Your “Someone’s Going Home 0-2” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Gawd! The hairs on my back are standing at attention! They’re nothing like my ‘cut and run’ nipples, I’ll tell you. I just can’t count on them anymore-well, not past three anyway. It’s the Jizziants vs. the Cowfolk for all the glory. What do these teams have in common? They both think that if they get out of this game with a 1-1 record there’s a clear path to a wild card spot. Shall we pretend to break this game down to all its individual parts and come up with a reasoned argument as to which team will come out with the W? Let’s! TO THE GAME!

Giants/Dallas:

For about 6 or so years in a row the NFL sked-makers have thrown this one up the first week of the year. Major curveball this year-it’s the 2nd week of the season. What a difference seven days makes! I can’t get too angry about the Giants loss last week to a Jags team that seems likely to steamroll themselves right back to the AFC Championship Game. They exposed New York for what it is-a generally upgraded team that still has some worrisome issues. [gives Flowers the stink-eye] Hopefully mistakes will decrease as the year goes on and te Engram has successful Cris Carter hand-transplant surgery. Negotiations are still on-going. The shine has really come off the Dakster hasn’t it? He’s thrown for under 200 yards in 8 of his last 11 games and is far from the difference-maker he seemed to be when he first arrived on the scene. If only coaches didn’t have game film to watch! Darn it all. Dallas fans are warming up the bus and their throwing arms in anticipation of the inevitable.

I’m tired of typing. It’s your turn.

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LemonJello

Alright. Much like Ray Rice, I’m punching out. See you all here for MNF?

Later, Taters!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Go Bears!

(They’re going to break our hearts again)

Doktor Zymm

If the Bears can break your heart…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

….it isn’t filled with enough gravy?

...

My Bears fan heart has been black and cold for a while and that Satan Pact Making Aaron Rodgers reminded me last week why it’s dead.

Spur

Eli is bummed Adventure Time ended

Doktor Zymm

Totally fair

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Sharing this because last weekend I walked across the bridge in question.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/chi-0503100266mar10-story.html

Brick Meathook

Did you urinate through the deck grate? Because that’s what Dave would do.

Wakezilla

Great second effort by Zeke.

Shit, you all are 2 minutes ahead of me. Thanks a lot, Justin Trudeau

Sharkbait

Giants bar is very not pleased. It’s quite amusing

Romonobyl

Imagine hanging out in a Boston bar.

Sharkbait

This IS in Boston

Petronel

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I bet nobody knows their name.

Doktor Zymm

There is no better argument for birth control than that shot of Zeke’s mom being proud of her son. I don’t want something like that coming out of me

Romonobyl

Understandable considering the weight he gained off season.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He also needs a haircut. Just saying.
(you kids with your rock n roll music and your birth control)
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Mr. Ayo

Her or him? They’re both quite big to push out certainly.

Wakezilla

Another argument for birth control: 2 year old temper tantrums.

Spur

Won my FFL. FUCK YEAH

Romonobyl

Future Farmers of Lichtenstein?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’re in a two week league? Weird.

Spur

ZEKE DOWN!!!!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Ew zeke

Romonobyl

Points are scored!

Spur

am ok with Dak running. it keeps the defense guessing.

Brick Meathook

That was some classic Eli mope-face.

Doktor Zymm

Oh dear, commentators stroking Dak for loads

Wakezilla

How else are you going to get a load if you don’t stroke?

Redshirt

I dunno. When Pittsburgh was down 21-0, I was one score move away from messing up my shorts the fun way.

Fronkenshteen

Zeke fantasy owners know exactly what he is

Wakezilla

Giants’ d-line snoozing there.

Spur

Come on Zeke. 3 more FFL points

Mr. Ayo

That should do it.

Spur

Go for it

Wakezilla

Wait. What down are you on? It’s 3rd down here

Spur

it was 4th down

Wakezilla

Shit, you’re like 2 minutes ahead

theeWeeBabySeamus

I KNEW SPUR HAD FIGURED OUT TIME TRAVEL!!!!!!!

Fronkenshteen

It’s going to be painful to watch Dallas abandon the run here.

Wakezilla

/record scratch.

I worked my ass off to catch some of this game and I get a dog? Unacceptable!

On the plus side, one of you fine posters introduced me to Cassie Brown

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Doktor Zymm

What exactly were you expecting? This game is as sadly

theeWeeBabySeamus

Lovely girl, admittedly.

But I’d recommend getting a look at her ID.

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Just noticed all the comments have my home timezone on them and I’m like “it’s still 7:30 bitches and I’m just getting started!”hi

*will be in bed by 10*

Doktor Zymm

Dfo has always been on midwest time cause Dad is in Missurha I think?

Romonobyl

After a pretty lively slate of earlier games, this contest is…lacking something.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Talent?

yeah right

Interest.

Spur

From Twitter:

The Toyota Camry has a better lane detection system than the Giants O-line

Doktor Zymm

Oh that’s good

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The West Coast: America but with 150% more tattoos.

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Sara Jean, I do hope you took your Claritin.

Spur

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Gratliff

Kevin Nash tore his quad 4 times in that one take

Doktor Zymm

Imma thank you for equal time, especially since I know it’s way easier to find lady pics than dude pics, you do good

Petronel

Agreed.

Spur

thanks. I know its all in good fun for us all.

Gratliff

It’s possible that wrestling has desensitized me to half-naked men

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Redshirt

Agreed. Finn Balor and Seth Rollins has evolved my opinion on homosexuality to “I don’t get” to “It doesn’t get me but I can see how it would”.

Fronkenshteen

Prescott is garbage

Spur

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Spur

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Mr. Ayo

Never ask for extra cheese

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe

Doktor Zymm

yeah, he’s cute but damn, what is he cleaning up down there?!

Senor Weaselo

More than two adjusts and it’s playing with yourself, ppl forget that.

Romonobyl

The proper tuck isn’t easy.

Petronel

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Redshirt

(watching Law and Order: SVU)

Squad Leader: “I need a partner for an assignment.”
Detective: “I’ll go. Its my last day before I’m transferred to another department, but I’ll help out one last time.”

Me: “He’s dead.”

Squad Leader: “You sure? Its a Domestic Disturbance thing.”
Detective: “Sure. I’ll be glad to help out.”

Me: “He’s SO dead!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, no shit, this hurricane is really pissing me off.
Electricity, yes.
DirecTV signal, no.

I am not happy.

Mr. Ayo

Don’t you have more books to read?

Redshirt

When did “books” become a slang word for “porn”? Did I miss a meeting?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh hell, I forgot all about porn.
THANKS REDSHIRT!!!!!!!

Redshirt

That’s what I’m here for.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah I’ve got books but I’m trying to not be a nerd.
I want the footbaw!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

Likely story, NERD!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, I’ll have you know that I have been reading through a very good Civil War anthology and….

Oh shit, I am a nerd.

Brick Meathook

Quit blaming the hurricane! Maybe the satellite exploded.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t I wish. At least then I’d have fireworks to watch in the southern sky.

theeWeeBabySeamus

DirecTV is now asking me if I want to troubleshoot my “problem”.

Yeah, lemme get a coupla more shots in me then I’ll call you up and tell you about how YOU CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO OUTSMART RAIN TO DUMB FUCKERS!!!!!!

Gratliff

Watching the game completely in gif form. what the absolute fuck was Eli thinking he was doing on that scramble?

Fronkenshteen

Alright. Now go Zeke and Snacks.

Spur

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Spanky Datass

ScarJo needs a lttle gaffer tape there … or not.

Redshirt

Looks fine by mie!

Petronel

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Spur

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Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

I do like a man who keeps his regular dental appointments, although my reg dude can’t afford and has gone to some sketch eastern Europe not quite totally pain killing places

Petronel

How is his last year of high school going?

Spur

oh Eli….go get a Sunny D.

Fronkenshteen

Fucking slide Eli

Doktor Zymm

I shouldn’t laugh, but eli was basically harmlessly clotheslined

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s the good word on this game? I saw a little bit of Manning face on the Southwest wifi but then stopped caring.

Spur

Eli got pancaked,,,,in a funny shape

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Finally back on the ground. I’m exhausted.

Sharkbait

Bring in the cart!

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Doktor Zymm

Aw, not cool, dude is clearly in pain 🙁

Doktor Zymm

Why don’t more people drink wine from the bottle? If it’s good enough for beer, it’s good enough for wine

Mr. Ayo

I prefer from the box.

Doktor Zymm

Technically a bag!

Romonobyl

Another double entendre’d.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/double entendre’d

Romonobyl

I’ve used bendy straws so they don’t fall in the bottle. No judgement from me.

...

This reminds me of a time in college where I so badly fucked up opening a bottle that I snapped the neck off and ended up drinking the whole thing.

Doktor Zymm

That’s almost exactly how I bonded with one of my best friends in an alley at a dc punk show

yeah right

There’s more to this story that needs to be heard.

...

I assure you my story has nothing more to it.

Spanky Datass

I made red sauce last night and finished the bottle with narry a glass.

Spur

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Spur

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Doktor Zymm

Ok

Petronel

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Doktor Zymm

Yeah, too bad he stuck on one of the shittier versions of gigantes

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Manifest is the sort of show that has a premise that hooks me but inevitably infuriates me because its writers have no idea what to do with it.