There’s some sporto-related tidbits out there on the innerwebs so I thought I’d share-
Terrell Owens: Having finished his daily driveway workout, Mr. Owens told the cat lady at the corner that Eli Manning is ‘all washed up’. The rest of his day was spent arguing with drive-thru clerks at the major burger chains.
Hue Jackson: The ex-Browns coach rode the rails with Jim Tomsula and Ben McAdoo. The Hobo Daily News reports that Hue is said to be coming around on fried raccoon.
Jack Patera: The Seattle Seahawks very first coach will be tossing/catching salmon at a fish market in upstate Washington. He passed at the age of 85.
Willie McCovey: “Big Mac”, the owner of 521 home runs said farewell to this mortal coil.
Jameis Winston: Asked about his benching, Winston said a number of adult things. I’ll assume that tomorrow he’ll insist that he was mis-quoted.
TO THE GAME!
Raiders/Niners:
In a game “featuring” two one-win sides, tonight is all about Nick Mullen. As an undrafted free agent from Southern Mississippi newly-released from the practice squad, this is the first game that Nick has played in several years that actually matters. This tasty 6 foot 1 inch, 213 pounder has never packed groceries so you can forget about him being the second coming of the husband of Brenda Warner. No doubt he’ll be introduced to what passes for the Niners receiving corps at some point during the first quarter. Erwin Rommel was asked about Mullen being thrown to the Care Bears that is is the Raiders D-his reply was, “That’s quality tanking!”
Wipe the ‘anticipation spittle’ from the sides of your mouth before typing please.
they were willing to just go into the half, Jon!
Punting from midfield, and HE CAN’T GET IT INSIDE THE 20.
Fucking sad.
bad punting really does chap one;s ass, doesn’t it? Seems like sommet it should be quite easy to attain competence with, as a professional footy organization.
Bud Light, apt sponsor
Just made some ghost pepper sauce. Haven’t tried it yet because just the vapor closed my throat and made my nose bleed. Send help …
What if you rubbed some on your DICK?” – Chad O./J., Parts Unknown
we got a little tae-bo demonstration for some reason?
woohoo, I gots me 4 points out of Jalen Richard after all!
I love these promo breaks where the NFL is just begging people to please remember when both these teams were relevant.
that does highlight what I like about the NFL, natural advantages and history mean jack shit if you mismanage a franchise – it will suck, and suck royal. Contra, MLB, Lesser Footy, etc.
The biggest problem with the NFL is there are zero repercussions for running an organization into the ground.
Its so weird how progressive major sports are in the US compared to the rest of the world.
well, you have to take the bad with the good when it comes to socialism.
I have played that game every day for a week and I have yet to see any of the cutscenes from that commercial. There’s SO fucking much to do in it.
I just got it Tuesday. So good
San Francisco show up to this game all…
But the Raiders are like…
that’s some quality meme shade!
UK commentary is infinitely better than Troy and Buck
https://www.msn.com/en-ca/entertainment/celebrity/%E2%80%98better-call-saul%E2%80%99-actor-todd-latourette-admits-he-sawed-off-his-own-arm-to-impersonate-a-war-vet-for-acting-roles/ar-BBPbCfJ?ocid=ientp
Certainly puts shade on those actors that everybody lauds for losing or gaining a bunch of weight for a particular role. Fucker is GRITTY!
“I cut off my own arm voluntarily” is a more compelling story than war vet and he’s hoping to really get some good roles out of this.
That’s… dedication to the craft.
YES, muthafuckin’ COSBIES!!!
450 yards in the first HALF
Even the Raiders’ punter sucks ass.
What the fuck was that Carr??
He just ran straight into the line.
good ol’ rock, nuthin’ beats rock!
ok, Cosbies. Gotta get 3 going into half for Hippo.
Oh wow. Brandon LaFell is still a thing.
I’m just as surprised as you
when the Bungles’ personnel department pities you…
Maybe he thought he could get another SB ring by signing with the Raiders.
The loud cries of “fuck yeah!” and “take that you bitch!” lead me to think she has achieved success.
I want Mullins to throw 9 touchdowns tonight. I honestly do.
If he does you should buy a chinese Mullins jersey for spite.
Amazing what you can do when your OL protects you.
fucking asshole, Breida was opener
Hue Jackson on his firing…
How…the…fuck…wha???
YOU WERE 3-36-1!!!!
Yeah, but after he’d gone 1-31 you don’t think it was reasonable for him to conclude that he was invulnerable to firing?
It’s going to be great when the Jets hire him.
the ppls need BreidaDOWN
SECONDED!
Ahh regional hoops on my teevee, a little Gonzaga v Central Washington anyone?
I don’t think the Raiders can be this bad on accident, but I don’t think any team can be this bad even trying. I’m torn as to whether this is a tank or cosmic justice for Gruden.
Can’t it be both?
Who is Chris Mullin’s backup tonight?
CJ Cregg, tossing lefty
Out of QBs after him, it looks like, since we just dumped our fourth one.
They could pull someone from the stands and he’d go 17-23 for 383 yards and 3 touchdowns against this defense.
And I’m not talking about some guy who played quarterback in high school; they could grab some code monkey from the Google luxury box and HE could do it.
Hell, might as well make it an NFL first and make it a woman.
Too bad there aren’t any U of Nevada alums who can play QB.
I don’t know, but I feel certain George Blanda is David Carr’s.
Paging Mrs. Sharkbait:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jYPp9w-0Uk
Don’t think cover zero is meant to be interpreted this literally
Banner nominee.
The only way Mahomes and the Chiefs don’t put up 90 on this Raiders defense is if they take their foot off the gas when they hit 70.
Because of the way the mounts are designed, Mrs. Sharkbait has to manually screw the anchor screws into the window. It sounds like a Williams sister tennis match is going on in the dining room with all the grunting going on.
Garcon could get big numbers tonight, seems the kid trusts him.
A garcon-to-Garcon connection you might say.
So far, Garcon’s giving him good reason to.
Goofy, yet catchy video and song, but the blonde is an absolute smokeshow…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gr63DiEUxw
I’m not sure pre-Vegas’ backup OL is very good. Good thing this is only pre-season.
They’ll fix it in the draft. THEY’LL FIX IT ALL IN THE DRAFT!
[cackles uncontrollably, is wheeled off by men in white coats]
Ah Oakland. Supplying highlight reel footage for opposing players since 2002.
Forgot to do this earlier for Emo Carr,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ycl_ayPHU0
Breida just ran on the field during the kick off to be injured
“Here goes nothing” followed by the sound of the drill usually does not instill a lot of confidence
Murrika: Teh Story of Us
I am enjoying your play by play.
Certainly better than the game.
Y’know, not many will notice, but a real class move by Garcon to save the ball for the kid as a memento.
…and then, the Raiders showed these men of will what tanking really was…
MULLENSDOWN!*
*wah?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S1NWyDtw6U
This is perfect.
That’s Rikki’s Raiders!
Brett Favre Southern Miss reference. DRINK!
YEAH! I had no choice but to start Breida on both my teams.
yeah bad enough i drafted McKinnon, pick up Breida and hes injured just as much about. Luckily I picked up Coleman not to have to play his this week
Luckily on my money side, he’s my 4th dude, but Beatie and David Johnson both on bye. I don’t think there will be enough garbage time this week to start both Gurley Man and Malcolm Brown.
It’s got to be hard to justify spending a draft pick on a quarterback whose scouting report prominently includes the word “miss”.
There’s gotta be at least one Grateful Dead fan in that building suddenly wondering why Chris Mullins is now playing football.
Doug Martin, Martavis Bryant, Jordy Nelson? The joke about John Gruden assembling a team from 5 years ago wasn’t really a joke, was it?
“We’ve never seen a ‘Nick Mullens’ at this level before. We’re very curious as to how far he’s out of his depth.”
-Jacques Cousteau, sideline reporter
they could have at least dressed up Bill Murray as Steve Zissou!
/ah will fight yewwwww if you try to shit on that film