No morning game? Goddammit! Sure it made our collective eyes bleed, watching so much football in one day but it was the good kind of blood-letting. I think game-time has been shifted because the sponsors were whining about not getting enough bang for their ad bucks. Who is to blame for this? West-coasters, that’s who. They’d all be wasting their time being fed breakfast in bed by their super model girlfriends/mistresses. They’d be taking their sweet time wrapping themselves into their ermine housecoats, getting into their scale model Lamborghini’s and driving the sixty yards over to their sunken living rooms with the eight separate tv monitors suspended from the ceiling. Makes me sick! [faces West, shakes fist]

TO THE GAMES!

TB/ATL:

If you like your games with plenty o’points, the Vegas has put the over/under at an NFL season-high 57 and a half. Wr’s Evans and Green are in the starting blocks-the finish line is 150 yards receiving away. First to get there wins.

Pitt/Cincy:

The Bengali’s are a lofty 4-1 but haven’t beat the Steelers in their last six. Money meets mouth today.

LAC/CLE:

The Brownies are a lofty 2-3 and seem to be turning a corner. A league-leading 15 takeaways tends to give that up-and-down offense a few more opportunities per game that aren’t being urinated away. Browns rooks are responsible for winning 4 of 5 Rookie of the Week awards so far.

SEA/OAK:

See petty rant above.

CHI/MIA:

Dem Bears have won 3 straight after losing the season opener. They shouldn’t have much trouble here. The giveaway to me is that the Bears point differential is +46 already while the Fins are at -18.

ARI/MIN:

The Cards re-made their lousy O-line in the offseason and one of the pieces was the signing of former Giant guard Justin Pugh to a 5/45 mil contract. (you know where this is headed) Raiding one of the league’s worst O-lines for ‘talent’ has resulted in Pugh being rated by PFF as the 59th-best at his spot and the Cards are judged as having the lousiest line in the NFL. Say a prayer for David Johnson.

INDY/NYJ:

The Baby Horses are all kinds of lousy and are now missing at least 5 separate ‘impact’ (for them) starters. Jets win.

CAR/WAS:

The Cats are one point dogs despite Crowder and Thompson being ruled out. Te Olsen is back from injury but don’t throw him into your lineup just yet. Apparently the Carolina braintrust is concerned about the quality of the field and Greg will be on a limited snap count.

BUF/HOU:

One of these squadoos will reach .500 at game’s end. [yawns]

Hope you were doing your finger-warming exercises…