Look at me over here, chortling with joy. Man, this takes me back to high school and my first girlie friend. After a few sessions of furtive squeezing and such she said, “this shirt is so uncomfortable”. She got up, took off said shirt and then said, “should I take off my bra too?” and turned away from me. My throat went a bit dry and I mumbled, “yah”. My first peak at real boobs was about to happen-the anticipation of seeing real, soft, milky-white chest appendages was almost too much to endure.
Why do I mention this? Well, as a jaded adult in a world not of my own making there’s very little that cranks my propellers but the start of yet another football season will have to do. Certainly, there’s no real comparison between what 15 year-old me and old-ish, drink-sodden, somewhat functional yours truly was feeling but if I’m able to take you back to a time when breasts were nude and exciting, well, My work here is done. Btw, your mom’s boobs don’t count. Perv. You know what does count? Tonight’s tilt! TO THE GAME!
Falcons vs. Eagles:
You know the old saying, Birds of a feather will play football together? Philly is without Wentz, and wr’s Jeffery and Hollins but that d-line makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Fantasy-wise, you’ve got better options than Nick Foles but te Ertz and Ajayi should get you a few points. On t’udder side you’re starting Julio because you’re not stupid and he’s had 4 straight games against Atlanta with 100+ yards. You should grab De’vonta as well if you have him.* What say I wrap this up? I’m not going to tell anything to anyone that they didn’t already know.
*Minor Rant: Tevin Coleman has got to be one of the top 5 rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield and yet OC Sarkasian saw fit last year to give him 3 or more catches in only 6(!) of 17 games last year. This is Coleman’s last year as a Falcon and he is going to blow up with the team that brings him on board next year. Stupid rant over.
Well, it’s your time to get after it. Do it.
Okay boys, I need a meme primer from last season. Did we add any gods to the DFO 40k pantheon?
I believe there was Doink, Shanklor, and, of course, Bleergh.
Who is this fucking snowflake?
John Mayers tampon
OH WHAT THE PISS?!! MORE?!?!?
Suits: “Here! This is equivalent to the opening kickoff!”
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
quick philly fans, throw batteries at god, that’ll do it
A fan with good aim can hit Tirico, Rodney, and Dungy with one D cell.
They’re horse shit eaters now
Fuckery right from the get go. This feels right.
I think Burt should be celebrated for the sole rumour that he banged Doly Parton during the filming of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niKIjDHaxRQ&list=PLguBRO721Mbnj5tLX79Q5h5sm42Eh9KMQ&index=8
i’m just glad to see bears games not being totally a waste of time anymore
Ehhhhh…….
3-4 times a game mack might kill someone, but yea the rest will likely still be left to be desired
NO, the prophecy is NFC Title Game, minimum.
It’s probably just the fact the Bears have been so underwhelming recently that it’s hard for me to process that they could actually be interesting. I just keep thinking that I’ve seen this ” giving away multiple first-rounders for a franchise cornerstone” script played out before.
So pretty much almost all of October, I have to work in the Netherlands. I have to give about 20 days of drive training to various groups of engineers, mechanics, and electricians. Its going to be pretty exhausting and it will be six day weeks…I really only get about two free days over that period to try and do anything.
But I will be very close to Amsterdam. So I am looking forward to seeing some museums and drinking some good beer my one day or so I have of freedom.
This is actually much better than the typical local I go to….which I found out that I will not be flying back to Virginia, but directly to bumbfuck Montana because the customer wants training from…and I am quoting the jackass “a goddamn American that can speak American damn it!”
Its a natural gas site I believe, in the middle of fucking nowhere, and I will be giving the training in Spanish because fuck that guy.
How quickly can you learn Navajo?
He may be disappointed when he sees you’re black.
You would be amazed the number of times people freak the fuck out when they see a brother speaking Spanish…which I guess not as common as black Portuguese speakers.
The Portuguese were fucking horn dogs. Like everyone of their colonies is fucking mix of everything but like the French, British, and the Spanish, they were hard core on not mixing that much and keeping the mulattoes separated from the darker ones.
And I am not talking about English speakers per say. I had an Argentinian customer basically admit to me he never thought a black person could speak Spanish.
Yeah, I could totally see an Argentinean saying that.
Fucking racist Nazi assholes.
He was an alright guy…but you could tell…completely sheltered…we were both pretty drunk.
Argentinians are pretty racist. Tell them to go to Central America. Particularly Dominican Republic and Cuba
How is your Farsi, Arabic or Pashtu? THAT would really put a hitch in his giddy-up.
Bearistocrats! – At least 30% chance to beat A.A. Ron in Cheese Land Sunday night. Who’s with Hippo??
Ehh…
I prophecied before the Khalil Mack. Surely you must BELIIIIIEEEEEVE now? It’s happening sheeple!
I basically took last year off from the NFL, but I’m giving this toxic relationship another shot! How the fuck ya doin’ boys?!
I’m only here to watch the NFL burn.
Welcome back!
as toxic as it is, still the best thing in life by a factor of like 100
Ehhhh….
– ICRM
Oh, by the way, I figured out a way to function throughout the day with only several micronaps the night before. Other than a cow constantly following me telling me to “sacrifice the unworthy for the one true god”, I was highly productive.
Seems legit.
I’d just like to give a shout-out to all the losers (myself included) that made this sorry son of a bitch site work during the off-season. You came, you typed, you made me laugh. Kudos!
/if you didn’t bother with the World Cup threads, you missed some good shit
Was DT ever on “Celebrity” Jeopardy? Maybe this whole investigation thing is just the most elaborate Daily Double ever.
I’m not sure he could handle a “Sam Darnold” edition, if u noe wut I mean
in honor of the man passing, i’m bootleggin some coors out my fridge and into my room
Good idea.
“We know, Senator Smithers, uh I mean Graham. We know.”
Well on the bright side, its all up hill from here!
Glad to see you’re alright after what happened this morning. Was it a bank robbery gone bad?
Thanks. Everyone I know is safe and accounted for. He wasn’t a former employee of the bank so its not disgruntled employee. Plus its doesn’t makes sense for a Bank Robbery as he had no get away car, no place to carry the cash and also he’s downtown at 9:00 AM so its bumper-to-bumper out of there. There are several banks five miles away where he would have clear roads to get away. He was in a suit so it was planned out.
The guy had forty rounds for one handgun so if the cops didn’t show up when they heard the sounds it would’ve been a lot worse. Fountain Square is the core of the city and he was heading out there when the cops confronted him.
Whatever I felt watching that Super Bowl win, that musical performance was the inverse
Imaginary Internet Friends! ARE WE READY FOR SOME GOTT-DAMMED FITBAW?
I like and almost match her enthusiasm level!
I don’t know what this is on my TV, but, it’s back to Office reruns on Comedy Central for another 20 minutes.
Why can’t Philly toss batteries when ya need em too
I would rather hear a Tony Dungy lecture, and I only heard a millisecond before finding the mute button
these things always remind me, i’m never gonna get the music of the “kids”
semantics point – popular music is neither popular (with anybody I’ve ever met), nor music. DISCUSS
Nothing holding me back from muting the tv
That’s how i’m going to watch this entire season.
Who is this asshole and why is he singing in the middle of my pregame show?
I don’t know who this dweeb is, but I do know that I want him ded.
/hey, liberals and conservatives CAN agree!
The heroes have logged on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlSDorPqiaw
I has inkling that the Falcons are gonna win by like 3+ TDs
Oh look, Dennis is back. I’m sure fucking glad nobody spoiled that ending for me.
I hate you guys.
Santa fucks Mrs. Claus in the ass.
While an elf licks his balls.
I can’t handle an hour of the Eagle Fans being Eagle Fans.
Off to BF5 beta for an hour.
Hey look, it’s future starting QB for the Las Vegas Raiders, Nick Foles!
Folks.
“Hey.”
-Lariat
Hallo!
oh, BULLSHIT. Plumbago is not a real goddamned word.
You’ve never heard of Plumbago? Half-plum, half-baguette?
I thought it was a plumber’s winnebago.
Or maybe it’s just something that’s leaning over, crooked.
/Because it was plumb, (a long time)-ago
Alex Trebek? Still a smarmy fuck.
what a bullshit final clue/answer that was
lol Claire adding p to scoliosis
plus finger guns!
I can’t stand Mindy Kaling. I don’t know if she keeps getting work because she has incriminating photos, counts as a triple diversity hire, or just sucks really good dick/clitoris.
In short, i’m glad Dennis is back.
She made a good Gang foil that way! God, you knew The Waitress was fucking that doll.
I haven’t rewatched it yet, and last night’s viewing was filled with constant WCS spawn screaming, but, I think they said “fuck” twice uncensored.
Most of Deadpool was uncensored on FXX and they air that shit at like 4 pm.
Yeah, that was great!
And Mac too.
with Mac, it was more how often and obviously
GODDAMMIT YOU ASSHOLES I’M STILL WATCHING IT!!!!
This doll is freaking me out.
It was offputting at first, then when they’d do the close ups while talking to it, I was cackling
shit, I used to be a lot better at Jeopardy! It’s almost liek these opiates rot yer brain or sommet.
I’l take Brazilian soccer odds for $1000, Alex.
OH hell, Hippo be like Rosie Perez in White Men Can’t Jump then.
But you know…taller and whiter and with a penis.
I’m pretty sure Rosie has a penis.
You may be right.
Was always a big PAM fan myself. The original Pam.
What’s the other one’s name?
Well you got your Seinfeld Pam, she’s on Third; and you got your Pam Beasley, she’s on Third; and you got your cooking spray Pam, she’s on Third-matter of fact they’re all on Third, you know the Pam District? On Third?
http://i.imgur.com/BABb5z6.png
She looks like my HS French teacher, no shit.
i miss posting my pam
Her James Bond movie name-Topp Heavy.
RIVE BROGS ARE BACK
SO RIVE!
“I feel so arrive!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvNzhKTXweQ&ab_channel=onthehalfshel
lol fuckin hoosier fat humps scheduling the nascar race at the brickyard this year on the first fucking weekend of footbaw
AND it is gonna rain 4+ inches this weekend
The people that run Nascar are morons.
Hello, I’m on my way home from work and would like to announce that I am ready for some football
where’s the Lainie happy dance? Or are we saving that for Sunday’s J Peterman start?
Jeopardy on before NBC footbaw coverage, teachers tourney episode from earlier in the year
Claire is a damn fox
the world’s only attractive Latin teacher. Mine (my Dad forced me to take one year) was your typical elderly alcoholic
ours in our school wasn’t bad, ran into her a couple of years ago and has barely aged a day
Pre-game fare? New IASIP methinks.
es bueno
Civil disobedience against Herr Fuhrer combined with succumbing to our sweet, sweet basest instincts? Let’s do this motherfucker already!
/and no P*ts to feces it up this season. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, consigned to regional television like a bunch of plebians!
Lookit this guy showing his love for Philly with a tattoo of Fat Mac with a turban.
This has been my work computer’s desktop and lock screen for the last 7 months, and if shit goe down again, it’ll be everyone else’s too.
FINALLY