Well, what have we got here? Looks like a double-header-each of which could be interesting in different ways. The Jags and Vikes will be upper echelon teams in their respective conferences and should take their divisions as well. As for the Raiders and Rams? Umm, hmm… This premise of mine has a big old hole right in the middle, don’t it? Nevertheless, we must go where we always go… TO THE GAMES!
JAX/Minny:
Second year (but still mostly first year) rb Dalvin Cook has been spotted by eagle-eyed watchers of Vikings practices running during 11 on 11 live sessions. Will you and I and that other guy get a wee looky-loo at him today? Zimmer hasn’t said anything either way. The way I see it from up here in the wastelands of northern Ontario, he makes the briefest of appearances this week and then next week shreds his other knee. [dodges multiple cell phones thrown by hardcore dynasty league heathens] Easy, boys-I was just joking. Word at Jags camp is that rb Fournette is the lightest he’s been since high school. The thought of him having more than a touch of breakaway speed is disheartening… for his opponents.
OAK/LAR:
Oof! If starter Goff goes down at any point this year the Rams are stuck with Sean Mannion, Branden Allen or Luis Perez. That’s lack of confidence in qb depth personified right there, folks.
Make with the typy-typing, my good monkey friends.
This seems fairly significant:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/18/us/politics/don-mcgahn-mueller-investigation.html
Meh.
*Billy Corgan like wailing sound*
#EmbraceTehVoid
It’s amazing how much this picture applies to this past week, which was one of the worst weeks of my life.
More beer and less Smashing Pumpkins/Corgan in general seems like a good way to forget everything for a while.
RAMMIT!!!! Cheerleaders in mid-season form.
(don’t make the joke, don’t make the joke, don’t make the joke)
I’ll be over here in the corner.
they could use a good lesbian scandal imo godbless
Couldn’t we all?
Todd Gurley: Good future cat owner
No wonder I made him mah “Super Franchise” keeper!
Great Idea: We should all get jobs at the dollar store. With our employee discounts we could live like kings.
/remembers that the dollar store doesn’t sell booze or weed
Never mind. Stupid fucking idea.
Like Heidi game in reverse!!!111
The Heidi Game? That takes me back. I took the Alps at 3.5 early. Bought my eventual widow a Ford Pinto with the winnings!
Cool. A genyuwine goal line stand to wrap the matinee.
Last time I was in a church my son was doing an entire day “Get in touch with Jesus” thing. Part of it was making some bread from scratch. I was rolling the dough and adding flour to ensure that it would turn out better than all the other kid’s bread. The priest said, “whoa, slow down there. Too much flour.” I replied, “I know what I’m doing here. I think [some kid] over there needs some help”. Of course the priest gave my son and I a lousy grade on the bread.
/this interaction is the only reason I’m an athiest
Scotchy, did you forget that the Rams won the NFC West last year and are looking poised to be even better this year, and that the Raiders are also a professional football team that plays in the National Football League?
You lost me at “forget”…
Goff goes down, Rammit signs Kaep, go onto win the Superb Owl
The priest just called out the people at this wedding for not saying “Thanks be to God” loud enough. Fantastic.
The only good priest is a Judas one.
“I know, right?”
-Priests in Pennsylvania
Maybe he’s hearing impaired?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cO-QSAn–PI
For the poker players out there, here’s my tournament last night.
We’re down to 17 players. I probably have the second biggest stack. Guy with the biggest stack raises to 600, (blinds are 200), in front of me. Guy next to him raises to 2,000. Fold around to me. I look down at AK suited. I have about 26,000 in chips. I raise to 6,000, wanting to isolate the second guy. 6,000 essentially puts him all in.
Big stack thinks about it, thinks about it, thinks about, and then comes over the top, all in. Other guy folds, it comes down to me.
What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO!?
Was he really thinking about it that long?
Or was he drawing you in?
That’s the rub.
AK suited, I’d probably have done something stupid too. But if big stack raised $600 to begin with, he’s got something.
Could have been both, but we had played at the same table earlier and I’d been very conservative, and he was smart enough to notice that. By the same token, whenever he did raise he went 5X the big blind, so only going 3X made me think.
I think he was worried I met have AA but decided, correctly, that I was just an asshole.
About a week ago I had the most vivid dream I was successful competitive poker player and woke up briefly wondering if it were true enough I could quit corporate work forever.
I went on a (very brief) run at Foxwoods several years back in cash games where I was making more in a night than in a week at work. I started to think, like literally every other idiot that plays well two nights in a row, “hey, I could do this professionally!”
Then I played a few more times and was quickly disabused of that notion.
You take him on.
fold. You’re probably racing an under-pair
This answer is smarter than my answer.
I called him. He turned over KK. I hit an ace on the river. The same ace that gave him a four-flush.
I was pretty sure I was behind from the start and would fold that 9 out of 10 times, (100 out of 100 if I were Tom Brady), but I’ve been playing well in this tournament all year and will make the year end championship as things stand now, so I figured “fuck it, fly or die.” if I’d won I could have sleep-walked to the money. Would have been nice, but as someone who roots for the Cowboys, I do not deserve nice things.
seriously, in the back of my mind “or he’s really good at theatrics and he has Cowboys”
I bet Schrödinger was a shit ass poker player whenever somebody raised him.
clock. CLOCK!!! CLOCK!!!!!!!!
https://twitter.com/twitter/statuses/1030636396879470592
When shit-talking your opponent all week goes horribly, horribly wrong.
Jesus that was a sweet kick.
Well, the Yankees just lost Romine to concussion protocol.
Unless that foul ball that hit him so hard that the umpire had to hold him up is going to be described as a “stinger”, or some other such nonsense.
And they’re going to let him stay in. Jesus Christ.
You saying Jesus Christ can’t hit a curve ball?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnoWzFPNtfA
So Toe gets to be the day game after a night game catcher next week?
@BallsOfSteel, @LowCommander, @YeahRight….
Does this remind you of anyone? Someone we met at a brewery recently?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGsQES_OdrQ
All of you stay away from my sister.
Seriously, you shoulda been there. This girl was a murder/suicide waiting to happen and Balls just kept chatting her up.
Too funny.
Did she look like Cecile Strong? Cause then it’d be worth it
Let’s say….Yes. If Cecile Strong had been strung out on meth for a year and living under a bridge.
(this is actually pretty accurate)
Holy shit.
I’m glad we got out of there with our spleens intact.
Right?
im out.
and THAT is why we single out Derbies for attention
And that’s why you listen to me when I say – PUT ALL YOUR MONEY ON CHELSEA XD Now, drinkin’ time, plus I think there’s a baseball game soon-ish
Edit: Oh, my bad – the Wankees are already playing!
Cech playing a helluva game between the sticks, despite the 3-2 scoreline. Arseholes may as well not have any CBs.
Wait, they do!?
At this point in his team’s progress, Bortles just needs to limit his mistakes to the absolute minimum.
3-2 Chelski… and I’m actually surprised that it wasn’t a Giroud goal.. Back to previously scheduled drinkin’
If you’re bored, I could use some help. Please rank the following WR (listed here in no particular order) Non-PPR:
TY Hilton
Fitz
Thielen
Diggs
Baldwin
Amari Cooper
C. Hogan
Marvin Jones
B. Cooks
Golden Tate
JuJu
Demaryius
Or if you have a VERY GOOD FEELING about any of these guys (no homo) this year, tell me why?
Please and thank you.
juju
cooper
baldwin
thielen
C Hogan
diggs
ty hilton
fitz
marvin jones
golden tate
demaryius
booooo Cooks!!!
So I’m not nuts about JuJu, then? Thank you.
Every time I’ve won money in my league, it was because I had taken a flyer on a few guys in the later rounds. What I’m trying to say is, “I’ll pass.”
Pre-season doinks aren’t as fun.
shit i really hope this chelsea match isnt a tie…
It’s what I bet, so I’m cool wit it.
If I was a Jacksonville fan (a Jagger?) I’d be screaming to get Fournette out of there. The guy is going to get 300+ carries this year.
lol, I’d pull him out, wrap him in bubble wrap and keep him fresh for October and beyond. The BortleRocket can make do in the meantime
By the way, wifey just saw all four kiddos wearing Arsenal jerseys and complained how they ought to be ManUre fans instead.. Elder daugher proudly chimed in “Should’ve bribed us like daddy!” XD
That’s an essential part of the parenting game.
Wife: [in derogatory tone] “Our oldest completely idolizes you!”
Me: [condescendingly]* “Ah well, it’s not like you can do anything about it.” [shrugs shoulders]
*because that drives her bananas
100% of parenting comes down to bribes and threats
It’s called ‘creating leverage’ and if you’re good at it, your kids won’t keen to it until after it happens.
You forgot oneupmanship (yes, even in happy marriages)! Your mom allowed you X and is the coolest? Fuck school kids, today I’m taking ya someplace even better!
When I was getting my business where I wanted it to be I didn’t take vacations very much. Wifey won that battle in a landslide victory.
I work in IT(unfortunately I’ve transitioned to a sligthly..ungh… managerial position) and more often than not, I can put a broom and a looped recording of random cursing irregular intervals and no one would notice,lol
BORT!
This might be this years Superb Owl. Probbo 2 best D units in the league?
Definitely the 2 best Ds.
I was raised on the Giants of the 80’s. I love defensive tussles.
I became a Vikings fan because of the Purple People Eaters. My favorite play in the game is a sack. I..
I love defense.
Hippo, what kind of backfield split you think Minny is headed for. 60/40 with Murray getting goal line? I’ll hang up and listen.
We need to teach Hippo how to have two windows open at the same time.
Shit, in my minds eye, he has 3 tv screens dedicated to Czechoslovakian futsal alone.
There’s totally a “Blackberry Joke” here.
In my mind’s eye I see him with a VR headset like the Oculus or WMR and is sitting among 20 different sports feeds and cursing/bargaining with Gamblor about throw-ins in a match in the Essex pub league!
Yours is better
THIS GAMBLING HABIT OF HIPPO’S, I CALL IT A TACO BELL FART BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM OPEN MULTIPLE WINDOWS.
I think maybe 70/30 as the season wears on (assuming Cook is healthy), but 50/50 for the first 3-4 weeks. My worry is they use Murray (present!) at the goal line
I just had VAR disallow a goal that would have won me $600 ($50 bet at +1200). Grrrrrrrr
This 9-figure Keeper Chelski bought is a bag of dicks.
2-2! Holy fookin’ shite
Wait, you’re seeing the same score?! And here I thought I was just drunk enuff to start hallucinating!
No Dalvin. Fuck.
The Coliseum will be quite interesting today. I put the over under on fights in the stands/ surrounding area at 59.
One of Sparano’s sons bothered to take off his cap during the celebration of his dad’s life. He got him some manners.
Tony Sparano ded, and apparently people noticed? WEIRD.
/another sitter missed by Arseholes