah.

The main goal is to scare the shit out of the Chinese.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Kiner-Falefa showing that Heart and Hustle award winning swagger with a solo HOMERUN in the 2nd. And Rougned hasn’t even punched-a-fool … yet.

King Hippo

is he still randomly backup catching? That was my favourite roster ploy of the season.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Yes, I think IK-F caught once or twice this week but … I drinks a bit so my timeline may be faulty.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Also , Rougned just hit a “Punched-A-Fool ” inside the park HOMERUN!

Redshirt

Marketing idea for this weekend’s Reds games: “Come down to Great American Ball Park, and check out your favorite Reds while they are still Reds!”

King Hippo

/except for Joey Votto, he’s just happy to be there and take his base, eh?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

At this point in his life Bruce Willis seems like a churlish dickhead who would have no sense of humor about himself at all.

King Hippo

I hope there are ample Seagram’s “it’s wet and it’s dryyyyy” jokes

yeah right

Golden wine coolers!