Your Saturday Afternoon Football Open Thread

Well, what have we got here? Looks like a double-header-each of which could be interesting in different ways. The Jags and Vikes will be upper echelon teams in their respective conferences and should take their divisions as well. As for the Raiders and Rams? Umm, hmm… This premise of mine has a big old hole right in the middle, don’t it? Nevertheless, we must go where we always go… TO THE GAMES!

JAX/Minny:

Second year (but still mostly first year) rb Dalvin Cook has been spotted by eagle-eyed watchers of Vikings practices running during 11 on 11 live sessions. Will you and I and that other guy get a wee looky-loo at him today? Zimmer hasn’t said anything either way. The way I see it from up here in the wastelands of northern Ontario, he makes the briefest of appearances this week and then next week shreds his other knee. [dodges multiple cell phones thrown by hardcore dynasty league heathens] Easy, boys-I was just joking. Word at Jags camp is that rb Fournette is the lightest he’s been since high school. The thought of him having more than a touch of breakaway speed is disheartening… for his opponents.

OAK/LAR:

Oof! If starter Goff goes down at any point this year the Rams are stuck with Sean Mannion, Branden Allen or Luis Perez. That’s lack of confidence in qb depth personified right there, folks.

Make with the typy-typing, my good monkey friends.

 

 

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Inanimate Carbon Rod MarinelliFronkenshteenblackroseMD1King HippotheeWeeBabySeamus Recent comment authors
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Fronkenshteen
Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Meh.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

*Billy Corgan like wailing sound*

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King Hippo

#EmbraceTehVoid

blackroseMD1

It’s amazing how much this picture applies to this past week, which was one of the worst weeks of my life.

More beer and less Smashing Pumpkins/Corgan in general seems like a good way to forget everything for a while.

theeWeeBabySeamus

RAMMIT!!!! Cheerleaders in mid-season form.
(don’t make the joke, don’t make the joke, don’t make the joke)

I’ll be over here in the corner.

King Hippo

they could use a good lesbian scandal imo godbless

theeWeeBabySeamus

Couldn’t we all?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Todd Gurley: Good future cat owner

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King Hippo

No wonder I made him mah “Super Franchise” keeper!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Great Idea: We should all get jobs at the dollar store. With our employee discounts we could live like kings.

/remembers that the dollar store doesn’t sell booze or weed

Never mind. Stupid fucking idea.

King Hippo

Like Heidi game in reverse!!!111

Fronkenshteen

Cool. A genyuwine goal line stand to wrap the matinee.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As for the Raiders and Rams? Umm, hmm… This premise of mine has a big old hole right in the middle, don’t it?

Scotchy, did you forget that the Rams won the NFC West last year and are looking poised to be even better this year, and that the Raiders are also a professional football team that plays in the National Football League?

Wakezilla

Goff goes down, Rammit signs Kaep, go onto win the Superb Owl

Senor Weaselo

The priest just called out the people at this wedding for not saying “Thanks be to God” loud enough. Fantastic.

herodotus450
herodotus450

The only good priest is a Judas one.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe he’s hearing impaired?

Horatio Cornblower

For the poker players out there, here’s my tournament last night.

We’re down to 17 players. I probably have the second biggest stack. Guy with the biggest stack raises to 600, (blinds are 200), in front of me. Guy next to him raises to 2,000. Fold around to me. I look down at AK suited. I have about 26,000 in chips. I raise to 6,000, wanting to isolate the second guy. 6,000 essentially puts him all in.

Big stack thinks about it, thinks about it, thinks about, and then comes over the top, all in. Other guy folds, it comes down to me.

What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO!?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Was he really thinking about it that long?
Or was he drawing you in?

That’s the rub.

AK suited, I’d probably have done something stupid too. But if big stack raised $600 to begin with, he’s got something.

Horatio Cornblower

Could have been both, but we had played at the same table earlier and I’d been very conservative, and he was smart enough to notice that. By the same token, whenever he did raise he went 5X the big blind, so only going 3X made me think.

I think he was worried I met have AA but decided, correctly, that I was just an asshole.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

About a week ago I had the most vivid dream I was successful competitive poker player and woke up briefly wondering if it were true enough I could quit corporate work forever.

Horatio Cornblower

I went on a (very brief) run at Foxwoods several years back in cash games where I was making more in a night than in a week at work. I started to think, like literally every other idiot that plays well two nights in a row, “hey, I could do this professionally!”

Then I played a few more times and was quickly disabused of that notion.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You take him on.

King Hippo

fold. You’re probably racing an under-pair

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This answer is smarter than my answer.

Horatio Cornblower

I called him. He turned over KK. I hit an ace on the river. The same ace that gave him a four-flush.

I was pretty sure I was behind from the start and would fold that 9 out of 10 times, (100 out of 100 if I were Tom Brady), but I’ve been playing well in this tournament all year and will make the year end championship as things stand now, so I figured “fuck it, fly or die.” if I’d won I could have sleep-walked to the money. Would have been nice, but as someone who roots for the Cowboys, I do not deserve nice things.

King Hippo

seriously, in the back of my mind “or he’s really good at theatrics and he has Cowboys”

Ian Scott McCormick

I bet Schrödinger was a shit ass poker player whenever somebody raised him.

Horatio Cornblower

clock. CLOCK!!! CLOCK!!!!!!!!

Horatio Cornblower

https://twitter.com/twitter/statuses/1030636396879470592

When shit-talking your opponent all week goes horribly, horribly wrong.

yeah right

Jesus that was a sweet kick.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, the Yankees just lost Romine to concussion protocol.

Unless that foul ball that hit him so hard that the umpire had to hold him up is going to be described as a “stinger”, or some other such nonsense.

And they’re going to let him stay in. Jesus Christ.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You saying Jesus Christ can’t hit a curve ball?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Senor Weaselo

So Toe gets to be the day game after a night game catcher next week?

theeWeeBabySeamus

@BallsofSteel, @LowCommander, @YeahRight….
Does this remind you of anyone? Someone we met at a brewery recently?

Horatio Cornblower

All of you stay away from my sister.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously, you shoulda been there. This girl was a murder/suicide waiting to happen and Balls just kept chatting her up.

Too funny.

Wakezilla

Did she look like Cecile Strong? Cause then it’d be worth it

theeWeeBabySeamus

Let’s say….Yes. If Cecile Strong had been strung out on meth for a year and living under a bridge.
(this is actually pretty accurate)

yeah right

Holy shit.

I’m glad we got out of there with our spleens intact.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Right?

rockingdog
rockingdog

im out.

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King Hippo

and THAT is why we single out Derbies for attention

bk109
bk109

And that’s why you listen to me when I say – PUT ALL YOUR MONEY ON CHELSEA XD Now, drinkin’ time, plus I think there’s a baseball game soon-ish
Edit: Oh, my bad – the Wankees are already playing!

King Hippo

Cech playing a helluva game between the sticks, despite the 3-2 scoreline. Arseholes may as well not have any CBs.

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, they do!?

bk109
bk109

3-2 Chelski… and I’m actually surprised that it wasn’t a Giroud goal.. Back to previously scheduled drinkin’

Fronkenshteen

If you’re bored, I could use some help. Please rank the following WR (listed here in no particular order) Non-PPR:

TY Hilton
Fitz
Thielen
Diggs
Baldwin
Amari Cooper
C. Hogan
Marvin Jones
B. Cooks
Golden Tate
JuJu
Demaryius

Or if you have a VERY GOOD FEELING about any of these guys (no homo) this year, tell me why?
Please and thank you.

rockingdog
rockingdog

juju
cooper
baldwin
thielen
C Hogan
diggs
ty hilton
fitz
marvin jones
golden tate
demaryius

booooo Cooks!!!

Fronkenshteen

So I’m not nuts about JuJu, then? Thank you.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pre-season doinks aren’t as fun.

rockingdog
rockingdog

shit i really hope this chelsea match isnt a tie…

King Hippo

It’s what I bet, so I’m cool wit it.

bk109
bk109

By the way, wifey just saw all four kiddos wearing Arsenal jerseys and complained how they ought to be ManUre fans instead.. Elder daugher proudly chimed in “Should’ve bribed us like daddy!” XD

King Hippo

BORT!

Fronkenshteen

This might be this years Superb Owl. Probbo 2 best D units in the league?

yeah right

Definitely the 2 best Ds.

Fronkenshteen

Hippo, what kind of backfield split you think Minny is headed for. 60/40 with Murray getting goal line? I’ll hang up and listen.

ballsofsteelandfury

We need to teach Hippo how to have two windows open at the same time.

Fronkenshteen

Shit, in my minds eye, he has 3 tv screens dedicated to Czechoslovakian futsal alone.

theeWeeBabySeamus

There’s totally a “Blackberry Joke” here.

bk109
bk109

In my mind’s eye I see him with a VR headset like the Oculus or WMR and is sitting among 20 different sports feeds and cursing/bargaining with Gamblor about throw-ins in a match in the Essex pub league!

Fronkenshteen

Yours is better

Fronkenshteen

THIS GAMBLING HABIT OF HIPPO’S, I CALL IT A TACO BELL FART BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM OPEN MULTIPLE WINDOWS.

King Hippo

I think maybe 70/30 as the season wears on (assuming Cook is healthy), but 50/50 for the first 3-4 weeks. My worry is they use Murray (present!) at the goal line

King Hippo

I just had VAR disallow a goal that would have won me $600 ($50 bet at +1200). Grrrrrrrr

King Hippo

This 9-figure Keeper Chelski bought is a bag of dicks.

King Hippo

2-2! Holy fookin’ shite

bk109
bk109

Wait, you’re seeing the same score?! And here I thought I was just drunk enuff to start hallucinating!

Fronkenshteen

No Dalvin. Fuck.

ballsofsteelandfury

The Coliseum will be quite interesting today. I put the over under on fights in the stands/ surrounding area at 59.

King Hippo

Tony Sparano ded, and apparently people noticed? WEIRD.

/another sitter missed by Arseholes