2018 Quotables – Week 11 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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Holy cow there were a lot of highlights this weekend. Well, lowlights anyways — that’s more the currency around here.  That said, as we enter Thanksgiving football day I’d like to shamelessly plug my 2017 Football is Family post.

Anyways, no hype here. Just get to it. Results are still going to go up as scheduled on Friday.


I’m assuming this has something to do with that lady ref the NFL got.

I feel like Mack has reached the level where Jordan shot free throws with his eyes closed.

Call me old fashioned but I’ve always felt it’s not a New York dance-off unless someone’s on a piece of cardboard spinning on their head.

And that six-point lead would prove to be too much for the Bengals to overcome with only 30 minutes left.

[Taunting] Don! T!…Don! T!…Don! T!…Don!

When the two hottest teams face off on national television.

“That has never happened before.” – Trent Green

This is actually the caravan reacting to Trump pulling the troops back from the border, all but guaranteeing the invasion will be a success.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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2018 Quotables – Week 11 (Results) – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] 2018 Quotables – Week 11 (Submissions) – November 20, 2018 […]

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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“Rest in Piss, McCain”

Senor Weaselo

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“It’s fun to stay at the—”
“HOOOO-DOR HODOR!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Mustard…ketchup…things squirting all over the place…is this a MNF game or a Bills’ tailgate?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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This concludes the debate on if Alex Smith was a bust or if his leg went boom

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Left side: “Pfft. You call that groping a child?” – Bishop Charles Ellis III
Right side: You can’t just be up there and just doin’ a balk like that.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Dearest Mother,

My attempted use of semaphore to direct my forces in battle has met with mixed results.

Your Son,
Captain A. Luck
1st Hoosier Volunteer Cavalry

Wakezilla

That feeling when you’re kidnapped by the Sinaloa Cartel and told you’ll only be released if the Rams win

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Wakezilla

I haven’t seen a redskin go down like that in Maryland since the Susquehannock Massacre

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nomonkeyfun

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I always say you should act like you’ve been there before after scoring a touchdown. Obviously this large man cashed out his kids college fund to attend the game. Money well spent sir, no offspring of yours could pass at U*NC, even if he were on the football team.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“I’M SO EXCITED, MY STEP-SON’S NIPPLES COULD CUT GLASS!!!!”

King Hippo

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YES!!! I do want extra gravy with that!

nomonkeyfun

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“When I was a Super Bowl winning Quarterback we never would have let this happen.”

-T. Dilfer

https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/quarterback-trent-dilfer-of-the-tampa-bay-buccaneers-watches-as-paul-picture-id51636007

“Ummmm.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“I haven’t seen a stab move by a defensive all-star end up being so inconsequential since…[receives emergency text from lawyer]…honestly I can’t recall seeing anything like that before, ever.” – Ray Lewis

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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This is actually a pretty good Mike Zimmer impression.

SonOfSpam

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Justin Tucker: “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED???”

Baltimore fans: (stab each other retardedly)

LemonJello
LemonJello

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This is what happens when Andy Reid handles the ball without washing his hands between snacks.

SonOfSpam

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Susanna Hoffs sadly shakes her head.

nomonkeyfun

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“Whoop, whoop…”

-C. Berman

/needs to see doctor for erection lasting for more than 4 hours.

Wakezilla

Beat me to this quoteable

nomonkeyfun

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“Two men, pffft, I only needed help from a little crack to do that.”

-L. Taylor

LemonJello
LemonJello

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SonOfSpam

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The joy turned to horror later in the afternoon when Willard ate the small child.

SonOfSpam

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Haven’t seen a big Viking go down that easily since Brigitte Nielsen’s sex tape.

Game Time Decision

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Were just told that if the Ram’s win, they get a green card.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Cut! CUT!!! I didn’t get enough celebration out of that guy on the far right of the shot. Let’s reset for another take.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Hey, I just bought a sweet IROC-Z off a former co-worker. What say we burn donuts in the parking lot after the game?”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“My name is Justinius Paulus Tucker, Place Kicker of the AFC North, General of the Purple Camo Army, loyal servant to the true national disgrace, Roger Goodell.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Republican campaign mailers led me to believe MS-13 were Democrats and Raiders fans

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“You want Lindsey Vonn’s digits, brah? Her hands are, like, magic

Game Time Decision

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[ que Celine Dion music]
I’m King of the worrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllllllllllllddddddddd

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Tell ICE to be on the lookout for any Mexicans wearing Ram’s gear in LA, obviously they are not legitimate LA residents. – Der Marmalade Furher

Game Time Decision

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Texans ganging up on a Chief, where have i seen that before…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Crappy the QB
Has an inconsistent arm
If he has a beard or grabs your rear
You know his throws just won’t be near

Crappy the QB
Wears creamsicle orange each week
He can throw 400 yards then disappear
Or from the backseat creepily leer

Crappy the QB
Doesn’t know the meaning of hope
The fans keep drinking just to cope
And to Kap’s agent the GM says nope

Game Time Decision

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It’s fun to stay at the Y
[record scratch] Y
[record scratch] Y
[record scratch] Y

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Y Y Y Y Y Y” – me, watching the Raiders this season

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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“Remind me to suggest we implement a ‘You break it, you buy it policy’ at the next owners meeting” – D. Snyder

Game Time Decision

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You’re with me, leather

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I’m not sure what’s more disturbing, that he appears to have brought a football from home or that child services doesn’t appear toward the final frames

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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In Indianapolis, no one has the flexibility to do the YMCA as originally choreographed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I’m sure the Raiders’ 2019 first-round pick, 2020 first-round pick, 2020 third-round pick, and 2019 sixth-round pick can also knock over Riley Reiff if they all push together.

Beerguyrob

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“That’s right – I said ‘Breaking Bad’ is better than ‘The Wire’! Don’t @ me!”

Enrico Pallazzo

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“I am absolutely heartbroken. Please raise parking fees by $50 per car.”–Dan Snyder

Enrico Pallazzo

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For fuck’s sake, Kevin James, have a little pride.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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You don’t usually see a bear dominate and manhandle another man like that on a network broadcast.