Your “NFL, Consider Me Whelmed” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

There’s some sporto-related tidbits out there on the innerwebs so I thought I’d share-

Terrell Owens: Having finished his daily driveway workout, Mr. Owens told the cat lady at the corner that Eli Manning is ‘all washed up’. The rest of his day was spent arguing with drive-thru clerks at the major burger chains.

Hue Jackson: The ex-Browns coach rode the rails with Jim Tomsula and Ben McAdoo. The Hobo Daily News reports that Hue is said to be coming around on fried raccoon.

Jack Patera: The Seattle Seahawks very first coach will be tossing/catching salmon at a fish market in upstate Washington. He passed at the age of 85.

Willie McCovey: “Big Mac”, the owner of 521 home runs said farewell to this mortal coil.

Jameis Winston: Asked about his benching, Winston said a number of adult things. I’ll assume that tomorrow he’ll insist that he was mis-quoted.

TO THE GAME!

Raiders/Niners:

In a game “featuring” two one-win sides, tonight is all about Nick Mullen. As an undrafted free agent from Southern Mississippi newly-released from the practice squad, this is the first game that Nick has played in several years that actually matters. This tasty 6 foot 1 inch, 213 pounder has never packed groceries so you can forget about him being the second coming of the husband of Brenda Warner. No doubt he’ll be introduced to what passes for the Niners receiving corps at some point during the first quarter. Erwin Rommel was asked about Mullen being thrown to the Care Bears that is is the Raiders D-his reply was, “That’s quality tanking!”

Wipe the ‘anticipation spittle’ from the sides of your mouth before typing please.

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I know a lot of you miss The Canada (heck, you don’t miss it, you already live there). I sometimes miss the United States.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

There are currently four (4) uniformed police officers arresting someone immediately below our apartment. Like we can see them through the window.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sia looks like shit

Beerguyrob

I am looking at his SPACE. PANTS.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beerguyrob

I turned down Russell Peters tickets to go drink & play snooker with my Everton neighbour. I believe I made the right decision.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That drunk, eh?

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Wakezilla

Peters stopped being funny years ago and his book made him come across as creepy. So yeah, smart move

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good to know; we will consult you so we can know whats funny and what isn’t in the future.

Wakezilla

Good thing I got Netflix then

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I just noticed James killer Sprocket dude’s dad.

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WCS

Tony Bennett may age, but, that voice cannot be killed by conventional weaponry.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It goes up several octaves when he has something rammed up his butt.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tequila is definitely that drink.

yeah right

Derek Carr looks like he got stood up for a Bauhaus concert.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Some possible names for my strip club empire-to-be:

Strip – A Balls Joint
The Jiggly Wiggly
The Wild Mint King Hippo
Casa de Butts
Pechonalidad

Thoughts?

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

The first one works better if it’s a male strip club.

ballsofsteelandfury

/ takes notes for possible expansion

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

Twin Peaks and the Valley of Fur

yeah right

Casa de Butt’s gets all my money.

Beerguyrob

Bill Parcells would like an all-Asian joint called Slippery Nips.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wouldn’t it be Slippery Slopes?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My Coat’s The Only Thing That’s Blue

Don T

PECHONALIDAD 🤣🤣🤣

Wakezilla

/checks score.

The best part about being mostly indifferent to the NFL is that I will no longer sit through games like tonight.

Thanks a lot, Fuhrer Ging!

ballsofsteelandfury

ONE OF US, ONE OF US!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The End
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Col. Duke LaCross

Sweet Jeezus. SF/NYG next Monday? Why does the league hate us so?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

They played that really good game in the WC round like what, 12 years ago? SO RELEVANT to schedule-making!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Wakezilla

She seems nice

yeah right

Easiest bet I’ve seen in a long time.

Petronel

Niners…win? OK then.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

UK broadcast just made the swiss cheese comparison to the Raiders O line

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, God. PFT Commenter made a Cum Town joke.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

So I’m not the only person who’s tired of him, right?

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I never really got into him. I know it was satire, but trying to read his posts was annoying as fuck

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

He still insists the joke is on the people he’s mocking even though those people fully embrace him because he’s paid by a site that enables those people’s worst impulses.

King Hippo

The Joe Flacco thing was really all that was ever that funny.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yeah. He sucks.

Wakezilla

Yeah, he ran his course. I wish him all the best, but I ain’t reading that stuff anymore

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve been wandering in and out, because this game is such hot garbage, but any word on the guy who injured his arm so bad that when I hollered in to ask what happened my son answered “I don’t know, but I think that’s his thumb.”?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Rotowire says forearm, and was Mostert.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

I didn’t see it, but the impression I had was that the thumb was sticking out of his forearm.

Which isn’t good.

King Hippo

yeah, and I know sommet about thumbs being put places they ought not be

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

good thing I am too tired for the Jiggle Hut ,, smh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Of all the ways that could have ended, that’s actually not bad.

ballsofsteelandfury

No anal for a week though. That’s a tragedy.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Says who?

I’d take that challenge.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Still would bang

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s not like she can run away anymore.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s even boat-related!
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ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t think he had to worry about crowd noise in Santa Clara…

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I remember a couple years ago after Carr had led the Raiders to an improbable win, right before he had his good season, and him praising Jesus no end for the victory. I wonder if he now wonders why the Lord has forsaken him.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Because Joe Biden touches you at night.
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herodotus450
herodotus450

Baby is the least age-inappropriate match for that lady.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think that’s gramps.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Joe Biden: When You Want Your Gropey Politician to Have a 100 Megawatt Smile

Don T

Joe’s just testing if the young ‘un is fit for the papacy.

ballsofsteelandfury

He’s turned into The Mole from the South Park movie.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Russel Wilson said god had him throw the INT in the SB to make him stronger.

ballsofsteelandfury

Jesus, what a tool!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Carr will be REALLY strong.

King Hippo

NO!!! Breida!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

WOMP WOMP

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Something about not sticking his finger in the right dike.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Fuck. Even I’m down for some weed right now.
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King Hippo

WOW, they even let DeAndre Washington play!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Sometimes its the dolphins getting raped.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I miss ol’ Boxcar
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

AJ McCarron time???

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He tried sneeking out, but security wouldn’t let him.

Col. Duke LaCross

Musberger is the Raiders radio PBP dude. He’s still stalking her.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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King Hippo

Cosbies within 2!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Temple QB stuffed on 3rd and short, not the first time i’ve seen a Russo licked like that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

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King Hippo

I admire Eufrat’s work as well

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Who would……. that be?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Google calls her a “film actress.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hmmmmmmm………. I wouldn’t know……

King Hippo

great depth imo

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

SHANKLORR!

Col. Duke LaCross

HAIL SHANK’LOR

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

Holy shit, the Hanna/Andrea feed is way behind!

Spur
Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Praise Shanklor!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Aw, I’d love to take credit, but this kid’s been doing it all on his own.” – Shan’khor

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

DONK!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Nice double roundhouse kick right there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

this may be your most apt gif

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

You know…I just had a thought…in about four season, Chuckie could end up with a worse winning percentage than Hue.

I’m sure to fire him, the cost to the Raiders has to be huge. So if the Raiders just continue to be garbage, they have to keep him around for the majority of his contract right?

King Hippo

they should keep him in a cage in their stadium-adjacent nightclub

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Ten years. He’s signed for ten years.

King Hippo

that FUMBRE made me cackle out loud

King Hippo

DOINK!!!

/now doubled over

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I probably won’t feel this way in the morning, but right now I’m hoping the Raiders decide to rebrand when they get to Vegas so I can quit this garbage franchise.

ballsofsteelandfury

You’re really looking for an excuse?

JUST DO IT!

– Nike

Spur
Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

She is lovely.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

His spank bank just got a deposit.

He thinks the girl is hot too.

ballsofsteelandfury

I think we’re all winners here…

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

We’re only now getting to the 4th??

King Hippo

I have taken mah Benadryl. What happens, happens.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’m loving the fact the Jags version of this is already sold out:

https://www.groupon.com/deals/gg-nfl-silk-touch-bath-robe-for-men-and-women

King Hippo

of course, Silky knows how to treat his bitches!

King Hippo

Some of us could use some Richard and Cook garbage production!

Spur
Spur

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