Look at me over here, chortling with joy. Man, this takes me back to high school and my first girlie friend. After a few sessions of furtive squeezing and such she said, “this shirt is so uncomfortable”. She got up, took off said shirt and then said, “should I take off my bra too?” and turned away from me. My throat went a bit dry and I mumbled, “yah”. My first peak at real boobs was about to happen-the anticipation of seeing real, soft, milky-white chest appendages was almost too much to endure.
Why do I mention this? Well, as a jaded adult in a world not of my own making there’s very little that cranks my propellers but the start of yet another football season will have to do. Certainly, there’s no real comparison between what 15 year-old me and old-ish, drink-sodden, somewhat functional yours truly was feeling but if I’m able to take you back to a time when breasts were nude and exciting, well, My work here is done. Btw, your mom’s boobs don’t count. Perv. You know what does count? Tonight’s tilt! TO THE GAME!
Falcons vs. Eagles:
You know the old saying, Birds of a feather will play football together? Philly is without Wentz, and wr’s Jeffery and Hollins but that d-line makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Fantasy-wise, you’ve got better options than Nick Foles but te Ertz and Ajayi should get you a few points. On t’udder side you’re starting Julio because you’re not stupid and he’s had 4 straight games against Atlanta with 100+ yards. You should grab De’vonta as well if you have him.* What say I wrap this up? I’m not going to tell anything to anyone that they didn’t already know.
*Minor Rant: Tevin Coleman has got to be one of the top 5 rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield and yet OC Sarkasian saw fit last year to give him 3 or more catches in only 6(!) of 17 games last year. This is Coleman’s last year as a Falcon and he is going to blow up with the team that brings him on board next year. Stupid rant over.
Well, it’s your time to get after it. Do it.
I purposely watched last night’s sunny to miss this pre game crap
Me too and these DFO assholes ruined it for me.
u had almost 24 hrs, snooze y lose ,, ppl forget that esse
You still keeping up with Snowfall?
A fucking rain delay. Was there a shortage of Internet macho posturing? I blame Christ.
Puerto Rico laughs at this storm,….too soon?
Puerto Rico laughs at this and takes a shit in its mouth.
?
?
?
⚰️
Gonna need a name, if anyone happens to know.
I’m kinda curious about this as well.
I mean, foar a friend, of course.
Gentlemen.
Mr. alot!
*raises barrel-aged beer*
I gots to tour Mile High 2 Donks WOO Boogaloo a few weeks ago!!
I don’t know why, but for some reason I never think of Pennslyvania as an “east coast” state, but then I see those graphics with philly pretty much being “west jersey”
Philadelphia is on the coast, the entire rest of the state is Ohio East
Well, river, whatever
See, i knew letting Philly win a superbowl was a bad idea.
God just figured it was a good excuse to unleash to nasty shit on us.
Trump wins, Philadelphia wins the super bowl. Darkest timeline confirmed.
The Cubs winning in 2016 opened the gateway to Hell. NO ONE DENIES THIS.
This would be true even if it applied only to Cubs fans themselves.
Don’t make me respect you, SAWX/P*ts fan!
Instead of a white horse. Trump rides a white trophy wife
Interestingly, the NFL has no idea how to tackle this rain downpour.
“Electricity in the storm” is a very odd way to describe lightning, but it IS the best kind of correct.
They kept saying “They cleared the Lower Bowl”. So the Upper Bowl doesn’t attract lightning?
Can’t interrupt the Purge already in progress in the upper deck
They’re not people up there, so the powers that be don’t give a shit.
“Please, everyone, gather under the large structures! There’s strength in numbers!”
Just burn that city to the ground
Which one?
YES
I’ve found this year’s WYTS mostly mediocre, but Magary had some great hate for Philly fans in the finale. An entire paragraph devoted to insulting the penises of every fan? Why not?
It’s nothing I didn’t hear during the divorce
BWHAHAHAHA FUCK YES
http://www.usatoday-go.com/2018/09/06/bartlesville-man-accidentally-burns-home-down-after-lighting-nike-shoes-on-fire-in-protest-of-nikes-colin-kaepernick-ad/
Idiocracy was, indeed, a documentary.
“Welcome to Costco, I love you.”
I could point out that protest in the form of consumerism is evidence of the inherent powerlessness we all feel but can’t articulate, but I’ll never tire of dipshits destroying expensive things they’ve bought because they’re mad about having their worldview even slightly challenged.
I do love the idea of it ever-so-slowly dawning on the worst of the american public that it’s not just their neighbors, but the actors in all the shows they love and the players and organizations of all the teams they root for, who find their views repugnant. And I love it even more that the most effective response to this they’ve come up with so far is “FUCK YOU, I’LL BURN EVERYTHING I OWN IF I HAVE TO!”
I think they actually know and it’s why they’re so eager to shit on liberal Hollywood. But deep down they want to be culturally relevant, so any time someone (Kanye) gives them even a slight nod, they lap it up
It’s the same thing Trump supporters rail about all the time. He’s not one of the coastal elite! He’s just like us! But whenever he mentions “the elite” all he does is talk about how he should be counted amongst the elite. All they want is to be validated by people who think they’re despicable (and for the black athletes to shut up and entertain them so they don’t have to think about all the horrible shit they support for a few hours).
“Elite” was never about wealth, which no Trump supporter thinks is a bad thing, but about cultural and the manner in which they believe they are looked down on by the educated, professional liberal class. Trump *is* like them in that he has a massive chip on his shoulder and that’s why he’s credible as their voice.
people are just goddamned fucked in the head
Bra-fucking-vo
Holy shit, what I wouldn’t give for the video from that phone.
Cue lawsuit against Nike, Kaep, and NFL for …reasons…
Claim. Denied.
Just got home from teaching music lessons. Beer is in hand and pants are off. HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS??
Marvin Harrison making the most of the thunder storm. He’s making a few “house calls” so to speak.
Hippo re-iterates – I once sat through a JV match played entirely in the remnants of a goddamned hurricane. NC State beat the Chickens of South Cakalaky, 10-nil, after which Lou Holtz lamented that “our boys just aren’t fast enough to practice in the lightning.”
I wore running pants with flip-flops, which was a very successful strategy.
That was a helluva day.
Clemson in ’86 was fun too, but you were a mere babe then.
oh, I was on the grass bank for that one. The drunken college folk were half fighting/half mud-sledding down the hill, then helping each other stumble back up. Kicked Clemson’s ass, national CBS coverage, Musberger loved the atmosphere and dubbed it “Wolfpack Hill” (yes, I taped it)
“Damn straight.”
Hahahaha.
The man makes valid points ,, imo godbless
Handbanana is unimpressed….
My sister’s High School Marching Band marched in the middle of a Severe Thunderstorm. Everything. Wind. Lightning. Thunder.
They still made them replay their show when they moved to the gym. I was so pissed. They should’ve gotten bonus points for marching with rain blowing into their faces at 50MPH.
Is it just me, or has the NFL season opener contained some form of that explanation and graphic of an ACL for, like 10 years now?
I like this actually. Rain like a mofo. I need a good Philly D performance tonight.
Fuck Matt Ryan.
Brett Kavanaugh has a very punchable face. Hes smug look when he doesn’t answer a direct question fills me with murderous rage.
Any attacks on him that suggest he’s mediocre is a mistake. He’s a clever, effective fucker and he’ll accomplish exactly what he seeks.
as Josh Marshall rightly says, he was grown in a test tube for this moment (by the movement right)
treat him for what he is, a politician posing as a judge.
The Right understands this is how you win. One day, the Democrats might.
Sen. Harris was fucking with him pretty good. Got under his skin quite a bit. I really like her.
Unfortunately, unless there’s a real bombshell coming (possible) and a couple republicans rediscover the ability to feel shame (unlikely), that’s Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh. So I guess that puts us all on team “please let there be more than one n-word tape”
the Dems are swinging hard, have already made him unpopular (SUPER rare for a judge/justice), and are making sure the GOP owns this turd. Which is all they can really do. Cautiously optimistic for 100% Demmycratic opposition. Make the fake moderates Collins and Murkowski show their true colours. Pro-choice, my rebel ass.
Yup. Get all the “well maybe I’ll vote for decency but only if I absolutely have to to save my seat” assholes out of there.
Public Address Announcer: “Please leave the stands. There is a lightning storm coming and your lives are in danger. To make up for this delay, NBC have convinced our musical guests to play an encore and…No! Don’t go back to the stands! Please… Stay Off The Field! There is a lightning storm…. PUT DOWN THE METAL POLES! NO! NO! NOOOOOO!”
What is the NFL’s position on kneeling during the anthem in a lightning storm in order to improve grounding?
YOU CAN’T DO THAT! WHAT IF BEN FRANKLIN TOOK A KNEE!?
Does Nosferatu melt in the rain? Maybe Dungy should comment from midfield.
BANNER
Nfl going to use this to gouge Philly for a retractable roof stadium
Did we already just get our Eagles gif of the season with that guy just sitting alone in the rain?
I hate to sound self centered but…
Dang, Burt Reynolds and another shooting? What else did I miss today?
“Me, obviously.”
-A bullet
Just start the game, we dont need to see any of the Superb Owl celebration crap.
“One cell that seems to be targeting the field”
Why it’s almost as if god realized what a horrible mistake awarding Philadelphians was, and is now belatedly ruining their football enjoyment wherever possible.
Rain delay? I I knew football was going soft.
Ugh. Even seeing Collinsworth muted is annoying.
Man, they are just trying to get Atlanta fans to turn this off
even though they gonna win, by a LOT. I mean, Dan Quinn is dressed a Johnny Cash and everything!
It is necessary. Nick Foles is destined to confuse the fuck out of everybody here forever.
deals with Satan usually have pretty firm expiration dates
Atlanta has fans?
Gentlemen.
psychotropic Jest frog!
FOOTBAW is meant to be played in the elements, consarnit
This is the first time a picture of the Cincinnati skyline made me tear up a little.
I’m making it tonight!
Thanks. That makes me feel a little better.
good planning, time your toilet day for Friday
You should try putting a ton of red pepper flakes on that skyline next time-that’ll do the trick!
You put red pepper on LaRosa’s pizza. You put Hot Sauce on Skyline.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YedqV4Gl_us&t=1m16s
Les Nessman should be somberly commentating
moar pammy weather delay goodness…dat dress, yo
Please say they’re delaying because of lightning and not because of just rain.
Not a single fucking footballing happening and we already know WIP is gonna be a shitshow
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Where is the TWBS redheaded kid shaking his head gif when you need it?
He’s on strike. I wore him out.
Let me rephrase that.
we have a Trestman sighting!
Hey look…I guess it’s NOT always sunny in Philadelphia.
booooo
Interesting take-can you tell me about your spaghetti policy?
I’m making Skyline chili tonight! 3 Way!!
We’ll expect a full 24 hour impact report later.
Good luck.
Could the NFL please send someone from their Wellness Program to check on Dungy?
He fucking looks like he is dying or some shit. Eat a damn sandwich already…
how would he ever know if he got cancer?
What? He looks just like his son does.
Pizza Hut’s the new NFL pizza sponsor? Well, a small upgrade is still an upgrade.
lukest warm possible take: Papa John’s is better.
At least in the Canadia region, this is incorrect.
Pizza Hut is the worst pizza I have ever tasted, and I’ve had Chicago style.
I’m not going to defend Pizza Hut. It’s booty. Just Papa John’s is worse. . . In Canada. Can’t say for the States.
Worst pizza is Little Caesars though
I have to chuckle when folks start talking about which pizza is good or bad. I ain’t met a pizza yet I didn’t like. Well ‘cept foar that vegan shit in Venice Beach which put me on the toilet foar 24 hours….but that’s different.
You’re willing to buy me a pizza? I’ll take whatever place you choose. Except that vegan shit.
This is a defensible take. Even shitty pizza is edible when you’re hungover or just don’t give a fuck.
One of Burt’s wives was a Loni Anderson. Maybe he has a type? Sally Fields would say, “What about me?” I’d reply, “I don’t really like you, tbh”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBtP4PcujS0
Oh no they’re going to have that guy do an hour concert to fill time
Not on mah teevee box they’re not.
weather delay, perfect time to re-lauch pam pics of old
That red dress really accentuates whatever color eyes she has.
He’s totally gonna bang it as soon as we leave.
WHERE ARE THE ELDER GODS TO SMITE THIS AFFRONT TO OUR EARDRUMS AND OPEN THE SEASON OF BLOODLUST IN THE OLD WAYS?
It feels like it’s been 4 years since that fucking first season. Did they have to recast the whole thing?
My work email has been down for the last 2.5 days, and finally got it working after lunch again today. We launched a new thing on the website shortly after that, which apparently corrected an issue that was overlooked by me previously, but created over 50 new tickets that have been stuck in limbo until then. I’d normally help, but I’m leaving to go on my friend’s bachelor party tomorrow morning soooooooo…
Start of the school year, so the floodgates are opening. Teacher’s are emailing me as we speak to fix their shit, but I won’t. Their tech will work when I wish it to be so and never before. I am like unto a god.
Who is this cute chick singing?
Rauner is airing a commercial of some middle-aged suburban woman saying she’ll leave Illinois if taxes go up and all I can do is shrug and lol.
ah will spend $10K moving to save like $60 on mah taxes!! Suck on THAT, libtards!!!
/as if this is actually still the kind of stuff that moves suburban voters anymore. That fucker is deader than highway opossum.
I’ve heard enough grumpy, pudgy suburbanites bitch about taxes and threaten to move before, so I’m sure this story tickles their gut just right. But hell, if they want to blow thousands to leave the state, I won’t stop them lol.
those are the ones who listen to Rush and prolly voted for Alan Keyes. The persuadable suburbanites are shitting their pants over the reality of GOP governance now.
Just repeat education, education, healthcare, raise minimum wage to insure the turnout. All that really matters now (and talking downballot in IL, Pritzker is winning by 10-15% if he has a BAD night).
Oh, you’re right about Pritzker winning going away. Rauner’s problem is that Republicans don’t like him very much. He isn’t credible as a Blood and Soil candidate and no Democrat thinks he’s a decent moderate, so he’s screwed.
yeah, he managed to piss everyone off, it seems. Pritzker just has to not shit his pants.
Good to see at least one of the Mendes brothers is doing well after he was paroled.
oh dammit
did you see that weenie bit of “storms” they are delaying our fix for? What a bunch of shit.