Your “NFL, Consider Me Whelmed” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

There’s some sporto-related tidbits out there on the innerwebs so I thought I’d share-

Terrell Owens: Having finished his daily driveway workout, Mr. Owens told the cat lady at the corner that Eli Manning is ‘all washed up’. The rest of his day was spent arguing with drive-thru clerks at the major burger chains.

Hue Jackson: The ex-Browns coach rode the rails with Jim Tomsula and Ben McAdoo. The Hobo Daily News reports that Hue is said to be coming around on fried raccoon.

Jack Patera: The Seattle Seahawks very first coach will be tossing/catching salmon at a fish market in upstate Washington. He passed at the age of 85.

Willie McCovey: “Big Mac”, the owner of 521 home runs said farewell to this mortal coil.

Jameis Winston: Asked about his benching, Winston said a number of adult things. I’ll assume that tomorrow he’ll insist that he was mis-quoted.

TO THE GAME!

Raiders/Niners:

In a game “featuring” two one-win sides, tonight is all about Nick Mullen. As an undrafted free agent from Southern Mississippi newly-released from the practice squad, this is the first game that Nick has played in several years that actually matters. This tasty 6 foot 1 inch, 213 pounder has never packed groceries so you can forget about him being the second coming of the husband of Brenda Warner. No doubt he’ll be introduced to what passes for the Niners receiving corps at some point during the first quarter. Erwin Rommel was asked about Mullen being thrown to the Care Bears that is is the Raiders D-his reply was, “That’s quality tanking!”

Wipe the ‘anticipation spittle’ from the sides of your mouth before typing please.

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King Hippo

they were willing to just go into the half, Jon!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Punting from midfield, and HE CAN’T GET IT INSIDE THE 20.

Fucking sad.

King Hippo

bad punting really does chap one;s ass, doesn’t it? Seems like sommet it should be quite easy to attain competence with, as a professional footy organization.

King Hippo

Bud Light, apt sponsor

Spanky Datass

Just made some ghost pepper sauce. Haven’t tried it yet because just the vapor closed my throat and made my nose bleed. Send help …

King Hippo

What if you rubbed some on your DICK?” – Chad O./J., Parts Unknown

King Hippo

we got a little tae-bo demonstration for some reason?

King Hippo

woohoo, I gots me 4 points out of Jalen Richard after all!

JustStopDude

I love these promo breaks where the NFL is just begging people to please remember when both these teams were relevant.

King Hippo

that does highlight what I like about the NFL, natural advantages and history mean jack shit if you mismanage a franchise – it will suck, and suck royal. Contra, MLB, Lesser Footy, etc.

JustStopDude

The biggest problem with the NFL is there are zero repercussions for running an organization into the ground.

Its so weird how progressive major sports are in the US compared to the rest of the world.

King Hippo

well, you have to take the bad with the good when it comes to socialism.

Gatoraids

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Gratliff

I have played that game every day for a week and I have yet to see any of the cutscenes from that commercial. There’s SO fucking much to do in it.

Sharkbait

I just got it Tuesday. So good

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

San Francisco show up to this game all…
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But the Raiders are like…
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King Hippo

that’s some quality meme shade!

Sharkbait

UK commentary is infinitely better than Troy and Buck

Viva La Tabula Raza

Certainly puts shade on those actors that everybody lauds for losing or gaining a bunch of weight for a particular role. Fucker is GRITTY!

Gratliff

“I cut off my own arm voluntarily” is a more compelling story than war vet and he’s hoping to really get some good roles out of this.

WCS

That’s… dedication to the craft.

King Hippo

YES, muthafuckin’ COSBIES!!!

King Hippo

450 yards in the first HALF

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Even the Raiders’ punter sucks ass.

Sharkbait

What the fuck was that Carr??

litre_cola

He just ran straight into the line.

King Hippo

good ol’ rock, nuthin’ beats rock!

King Hippo

ok, Cosbies. Gotta get 3 going into half for Hippo.

Gratliff

Oh wow. Brandon LaFell is still a thing.

Sharkbait

I’m just as surprised as you

King Hippo

when the Bungles’ personnel department pities you…

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe he thought he could get another SB ring by signing with the Raiders.

Sharkbait

The loud cries of “fuck yeah!” and “take that you bitch!” lead me to think she has achieved success.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I want Mullins to throw 9 touchdowns tonight. I honestly do.

litre_cola

If he does you should buy a chinese Mullins jersey for spite.

Petronel

Amazing what you can do when your OL protects you.

King Hippo

fucking asshole, Breida was opener

JustStopDude

Hue Jackson on his firing…

“I was surprised. I’m not going to say just totally blindsided because there was just so much noise out there about what was going on with our football team that I thought was not true. But any time there’s all these undercurrents going, there’s something in there. I was surprised when both Jimmy [Haslam] and John [Dorsey] walked in my office and let me know that they’d be relieving me as being the head coach of the Cleveland Browns.”

How…the…fuck…wha???

YOU WERE 3-36-1!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, but after he’d gone 1-31 you don’t think it was reasonable for him to conclude that he was invulnerable to firing?

WCS

It’s going to be great when the Jets hire him.

King Hippo

the ppls need BreidaDOWN

Sharkbait

SECONDED!

litre_cola

Ahh regional hoops on my teevee, a little Gonzaga v Central Washington anyone?

Gratliff

I don’t think the Raiders can be this bad on accident, but I don’t think any team can be this bad even trying. I’m torn as to whether this is a tank or cosmic justice for Gruden.

Sharkbait

Can’t it be both?

litre_cola

Who is Chris Mullin’s backup tonight?

King Hippo

CJ Cregg, tossing lefty

Petronel

Out of QBs after him, it looks like, since we just dumped our fourth one.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They could pull someone from the stands and he’d go 17-23 for 383 yards and 3 touchdowns against this defense.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And I’m not talking about some guy who played quarterback in high school; they could grab some code monkey from the Google luxury box and HE could do it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hell, might as well make it an NFL first and make it a woman.

herodotus450

Too bad there aren’t any U of Nevada alums who can play QB.

Beerguyrob

I don’t know, but I feel certain George Blanda is David Carr’s.

herodotus450
King Hippo

Don’t think cover zero is meant to be interpreted this literally

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Banner nominee.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The only way Mahomes and the Chiefs don’t put up 90 on this Raiders defense is if they take their foot off the gas when they hit 70.

Sharkbait

Because of the way the mounts are designed, Mrs. Sharkbait has to manually screw the anchor screws into the window. It sounds like a Williams sister tennis match is going on in the dining room with all the grunting going on.

litre_cola

Garcon could get big numbers tonight, seems the kid trusts him.

herodotus450

A garcon-to-Garcon connection you might say.

Petronel

So far, Garcon’s giving him good reason to.

Col. Duke LaCross

Goofy, yet catchy video and song, but the blonde is an absolute smokeshow…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gr63DiEUxw

King Hippo

I’m not sure pre-Vegas’ backup OL is very good. Good thing this is only pre-season.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They’ll fix it in the draft. THEY’LL FIX IT ALL IN THE DRAFT!

[cackles uncontrollably, is wheeled off by men in white coats]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah Oakland. Supplying highlight reel footage for opposing players since 2002.

Viva La Tabula Raza

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litre_cola

Forgot to do this earlier for Emo Carr,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ycl_ayPHU0

Gatoraids

Breida just ran on the field during the kick off to be injured

Sharkbait

“Here goes nothing” followed by the sound of the drill usually does not instill a lot of confidence

King Hippo

Murrika: Teh Story of Us

litre_cola

I am enjoying your play by play.

Horatio Cornblower

Certainly better than the game.

Beerguyrob

Y’know, not many will notice, but a real class move by Garcon to save the ball for the kid as a memento.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and then, the Raiders showed these men of will what tanking really was…
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litre_cola

This is perfect.

King Hippo

That’s Rikki’s Raiders!

Beerguyrob

Brett Favre Southern Miss reference. DRINK!

King Hippo

YEAH! I had no choice but to start Breida on both my teams.

Gatoraids

yeah bad enough i drafted McKinnon, pick up Breida and hes injured just as much about. Luckily I picked up Coleman not to have to play his this week

King Hippo

Luckily on my money side, he’s my 4th dude, but Beatie and David Johnson both on bye. I don’t think there will be enough garbage time this week to start both Gurley Man and Malcolm Brown.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s got to be hard to justify spending a draft pick on a quarterback whose scouting report prominently includes the word “miss”.

Beerguyrob

There’s gotta be at least one Grateful Dead fan in that building suddenly wondering why Chris Mullins is now playing football.

herodotus450

Doug Martin, Martavis Bryant, Jordy Nelson? The joke about John Gruden assembling a team from 5 years ago wasn’t really a joke, was it?

King Hippo

they could have at least dressed up Bill Murray as Steve Zissou!

/ah will fight yewwwww if you try to shit on that film