I wouldn’t call two-thirds of these offerings the tastiest of games but it’s not as though your eye bulbs are the least bit discerning. We all learned the dreadful truth about ourselves and others on this site quite some time ago. Shall we dig right in? [doesn’t bother to wait for a response before reaching for the shovel] Let’s. TO THE GAMES!
My Little Ponies/Radars:
Andrew has the luck of the English on his side. That’s the only way I figure he’s gone for 20 TD throws this early in the season. That’s a mere 2 behind league-leader Mahomes. On second thought, that’s probably a typo perpetrated by the writers on every site I checked. No Khalil, no pass rush. The Raiders have the least amount of qb pressures in the league at 30. (that’s a truly tepid 5 per game) The next lousiest team has 52-that’s one helluva gap, let me tell you. Gruden blames everyone but himself for this. Sure looks as though Hodor gonna feast on the Raider D like the turkey leg that it is. Perhaps the Oakland O will pick up the slack? Well, if you think that Jared Cook and his 32 catches for 2 TDs constitutes some sort of go-to guy, you’ve to stop smoking those schnauzer turds. Get thee to rehab yesterday.
Neeners/Playing Cards:
There’s but 2 wins in 14 tries between these guys. That’s a double “Oof!” where I come from. I traveled near and far over the innernet to find some salient nuggets for this travesty but only found dreadful stats that made my face melt. If you’ve wronged your fellow man/woman this week you can consider this game as your penance. It’s one helluva punishment but you deserve it.
Taints/Vikodins
Sing along with me (to the tune of “The Old Grey Mare”) “The new Purple People Eaters ain’t what they used to be, ain’t what they used to be, ain’t what they used to be”. That’s great news for Brees and his gaudy 121.6 QBR and 77.3% completion rate. That last stat is a WOW! signal if ever I heard one. In order to upset the 1st place dude in my money league I went all-in with Brees, Thomas and Tre’Quan Smith. Say a prayer for me, won’t you?
If you haven’t already, please reorganize your ABC CD collection by chronological release.
SMART man, not scoring. Even if I would love to have MOAR fantasy points. He will be praised in Hippo Thoughts.
You need to take a look under the hood.
That play was so fucking smart. There’s a bad beat story out there I guarantee.
Gurley playing himself in fantasy
I’m not one to judge what one does with their erotic fantasy life.
MOOSE!
Oh, you mean football fantasy……. never mind.
Shit, I don’t even care for this end-around shit. You could get pushed out of bounds. Give it to GURLEY MAN. Take your FG.
Or do that.
2 more runs. DON’T GET CUTE. Troy doesn’t get maths.
Tyreek Hill, Karmic groin injury?
Oh good Brazil elected the “Tropical” Trump. Rain forest is as good as gone.
Making that wall out of Mahogany!
If I’m another country, I’m electing whoever is smart enough to buy off Trump too. I mean, drop a couple million into Ivanka’s condo or whatever and, bam, you’ve got US-funded universal health care and some tanks.
911 using an uproxx quote in their promo
The actual context is fantastic
“Sex addicted? So you’re saying the I’ve got a shot?”
“Even addiction has it’s limits.”
Birdcano comes back with the win and the cover and the parlay is mine!
WOOOO!!!
Jeez Strahan, not every item of clothing you out on has to have a bold pattern.
He wearing something from the Don Cherry collection?
Packers special teams are always good for one crippling DERP.
Mercury Morris just smashed his chilled bottle of champagne.
My favorite piece I ever got to write was Sean McVeigh At Thanksgiving dinner last year with the Shannahans.
Fantastic.
you really are an excellent writer, I had no idea the University of Arizona ever produced those
Thx hip.
It wasn’t UA though. I just went there to get my piece of paper and run some str8 ca$h to the b-ball players
(Sean Miller hides)
Only one timeout left, and 2-minute warning passed, A.A. Ron will get it down 5 with like 25 seconds to play.
lol Packers
Signing off
/throwing up
lol Packers
SUDDEN CHANGE!! Wow, does A.A. Ron get less than zero help.
Well played Packers. lol
Oh A A ron is not going to be happy.
“The Aristocrats”, but instead the punchline is “The 49ers”!
lol Niners
lol
Against A.A. Ron, you have to go for 6
Yep here comes the comeback. Then Crosby will miss it left.
I guess that was the thinking, you want Cap’n BlueBunny thinking 3
Yeah Rams being cute trying to run clock off when Rodgers needs a min to get to field goal range
wow, Birdcano can’t even see this 20 seconds out v. CJ Cregg!
Any amount of time is too much time to leave…
CJ Bethard!
You can ask my kid, I called it. They were bringing the house, have to check to a trap run. Balls on Baby Buster to do it.
A-Rod and Papi definitely eat Tide Pods.
Madonna still has A-Rod’s balls in a drawer somewhere.
Man, I think I had this erased from my memory until just now. Yikes.
ARod will take anything — and lie about it — of it will improve his game.
As a broadcaster, A-Rod manages to sound absolutely confident in his statements even though he drops some absolutely dumb double-take-worthy statements during every broadcast.
Jessica Mendoza’s side-eye at him is absolutely priceless
Fitz is a MAN though.
Which is why ARI should just trade him to RAMMIT.
Wow, that was a really imaginative play call.
didn’t someone ask for 18-15 earlier?
Cardinals suck. This game is about just how shitty SF is.
Can’t believe I picked them.
No wait, I wouldn’t believe in picking ARI either.
Damn fine catch by Kirk
seriously, get the ball to #31
Smart timeout by SF. Interested to see if AZ runs it now.
Johnson back in?
Not proper RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! action
Whoa whoa whoa, there seemed to be people of Latin American descent in Packer jerseys. Crisis actors? MAYBE!
Alex Jones is certain they’re antifa and gay frogs.
Gay French people? Or should I say gay Freedom people?
teh caravan IS REEL!!!!1111
#50, for example
THROW IT AWAY BUSTER!!
TRRRRRRRROGERS IT!
Here comes a VERY SAD 2-minute drill. Noooooo, ded David Johnson!!
They’d never feed it to him anyways. FORCE BOMBS TO KIRK MINUTE DRILL!
He’s great in the open field. 3 catches for 42! Christ, get him targets
ArI looking to ruin their top draft pick chances with a meaningless comeback here.
Not meaningless. I have money on them for some reason.
Degenerate.