There’s some sporto-related tidbits out there on the innerwebs so I thought I’d share-
Terrell Owens: Having finished his daily driveway workout, Mr. Owens told the cat lady at the corner that Eli Manning is ‘all washed up’. The rest of his day was spent arguing with drive-thru clerks at the major burger chains.
Hue Jackson: The ex-Browns coach rode the rails with Jim Tomsula and Ben McAdoo. The Hobo Daily News reports that Hue is said to be coming around on fried raccoon.
Jack Patera: The Seattle Seahawks very first coach will be tossing/catching salmon at a fish market in upstate Washington. He passed at the age of 85.
Willie McCovey: “Big Mac”, the owner of 521 home runs said farewell to this mortal coil.
Jameis Winston: Asked about his benching, Winston said a number of adult things. I’ll assume that tomorrow he’ll insist that he was mis-quoted.
TO THE GAME!
Raiders/Niners:
In a game “featuring” two one-win sides, tonight is all about Nick Mullen. As an undrafted free agent from Southern Mississippi newly-released from the practice squad, this is the first game that Nick has played in several years that actually matters. This tasty 6 foot 1 inch, 213 pounder has never packed groceries so you can forget about him being the second coming of the husband of Brenda Warner. No doubt he’ll be introduced to what passes for the Niners receiving corps at some point during the first quarter. Erwin Rommel was asked about Mullen being thrown to the Care Bears that is is the Raiders D-his reply was, “That’s quality tanking!”
Wipe the ‘anticipation spittle’ from the sides of your mouth before typing please.
We’re at the point that they’re using “Harvester of Sorrow” for NFL bumper music. Metallica’s debut was 35 years ago this past July. That year, the equivalent of this song would have been the “Woody Woodpecker” theme which was a #1 single in July 1948.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4nCy5CITc8
I remember being in a hardware store and I hear NIN “Closer” but it was the musak version.
I realized I was old then…
Sad but true
Not anyone in this group. That’s for sure.
People at my work don’t have that good of eye sight.
Raiders are showing up to this game like…
But the 49ers are all…
Hopefully our offense won’t be all:
aw, snap, we should have encouraged y’all two to have a #ShameBet
Cosbies Fake FG WOO!!!!
Nobody but the most degenerate out there is going anywhere near this game, but the Raiders (+2.5) against an unknown QB that couldn’t beat out CJ Bethard for the backup job in his first game is as close as there is to a sure thing, right? Right?
/Asking for a degenerate friend
Seeing how it was a pick ’em on my book…yeah
I’m still in a sling for the next 5 weeks. Mrs Sharkbait is hell bent on hanging new blinds before Thanksgiving and is determined to start tonight. One drill bit has already been broken.
Ah no this is what I was looking for
?itemid=11752046
That’s why you need two sets of drill bits. A good one for you, and a cheap, Chinesium one for learners.
That’s the system I have with my kitchen knives
These were definitely the chinesium bits
31 points in the 1st quarter of this UCF game, they’ll be lucky to be done by Saturday.
Evenin commentists, how are Buck and Aikman selling this one?
Who the fuck was THAT?? Guy with the hair
hey looky-loo, actually PLAYED Cook this week!
/each of my sides has 2 starters playing in this circlejerk of despair
No Cook tonight Hippo. Very problematic for me.
that will likely be his only target. I CAN NAE PICK TEs
*breaks some shit*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6kb5fvv6_A
Nobody ever could have thought up a more perfect way to start this festival of incompetence.
Mullins looks like a Ladyboy version of Bollo de la Verdad
look at Carr, pretending to be a real boy!
I like how empty the stadium is at kickoff; nobody had any interest in leaving work early to get there on time.
Yeah for essentially two home teams, tho giants jets would be similar
Welcome to Our World.
—LA Chargers.
Carr’s beard makes me hope he gets Theisman’d. Jesus fuck that thing is awful.
Harvester of Sorrow? We’re on some real shit.
Crazy guy singing on the train is using a lot of vibrato tonight.
“How long did it take him to come?”
-Females with poor hearing
This evening at Chez Cornblower…
Son (in basement on laundry retrieval duty): “Holy shit, there is a huge spider down here!”
Horatio: “Don’t step on it. I’ll get a glass.”
Son: “Good idea. If you throw it at it hard enough maybe it’ll leave.”
I always did think that the best of you made it into your son. Please tell him I’ll give him a shiny quarter to throw a pie in Jacob Wohl’s face.
Pretty sure he’d do it for free, but I’m paying two college tuitions right now so, yeah, make with the quarter.
Also HEY WELCOME BACK!!!
I like that Bob Menendez has sex with random possibly underage prostitutes, it’s the only thing we have in common!
New Jersey seems like a state whose politics would lead me to ACTUALLY vote Libertarian.
I got my ballot the other day and usually the Libertarian is in Column C, but so many other weirdo parties and people are running, they’re in Column F I think.
C for communist
D for dystopia party
E – Some weid dude named Elon
F for Fun Libertarians!
pot, gays, guns and NO TAXES!
Bingo shall be Mullins pulling an Orlovsky.
And now we’ve gotten our two minutes of quality football footage for the evening.
I really like Kristina Pink, but everytime I see her name, I think of Berman giving her the “Two In The” nickname.
Glad I’m not the only one.
/also, she fine*
*AND smart. But I do always recognize the FINE immediately.
“Kristina Pink Eye throbs her way to the end zone”
/yes, I Moneyline bet the Cosbies, both halftime and whole game.
Joe Buck deserves this game
Indeed. I wonder if they will dig up the desiccated (word Hippo always misspells) corpse of Brittfar to mumble cliches about this Mullins yokel to add to the shite stew.
Raiders could not make the game as Gruden traded the team bus for a hypertube that was really just a big slinky.
Cosbies/Hitler Mice JV match is pretty nifty
KISS IS NOT RELEVANT STOP DOING THIS
What the FUCK is Erin wearing on her feet?!?!?
– Rex Ryan
Kirby, from the looks of it.
TO looks 20. The bald look hides so much bullshit.
So. Did they win?
The more I think about it the more Hue Jackson is perfect as Jean Valjean, they both ran a factory!
Gruden just going full Trump on TV with the “Sure, people say we’re not doing it the right way, but do you have any idea how many people call me to tell me we did the absolute right thing? So many!” bullshit.
Gruden just a humanitarian and doesn’t want anyone in Oakland to suffer in the long run because they miss the Raiders, bless him.
If you burn it down & salt the earth as you leave, nothing can ever grow there again, like fan bases.
Probably his brother and paid his kid to say such a thing
Who would have thought that Vegas would be turned into a hockey only town?
The Mueller rape accusation press conference was HILARIOUS!
Shit for brain trumpster made up a fake company. All his personal information is tied to it, including phone calls direct straight to his mother’s cell phone (he tried to claim he has no relationship with this intelligence company).
The rape supposedly occurred in New York. A reporter asked him why then was Mueller in DC serving jury duty on that day…to which the kid claimed that is a Washington Post plant.
Oh and it turns out that there are people coming out that the kid was offering folks $20k to show up to his stupid press conference and lie to the press.
This kid just tried to fuck with a federal investigation.
But libruls want to kill babies and enact sharia law so i’m still gunna vote R…
Their website had a supermodel and Oscar-winning actor Kristoph Waltz listed as company executives, under different names.
I cackled so hard when I saw the DNS registration with his fucking name on it
To top it off, the dipshit kid’s sponsor’s fly was open during the entire thing.
My takeaway from Under Siege?
If you’ve got great tits at the beginning of your adventure, you’re gonna be a sure shot at the end.
Isn’t that from Under Seige 2?
I wasn’t talking about Steven Seagal’s tits…
But it’s got Mike!
he just ain’t look right other than obscenely old
This game is the living embodiment of this:
That’s perfect on many levels.
Les misérables, indeed.
**Ahem** They’re called “Freedom Fries”.
Well, this is another TNF game not worth watching. Enjoy the games, masochists.
If any NFL game has the actual possibility to finish 4-4, I don’t see how this one could be topped.
4-4 shows too much defensive competency. Let’s say 3-3- or 6-6
All of the safeties come via botched snaps through the over the punter’s head, and the kick-off returners stepping out of and then reentering the endzone and taking a knee.
well, FUCK, now I’m intrigued!
I’m throwing my wrinkly balls on the table-Deontay Burnett is in my starting lineup this week.
The Bumble in the Bay
The “We’re leaving” versus “We left” Bowl.
I’m going to wear my Derek Carr jersey tonight, but I’ll be doing it ironically.
All those fine words for the preview when all you really needed was one gif
Not starting Breida this week so I don’t have to pay attention to this game. That and his chance of spontaneous ACL combustion.
Remember when they said Thursday Night Football would be good this year?
GRUDEN: HOLD MY CORONA
JED YORK: Hold my Chablis.
NFL Fans: “HOLD ME.”
RIP Dr. Z. Football has never been the same without you.
If he just didn’t shoot that kid his legacy would be completely untainted.
Now that the joke is out of the way-he was by far the most intelligent writer/speaker regarding football I’ve ever come across and there’s no second or third place.
This needs to be re-posted:
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2015/10/20/face-it-this-is-dr-zs-world/
I have heard this game referred to as the “Bosa Bowl” but I prefer to call it the “You make-a you momma cry” Bowl.
Is he really thatta gouda?
Things that have disproportionately pissed me off today: use of the word “subtweet;” gridlick; hockey games starting at 730 when they could start at 7.
“Gridlick”? Fill me in in here.
It’s basically the same as tossing someone’s salad, but with robots.
Well you see when a man loves a sudoku puzzle very much…
730 games are great when you live in the burbs and need to go downtown to watch a game. The extra half hour can make all the difference in the world to making puck drop
I’m going to rec Pratchett/Baxter’s The Long Earth. Why? Because after I read the last sentence I was kicking myself for not ordering The Long War sooner.
/waits
Speaking of Rommel…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keXfiffBzFw
“There were good people on just one side.”
-DJT