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2018 Quotables – Week 3 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

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,

My two cents researching this weeks Quotables submissions? Is everyone seeing as much shitty tackling as I am? I mean, I’ve been watching Arizona march towards 0-16 for three games now so I’m not surprised when they can’t bring down a back before he reaches the deep safety (especially when one of those RBs was Adrian “Turk from Scrubs” Peterson). But — good god, OAK/LAC/ATL — is it finally fucking time for the NFLPA to allow offseason practices?

I mean, seriously man, practically everything is an illegal hit. I’m seriously thinking this is the refs getting back at the league for the last lockout. “Oh, you want to blame us for doing our best to interpret your shit rules? Fine — we’ll just call it all by the book.” Well, it’s working, Zebras.

Anyways, lots of non-action submissions this week. Here’s wishing you all the best of luck.

Best of Andrew Luck

 

Battle for Los Angeles WAR PAINT/TURNOVER CHAINZ
Not surprising, “Cleveland wins” was still an available trademark entering 2018.

 

Probably the best hit of the weekend. Roger Goodell is a national disgrace.
Haven’t seen nine guys watch two of their buddies gyrate like that since the last Brett Kavanaugh kegger.
Presented without comment.
THAT’s for playing a critical role in that plotline where Jerry dates someone exactly like himself!
I got nothing here but you might.
Guess who’s back [and insufferable]?!

 

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Wakezilla

Winner of this Dance off gets to leave San Fran for a playoffs team!

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3
Wakezilla

Nelson to Garoppolo: This is for The Truth about Cats and Dogs, which is problematic in nature!

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3
Wakezilla

Friends don’t let friends drink skunk beer, err, Bud Light

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0
Horatio Cornblower

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MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

5
Unsurprised

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

0
Horatio Cornblower

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Blake Bortles’s balls burst bountifully from between both of his bipedal limbs

3
Horatio Cornblower

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I see the new Boltman is as bad as the new stadium.

2
Unsurprised

n/m

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I should think a dog would be more concerned with how long they’d have to wait to get that fridge open than an elf.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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James Potter was always suspicious of his wife Lily’s insistence on attending Jabbawockeez performances without him and his worst fears were confirmed after the birth of their second child.

5
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Can’t even do goatse right smdh

1
Sharkbait

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Curb Your Enthusiasm theme

0
Unsurprised

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This fucking asshole

0
Unsurprised

You didn’t line up that photo well enough.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Finally, the shame of being a Cleveland furry has been lifted.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Ruining handjobs wasn’t enough for this asshole?

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Take that, Tony Sparano’s football!

1
Unsurprised

…

— Tony Sparano’s football

1
Unsurprised

Also Tony Sparano. RIP.

0
Beerguyrob

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“Warriors…come out to…oh, Intentional Grounding? Never mind then.”

2
Beerguyrob

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SEE THAT DAD? I CAN FUCK UP QUARTERBACKS TOO! NOW WILL YOU LOVE ME?!

5
Horatio Cornblower

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And with that, Johnny Manziel was never heard from again.

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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Cleveland has a really different idea about what goes in the “to go” container

3
Petronel

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And thus does the newly-rolling bandwagon begin its purge of the less-popular longtime fans.

0
Petronel

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“WOOO! We’re gonna be on SportsCenter!”

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“…oh god…Tomsula, you can have these idiots back.”

1
Petronel

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Looking for divine intervention?

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Not what you were looking for, huh?

2
SonOfSpam

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“Yes, I saw the video, Mr. President, and no, we can’t do this to Sessions.”

2
Petronel

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Servo: Guys…
Mike: You OK?
Servo: I…I just can’t…just get me out of here, please.

2
SonOfSpam

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Never pull a reverse-Jolson for a losing team.

0
LemonJello

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The officiating crew really wanted to penalize Kerry Wynn on this play.

0
LemonJello

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“What in the Wide World of Sports is going on here? I hired you guys to play football, not dance around like a bunch of Kansas City Fa*”

*microphone is frantically cut off

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9
nomonkeyfun

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/Collinsworth sees losing player celebrate individual result.
“Now look at this. Here is the problem with the NFL today. Here is a perfect example of…(notices it is JJ)a guy who keeps his motor up and is excited and playing hard even when his team is losing. That is some real leadership there.”

7
LemonJello

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“That Wounded Knee crack isn’t quite so funny now, is it?”

4
Enrico Pallazzo

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THAT SACK AND OUR 0-3 RECORD IS FOR THE TROOPS!

1
nomonkeyfun

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Hey, should we sign Kaep now? It would probably end the lawsuit.
Nah, we’ve got to go with our best options to get wins.
Who?
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and a guy who was under .500 in CUSA.
Genius!!!

1
nomonkeyfun

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Blake Bortles balls belong below banners?

4
LemonJello

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“Every donation to Healing Handies helps release a load for a hurting hero in need. Won’t you give whatever you can?”

/thinks “I’ve got that Humanitarian of the Year Espy in the bag.”

0
LemonJello

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“How many years left on my contract?”
/counts money in head
“Whatever.”

1
nomonkeyfun

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“Whoah, slow down there big boy. I can’t fellate you if you run so fast.”

-every white NFL media member

0
nomonkeyfun

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Watson has shown surprising intelligence as a QB. Eli has yet to learn that he shouldn’t attempt to block until after he gets rid of the ball.

3
nomonkeyfun

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This is your coach on black beauties.
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This is your coach on speed.

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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Just found out that pumpkin spice is back at Starbucks

4
ArmedandHammered

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I love how the lighting bolt on his cap looks like a frown.

2
LemonJello

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BOLTMAN’s non-union Mexican equivalent just doesn’t project the same foreboding and gravitas as the Old God.

3
Unsurprised

God damn it.

0
ArmedandHammered

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“How did they learn the frat’s secret spit roast handshake from college?” – B Kavanaugh

1
LemonJello

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I think this gif loaded backwards. Clearly those #thePauls mascots are trying to refuse that swill the Bud Knight* is trying to force on them.

*plot twist: it’s National Disgrace, Roger Goodell

3
ArmedandHammered

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Of course the Cleveland mascot carries a crowbar.

5
ArmedandHammered

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Kap – “Hmm, with every season, it looks like what I did was right for multiple reasons.”

1
LemonJello

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FirstEnergy Stadium Concessions new motto: You catch it, we’ll cook it!

5
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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Like Cleveland fans don’t drink

or

You know it’s bad when Cleveland doesn’t want your beer.

1
ArmedandHammered

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How to do a proper block, “Don’t do as my O-line does.” – forthcoming book by DS Watson

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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Goodell fined James HarrisonClay Mathews for this hit

3
ArmedandHammered

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“Let me check with my owner to see if I am allowed to take an action which might improve my team’s chances of winning…..ok nevermind”

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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The game’s already started?
How long ago.
oh, really

2
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