Welcome New Commentists! Or, I have to do what now?

Hello new person!  Last year, tWBS drew the short straw and did the introductory post to any of you that are just now discovering our little corner of the world. BTW, DFO is ranked in the 400,000s in terms of websites around the world, so that’s… something!

We do know we get a lot of visitors coming to us from porn sites, so welcome to all of you, our fellow perverts!  We wish you well and hope you have enough lube in the house/apartment/doghouse.

[Door Flies Open] is, at its core, a sports joke blog with historical emphasis toward the NFL during the season, so we see many new users find us during this time of the year.  We always love having new folks join in on the madness.

Thanks for coming!

I’m going to try to cover a few little basics, but if there’s anything I miss, always feel free to ask in the comments. No question is too difficult or embarrasing.  For example, one intrepid commentist asked us last year how to get his girlfriend to do anal.

That answer is pretty easy and not at all embarrasing.  Please challenge us!

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Some Guidelines For Posting

Our little community here are all good people, and have very good senses of humor.  We are also by no means PC around here and sarcasm is not only accepted, but encouraged.

We all root for different teams (and different sports), and we regularly give each other loads of shit about it.  We like laughing at other people’s expense, even our own.  So have at it.

We never want to stifle anyone’s voice by deleting or editing comments.  We want you to say what you want to say, when you want to say it, and how you want to say it.  As long as it doesn’t become a situation where specific other commenters are being targeted/harassed personally, or it becomes problematic regarding language.  And don’t get me wrong, profanity is allowed (often encouraged).

But slurs thrown in malice/anger, especially directed at other users are not.  That’s a big no no.

And sometimes sarcasm doesn’t come thru in typed text.  So please keep that in mind.  A vast majority of the time, that will be the case.

We don’t have a lot of rules around here, and we’d like to keep it that way.  Mutual respect among members of the community goes a long way toward that end. Have a sense of humour about yourself and don’t take anything too seriously and you’ll be fine.

 

***

Posting Music Videos

Posting Youtube or Vimeo videos is simple.  Don’t mess with embed codes as they won’t work.  Just copy the raw https address up there in your browser’s box as I’ve highlighted here…

…then paste it into your comment box, then hit the “Post Comment” button to post your song.  The embedded video won’t show up until you refresh the page.  But when you refresh, you’ll get this…

Keep in mind that the shortened URLs won’t necessarily work.  You may need the full address for it to show up.

One more thing about posting videos: If you have commentary you’d like to add to the video, it will probably need to go before the address, or the video won’t embed.  I don’t get it either, but that’s what happens sometimes.

***

Posting Images

Images are a little more complicated.  The address to the image file must begin with https…the “s” is very important.  Without the “s” (if it’s http with no “s”), the image won’t embed into your comment.  However, the address will be visible as a hyperlink and can still be clicked and followed.

The images addresses also must end with .jpg, .png, or .gif.  The extension also must be all lower case (ie .JPG probably won’t work) for the image to embed in your comment.

If you cannot find the image you are looking for with the proper string, you would be encouraged to copy the link or save the image and upload it to PostImages.org for quick and easy use.  This works particularly well if you want to post a photo you took but it’s not on the Internet.

***

Rules:  Even the Mafia has rules

We post a lot of suggestive photos around here, but we do have some rules about image posting.  We don’t like rules around here, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere.  As it’s been pointed out to me numerous times, we are not a porn site. (YET!)

Posting Rules

No Exposed genitalia.

Female nipples must be mostly obscured by clothing.

Now, that does not mean that you cannot share a nice NSFW image with your friends.  In that case, you can do as follows:

The initial link….

https://www.youreatotalperv.kom/youre_all_going_to_hell.jpg

Can be changed to…

h

ttps://www.youreatotalperv.kom/youre_all_going_to_hell.jpg

by splitting the “h” off with a simple hit of the enter key before posting.  The picture won’t embed and anyone interested can follow it if they’d care to.  Do please mark it as “NSFW” so people don’t click on it in front of their significant others that might get jealous/offended.

***

So What Else?

Be cool.  Be funny.  Don’t be afraid to contribute.  The site was built by people who commented on other sites, so we all were in your position at some point.  We were all wondering if we were funny enough to be at the same place as the people whose comments we read and who we thought were hilarious.

Let me clear up one thing for you:  We are all living in Son Of Spam’s world, so if you think you have to be as funny as him, please don’t worry about it.

We won’t bite your heads off if your first comment doesn’t hit the mark.  Don’t feel pressure.  Just think of us as a group of guys (and to tell the truth, it is mostly guys around here.  There are some females that post occasionally, but not that often.) that are sitting around our living rooms/dorm rooms/fraternity houses drinking beers and cracking jokes.

Now, if you feel extra adventurous and want to WRITE for this site, we encourage that too!  As I mentioned before, we all started out by commenting on sites and then decided to take our shot at writing. If you want to do that too, PLEASE let us know and we’ll be happy to have you join us in creating precious precious content for us to read on the toilet at work.

You do not need to write about the NFL if you don’t want to.  This site has expanded beyond just being an NFL dick joke blog and we now do anything from travel posts (Boots on the Ground), recipes (Sunday Gravy), beer reviews (Beer Barrel), to posts about other sports (CFL Beat, BattleBots Beat, AFL Beat, soccer open threads).

Anything you want to write about is welcome as long as it’s related to having a good time and enjoying the many things available in this world that can make us happy.

Which, ultimately, is what this blog is about.  We want to have fun, make ourselves laugh, and remind ourselves that, no matter what things happen to you in life, there are also good things in this world and they should be celebrated.

We look forward to hearing from you!

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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Moose -The End Is Well NighRedshirtnomonkeyfunWakezillaBrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thanks, Balls!

I’ll take things Margaret Thatcher said more than Tony Blair for 800, Alex.

Brocky

Damn, I see all those posts about Burt, I didn’t know.

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Brocky

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Um…France lost to the Vietnamese…really badly..

nomonkeyfun

China didn’t so hot either.

Redshirt

We lost because the American public finally saw war in real time. If there was a 24hr news cycle in 1861, the Civil War would’ve lasted a month.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That may be a horrendous oversimplification, but at least it is absolutely wrong. Not surprising in the least however.

Brocky

let’s see, kickoff is in an hour, do I have time to write up a finale for LAST YEAR’s Fantasy Gods?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Fresh meat?!?!
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MikeWallaceAndGromit

It’s football season again, boys!

King Hippo

also, necessary for short straw reference:

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

First ballot mustache hall of famer right there.

Petronel
Petronel

Game Time Decision

i’ve got an idea for a BOTG, but need to get some pics and video and then like write it up. Who do i speak to about it?
oh and it will need editing, so will need help there. Maybe even like full on ghostwritten…lol.
/am serious about an BOTG article. tho

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I’ll do a BOTG from the magical land of New Jersey in November. As well as any other posts as needed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

That’s from the Ned Beatty erotic love story, right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oink.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

This is where Burt plays Cupid and shoots an arrow through one lover’s heart.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Also any sport is fine. Except for men’s golf; that sport is an asshole.

SonOfSpam

And try to be funny.

For example: Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 6 was Jewish and 7 was an guard at Auschwitz who had already killed a lot of Jews including 6’s parents and cousins. There are still numbers (148, for example) that believe the Holocaust was a hoax, but try telling that to 15, 39, and 4108.

Never forget:

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King Hippo

the people in teh coffee shop are looking at me now. FUCKER.

theeWeeBabySeamus

In fairness, they probably already were.

SonOfSpam

“Half-caf mocha latte for the gentleman with no pants and the TJ Hooker buttplug.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

Dude! I will have you noe I like my coffee like I like mah Presidents. BLACK!

/also NAWT fascist

SonOfSpam

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Ground up and in the freezer.

Careful with that Axe Eugene
Careful with that Axe Eugene

I like my whiskey like I like my women. 13 years old and mixed up with coke.

Wakezilla

–Jerry Lawler–

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

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King Hippo

WHYYYYYYYYYYYY???

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don’t forget; the pussy (or dick) can come back and betray you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No need to perform trick or shit like on the Facetweet thing either; just come in and post.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

That’s why Asian chicks shouldn’t wear cornrows.

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

We lost a legendary moustache today. RIP Congressman David Dilbeck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Ok, who is ready for initiation?

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LemonJello
LemonJello

I’m in.
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Holy shitsnacks, SeaTruthers apparently gonna START the one-armed dude. Bet everything on Donks WOO! this weekend. They were always gonna show up at home v. an old rival.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I picked them because I’m a homer.

King Hippo

It’s even ok to be a Republican. REALLY. Most of us are not, sure, and we will fuck with you about it, but we do so lovingly. Ask Redshirt (though we are also trying to turn him Demmycratic, i.e., GAY).

Also, here’s a great new song by Hippo Dream Girl Bishop Briggs, putting her lady balls on the table singing what I deem the righteous all-time purty gals’ anthem:

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is she turning herself in foar prizuhn sentence after the performance or what?

King Hippo

changed to the studio performance 😀

/God, how I loves her

theeWeeBabySeamus

So my comment now makes even less sense than before.
Meh, sounds about right.

King Hippo

Here is original. The vocals are harder to decipher, but you get to see her bouncey!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

I doubt you’ll get me to go full Democrat. The closest example of the Democratic Party in action is the City of Cincinnati. We have a problem with traffic. Two of the bridges are old and need replaced. The bus system is outdated and obsolete. The obvious solution (to me at least), subway or light rail. It connects the suburbs to the city and it allows for expansion towards the other cities.

Their solution: Early 20th Century Streetcar that goes around the Downtown area. Set aside the fact that existing problems that keeps this suburbanite and my money from the city still exists, the streetcar operation is one failure after another.

https://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/2018/08/31/cincinnati-bell-considers-dropping-cincinnati-streetcar-sponsorship/1161780002/

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also forgotten; “Posting on the DFO site is a LOT easier if you are not wearing pants, skirt, dress, or kilt.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Not the first time I’ve gotten my ass in a sling.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m thinking you weren’t quite that relaxed at the time.

King Hippo

if you MUST wear pants, PLEAZ make sure they are of the sweat/running varietal, preferably decrepit and stain-covered.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Like New Jersey “track suit” or “casual sweats” mid-western style, or mountain state “it’s fucking to cold in the house to wear shorts” sweats?

King Hippo

precisely!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So any of those “styles”?

King Hippo

yes, all acceptable

Game Time Decision

zoobaz ok?

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

NO! We are not animals. We have some pride, well very little, at least a smidgen.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Only with the crotch and ass area cut out to enable a nice breeze and ball/ lip freedom.

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Senor Weaselo

For example, one intrepid commentist asked us last year how to get his girlfriend to do anal.

Shit, did we say empathy or do we still need to work on catching the fly out of the master’s hand?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The magic answer for this particular GF was “Buy her a strap-on.” Sorry, man.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Several limbs were lost. Hehehe…get it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

brings new meaning to Branch Head.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*”Female nipples must be mostly obscured by clothing or paint.

Sorry for the double (get it) standard.

-tWBS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay foar teh paint.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Long time listener, first time collar here.

New posters; I am one of the bigger cunts (Australian usage) here so pay no attention.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Game Time Decision

no wonder Rodgers left…

The Maestro

Reminder: many of us here hate ourselves just as much as we hate your favorite team, so try not to take things too personally.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

self-hatred level? At least 90%

/this accounts for the unique humour

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

I’m supposed to have a good sense of humor? Does this mean I’m being excommunicated from the site?!

King Hippo

No, you fill double diversity quota as a Brony Republican. Bet you NEVAR thought you’d live to see the day, huh? 😀

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Nicely done, Balls!”

— John Jastremski

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

I see Blaine started young, worked his way up to this:
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