Your “It’s Right There!” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Is OBJ gonna get paaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiddddddd?
    • Apparently the Giants are working with his agent to make him the highest paid wideout in the League.
      • I’m not sure what the Giants are thinking, considering he is coming off an injury and is only entering his 4th year. I’m all for paying players, but this seems like a bit of a reach and could completely screw the Giants over in the long run.
        • It’s not like they have a lot of needs right now or anything.
      • For reference, Antonio Brown currently sits atop the WR contract throne with approx. $17 mil a year, and Mike Evans is right behind him at $16.5.
    • UPDATE: According to the windbags at PFT, the Giants are offering him less than $16 mil per year. [Link not provided on purpose]
  • Birdcano starting Center, A.Q. Shipley, is going to be out for the season with a torn ACL, after suffering an injury in practice over the weekend.
    • Let’s see…next man up is…a rookie? Oh dear lord.
      • Mason Cole is a 3rd round pick from Michigan who apparently was drafted to be the “center of the future” for the franchise.
        • Interesting choice Wilks, considering Cole played 3/4ths of his time in college at left tackle.
  • Tom Heckert died last night at 51 from a rare disease called “amyloidosis,” which causes a buildup of proteins in many vital organs throughout the body.
    Darkest Timeline Rod Farva?
    • Heckert formerly was the GM of the Eagles and Browns, and had been working in the Broncos front office, totaling a 27 year NFL career.
      • Tom Heckert Sr. also had a 20 year career in NFL front offices as well, which I’m sure had nothing to do with Jr. getting the positions he did
    • John Elway, obviously upset by the news, released a statement, then stomped 3 times and was unable to finish his breakfast.
  • In a very long form read on NFL.com, Malcolm Butler is tired of being asked why he was benched in the Superb Owl by fans, and Los Titancanos don’t seem to care one bit as to why.
    • I mean, sure, I’m curious, but it was probably just violating Grumblelord’s “one strike and yer out!” policy on player conduct.
      • Fun fact: Grumblelord stole that policy from the Padres hitting coach, Matt Stairs.
  • Over the weekend, WCS shared this (below) wonderful video in the DFO backroom comparing That Team That Left San Diego to the Diamond Dogs of Metal Gear V: The Phantom Pain.
    • The satire and sarcasm is thick and juicy, and doubly fun if you also happen to be as big a fan of the Metal Gear series as I am.

What the hell is on tonight?

  • Basedball:
    • Dirt Giants at Surprisingly Less Racist Sox Considering Their Name – 5pm PST on ESPN
  • Non-sports:
    • The Venture Brothers new season premiered on Adult Swim last night at midnight. I will most definitely be enjoying that tonight, and highly suggest that you do too.

Minor Site/Self Promotion:

  • DFO’s Season Previews kicked off today with Ball’s Browns/AFL Playoff Preview.
    • Stay tuned for Bengals and Lions to be posting tomorrow
  • I’d just like to take a second to point out that I correctly called the outcome of the BattleBots Desperado Tournament finals, picking both the winner and his opponent!
    • It’s less impressive when you point out that the roundtable went 4/4 on picking the same winner, but, I’ll take my extra half point for the runner up, thank you very much.

Preseason football begins this week, folks! You can put the nooses and cyanide tablets away until next offseason!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers is a native North County San Diegan with an affinity for the Padres, beer, whiskey, punk rock, video games and the end of days. If you eat a fish taco with a fork in his presence, you may lose your hand.
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Brick MeathookDon TMr. AyoballsofsteelandfuryFronkenshteen Recent comment authors
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Fronkenshteen

Oh Christ. Just get rid of OBJ. Get all you can for him. He’s basically DeSean Jackson. Cash out.

Don T

That is 🔥HAWT🔥

Why I disagree: OBJ’s hands are like satellite dishes with stickum.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, so bear with me, but I have a pitch:

What if we all said fuck it and started a new football league where you could only play if you were visibly out of shape?

Million idea or billion dollar idea?

ballsofsteelandfury

Trillion

Don T

Softball would cry cultural appropriation.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The defib futures market just spiked.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

Hey Spur!

Didya get the jersey?

King Hippo

he did, was acknowledged in earlier open thread

ballsofsteelandfury

Missed that. Did he like it?

King Hippo

he did indeed. I wished him luck finding employ with his Metroplex Central European drug cartel

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think he said he would have preferred a Browns Jersey.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Reposting this here:

Holy moly. Here’s Cleveland’s record against the spread in the last few years:

2017: 4-12
2016: 3-12-1
2015: 5-10-1

That’s a total of 12-34-2 in three years.

If you saw that trend coming in advance you could probably have made enough money to retire by now.

King Hippo

and you would think Vegas sets the lines artificially high, thinking Joe Public is instinctively inclined to fade #ThePauls

King Hippo

oh snap, B&W Cinnabon montage!!

/no spoilers

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

So 5 year run and have the two shows dock?

litre_cola

I cant wait for someone in President Cheeto’s PR department to write a book.

JerBear50
JerBear50

I’d settle for one of them reading a book.

King Hippo

/with words

//even “The Colour Kittens” would suffice (good message for a Nazi to learn)

JerBear50
JerBear50

Goddamn Colours bringing their yarn and catnip into our neighborhoods, taking away perfectly good house-pet jobs from red blooded American dogs.

King Hippo

#RottweilersOnly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki is so old…

[how old is he?]

…that it’s eight o’clock and his predominant thought is “only two more hours and I can go to bed!”

King Hippo

being old means you can go to bed before teh sun if’n you wants to!

/have no wife I don’t need to terrify

King Hippo

holy mother of fuck, my DVR series mode somehow wasn’t set, now I will have to tape the overnight version of Saul and wait ’til the morning.

/white ppl problems

herodotus450
herodotus450

You might be able to watch it on the amc wobsite

Gratliff

Twitter can help you with this

herodotus450
herodotus450

This was the last soul train episode that Howard Cosell ever announced
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King Hippo

I laughed a little too hard at that!

herodotus450
herodotus450

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herodotus450
herodotus450

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Senor Weaselo

Relatedly I seem to have stumbled upon the end of The Wiz at Bryant Park. Can’t you feel the brand-new day?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Whoa slow down there Onterrio

Spur
Spur

If you have a clipboard and confidence you can sneak in anywhere.

WCS

This is absolutely true. Act like you’re supposed to be there, and you’re bored. No one will bat an eye.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Get yourself an orange vest and you can start disassembling things and nobody will say boo.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I have a lime green vest and white hard-hat that I use to set up cameras on tripods near railroad tracks and down by the harbor. The white hard-hat makes me look important. I lost a little toy drone up on a billboard once and I wore them to climb up it in broad daylight and I could have stayed there all day. Nobody bothered me.

Redshirt

That’s how I survive work.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

*YMMV based on melanin levels

King Hippo

MIKE!!!

Spur
Spur

“Did you commit crimes with Mr. Manafort?” the prosecutor asked.
“Yes,” Gates responded.

Can not wait for the Orange Assholes Twitter meltdown in the morning.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

It doesn’t matter. He could strangle a prostitute on live TV and Trump’s poll numbers would go up.

Senor Weaselo

“Then they’re just hookers, did I not go over this?” -Sterling Archer

Spur
Spur

What a shitty day at work. At least we get our profitability bonus for Q2.

Spur
Spur

Folks.

WCS

Certainly not a major spoiler by any means for anyone not watching, but, Mike is making bank working for Gus.

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

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WCS

I could’ve gone without seeing that, so thanks.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Ian Scott McCormick

My 2 year old daughter just laughed her ass off at this video. Mom’s pissed.

herodotus450
herodotus450

After many years and hundreds of thousands of dollars of government grants, I think I can safely conclude that our current obesity epidemic can be traced solely to our modern dearth of Soul Train Dance Trains.
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King Hippo

Man, did I ever love that show as a wee lad. Hippo always been spiritually black.

/raises fist

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“‘sup, brother?”

– Richie Incognito

King Hippo

hey man, I at least have SOME street cred. Hippo did grow up in a predominantly black neighbourhood (white flight, we found the concept silly, and stayed)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hmm…white flight…”

[jots down idea for an airline that services “exclusive” clientele]

– Chip Kelly

Gratliff

That man is starving to the point he can’t speak and this is the only way he can say “please give me a sandwich. Why are you clapping? I am visibly dying.”

herodotus450
herodotus450

He’s like 6 inches taller and 6 inches skinnier.

King Hippo

cocaine is a helluva drug

WCS

No mention of the return of Better Call Saul?

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King Hippo

huzzah, I shall pop a 3rd pill and watch that after #BFIB lose to the goddamned Fish then

herodotus450
herodotus450

Feels like it’s been off the air for a decade.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I’m assuming the nascar crime is that he wasnt drunk enough to be driving
https://sports.yahoo.com/nascar-ceo-brian-france-arrested-dwi-drug-possession-161502794.html

LemonJello
LemonJello

He should be fired for not running from the police like his last name was Duke and he was in Hazzard County.

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

If he wasn’t saddled with restrictor plates he could have. The Intimidator never would have been stopped by no police.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Rookies. Am I right?

Jim Irsay

Spur
Spur

Isn’t that how Nascar started?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Buddy had a shitty day, as evidenced by his talking in the third person!

herodotus450
herodotus450

But Buddy always talks in the third person! Oh….

King Hippo

Hippo too, Buddy. It’s only because life sucks. The only answers are drugs and FOOTBAW,

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Buddy’s getting upset!

Redshirt

That’ll teach those ungrateful brats to try to get some money to eat or take a boyfriend/girlfriend out for a date!

https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/north-carolina-suspends-13-football-players-for-selling-team-issued-shoes/

SonOfSpam

Shoulda done something more harmless like cover up kiddie rape.

LemonJello
LemonJello

It’s not like they had any textbooks to sell.

King Hippo

Considering this is what caused the U*NC-controlled Board of Governors to run Jim Valvano out of town and effectively shut down the NC State basketball program for the 1990s, this makes me laugh my ass off.

herodotus450
herodotus450

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Boltman? BOLTMAN!? BOLTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Redshirt

What herodotus450 was looking at when he…commented.

(borderline NSFW)

https:/ /cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/tXvZeLHkxFr4StXx2ZCRFT06New=/0x0:393×594/920×0/filters:focal(0x0:393×594)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/6043131/72284280.0.jpg

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I really need to find a new book of the month club to join…

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Mine is just getting weird as fuck…

SonOfSpam

“Jewish-Japanese Sex”

I’m sniffing this girl’s panties I bought from a vending machine, but oy vey do I feel guilty about it.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I actually saw one of those machines while working in Nagasaki.

It was weird. I should have taken photos.

SonOfSpam

Nagasaki sounds like a blast.

BrettFavresColonoscopy