Your “Good Ideas Are Easy To Hatch” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • The games go on in Grudentown – Martavis Bryant is back with the Raiders on a one-year deal.
    • Scoring 13 points & having no deep threat will certainly make an embarrassed coach take another look at a player he gave up a third-rounder for back in the spring.
    • At least they can use him until a decision is reached on his substance abuse violation, which could be up to a year’s suspension.
  • The Nathan Peterman era is over (again): Josh Allen will start Sunday for the Bills.
    • Beerguyrob’s fantasy advice: Pick up Joey Bosa, because they’re playing the Chargers and he’s gonna feed.
  • No word yet on Aaron Rodgers’ knee.
    • He is practicing with the “rehab group“, which kinda sounds more appropriate for Josh Gordon or Martavis Bryant.
    • The Packers have until 5:00 PM ET today to place his injury details on League documents, so maybe it’ll be released whilst I’m teaching grammar to kids who should already know better.
  • Le’Veon Bell has been removed from the depth chart in Pittsburgh, an indication he’s not playing in Week-2.
    • It takes stones to turn down $835,000 per week for principles.

Finally, not NFL news but follow-up to my story yesterday about selling beer at minor league baseball games. The Northwest League championship was decided in Eugene last night, and the Emeralds, whose overall record was 31-45 but they had the second-best record in their division so they qualified, won the championship on a walk-off balk.

Deadspin has all the gory details, if you so choose. It’s all part of what makes minor league baseball fun – you always have half a chance.


It’s been a while since I did one of these, but given that school’s back in session – so are you.

September 12, 1918 – The Battle of St. Mihiel – a.k.a. – “America’s First D-Day”

To quote Business Insider, the earliest known use of the term “D-Day” dates back to World War One. The U.S. Army Center of Military History identifies this distinct origin: “In Field Order Number 9, First Army, American Expeditionary Forces, dated September 7, 1918: ‘The First Army will attack at H hour on D day with the object of forcing the evacuation of the St. Mihiel Salient.'”

The Americans led the attack on St. Mihiel using the newly created First Army under General Pershing. Numbers vary, but the First Army of St. Mihiel had seven divisions numbering over 500,000 US & 100,000 French troops. It is notable for being the first offensive launched by the US Army during the war – most US contacts prior to this were reactive assaults or as part of a larger multinational contingent. This was important because Pershing had resisted allowing other countries commanders to use US troops as ‘hole fillers’ in troop commitments. He didn’t want American troops fed into the same meat grinder that the British & French had been using for the previous four years.

He devoted most of his time from US deployment after April 1917 to planning for eventual US American Expeditionary Force missions. In June 1917, to compliment the infantry divisions, Pershing announced the creation of a tank force under then-Lieutenant Colonel George Patton, who by September 1918 had two battalions under his charge.

Patton posing with his Renault tank.

Air Force Magazine, the choice of flyboys everywhere, describes the area this way, in its analysis of the role of Billy Mitchell, the first chief of the Army Air Force:

The salient was 25 miles wide at its base and 15 miles deep, extending from about 10 miles southeast of Verdun to the town of St. Mihiel on the Meuse River… In the course of four years, the German forces had diligently fortified the whole area with the usual trenches, wire barricades, and concrete pillboxes in the front line, backed up by a second line of similar works. If the Allies broke through all this, they would then be faced with the Hindenburg Line, a heavily wired series of trenches and strongly built dugouts that the Germans had equipped elaborately. Behind the Hindenburg Line there loomed the formidable fortress system of Metz and Thionville. The salient was defended by 8.5 divisions of ground troops, including a large Austro-Hungarian element.

Despite these fortifications, Pershing readily agreed to have the Americans try to pinch off the St. Mihiel salient as the initial step in a series of Allied offensives to end the war. He was eager to both test American mettle and begin the process of hastening the end of the war & sending his doughboys home.

The Battle of St. Mihiel began on September 12, 1918 at 0100 hours. To borrow from “The Independent“, Wire-cutting crews were sent out before dawn to tackle the barbed wire. When the gloomy day broke, Pershing’s strategy of isolating the remaining Germans pincer-fashion, liberating villages one by one and retaking territory that for years had blocked train routes east from France, was put into violent, deafening motion.

Half a million men took part, in seven divisions, making it the single largest military undertaking in America’s still young history. Roughly a million shells were fired on German positions in the first four hours. As the foot soldiers and tank formations made gradual advances, teams of horses dragged the heavy guns through the mud to take the barrage forward. But while progress over nearly four days of battle was faster than even General Pershing had hoped, the cost in life, limbs and blood, on both sides, was terrible.

The Germans suffered the greatest casualties – 5000 dead & wounded; 15000 taken prisoner – but the Americans & their allies suffered 7000 casualties of their own, including 2500 KIA. The news would be a great shock to most Americans, who had not been exposed to a casualty count this high since the US declared war in April 1917. The weather played a significant factor in the casualty count, as troop movements were bogged down by the mud, and they were forced to advance from known trenches the Germans easily targeted. Further, the aerial reconnaissance Mitchell nascent air force undertook was rendered useless by the weather impacting their ability to survey the active battlefield. However, the numerical & materiel superiority of the Allied forces was too much for the Germans to overcome with their reduced numbers & morale.

An acknowledged key to US success was their officers’ command on the battlefield. Unlike the British & French, who commanded from the safety of the rear lines, most US commanders were at the front with their units, which gave them opportunity to assess the battle as it unfolded & make strategic changes in real time. Patton was acknowledged for this ability, and was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross for his ingenuity & heroism after this battle. It was also how he came across Brigadier General Douglas MacArthur, because Patton’s 327th tank battalion overran the position MacArthur’s 42nd Division was trying to nail down. The two men interacted for about two hours, an incident more fondly remembered by Patton than MacArthur.

Aside from Pershing, Mitchell, MacArthur & Patton, a US military history ‘murderers’ row’ all involved in one battle, one other notable American participant was First Lieutenant Maury Maverick. He earned the Silver Star and the Purple Heart during his service in the war, particularly at this battle & the Battle of the Argonne. He was a lawyer upon his return to the States, but later was elected to Congress from Texas’ 20th District in 1934, and hired as his congressional secretary Lyndon Johnson. He served two terms, and is notable for inventing the word “gobbledygook” to describe the jargon and long-winded government memos (that were “long, pompous, vague, involved, usually with Latinized words…”) he encountered during his time in Congress.

The St. Mihiel American Cemetery itself was dedicated in 1937. There are 4,153 soldiers buried there, with 284 acknowledged as MIA.

   

They are hosting a ceremony on September 22nd to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the battle, and on November 11th they will host a memorial in honour of the 100th anniversary of the Armistice ending the war.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Blue Jays at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Brewers at Cubs – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • CHL:
    • Humboldt Broncos home opener – 8:30PM | TSN
      • their first game after the bus tragedy that killed half the team in May.
  • WNBA Championship:
    • Game 3: Seattle Storm at Washington Mystics – 8:00PM | ESPN2
  • Curling:
    • World Cup: First Leg – from Suzhou, China
      • Men’s – Canada vs. Scotland – 12:00AM | TSN2

Football tomorrow night, so I’ll see you Saturday. Until then,

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Brocky

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Wakezilla

Becky Lynch is amazing

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Also, ALXMAC:

If the DJ plays “White Wedding” by Billy Idol, possibly the worst song by the worst “musician” in recorded history, let me know. I will personally hunt that DJ down, and skin them alive, like the Predator.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

REEEEEMIXXX:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I like that version TOO.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Col. Duke LaCross

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I like this version ALSO.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

I’d say “You’re messing up the interior!” but it’s a Scion iQ and I fucking hate that car due to our neighbors across the street parking on our side of the street all the time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is what psychologists call “transference and OCD.”

Brocky

Holy crap, I mentioned running with scissors by name, and I didn’t think of the obvious answer. I’m kciking myself on this one.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

So, I mentioned this last week but….

one of my best friends is getting married, and i haven’t formally rsvp’d, and I’m about to submit online,

I am 90% I can convince them to play a Weird Al song at the reception if I choose one that’s not too abusrd, he’s definitely nerdy enough to go through with it.

any thoughts? cuz I know how much you guys all love werid al.

the problem with just playing “White and Nerdy” is that it’s a little past our growing up years, our albums were more “running with scissors” and “poodle hat”

WCS

Old skool: Amish Paradise, staple of of my middle school dances*.

*Awkwardly standing around alone and/or far more awkwardly moving my hips from side-to-side while holding a female classmate around the shoulders, never making eye-contact

Senor Weaselo

No, you sing that instead of Gangster’s Paradise when singing drunk karaoke during the bachelor party. (Or that was just us.)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

great for a wedding:

entropy

The go-to Weird Al wedding song would be “The Good Old Days,” which has a pleasing melody and chorus, and it sounds emotional and poignant to any casual listener while actually containing lyrics like “torturing rats with a hacksaw, and pulling the wings off of flies.”

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

for the after party:

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

So you’re saying that the LAC defense is good to go. MF’er I had a -3 playing them last week against the Chefs.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

that’s hard to do with a Defense.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Pretty sure Tyreek Hill is some sort of demi-god, or, at least, an extraterrestrial.

Looking forward to watching tear apart the Stillers secondary like a velociraptor at a cattle ranch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Hey all. I’m still alive and it turns out for $500 you can get a personalized message from Michael Vick. Jaws costs $200.

ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit! You’re alive too! Good to see you!

Brocky

….what….is that site….

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not clicking that, but how much for one he signs with a paw print?

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I just took a shit so big the neighbors called the fire department and the police.

Seriously, I knew it was bad when I had to stand up to finish it off. By the time I was done I was standing on the toilet seat. Hard to tell right now but I estimate it was eight to ten feet long, maybe more. I took some great photographs, but I shot them on medium-format film so you’ll have to wait until it comes back from the lab before I can share it with all of you. Watch your email inbox.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

I’m dying of laughter over here

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

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WCS

Looks like someone has themselves a FUNBAG Email-Of-The-Week!

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

o7

Senor Weaselo

What the hell is that on your face for some not Tinactin commercial, Mike Ditka?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

This commercial?

I really wish the player would just walk up and say, sir, what are you doing here?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thank you all for your helpful suggestions

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Ian Scott McCormick

Grabbed a little water to hydrate before crashing, and did not realize that there was still a little bit of scotch in that glass. The first time I’d had some water and thought “Peaty”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s good water

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s a lover, baby and a fighter…
Shoulda seen it coming when it got a little brighter…
With a name like Dani California…
Day was gonna come when I was gonna mourn ya….

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

/trains rottweiler to attack all fedex ppls

Brocky

/Gives rottweiler a big belly rub because all rotties are just big babies
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theeWeeBabySeamus

‘Tis true. But don’t go near my truck if she’s inside and I’m not around.
She’ll kill ya.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It is legal in 47 states for your pet rottweiler to sign for a package delivery.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Full Disclosure: My Rottie, Gretel, passed away a few years ago. But she was protective to say the least.

I’m still cleaning Gretel dog spit off the inside of the passenger side window where she went apeshit for no apparent reason.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You my GS did a few weeks back. Big damn hole, I’m going to wait a few months to get another until these shitty feels lesson a bit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m going to the shelter once this hurricane passes.

Brocky

I still miss my Shepherd rott. been really thinking bout getting a new pup, but the new place has no fence, still debating, and still gotta take care of the dog I inherited.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah; there is a good shelter and a good GS rescue place. I just need some time or I will come home with ten dogs or something.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Speaking of burritos, I just had a harrowing moment with one….

I legtimatley thought i sat on one for a second there.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Is this an euphemism for sharting?

Brocky

No.

I nuked one in the microwave, sat down in front of the TV, had to get up for something, presuming put burrito down, got up and left, came back, and without looking, I sat down. Immediately I realised I had in fact sat on something that was very warm. After a panicked second, I realized it that my laptop charger had fallen onto my seat, my burrito was safe on my end table.

Still, that half second was horrifying

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Brocky

I’d like a bite of her burrito, amirite guys? Eh? Eh?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Your wife wants to to stop eating burritos while nude.

Senor Weaselo

Wait, I’m married? I object!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I just spilled homemade chili all over my shirt.
Good news, my shirt tastes good.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wait, what happened with the spaghetti and cheese?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

THANKS OBAMA!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No shredded cheese either.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I absolutely cannot do work on this flight home. What should I download to watch instead?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Porn.

Or an ebook.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Go for the porn.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Porn audiobook; play it LOUD.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not saying Office

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Is that Derek Carr in the front?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Not nearly enough mascara.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

There’s no way Aaron Rodgers’s knee is ok if they had to get him THAT high to play. I assume there’s massive damage and that he played through it Sunday just to break Bears fans’ hearts.

Senor Weaselo

Bears fans, his family, same thing.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

Musical guest, Sex Limo?

Doktor Zymm

If my scale is correct, I’ve eaten the same amount that I’ve shit today! (Plus or minus net water)

Senor Weaselo

Yay? I think?

entropy

I sincerely hope you cleaned that scale between weighings.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project podcast is awesome, BTW.

Just as great as their earlier attempt 3 years ago.

Don T

YES! That podcast grew on me at the second episode. Jeselnik’s authentic enough to look past his grating personality. And Gregg is lovely.

WCS

Ten minutes to Sunny.

This has been your “X Minutes to Sunny” Update.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Senor Weaselo

Why are they playing “He Lives In You” for The Lion King? Everyone knows that’s from Simba’s Pride, duh doy.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

each morning I put one uncooked ravioli in a thermos. i pour hot water over it, steeping it like tea, and then i drink it all day at work (i work at the white house) and at the end of the day, as i take the last sip of the tea, the soft ravioli slides into my mouth, and i eat it

Redshirt

https://www.msn.com/en-us/weather/topstories/it-wants-to-get-stronger-noaa-hurricane-hunter-flies-into-florence/ar-BBNfqbB?ocid=spartanntp

“It wants to get stronger”

I understand the wind, water and storm surge is dangerous and I’m praying for everyone to ride this storm out safe from landfall to dissipation, but should we be concerned that, per the experts, Hurricane Florence has gained sentience?

entropy

I wouldn’t worry too much; all that spinning around will just make it dizzy and stupid.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I dunno, seems like it would be more likely to negotiate this way.

Redshirt

If we could somehow get the Hurricane to switch sides and join us, she’ll make a powerful ally.

entropy

I’ve been encouraging people to point their fans at Florence into the wind, hopefully canceling out the winds. I figure it’s got just as much chance of working as Pat Robertson’s “shield of protection” from the hurricane.

Senor Weaselo

Shooting guns at the hurricane wasn’t fancy enough for you?

Redshirt

The Ideal Gas Law is PV = nRT which means that pressure and temperature have a positive correlation. All we have to do is start a large enough fire in the Carolinas, that will increase the temperature, which will increase the air pressure, creating a High Pressure System which will deflect the hurricane.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I like this idea. BURN THE ENTIRE EAST COAST!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Jeebus, don’t give Herr Charlemango any ideas…

Senor Weaselo

Hank Scorpio? Is that you?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

California never got hit by a hurricane. Just saying.

entropy

I’m pretty sure you started off with science but ended up somewhere else.

Redshirt

Story of my life.

Ian Scott McCormick

Clever girl.

Senor Weaselo

Goddammit Orioles, down 10-0 in the bottom of the 5th?
/Meanwhile the Yanks continue to do their best to blow WC home-field

Redshirt

Must be something in the water. My Reds must’ve figured that since they clinched a two-digit number of losses, they can close up shop and call it a line on the back of their playing cards.

Senor Weaselo

They’ve clinched a three-digit number, but they haven’t clinched not the live ball record yet. They will be better than the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, but they did that as soon as they stepped on the field for the opener so that doesn’t count.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hello, assholes. Have a song while I go and get shitfaced…
(literally yes, I’m about to down several shots)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hell, make it a double…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If you’re getting literally shitfaced, you’re going to need to wash your pillow in the morning.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh. Seems like a an easy trade.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Kerr Eby
“The Great Black Cloud”
September 13, 1918
Metropolitan Museum of Art

Redshirt

Should we have a full DFO Roll Call? I need to know if I should open the Petty Cash Safe for bail money or preheat the oven for a nailfile cake.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/msn/man-upset-with-trump-pulls-switchblade-on-republican-house-candidate-police-say/ar-BBNecpP

Gratliff

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Senor Weaselo

Croooow!

Redshirt

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entropy

Forgive me if this has been covered, but Gruden is automatically the first coach on the hot seat, right? Stupidly large contract aside, he’s got the most pressure to succeed early, and he’s making a lot of moves that are under great scrutiny. What’s the over/under on firing him and not looking like a complete fool for Davis? I’m going to say 10 games. If he’s not successful, people are going to call for his head, loudly.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nah. Raider fans think he’s bringing back the glory days of hard nosed tough guy football. They’ll be patient with him.

I will never understand why Browns fans are not more upset that Hue continues to draw a paycheck.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Browns go through coaches almost as fast as they go through quarterbacks though. At some point you have to give a guy a chance to fix things. If Browns go 6-10 or better this year, was it worth it?

Senor Weaselo

Is 5-10-1 acceptable or do they need at least 6-9-1?
/Tie jokes, yay!

Redshirt

Please don’t kill my dreams of a 0-0-16 playoff team.

Senor Weaselo

They’d have to win the division, 0-0-16 won’t win a wild card.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It could, if the conference did badly enough in interconference play.

entropy

Because the Browns always play their division tough, even when they lose. The fact that this is due to the Steelers, Ravens, and Bengals playing down to the Browns’ level of play is lost on them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What are you talking about, just one game into the season he’s already eclipsed last year’s win total by 1/2 a win! And he’s got half as many wins as 2016 in just a single game!

Redshirt

Personally I think Bucs and Broncos are the hot seat, but Browns and Bengals if they go south fast.

Unless the Raiders go 3-13, Gruden’s fine.

Wakezilla

I’d say Pete Carroll is on the hotseat. Mark Davis isn’t firing Gruden until at least the 5th year. 100 million is a lot of money to just forefeit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, he’s not going anywhere until the Raiders have been in Vegas for at least two years.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love it when you get historical!

Wakezilla

WWE 2K fans are insane. On the Twitter, I commented on the fact that it’s stupid that Ciampa isn’t in the game, especially when they have Brutus Beefcake and Tatanka in the game. Then I said it didn’t matter because the gameplay sucks.

Holy shit, I logged into twitter and had 22 notifications from these nerds scolding me for saying the gameplay sucks because I haven’t played 2K19. Because, you know, after years of the same shit, 2K is going to change the gameplay and not announce that in any promos.

That’s some quality#brand loyalty

Gratliff

Watching NXT and Ciampa just came out to a theme song and I’m ready to unsubscribe

Gratliff

Also, just post screens of fire pro world with WWE CAWs and ask why the new 2k looks so dated

Wakezilla

I’d happily have N64 graphics if they made the gameplay a hell of a lot more fun and playable

Gratliff

Don’t give a fuck what anyone says, no mercy still holds up if only for the cock shot dings

Redshirt

I don’t have No Mercy but WrestleMania 2000 was the last N64 game I played…after I dug my N64 out of storage for two years just because I had the urge to play it.

herodotus450
herodotus450

smh 5 star generals these days are all “oh let me just send a drone strike from my desk at norad” i bet they’ve never even been mustard gassed waht a bunch of pussys