Unless you’ve been hiding under a mouse pad all day-and I know you haven’t been because HR has been very explicit regarding that no-no in the past-you may have trouble digesting the copious amounts of news popping up on your Zeke Elliot-inspired, NFL-centric “Feed Me! News Feed”. The trials and tribulations of various larger-than-average individuals earning wages (not so fast, Vontae!) in the sport that we adore/abhor have been quite interesting indeed…
Vontae:
Who among us hasn’t wanted to kick a career to the curb after suddenly realizing that the skill set that you relied on just doesn’t cut it anymore? Mr. Davis had the courage to channel J-lo and announce, “ENOUGH!”.
Josh:
Who among us hasn’t been given a sixth or seventh chance and waltzed into work higher than Sergei Bubka? You and I know there’s always another employer willing to spin the wheel and give us another chance. That’s just the way life is.
Jon:
Who among us hasn’t said, “every time God breaks my leg and ankle, he opens a window”. The silver casting on this god-awful injury is that Jon won’t bear any of the blame for the Giants atrocious O-line play for the rest of the season. When next I see him on the sidelines I’ll shout, “hey look, it’s citizen with a cane!”.
Bears/Seahawks:
Sure does look as though Seattle has seen better days. There’s still talent in some spots on the roster but it might be time for a mini-rebuild and if that happens I don’t think Coach Melting Beams is going to reap the rewards victory-wise. Will K-Mack be able to overcome the play of Truth Biscuit? We shall see.
Jump in one and all-there’s a shit-ton to yak about.
can’t forget the soul surfer
Rick and Morty are presenting an Emmy.
Seriously?
Still hilarious….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTWdP5DMdsM
Still love that was an actual transcript.
You’re not supposed to smile in court.
My dream is to make this my last court appearance.
Which, come to think of it, it pretty much would be if I did it tomorrow.
Yeah, that was indeed a thing.
I just stumbled into it last month. People said I’d probably enjoy it, but I didn’t think anything of it. I enjoyed it.
People also said the same thing about Napoleon Dynamite, but I’m on record that I will become a Steelers fan of my own free will before I voluntarily watch that film.
Napoleon Dynamite was shit. Good choice
Rupaul won and they immediately cut to every gay person in the audience for a reaction shot
THERE, are you happy NOW??
I have fallen down a very unique wormhole here guys
Pirates need love, too.
This appeals to my interests
At least there’s glove.
I bet she saves a lotta dough on socks, however.
Aw. You’re going through your amputee phase. Have fun!
I don’t recognize any of these two commentators on ESPN. Who are these jabronies?
Joe Tessitore and Jason Witten.
I recant my comment about Jason Witten.
I double-down my comment about Joe Tessitore?
Joey Boots is his nickname from back in the neighborhood
Jason witten looks like Tony Romo in a video game with ps2 graphics
Like Romo tried to make himself a in create-a-character mode in wwf no mercy
I thought it was romo for a second too
Hey, remember that one year when Russell Wilson didn’t suck?
didn’t have sex.
FTFY
I’m don’t think I’m ready for this new reality where the Bears are good. At no point in my life do I remember them being good.
I know they made it to a Super Bowl in the ’00s, but for the life of me I’m not sure how they pulled it off. Part of me things its like how Judge Stone became a judge in “Night Court”, the NFL called all NFC teams to play the Colts and the Bears was the only ones home to answer the phone.
Meh just wait and see if they can actually put two halves together.
I always thought 2005 was a kick ass year for the NFL, so 06 saw a lot of, how to phrase this, returning to the median…
bears started the year with the legit best defense in the league. and grossman just had to be a rich man’s version of trent dilfer.
a big turning poinjt in the season was tommie harris getting hurt. guy was legit best 3 technique in football before his acl tear.
lovie was too inexperienced a coach to not know that grossman couldn’t do it himself.
this one is for Shaquem
Sorry I’m late. Fuck the patriots
Do you like punting? Then you’re IN LUCK my imaginary friend!
Its called football, right?! Football? Foot-
I’ll sit in the corner and think about what I’ve done.
[tears open shirt revealing Ray Guy chest tattoo]
LETS GET AFTER IT!!!
(put on pre-stripes Pat McInally #87 jersey)
Lets do this! Kick that ball inside the 5!
He may be the only ONE-handed player ever drafted, but he’s got nothing on old Handless Jorgensen back in the 30s. Lost both hands trying to pull his brother out of a smelting furnace at 12.
Welp, I have to take LimeJello back to ECU tomorrow, so I’ll call it a night, dellow fegenerates.
Later, Taters!
She’s just making fun of Shaquem Griffin
I think that’s technically child abuse.
Quick, sometime tell the SeaTruthers there’s only 2 minutes left in the game.
Seahawks fans got a secret call before the game telling them not to watch.
– Blair Walsh
You heard about this one-handed kid? I think he played basketball at Harvard
Dang, that was a helluva corner blitz.
Sit down, Trubisky.
“Big time players make big time plays in the big game moments.”
That’s some Grade A-hole gasbagging right there.
“He has nowhere to go because he’s coming in his face.”
I mean, I am watching a football game, right?
Doesn’t sound like it.
Just saying.
They are really storming his castle.
Grab him and pull him down? Yeahhh….
“Just keep forcing it into the tight end and eventually it will get in there.”
Alt-Tab back to the other open window on your laptop.
Booger McFarland praising a guy for giving it his all on the field while facing jail time in the real world is the very definition of why I no longer care about the NFL.
I only care due to you folk and FF as I am in leagues with friends who are far away and we keep in touch this way
That’s it exactly for me.
Who was he praising?
“This is why they call it play-action, you can’t leave it short.”
???
“It’s a one-score possession.”
“The team that has the most points in the end of the game will more often win the game.”
Going to sound weirdly sentimental here,
Sometimes i forget how massive Chicago is sometimes
I’ve been 3 times. Chicago is a fun town.
Holy shit I just turned In. Who are these guys they tricked into playing with Jr?
“I bet you guys don’t even know what color my eyes are.”
“Fuck you Gary, just get another beer out of the fridge already. It’s your shot.”
Fuck Urban Meyer with a rusty ice pick
And show no one the pictures for three years.
Even the interviewer was looking at him like “C’mon guy, you’re gonna die on that hill?”
The best twitter reaction was “At least he talked with us for an hour.” That’s like saying “Well they openly declared war on us, and attacked our fathers, sons and brothers and continue to enslave men, women and children, but at least the Confederates were willing to talk.”
I believe that he didn’t see the photos (because he didn’t give a fuck)
I imagine his typical response would be “Unless one of the children is dying, shut the fuck up and bring me my dinner.”
Legally: makes sense. If he doesn’t see it, he doesn’t have proof.
Morally: about three to four steps above Paedo State.
I’ll repeat myself until I die: Ohio State fans are hog humans.
You walk up to my snout and say that!
Gladly. Enjoy your despicable team loyalty.
*puts on favorite Bengals hoodie*
Alright Who Dey! Let us enjoy our overblown 2-0 start with wins over a bad team and an overrated team!
We finally have (kind of) indisputable scientific(ish) proof: meat is better than vegan.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/nutrition/this-blogger-quit-being-vegan-before-after-photos-show-drastic-difference/ss-BBNillp?ocid=spartanntp
I once knew a guy who swore off meat, alcohol and sex. He was healthy right up until the day he killed himself.
It took me ten minutes to make this gif in this presentable format.
spur, Moose, what do you guys do?
Time well spent, I’d say.
but there’s a high quality version of this out there. gfycat used to be great. now its not
What the actual fuck is this????
the song your daughter and neighbor kid are making out to
Haha! Decilitre is only 1 year old!
Tom brady got hit over a decade ago on a perfectly legal hit and we’re still paying for it.
Many other quarterbacks got destroyed, not a peep. Tom Brady gets hit once and “WILL SOMEONE THINK OF THE QUARTERBACKS?!”
Like Seriously, think of the play that tore Palmer’s ACL and MCL. no reaction what so ever
Sadly there’s precedent for that.
The Carson Palmer’s A Football Life was very good. Its a shame he didn’t win a title somewhere.
You can thank “The Steeler Way” for that.
Fuck Kimo Van Whateverthefuck.
Nah, not that hit. vonOlehoffen was blocked into his knees.
Don’t get me wrong, “The Steeler Way” has been responsible for many broken Bengals bodies long before Vontaze Burfict become a Bengals, but Palmer was just bad, damn luck.
But it does suck though. At the very least, the Bengals would’ve won that game easily. Steelers couldn’t stop the deep ball that year. Once Palmer went down, Kitna started playing and his game was short intermediate passes. That’s right into the Steelers strength.
I’m gonna respectfully disagree. Steelers were on a tear after losing to cincy that year. the next week they broke chicago’s 9 game winning streak, back when chicago had the #1 defense in the league (the infamous bus running over urlacher game)
steelers shouldn’t have been a wild card. roethlisberger’s growing pains prevented them from being the number 2 seed they should have been.
I’m not saying the Steelers would’ve been blown out. Roethisberger was still young. Bettis wasn’t stopping as usual. And they had two great WRs.
Also back then the Steelers didn’t have losing streaks; they’d lose one game and then respond in the next one with the fury of a man running out of the gate of Hell.
It would’ve been a good game though.
Halftime.
Ice Giants win!
/Is only pre-season, but its still ice football damnit.
Things you can ask your prostitute but not your girlfriend:
Don’t talk. Just shut up and lie down.
just lock the door behind you
https://giant.gfycat.com/DesertedShowyAmericanwarmblood.webm
Get that man a beer!
goddamnit, BEARISTOCRATS!
Im sure the Best of Mack includes a lot of F bombs and other taunts to the offense.
we need uncut footage of his talking about the offense
“Ruby ridge was justified”
“Tower 7 fall due to Tower 1 and 2 falling into it”
I kind of enjoy this Booger fellow
Solid pick by ESPN to add his running commentary.
– Eli Manning, age 3 – current
Bears points gif!
I gotta figure out this gif hosting thing
We want Chase ‘Stormy’ Daniel!
He and Tarik ‘Michael’ Cohen can’t be on the field at the same time.
Christ, that guy is shit.
You’re going to have to be a lot more specific for this game.
Trubisky is a schisse above.
shovel to Cohen
Posting this just cuz some on this site may not know it:
natalie dormer was in the first captain america movie. she’s the girl who kisses cap and pisses off agent carter
I say, she’s like an American Honeysuckle Weeks
Urlacherr has a nice hair line
they can run the whole half out. NIIIICCCCCEEEE
https://i.giphy.com/media/CZedlPSpZ6hKo/giphy.webp
Is it me or does Mitch look very unsettled in there?
Not just you.
Pass rush isn’t that crazy and he is a regular Micheal Flatley back there.
He is likely a functional illiterate, after all. Once he’s off script…
He is a Tarheel.
Strickland Propane does not have a vending machine. It smells, and I thank God every day I get home that I didn’t get exploded.
Nervous to play in front of Drew?
I love Roberto garza as a player, but seeing him called a “hispanic football legend” with the likes of Munoz and Gonzales, I just gotta say it:
Sac is Sac. I ate at the Virgin Surgeon. I will now set my AC to 55 in hopes to create ice crystals in my hotel room
Folks
Hey!
Truth Biscuit throws another INT, Mack may just sack his ass.
They might as well get Mack some run at QB.
I have seen Truth Biscuit quick kick as a JV athlete. I just sayin…
Big and blue and coming for ya!
More like green and rock shaped
Is RTD around? If he is watching Mack he will weep.