Your “London’s Best On Offer” Sunday Morning NFL Football

I hope that them damn west coasters are gonna do their part this, the most holy of football-watching weeks. Those of us occupying the eastern standard time zone have already been up for quite some time. We’ve been saying our prayers and helping little persons cross dangerous intersections all the morning long. Let’s check in with our emotionally-distant cousins, shall we?

US: [rings all the west coast]

WC: [message clicks] “We’re still snoozing in our hyperbaric chamber at the moment. Please call back in several hours. Preferably after we’ve enjoyed a lazy brunch of braised alpaca tenderloin with over-medium, soy-infused Great Speckled Condor eggs. It’s the latest thing. You wouldn’t know anything about it-”

US: Jesus Christ we get it-

WC: [message continues] “I wasn’t finished. Wish you wouldn’t interrupt like that. As I was saying-”

US: [hangs up]

Yep, business as usual for the westie brethren TO THE GAME!

Titans/Chargers:

LA will be without de Bosa and rb Gordon and on the surface that shouldn’t be an issue against a lost-two-in-a-row and fading Tennessee squadoo. After all, Rivers is playing at a fantastic level at the moment-he’s getting the ball out quicker than every other qb so far at 2.4 seconds. He’s only thrown 3 intercepts so far (one of which bounced off the hands of Gordon into a defender’s) and has been sacked only 7 times. Hell, that’s 25 times less than he’s sacked Tiffany since the start of September! I was wondering why I bothered drafting such a putz in rb Henry and started doing a wee bit of homework. Both he and fellow back Lewis are averaging less than 3.5 yards per carry and it may be due to the fact that they’ve played 4 of the top 7 run D’s so far this year and haven’t faced an overall D that is outside the top 12. The Chargers less than vaunted defenders come in around the 20th mark . Is this the week that Henry unloads? If so, stand back-that stuff gets everywhere.

Get yer monocles out, dandies!

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blaxabbath

Football on at 7:30a is pretty solid. The pregame shows are amazingly more painful to watch than CLIPPIT v DONTs. Wife is working today so I’ve got blaxito solo today. Got about an hour of work into the laundry room before he got up (started on flooring — and I’m not quite sure I don’t have enough of these leftovers from when we did the house). But now, while I watch him lie on the table and work on rolling over, we can actually have a game!

Also, with ARI playing Thurs, no restrictions on my Sunday line up!

ballsofsteelandfury

So, has Don T burned the Burger King to the ground yet?

Horatio Cornblower

Don’s from Puerto Rico; no one there is burning any functioning business down for quite some time.

King Hippo

WOO!!!! Finally didn’t drop one of these!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damnit, Titans, I needed those three points for fantasy!

Gratliff

This drive started during the pre-game

Gratliff

New Tits same as the old Tits

King Hippo

says someone NAWT dumb enough to have ever dated a stripper ,, smh

blaxabbath

Moar Chargers fans showing up in London than LA.

ballsofsteelandfury

To be fair, there’s more hot British celebrities in LA than London.
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Horatio Cornblower

Hugh Grant is a fucking idiot

Spur

I think I saw a Samoan in the stands.

Spur

Does Tennessee have any running backs?

King Hippo

MOAR LIEK plodding backs

King Hippo

I hate the Shitty Clippers SO MUCH

King Hippo

strip sack PLEASE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[pictures Marcus Mariota doing a sexy striptease as he gets sacked]

Eh, could do worse.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Case in point.comment image

King Hippo

ah mean, was already hard over the Everton XI, have to get the lotion out now ,, smgdh

Spur

am thinking bacon, potatoes and eggs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Me too!”

– Andy Reid, in line at the bank

Horatio Cornblower

“Me too!”
-Andy Reid, down by 4 and on the Patriot’s 12 yard line with 1:13 to go in the 4th.

JustStopDude

Dutch art is weird…
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King Hippo

#NightmareFuel

ballsofsteelandfury

Please let there be a poop underneath. Please let there be a poop underneath.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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ballsofsteelandfury

LIKE YOU WEREN’T THINKING THAT!

theeWeeBabySeamus

No Comment.

King Hippo

it’s DUTCH, nae GERMAN

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hee hee

JustStopDude

It is actually supposed to represent someone taking a squat shit. This is from an area where the Dutch reclaimed the land. Historically, it was a destitute area, with diseases, but after WWII, it was turned into sort of the great plains. Farms were made and it turned into the bread basket of Europe.

Its sort of a massive monument to all the people that regularly died of dysentery here.

ballsofsteelandfury

I feel my 12 year old mind has been redeemed. Thank you!

Spur

– Puritans 1630

King Hippo

that play is a nice little physics lesson!

yeah right

West coast in the hizzy!

Jesus it’s early. I may watch this fixture from bed.

King Hippo

Nice use of fixture. STILL LATE.

ballsofsteelandfury

I am!

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, soup is in the IntantPot, I’m done vacuuming the house. I’ve changed the cat’s litterbox out. And swept out the garage.

But it’s still only 10:30am on a Sunday.

Fuck it, I’m drankin’.

Gratliff

How the absolute fuck are the Chargers 4-2?

King Hippo

voodoo?

ballsofsteelandfury

Shitty competition

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They got to play the Raiders once, there’s one win right there.

Horatio Cornblower

/Stumbles in at 10:24 am.

OK, OK, no need to laugh and point, I’m he…

/realizes his robe is open

Ah, fuck.

ballsofsteelandfury

I wonder if Londoners realize no one in LA gives a shit about the Shitty Clippers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Nobody gives a shit about the Falklands!” – British foreign minister, 1982

King Hippo

oooooohhhhh, Scotchy Balls on teh Fantasy Table?

Beerguyrob

I honestly think the dogs purposely woke me up in time for the game.

King Hippo

good doggies

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I adore breakfast football.

King Hippo

allows us to flex our veins for RZ

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s Bloody Mary football, good sir!

King Hippo

/or BONUS PILL

Spur

after the Bolts victory today, Rivers is going to burn down Hogwarts. Bunch of pussy devil worshipers.

Beerguyrob

Only after figuring out how Queen Victoria had nine children with only four coming out inbred retards.

King Hippo

Andre Gomes makes his sexy Everton debut in the XI, next to Gana in CM. This is almost our maximum sexy alignment, just need Yerry Mina ahead of Keane (he does make the bench finally, at least).

Fronkenshteen

Covering!

Spur

7am Best Coast time. Football from 7am – 9pm.

King Hippo

inexcusably late

Spur

BS. i post at 6am before i went for a jog, see below.

King Hippo

inexcusably ducked out of MANDATORY WATCHING

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Who would you folks say is the most risk-averse coach in the NFL?

King Hippo

Buttchinski?

Horatio Cornblower

Mike McCarthy

Fronkenshteen

Bolts can run it

King Hippo

I am glad Dok slept in and left Ekeler on her bench!!

King Hippo

BOLTMAN!’s wrath has really aged Anthony Lynn

JustStopDude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW4J-RiCZ2Q

Is it too much to ask to get this from a London game?

King Hippo

just TEN MINUTES until the Everton team sheet is out!

Fronkenshteen

WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

litre_cola

That isn’t Mike Wiliams

King Hippo

Huh? What? FUCK YOU!!!

Fronkenshteen

“Comedians” who aren’t the least bit funny:
JB Smoove
Amy Schumer

King Hippo

James Carden is like if Jay Leno and Prince Charles had a baby, and specifically raised it to be unfunny.

King Hippo

ah, we get World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party next Saturday, at least.

JustStopDude

Okay…watching the British feed. They are using American announcers. BOOOO!!!! I want utterly confused British announcers. Also, since they don’t fill up their sporting events with massive amounts of commercials, the feed switches to a studio feed, where three people are just talking about what just happened. Its like non-stop mini half time shows.

Gee…I wonder why this game will never take off in Europe.

ballsofsteelandfury

There is so much downtime, they must think it’s baseball.

King Hippo

hey now, they televise DARTS

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, but there’s no downtime. You move from player to player fairly quickly.

King Hippo

admittedly, I do notice the difference in RedZone, but it’s more of a maintenance dose/full on opiate high kind of thing

Fronkenshteen

My wife just said she wanted Arlo White.

litre_cola

They usually go back to the mother ship where you will get British guys and a token player who has played to talk about it. Hockey broadcasts were great for that.

herodotus450

“See London, we’re not so bad.”
-KGB agents after seeing this Titans-Chargairs matchup

Fronkenshteen

Please hold to a FG

King Hippo

This is what I get for starting the Shitty Clippers D

Col. Duke LaCross

This might be the best the Tits have looked all year. I benched Chicago’s D for these assholes.

King Hippo

I had the scored goddamned 48 Donks on mine. 2 picks dropped on the drive.

King Hippo

who’s the fit bird on the touchline?

JustStopDude

I am on a bridge, looking out to the historic village I parked at.
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These are the windmills of Zaanse Schans. So I am basically facing this view. I hear three women in American English talking loudly while on bicycles. They stop behind me and I hear.

“EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME”

I turn around. They have stopped, in the middle of the big lane.

“Yes?”

“DO…YOU…SPEAK…ENGLISH?” Loud as shit and slow as fuck, as if I am retarded.

“Yes I do. Since you have stopped, move out of the bike lane and we can talk. You standing there is backing up traffic” These three are completely ignoring the backup they are causing.

Two of the girls move their bikes onto the walk path. The third one that talked to me like an idiot just stands there and says “DO…YOU…KNOW…WHER…DEEEE ZANS…SANS…IS?!?!” I mean she is pratically shouting at me, while cyclists are trying to ride past her.

I turn to the one girl “Has your friend fallen off her bike and hit her head or something? There is a clinic down the road”. The two girls giggle and one of them apologizes.

“I don’t think this guy understands us”

The one girl turns and says “Oh my god Britney shut up”

So I turn to the loud girl. “You are looking for Zaanse Schans right? The historical village with all the windmills. Like there are five windmills right on top of each other. Keep in mind, the image above. The girls are literally looking at it over my shoulder. The one girl rolls her eyes “Oh my goodness, you must think we are morons”

“Not at all. I get lost here all the time. You guys want to grab a coffee on the way there? I got to walk back there to get my car”

So I am walking with the two girls with their bikes, while the third girl is tagging along. We are just talking about the Netherlands and how we ended up here. About two minutes into the walk the loud girl goes…

“YOU…SPEAK…ENGLISH…VERY…GOOD. HOW…LONG…HAVE…YOU…SPEAK…IT?”

“36 years. I’m glad you notice the effort I put into it”

ballsofsteelandfury

Wow. Americans are morons.

Another point for taking the job in the Netherlands…

ballsofsteelandfury

Balls. Balls? Balls!

Huh? Oh, PRESENT!

ballsofsteelandfury

You can thank my colon and asshole for my presence. And last night’s beer/pizza.

Man, it’s still fucking dark out!

King Hippo

the older one gets, the less one will have chance to THANK one’s colon. Treasure this time!

King Hippo

get your cocks out to remember Dead Spanoi!!

litre_cola

I have been up since 440 MT I am jacked for this shit!

JustStopDude

Holy shit…I think I can actually watch the game on the telly! BBC 2 is at least showing the pregame show.

King Hippo

the only two bets I still have alive from this terribad weekend are $70 on Jaguras (-4.5) and like $30 ML on Bills (+270 or so).

King Hippo

I woke up.

I got my chili in the instapot (slow cooker setting).

WHAT PART OF MANDATORY DON’T YOU LEFT COAST SHITS UNDERSTAND??

/time to shower, get into Everton-acceptable clothing

//they will be streaming alongside MANDATORY teevee

theeWeeBabySeamus

I got my chili in the instapot (slow cooker setting).

Wooooo!!!!!!
I’m doing Beef/Vegetable soup in mine today.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s too early for this shite.
Also, what’s the o/u on how many women Rivers has impregnated in the UK so far?

Fronkenshteen

Fiddle-dee-dee! Melvin Gordon won’t be playing, and I have Bolts -6.5 in the first leg of my parlay.
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Also, how can a guy get fined $112K in a game and not even be ejected from it?

King Hippo

against a side with Most Favoured Nation status!

/everybody aboard the FUCK YINZBURGH train

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