Your “Today is the Day” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

“The day for what?”, you ask. It’s still too early to tell but I guarantee you something will happen and when it does we’ll both know. At that precise moment you’ll say, “Damnit scotch, you were right all along. I’d rather strangle my own mother than doubt you ever again!” I’ll just lean back, take a long hard draw on my Kool cigarette and say those magical three words that indicate that all is well in the world once again- “TO THE GAMES!”

Cincy/Atl:

Ridley me this statman-why does a rook wr with 3 games under his balls-protector have more TDs than his much more talented teammate has in the last 15 games? My Julio-than-thou take? Ridley is a burgeoning wr1 that is getting single coverage . T’were this to happen again today he’ll no doubt lengthen his 4-0 TD lead over Jones. Also, GO TEVIN!

TB/CHI:

Last I heard the Bucs were going to keep riding the Fitzmagic Bus all the way thru the Bears’ alimentary canal. GO MS. FRIZZLE!

Det/Dal:

Has Patricia The Stripper turned the Lions D around or was the stunning result last week only due to his intimate knowledge of how the Pats O works? If it’s the former than I look forward to the Cowjerks going into full panic mode when they are in possession of a 1-3 record.

Buff/GB:

Buffalo is t’udder squadoo coming off the massive upset. Despite fumbling 3 times rook qb Josh Allen inserted a wee bit of oxygen into the limp body of the Bills O. For his next trick he’ll try to make wr Benjamin relevant again. Just kidding, he’s very much prone to mistakes and will have a lousy stat line at game’s end.

Phi/Ten:

Rb Ajayi and his fractured back are a go this week. Makes me feel bad about that time I called in sick because I had a bad dream. (yeah, I had a waitress co-worker do just that-she was a bit loopy and more than just a little dramatic) There’s an indication that wr Jeffrey is a go today but I didn’t see where he was cleared for contact. If he does play I’m sure he’s on a limited snap count so don’t throw him into your lineup just yet. There, I just forced him to score a couple TDs and rack up 150 yards.

Hou/Indy:

You must think that de Watt is going to get to Luck at least a few times (Colts are down 2 starting o-line guys) before he breaks his ankleshoulder in an injury that is, in his words, “the worst injury anyone has ever suffered. Period.” Btw, start wr Fuller because the shaky Colts secondary will be all eyes on Hopkins.

Mia/NE:

I don’t have the exact numbers in front of me but I believe the Pats are eleventy-five and less than zero after a loss. The Fins are gonna be exposed as the worstest 3-0 team ever.

NYJ/Jax:

The Jets-now known as “The Browns Win-Givers” are coming off a loss much like the Jags. However one of these teams is not like the other and that latter team is gonna add another W to their record.

Time for you guys to have your fun…

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King Hippo

Why in Christ’s name did the Iggles not call timeout right away?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

WE WANT A DRAW!!!!!

litre_cola

My son is learning new words. Not good words

theeWeeBabySeamus
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

White girl takes a facial. Black guy in the frame.
Someone’s probably about to call the cops.

(sorry)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

I’m having a sudden Pass Interference fear.

Redshirt

AJception?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Don’t bring this back for two-points. Please God!

Spur

AJ GREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Redshirt

(exhales after 7 minutes holding breath) Yes!

(faints)

King Hippo

YES!!!!!

Petronel

GREEEEEEEEN

fleshwound_NPG

never, ever change, fat hump defense

King Hippo

3 shots to the end zone!

Fronkenshteen

Is Earl Thomas playing?!

fleshwound_NPG

Houston, nobody still cares

Fronkenshteen

What if a 2 point conversion was EITHER a play from the 2, or a 50 yard FG attempt?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Come on Titans. Score a TD

Mr. Ayo

lol TITS!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, Dalton looked like Wile E. Coyote there for a second.

Gatoraids

Andy Dalton the University of Acme

Spur

Go Browns?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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YES!!

King Hippo

It seems that Marvin actually gets that he needs to bleed down the clock, as well as score the winning TD here.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s probably accidental.

Spur

come on Cincy. Hey, throw it to AJ?

fleshwound_NPG

bears are 3-1, and will have…

– bye week
– afc east shitbags next 4 games
– killed fitzmagic so we don’t have to hear about his fuckin ass no more

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Not a dumb plan though. It was 4th & GOAL. It only moves the ball from the 18 to the 13 and to the 8. Too far to go for it.

Spur

Why is Rodgers still playing?

King Hippo

even Spur feels this is unnecessarily dangerous to A,A, Ron, Cap’n BlueBunny

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

/waves brochure
I’d like to attend this summer camp Mom!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You rip your taint….. might be worth it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I said “attend”, not participate. Well, not that way. If my taint gets torn it won’t be from doing that.

Fronkenshteen

Can. Not. Stop. Watching.

theeWeeBabySeamus

THAT CALL IS BULLSHIT HE WAS NOT OFFSIDES.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Overseas Pornography is weird.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You apparently have not seen US pornography. OR you have some “interesting fetishes.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

That ball was snapped before he moved. He anticipated it well, but he was not offsides.
Bengals just got screwed.

Redshirt

You get used to it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I get it. If you’re in teh AFC del Norte and you’re not named Pittsburgh, it just kinda gets to feel normal.

King Hippo

oh goddamnit, Bungles. You fuck off and you DIE

Mother Puncher

Bengals are going to lose to a team that lined Austin Hooper up at wide receiver

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I know that a lot of you don’t like Aaron Rodgers, and I understand that, but he does have a very infectious smile.

Redshirt

Offsides, DAMN!

Spur

Almost 240 all purpose yards for Zeke and Cowboys were in good shape to win the game even with the Defensive breakdowns.

King Hippo

#BFIB, freed of the shackles of expectation…

Gatoraids

Bruce Arians with the newsboy cap

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mother Puncher

Lawson praying for no flags

Ian Scott McCormick

Sam Darnold has thrown about 6 near interceptions.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Soooooo…benching Golden Tate this week was kinda stupid, huh?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

All lions receivers terrify me. I went against Golladay today.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

That was one of the stranger delayed whistles i’ve ever seen

King Hippo

Striped will be the Pylons, they will NAWT inherit the earth…

litre_cola

Fucking Lions. Jesus how useless can you be.

King Hippo

they had one good for the year, it has been used up

Gatoraids

Keep starting their d every couple weeks like trying licorice thinking how bad can it be

Gratliff

Oh, Tits

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Deep fade to Zeke? Admittedly, did nae see that coming.

Spur

Zeke will be wide receiver

LemonJello

Anyone got eyes on the Jet Jaguar tilt?
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Redshirt

Hey, Bengals! Its ain’t two-hand touch football yet!

King Hippo

CHRIST, Bungles.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Austin Hooper might be the slowest, plodding, easiest to cover asshole I’ve ever seen. How do they let him get that wide open?

King Hippo

they were just trying to get in long FG range, and still somehow let him get the first

Fronkenshteen

Dallas has to be the only team in the nfl that purposefully disappears it’s best player in the 2 minute drill.

Mother Puncher

Bengals predictably forgetting that Sanu is good

Redshirt

They already forgot when they let him walk.