After the ten game ‘splosion of earlier today we have but three ‘options’ (depending on where you are living) this afternoon. I’m not a fan of this illusion of choice. (h/t, George Carlin) TO THE GAMES!
Chargers/Rammers:
The Battle of Los Angeles (or The Great Los Angeles Air Raid) was started by a very provocative (wait for it) weather balloon that had ill intentions towards the denizens of the heretofore mentioned city. It might have been aliens. Thank gawd there were some trigger-happy artillery folks that told that alien balloon that ‘these colors don’t run’. Perhaps history can repeat itself in this here encounter by qb’s Goff and Rivers throwing all kinds of projectiles at opposing defenses. Yeah, I need wr Cook to put up some points-what of it?
Bears/Cards:
Which Khalil Mack will show up for this game? Is it going to be the unblockable maniac that collapses pockets at will? Or will it be the unholy terror that single-handedly changes the Cards offensive game plan? Which Truth Biscuit will decide to play? The one that under/over-throws his open wr’s? Or will it be the fella that misreads the D on a regular basis?
Cowboys/Seahawks:
This here is the “Stop laughing-We’re Still Relevant, Dammit!” Bowl which is sponsored by the good folks at Blackberry and Kodak. DAK! had a temporary reprieve from the boo-birds courtesy of a porous Giants D last week. Will a headed-south-in-the-standings Seattle team stand up and be counted?
Let’s do that thing that we like to do. Ewwww, not that!
Thomas should’ve run to the Dallas sideline and requested asylum.
/ keep throwing DAK! You’re super!
As a sovereign citizen, Pete Carroll issued all his players “Seahawks” ID. Dallas cant accept that as an ID.
In Texas, asking for asylum is how you get your newborn ripped away from you and sold to sex traffickers.
In the name of Christ though, of course.
“Not everybody had the Vikes in their survivor pool, some still alive”
Bears: “challenge accepted”
That’s an interception
PAY EARL! DAMMIT!
They need that cash for the OLine!
I’m not saying there isn’t a lot of Copaganda and Soldierganda shows on TV right now, but even Kim Jong Un thinks it’s a little much.
WakeZilla wants to abolish ICE! Moar like MS-13Zilla!
Yep, the Bears gonna Vikes the fuck outta this game
I feel like every redzone 3rd down should operate with a check down option to Howard.
Not well-handled there by Mitch Mitchsky.
Visions of sugar-tits dancing in his head?
Brees busted through that line like it was a Ninth Ward levee!
Blatant horsecollar
If a touchdown happens to Robert Woods and no one is there to see it, did it happen?
Jaylon Smith had to go for the arm tackle, didnt want to risk a flag.
Mmmmmm….Pot roast smell….
Brandon looking like he is Cooksing up a measty game.
Do you think the Cowboys will win a few playoff games to justify their undue overexposure on national games.
17 needs to man up.
/runs to microwave to snag hot pocket
I HAVEN’T SEEN A HOWARD AND COHN COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER SO WELL SINCE A YOUNG MAN’S BAR MITZVAH WITH THE ORLANDO MAGIC
Careful Sean, don’t hurt yourself.
Bears getting their one great offensive drive outta way very early again
Come on, Field Goal. I want to see time run out on the 2nd teams drive just to see everyone’s reaction to the flaw in the OT rules in action.
Clippers looking at Rammit’s kicking situation with envy.
I see Sam Bradford forgot he’s supposed to be incompetent.
NO-ATL doing a fine homage to Big12kakke “what is this defense you speak of” shootout
While rarely good, the NFC south always seems like a well matched division.
Fucking Rodgers Rule.
Though I thought no one could be as insufferable as Totota’s Pat, this dick from Chevy is really making the case that buying an American vehicle is effectively acting against my own best interests in every single way imaginable.
MIKE WILLIAMS WITH ONE HELL OF A CATCH!
That was a cross court alley oop dunk for the Clippers.
I have no idea how ARI just scored. I was heating up leftovers.
Damn it — this is gonna be another “keep you hanging around til week 14” Cardinals season.
Is Earl Thomas allowed to switch teams at halftime? Can he just leave with Dallas when the game ends?
Fuck the SeaTruthers for turning their back on him. This is definitely his last game with them.
Isn’t he the one who pulled the holdout while the ink was still wet on his extension?
He’s dealing with personal issues and not at all taking fewer reps to not get hurt for the trade. Promise
Bears are gonna pull a Vikes, huh…
Bradford: Not dead yet
How long is Greg the Leg gone for? Cause their current kicker is going to cost them games. Like. . . just now. lol. Called it.
Bears have the best home jerseys, but their road unis are somehow better
They don’t even have the nicest home uniforms in their division!
Cowpatties/C-HOX is “America’s Game of the Week”?
Yeah, that seems fitting for the darkest timeline.
Let me tell you about alternate timelines – Pete Carroll
Yes….in a Phillip K. Dick novel
Fox: “Don’t tweet us! We have to change the feed.”
Me: “Okay, I’ll do worse.” (changes channel; goes to internet to find feed)
Goth-down!
“Whatever”
-Jared Goff-
How did the BATTLE FOAR LA not get Primetime coverage? Over fookin’ Detroit/P*ts??
/there’s your CooksDOWN, Scotchy
//our Maestro and Weaselo folk need to compose a new RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! song for the ppls
We-want-a-tie! We-want-a-tie! We-want-a-tie! We-want-a-tie!
But I want to watch the Cowboys play not watch the Falcons and Saints play ass grab.
There ya go
sorry about Jeanine G. dying and all
Thanks. His leg was still attached as he left the field, so there’s still hope.
We haz potential for another tie? What is the deity of ties even called?
Donovan McNabb
this OT making me miss Mack possibly kill Bradford
Nope, NFL rules gonna kill it
Is Gamblor and Fantasy Football Gods one in the same or two different entities?
no one came to watch the Battle of LA
a game featuring LA’s 2nd and 3rd favorite football teams? of course that’s a hard pass
I’m sure they’re all just stuck in traffic on the 10 (knows nothing about the LA freeway system).
And just for some bonus Zack
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkGwI7nGehA
https://streamable.com/qfcni
Sad Rodgers, is the best Rodgers.
I wonder if Basketball Graham ever has any regrets leaving the Saints for greener pastures.
Battle of Los Angeles may fill like 1/3 of the seats!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w211KOQ5BMI
Rage against the machine would fill that place
I was gonna make a reference to this but figured it would get taken care of in the comments. Thanks, buddy!
Wait, Fouts is announcing another Chargers game in LA? Poor asshole.
Yeah, what did LA do to deserve that?
Brisket in for the hail mary? RIP Luck.
Can’t wait to hear he reinjured his shoulder again.
“Brisket? Shoulder? I’m on my way!”
-Andy Reid
Breesus christ that was gorgeous.
Give us that ATL-NO tie
Peterson may have lost a step or two, but he had a couple to give up. He has looks pretty damn good today.
Just popped in on my online sportsbook account (haven’t used it in a couple years probably) and see they’re only taking bitcoin now. Is that the new thing? I can’t even Western Union some money out?