Your Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Boy, did we ever laugh some laughs back there! Nevertheless, it’s onwards and sidewayswards for us grizzled veterans of the commenting game. There’s always so much more work to do when you’re employed in the Merriment Division of the innanet. TO THE GAMES!

LAR/DEN:

Cooks and Kupp are ready to fly around the field after overcoming last week’s head ouchers. So yeah, your sneaky pickup of Josh Reynolds was a waste of time, Scotch. The Hurley Gurley Man should have himself a day vs. a Broncs team that gave up an insanecake 323 yards on the ground last week against the Jets. Truth be told, I didn’t believe that and had to look it up myself. And yes, if numbers still describe what they’ve been describing up to now, that set of figures is dead on. WOW! There is a forecast of the non-cocaine white stuff though…

JAX/DAL:

I have a bit of stomach pain but I’m sure it’ll go away soon. The Jags have signed Ereck Flowers . Nope, it’s not going away-actually, I’m also having trouble gulping in air between my insane fits of laughter as well. Hoo boy, that was a good one! Even though Jalen Ramsey is a game-timer the pathetic passing game of the Cowboys shouldn’t cause much trouble. I don’t know, maybe Rico Gathers can step up and make a difference. [starts laughing again] Seriously, I kill me.

BAL/TEN:

Keep an eye out for retread Breshad Perriman-he’s back in business with the Ravens. Much like a bad cold, he never really goes away. Demonstrably incompetent Derrick Henry sloughed his way to 56 yards last week! As the coaching staff pointed out, ‘Technically, microscopic improvement is still improvement’.

Keep your hands on your balls, everybody!

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Fronkenshteen

Joe Mixon carried the ball eleven (11) times in a tightly contested division game that saw Andy Dalton throw forty-two (42) passes.
Why does Marvin Lewis still have a job again?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Ownership ennui.

herodotus450
herodotus450

My theory is that Lewis is an inside man for the Brown family. If the Bungles got too good, they’d have to pay players more, pay for playoff game stadium operations, make new “Championship” merchandise, etc; NOT worth the effort. If they stay put they still get that juicy revenue share money at minimum effort. AKA The McCaskey Supremacy.

LemonJello
LemonJello

For the love of Lombardi’s ghost, get Mariotta out of there before parts start flying off him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

RIGHT IN THE CODPIECE! ONE NUT DOWN!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

LemonJello
LemonJello

Would have been better if it had hit him in the face.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Or the nuts.

LemonJello
LemonJello

THESE RAVENS I CALL HUGINN AND MUNINN BECAUSE THEY’RE BRINGING ABOUT RAGNAROK ON THESE TITANS.

Gratliff

We’ve crossed from bad to tragic in Jerrahworld

LemonJello
LemonJello

Bortles’ band barely breathing, bleeding badly from their bungholes?

Fronkenshteen

Which ratbird ded?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

#72, lineman. The update is he has movement in his extremities.

That doesn’t sound at all familiar.

blaxabbath

What’s with TEN? Every year I hear they’re gonna take a gm big step forward — and it never happens.

ballsofsteelandfury

Mariota keeps getting hurt. If he had one healthy season, they’d make that leap.

Gratliff

And he’d snap his ankle upon landing

Gratliff

If Hillbot is going to try to run again in 2020, maybe it’s not a good idea to double down on “Monica Lewinsky was an adult, so who gives a fuck?”
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/ny-news-bill-hillary-clinton-monica-lewinsky-20181014-story.html

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s because all she cares about is power. And why Trump is president.

Gratliff

The robotic death march to the white house continues unabated, but once again, she’ll trip at the end, but it’s to be expected what with her being a white woman in a horror movie.

Spur
Spur

Zeke needs to work on his “Billionaire walk”.

rockingdog
rockingdog

well shit. Jax is dead and gonna loose.
gonna go away & smoke some weed, then come back later for pats vs. chiefs….
Bye!
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Spur
Spur

It’s too cold for RAMMMIITTT

Gratliff

This is a pretty fucking bad slate of games right here

Spur
Spur

is Derrick Henry playing today?

blaxabbath

I want nothing more than to see HOU go trade for Osweiler on Tuesday.

Spur
Spur

Nantz desperately wants to be Romo’s friend

blaxabbath

I got DAL/JAX this slate.

Mark me down as one to say JAX peaked last season.

Spur
Spur

what was Bortles doing?

King Hippo

BORT-ing!

King Hippo

Nantz calls the Cowboys PK by his nickname. Such an unbiased professional.

Game Time Decision

He Goff’ed it up there. Pickerception for den

yeah right

I’m right at home!

Chilling in the kitchen with a beer in hand and saute action happening.

Yes, I really do love to cook.

King Hippo

I would TOTES start Swag Kelly Week 12 (Baby Buster’s bye week), when Donks WOO!! are home to the shitass Yinzers.

rockingdog
rockingdog

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I respectfully disagree with city officials of Savannah, GA.

That’s pretty funny.

Gratliff

The look of a man who just realized they’re not slaves anymore

King Hippo

chuh chuh!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That’s very funny

King Hippo

SWAG WAGON! SWAG WAGON! SWAG WAGON! SWAG WAGON! SWAG WAGON! SWAG WAGON!

rockingdog
rockingdog

jax finally scores….comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mah pot roast turned out quite nicely.
I love my Instant Pot™.

Mother Puncher
Mother Puncher

My beef bourganoine did not do nice in the instapot. First real failure.

King Hippo

Notice how Gurley Man has the sense to accept 1st and goal at the 2, rather than risk a dumbass pylon stretch.

King Hippo

got a big one in Bradley Chubb

I guess we really aren’t doing phrasing anymore…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not playing and not losing has its benefits. NC State moves up five spots this week in the poll.

If we can manage to not play again all year, we could win the nat’l championship.

LemonJello
LemonJello

“That math checks out.”
-U*NC grad, class of 2018

litre_cola

Derek Carr was seen today crying on the field. Some think it was due to frustration, it was tears of happiness as Joy Division was piped into his headset.

Spur
Spur

it’s always raining in London so he thought no one would notice.

yeah right

Col. Duke LaCross

According to this Fantasy Life app, evidently, Cupp says he’s gonna try and play the second half.

So much grit, the gears are grinding to a halt.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Are we sure he cleared the concussion protocol?

Col. Duke LaCross

“You can get a concussion in your knee? Cool.”

~T. Green

LemonJello
LemonJello

Crabtree with hands like his crustacean namesake.

rockingdog
rockingdog

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

NEW FORMAT SCANDALS AND HANDOFFS

King Hippo

SHIT. It was just Keenum being evaluated for Trent Green, but he’s been cleared. NO SWAG WAGON SAD HIPPO.

The Maestro

Los Titanicos did a… good?

Spur
Spur

Who knew letting conor mcgregor call the Dallas offense was going to work?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

“RUN IT RIGHT AT THE FOOKIN MUSLIMS”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Flaccoception. And the crowd is mildly interested.

King Hippo

2016 DAK DAK DAK DAK DAK!

Gratliff

Just caught out of the corner of my eye that the Red Sox are in the ALCS. Why do that to us as a country?

King Hippo

because the Yankees let us down (yes that is a very weird sentence to type)

King Hippo

Swag Kelly came out to take the final kneel down. Is a change afoot in Donksville??

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

I’m on the case… actually I’m not his type at all

King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! carnival has certainly been slowed today, though.

rockingdog
rockingdog

where is that killer Jax defense???

Spur
Spur

got a hold of some bad Fort Worth meth

Doktor Zymm

It’s my fault for starting them

King Hippo

Chubb does a thing!!

Doktor Zymm

I really wish his name was Richard

Doktor Zymm

Also that he was from Dixwell

King Hippo

apparently, they hail from an actual “Chubbtown” that dates back to just after the end of the Civil War

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

And that he was ass naked mmmmmm…. sorry I’m daydreaming again.

Doktor Zymm

They probably should do a lingerie game for breast cancer month

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Oh honey, I’d have to invite my vampire friend Leslie over and just gaze into their sinewy haunches!

Spur
Spur

those pills work

Spur
Spur

I read that Sears was finally admitting defeat this week. When was the last time you shopped in a Sears store?

2010 – for a new stove before that I can’t remember.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Had my fortune told there just last week smh

yeah right

I tried to buy a refrigerator from them in 2003? I want to say. And they refused my credit application.

Bitch, I have an immaculate credit rating.

Never set foot in their store since.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

“Look at Prescott get out of a pickle.”

Jesus Jeem that was so very Caucasian of you.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

It’s more aesthetically pleasing than Robert Mapplethorpe getting out of a pickle

Doktor Zymm

It’s hard to get out of a pickle, the brine gives them added toughness

yeah right

Briny is the new gritty.

King Hippo

Swag Wagon, Swag Wagon…

King Hippo

Dallas won’t throw any more forward passes, right?

Spur
Spur

They should take Mariota out of the game. He’s injured.

yeah right

If I see Captain Dingleberry throw directly into the oncoming D-line one more time I’m gonna slap his Jesus.

King Hippo

That IS his go-to panic move!

yeah right

He threw like SIX pass deflections today.

Motherfucker, roll out!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Spur
Spur

Zeke took a nasty hit. that had to hurt.

Doktor Zymm

Good.

yeah right

Harrumph!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

He will now be suspended 4 games for not taking what he dishes out

Gratliff

probably just fell down some stairs

King Hippo

Donks seem pretty happy to get out at 13-3