I wouldn’t call two-thirds of these offerings the tastiest of games but it’s not as though your eye bulbs are the least bit discerning. We all learned the dreadful truth about ourselves and others on this site quite some time ago. Shall we dig right in? [doesn’t bother to wait for a response before reaching for the shovel] Let’s. TO THE GAMES!
My Little Ponies/Radars:
Andrew has the luck of the English on his side. That’s the only way I figure he’s gone for 20 TD throws this early in the season. That’s a mere 2 behind league-leader Mahomes. On second thought, that’s probably a typo perpetrated by the writers on every site I checked. No Khalil, no pass rush. The Raiders have the least amount of qb pressures in the league at 30. (that’s a truly tepid 5 per game) The next lousiest team has 52-that’s one helluva gap, let me tell you. Gruden blames everyone but himself for this. Sure looks as though Hodor gonna feast on the Raider D like the turkey leg that it is. Perhaps the Oakland O will pick up the slack? Well, if you think that Jared Cook and his 32 catches for 2 TDs constitutes some sort of go-to guy, you’ve to stop smoking those schnauzer turds. Get thee to rehab yesterday.
Neeners/Playing Cards:
There’s but 2 wins in 14 tries between these guys. That’s a double “Oof!” where I come from. I traveled near and far over the innernet to find some salient nuggets for this travesty but only found dreadful stats that made my face melt. If you’ve wronged your fellow man/woman this week you can consider this game as your penance. It’s one helluva punishment but you deserve it.
Taints/Vikodins
Sing along with me (to the tune of “The Old Grey Mare”) “The new Purple People Eaters ain’t what they used to be, ain’t what they used to be, ain’t what they used to be”. That’s great news for Brees and his gaudy 121.6 QBR and 77.3% completion rate. That last stat is a WOW! signal if ever I heard one. In order to upset the 1st place dude in my money league I went all-in with Brees, Thomas and Tre’Quan Smith. Say a prayer for me, won’t you?
If you haven’t already, please reorganize your ABC CD collection by chronological release.
5-3 final? Or 6-5?
I like how they didn’t bother to take the USC logo off the field before painting the Rams logo
I hate everything. GURLEY MAN drops a pass that at least buys me a Greg the Leg 6-point FG?
A guy I used to play poker with always referred to eating an Italian beef sandwich as getting a meat injection, and now I feel dirty whenever I have one
With an Italian beef sandwich dirty is the default mode.
I love the damn things though.
Trickery!
fake punt? Oh yeah, that is RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM(ing) IT!!
How the fuck are the Lambs 7-0? Are they a second half team, or what?
this is by far the shittiest they ever have played. Somebody must be hurt on the OL is all I can fathom.
Fish Tacos are magic.
well, DUH
they should put this Birdcano/Tomsulas fixture in a goddamned time capsule
And then bury it and forget where it is so it’s unleashed on some unsuspecting diggers in the future?
they would spend eternity trying to decipher its hidden greatness.
Lesser Footy Liouns player, Alphonso Davies, scored in his last game in the MLS before he heads off to Bayern Munich
In the ORD UC, got food, bev and Packers/Rams. Much better
Heading home?
2 to 3.
This total is already higher than I expected for ARI-SF 2: Cripple Fight Redux
what do you do when there’s adversity in your own backyard?
just RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!
I do not think this means what you think it means.
it means everything in all contexts.
How about Mr. Martinez’s context?
The Diamondbacks are beating the Giants 3-2.
Rams not looking like the unstoppable juggernaut I had been led to expect to see.
Rodgers has been the one doing the RAMMMIITTT today
Goddamnit, Baby Buster. This weekend can eat all the shit.
I wonder how many Rams fans today were Rams fans a year ago.
As an Angelino, I think it’s awesome that there are something like five major sport home games in town today, including a World Series. It would be even more awesome if the home team lost all five games. I love L.A.!
LAFC, who’s stadium is directly next door to the Coliseum is playing right now at home. The game started 25 minutes ago. That’s fucking insane.
I wonder what a parking spot downtown is going for right now.
A whole fuckton of cheese, if the crowd noise is any indicia
Jared Cook, on my bench. Went back and forth between him and Njoku.
Every single player on every single team should schedule the Monday after playing SF to negotiate their contract.
Is Tom Hanks’ kid officiating the SF-ARI contest?
Might as well. It’s amateur hour over there
Sounding like Lambeau West there. When do the Rams fans show up? Start of the 3rd quarter?
No, that’s when the half empty stadium empties out even moar.
They probably ran into traffic on their way from Missouri
I’m thinking of going there to see some of the second quarter and snort some coke with my movie star friends.
Seems legit.
4th Goose Island IPA?
I’m on my 3rd freezer vodka drink.
Tomorrow may hurt.
Of course it will hurt. And so will the day after that. You’re doing the right thing.
I emptied out my vodka stash last night and North Carolina, in its infinite wisdom, thinks if they sell me liquor on Sundays then I won’t go to church.
You see where I’m going here, right?
To church?
Some churches have wine, at least…
I’d probably catch on fire if I did.
Martinez is a beast.
Did they just say that the Rams have a player named Chupacabra?
The multicolored endzone makes it look like both teams are playing for the 2018 Pride Bowl.
I thought it was multicoloUred.
This guy, he gets it!
The reason there’s so many Packer fans in LA is because they want to avoid handing out all their good candy on Halloween.
Bah, shows what you know. Fat people give out the best treats. It’s the skinny vegan bitches who give out crap like tofu soya bars.
How many houses in Green Bay just set the grill up out front and hand the kiddos brats instead of candy?
Unfortunately, I never encountered that.
Or deer jerky.
I wonder if this Graham kid played any other sports?
I heard lacrosse.
Probably not, he’s a cracker
He’s an excellent bridge player.
Touched down!!
Or not?
Sit down, Jared! Hell yeah!
/immediately returns to lower expectations
There are rumors in the Browns world (aka “Ninth Circle of Hell”) that Haslam is going to fire Todd Haley from OC, but keep Hue…
Boss Todd’s been running up a tab with Flying J that Haslam just won’t cover.
Of course they are…
So, Hue has something on Haslam, doesn’t he?
Gruden continuing to lose gives me great pleasure.
my fear is he creates a good team with all the picks.
Research his draft history. That’s not happening.
Hard to believe a year ago, the Raiders looked like a team destined for a Superb Owl within 3 years
too slow Rodgers. You getting old.
Nah, his knee is just falling apart
Think Fitzmagic’s performance today is enough to replace Famous Jameis next week?
I think Jameis performance was enough.
If DFO was given 40 chances to get more than 3 wins with #ThePauls, I feel like we could actually surpass Hue’s record
You could use a fucking twitter feed and it would call a more coherent game than Hue…
Redshirt would be a mole for Cincy.
Holy shit, I didn’t even think of it like that. We could all be scouts from our favorite teams and just pick apart their weaknesses. We’d be a tough out!
RAAMMMIIIITTT is going to shove it up that Packers ass.
I have heard that about them. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
That’s the alcohol talking.
I was smart to sit Alshon. Is Tre’Quan gonna come through?
8 guys had to get injured so that numbnuts could commit that penalty. Only in America!
Cmon Bullock! Save my ass.
I love that guy!
“Fan duel is the shit. Fuck season long fantasy.”
– M. Robespierre
Hue Jackson now has a winning percentage of 0.09
I cannot fathom how the fuck this man is still getting paid.
They could make the switch from Hue to a table lamp without losing a beat. Would cost less… even if they got a real nice lamp.
why is Beatie not in the game??
I think the team actually plays harder for Fitz than they do for Winston.
Hey guys did you know Fitzpatrick went to Harvard?
– J Bettis
Detroit, Mi
The Baltimoron in me hates the Colts…but the part of me that hated Chuckie on MNF really makes me want to root for the Colts…
SO CONFLICTED!!!
Redacteds D/ST give up 3 points in tiempo du garbage as well. And OJ Howard is against me in fantasy.
I listen to and read Evan Silva religiously for fantasy football preparation. He has CONSTANTLY been referencing a resource called “Josh Hermsmeyer’s Air-Yards Model” this season. The success rate seems uncanny. This weeks #1 was Sammy Watkins. I saw that and said, “Fuck that. No WAY that happens!” Sammy Watkins is the WR1 after the 1:00 slate.
It will be superb if Fitz can pull this off.
There will be so many QB taeks and none of them will be problematic whatsoever
Something’s happening.
Isn’t there another game somewhere? Like in LA? Am I missing something? Again?
Lamar! Waiverable.
CHARLIE DON’T SURF!!!!