Your “Dane You Mont to the Football Day” Saturday Night Football Open Thread

See? I can talk all kinds of fancy when the mood urges me! Do you like urges? I like them. They crawl into your mindhole and sit there festering, oozing that delicious milky-white substance that tastes a lot like room temperature ice cream. (h/t, Mr. Flacco) And then, and then.. Hey! Look over there-is that a psychotic break? Sure looks like one. TO THE GAMES!

Cin/Dal:

What’s a Jeff Driskel? He’s a qb that shines brightest in the preseason for the Bengali’s. In five games total he’s yet to throw an intercept. Matt Barkley might just be hearing footsteps. After all, it’s not like a USC college qb to fail hard in the pros. I don’t like Tavon Austin. There. I said it.

SF/Hou:

Whoa. Richard Sherman plays for the Niners now? [shakes head incredulously] The things you learn when you intentionally ignore an intentionally abrasive dude! He’s played just eight games over the last two years but be prepared to hear JJ Watt being gabbed about/fawned over more than necessary.

TB/TEN:

Rook rb Ronald Jones The Sequel (who the heck willingly calls themselves Ronald? My stepbrother for one and he’s a head-in-the-sand kind of guy) has thrust himself down the depth chart using the twin weapons of fumbling and not pass-blocking. Not well played, Ronald, not well-played.

CHI/DEN:

The Bears are one of the NFL’s flagship teams and yet I’ve never met anyone that really hates on them. That tells you what a non-descript team/organization they are. No wonder their fans remora (is that a verb? It is now) themselves so tightly to 1985.

Sea/LAC:

Will traveling Seahawk fans outnumber the amount of disoriented hobos in the stands? By way of an answer, I’ll tell you that the ticket give-away at the soup kitchen was a moderate success.

As this is a nighter thread, don’t be shy about talking about non-footballing thingies. I’d like to hear about that co-worker that drives you nuts, that Groupon thing that went sideways or that damn squirrel that puts those evil thoughts in your head. Do the thing that makes you [insert emotion here]

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BrettFavresColonoscopyRikki-Tikki-DeadlyMr. AyoBrick MeathookWakezilla Recent comment authors
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Redshirt

Getting caught up. So according to the refs at the Vikings games, its now illegal to sack a quarterback? Seriously, the NFL better fix this soon or the entire defense players will just walk out.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The NFL fix things? You must be confused.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit…Carlton has the lead at halftime.
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yeah right

I blame WCS for this..
But I don’t apologize..

theeWeeBabySeamus

Everyone else in the house is finally asleep.
Time to get drunk.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Redshirt

Just got home. Is the Bengals Starting Offense as bad as the local newspaper recap indicated?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You noticing all the plight?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Less we ever forget…

King Hippo

yeah, your minor league Lesser Footy stadium sure is “intimate” compared to all the other REAL NFL grounds.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

King Hippo

Kind of a trash goal for Murrika (de Mexico), but will take it FOAR GAMBLOR purposes

ballsofsteelandfury

The Balls Multi LIVES!

ballsofsteelandfury

Boo!! The Balls Multi died.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Ausie Footy in 30 min.

ballsofsteelandfury

WOOO!! I love that damn song.

yeah right

Jesus, that Freemantle.

Jeasus.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Battle o’ teh NCSU qb’s (for one qtr)…Wilson draws first blood.
Sort of.

(mike glennon sits alone weeping in a room somewhere in PHX )

King Hippo

now 7-2, bottom 8…

King Hippo

did this song especially annoy my cat? YOU BET!

theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

Harrison Bader’s CF defensing is one of the true Wonders of the World.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, but I only care about his 2 RBI TRIPLE BECAUSE FANTASY BASEBALL WOOOO

King Hippo

deffo the fastest honky I ever seen

herodotus450
herodotus450

This sausage alleges to be Hot and Spicy, but it is neither. Furthermore, how are Hot and Spicy different things?

SonOfSpam

Switching from Oskar Blues Pinner session IPA to Blue Dream IPA. From 4.9% to 6.4%. I AM A WILD MAN!

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Blue IPA is good.

SonOfSpam

It is. Both are quite good. I am a fan so far.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

There has never been an African American kicker in the NFL?!?!

How the fuck has no one ever thought to pick up a scrub from the African Leagues to kick for cheap? The talent pool has to be bigger and cheaper than Aussies…

herodotus450
herodotus450

Chad Johnson kicked an extra point once (I think),

King Hippo

he did

/but what if he DID??

SonOfSpam

But they don’t.

(I miss that a lot)

Col. Duke LaCross

What was Donald Iguwebuike (sp)?

SonOfSpam

African non-American?

King Hippo

wouldn’t it be great if the first one was from fucking Norway?

/or is it Sweden, I forgets

SonOfSpam

How would you audible in clicks?

Spur
Spur

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Col. Duke LaCross

‘Sup Lil

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Fuck, Jameill Showers’ knee thing looked bad.

King Hippo

It’s great that #ThePauls get national teevee exposure two weeks running.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

This Bengals Cowboys game feels like it started three weeks ago…

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Spur
Spur

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SonOfSpam

Redlegs beatin up on MadBum. Matt Harvey with the shutout so far. Dark fucking timeline.

King Hippo

Dirt Tomsulas fooled themselves into thinking their window was still open (even with Los Dodgeros in the division), added even MOAR bad contracts, now they can’t even get hardly anything for what’s left of MadBum.

Hard to have any worse sense of timing than them.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, they gotta burn it down and start over, but not sure if they will.

Go figure – the Dirt Raiders are miles better right now.

King Hippo

farm system is merde, too. They really are in bad fucking shape.

yeah right

They remind me a lot of the Phillies after their championship run.
Got a long road ahead and no better time to get travelling than now.
My Cubbies had some lean ass fucking years to get to here and sometimes you’ve got to bite the fucking bullet.

See you in 7 years Giants.

King Hippo

apt comparison. And the longer you put off going to the doctor, the more painful it will eventually be.

theeWeeBabySeamus

added even MOAR bad contracts….Hard to have any worse sense of timing than them.

Ummmmm….Helloooooooooooo??????????????
– Baltimore

King Hippo

No, you’re just consistently mismanaged by a weirdo owner. You never have anything close to a plan.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This is fair.

SonOfSpam

There’s no team in Baltimore, just some guys who hang out with Adam Jones.

theeWeeBabySeamus

YOU LEAVE ADAM OUT OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Football eh? They still play that, eh?

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

“Nate Newton, your beard is weird.” — Emmitt Smith

yeah right

Hey Spanky, you’re Denver-ish aren’t you? I’m going to be in Denver next Saturday through Wednesday. Got any suggestions or ideas?

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

I’m pretty sure Moose is Denver-ish, as of last March I am exclusively Oklahoma, for family/job reasons.

yeah right

Ahh.

You have my sympathy.

King Hippo

have you at least made a nice steeer….uh, I mean ladyfriend yet?

SonOfSpam

“My beard is a race car driver!”

– Aaron R.

SonOfSpam

Having my first ever Oskar Blues beer. Wife (saint, enabler, whatevs) got me a sampler twelve-pack. First up: Pinner session IPA. Prettay prettay good!

yeah right

I’ve drank my weight in Mama’s Little Yellow Pils.
Have fun.

SonOfSpam

I believe that’s in the 12 pack, which means I will definitely get to it tonite.

Is it better to drink all 3 of one kind at a time, or mix it up the whole way through?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I love that sampler.

Save the Dale’s for last.

SonOfSpam

Thanks – you’re the boss!

theeWeeBabySeamus

SonOfSpam

I prefer Thunder Road, but I’ll old-man-head-bob to either.

theeWeeBabySeamus

As long as we don’t go with Glory Days or Born in the USA, I’m good.

SonOfSpam

“Born in the USA” is only good for GOP campaign events where they don’t understand the song.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup

yeah right

One school says to keep consistent with the palette, the other says cut a dank IPA with a lighter beer right after.

It’s a win win either way.

King Hippo

mixing beers is fun, but for me = guaranteed hangover

SonOfSpam

Doesn’t really bother me like mixing alcohol does. But then, I’m a big fat alcoholic.

King Hippo

we’uns basically teh “Big, Fat, Alcoholic Choir” so…preach, brutha

SonOfSpam

Thanks – going with the consistent thing.

Spur
Spur

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King Hippo

4-1!!! Hear the mighty footsteps, Small Bears, and tremble.

yeah right

That’s still 5 games where I come from. You guys are playing some fucking ball right now though.

Thanks for kicking the Brewers in the dick for us.

King Hippo

my mental goal is to go into the least h2h series where if the Birds sweep, we go into the division lead. That is, I think, a fair and reasonable goal that would make for an intense September.

SonOfSpam

DeJong with a bullet*

* Weak ground ball right at where the second baseman should be except shift

yeah right

When you’re sitting in first even 5 games feels razor fucking thin. It’s going to be intense alright.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

My father in law has never played fantasy before. His 6 team draft is at 9. I think he sees through my ruse to make him take a kicker#1 overall

King Hippo

Dirt Packers drop a third strike (Yadi reaches), then drop an easy pop up (runner scores from 2nd) with 2 outs. Birdos 2-1 now.

There’s a Right Way and a Wrong Way, Commentists.

Gratliff

Matt Riddle becomes the newest UFC fighter to join the WWE. Saw him last weekend at an Evolve show. After the show, he walked around the crowd in street clothes saying “bro” over and over again to no one in particular while we all did double takes and wondered if he’s legitimately insane. He is the purest stoner in wrestling.

King Hippo

I mean, one gets kicked in the head for a living, pretty much everyone is Trent Green upstairs, yeah?

Col. Duke LaCross

“Who?”
~Trent Green

yeah right

I made a visit to the weed store today and I’m going to be fucking around with CBD for awhile. It has no THC so none of the psychotropics but it’s supposed to be great for pain management.

I bought some of the traditional stuff too.

I’ll issue a full report once the studies have been completed.

SonOfSpam

Thank you for your service to the scientific community.

yeah right

It’s my very reason for being.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Nice snag Gallup.

Spur
Spur

not zack martin

King Hippo

oh, an’ he ded

King Hippo

I see the Bungles are in Week 13 “Let’s get mathematically eliminated, then go on a winning streak to fuck up draft positioning” form.

litre_cola

Evening commentists. Hope you are all well. This city feels like it has been campfire hotboxed.
Are the Orioles making up ground?

yeah right

Just a scant 50 games back.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, win #37 today. Kansas City is getting nervous.

Wakezilla

Pretty sure this city has waged war on me and is trying to kill me

King Hippo

#BFIB and Dirt Packers are on FS1, just fyi

King Hippo

Donks/Bearistocrats! re-runs on NFLN at 7a. Set your alarm and/or DVRs, as applicable.

Col. Duke LaCross

Since for some reason Salt Lake is considered a Donks market, I get to actually suffer through it live.

The Raiders can’t get to Vegas fast enough.

King Hippo

like everywhere in the mountain west is Donks-ville

Spur
Spur

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King Hippo

I like this immeasurably.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, never admit to measuring.

Spur
Spur

take out Sean Lee!

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

I started a quart of peppers with garlic and onions fermenting last Sunday. They now are so bubbly and smell so funky I want to stick my dick in them … but that would burn, so … ?

yeah right

That’s just begging to be made into a salsa.

yeah right

The peppers and things not your dick.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Yep, I try to keep my dick out of the food processor.

King Hippo

key word being TRY

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

It’s just so shiny and dangerous …

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

I was planning on a smooth sauce but I may try a small batch of fridge salsa. Good Idea.

yeah right

I was just thinking on this, you could make a kick ass marinade for flank steak or skirt steak.
Think of the carne asada you could make!

King Hippo

again, to be clear…out of Spanky’s dick?

Spur
Spur

WCS

Saw on Drew’s Twitterz earlier he’s playing DFS on preseason games. And we thought Hippo had a problem…

King Hippo

it’s only a problem if you go to one of them meetings ,, smgdh

Fronkenshteen

Mixon in tonite?

WCS

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Spur
Spur

Folks

Fronkenshteen

Let’s haz dakerceptions galore!

Gratliff

Far moar significant than exhibition games, summerslam weekend starts in earnest with NXT Brooklyn Foar

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

The Dallas fourth-tier Sprots Talk Radio weekenders had a segment this morning about The Shockmaster’s debut. Aparrently today is the anniversary.

Gratliff

Poor Tugboat

ballsofsteelandfury

“Do the thing that makes you [insert emotion here]”

But I already jacked it this morning!