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Your “Why Can’t It Be Like That Every Night?” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL Notes:

  • The Chiefs-Rams game was ESPN’s highest-rated game in four years.
    •  Last night’s game could singlehandedly turn around the NFL’s Nielsen numbers…until the next arcane roughing the QB flag, or Jets game.
      • Of all the ridiculous stats to come out of the game, Kareem Hunt became the first player since 1961 to have at least seven rushing touchdowns and seven receiving touchdowns in his team’s first 11 games.
    • FYI – that last best rating? October 27, 2014, when Colt McCoy led Washington to an overtime victory at Dallas.
      • “And THAT’S why we signed him!” – Dan Snyder
  • Oh, and signed to back up Colt McCoy, in Washington, in 2018? Mark Sanchez.
    • This Thursday will Mark the 6th anniversary of the buttfumble.
Let’s all bask in its warming glow.
  • Hippo stats from last night:
    • Initial over/under: 63
      • Betting odds: Rams -3
    • Over/under after game moved to LA: 64
    • In-game live over/under: as high as 104.5
    • Total losses reported:
      • William Hill, which has 108 sportsbooks in Nevada, told ESPN the game was a “healthy seven-figure loss” for the book, with 69 percent of customers betting the over.

https://twitter.com/RobDavenport86/status/1064736562284568576

  • At the other end of the entertainment spectrum, the Browns play the Bengals in the Hue Jackson Bowl this weekend.
    • Gregg Williams laughed off the idea that there’s extra motivation on the Browns.
      • “I wouldn’t think that any of them will need any extra juice,” said Williams, who has to remember to not say anything rhyming with “bounty” at every presser.
    • Somehow, the winner will also be a loser.
  • To wrap all this up, the Broncos have released Pacman Jones.
    • CHUH-BYE

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Oilers at Sharks – 10:30PM | NBCSN
      • RANT: this is the only fucking game on the schedule, and Sportsnet won’t even show it outside of the Prairies. All of America has access to it, but only three provinces. FUCK THEM!
  • NBA:
    • Raptors at Magic – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Trail Blazers at Knicks – 7:30PM | TSN2 / NBATV
  • NCAA:
    • Football:
      • Northern Illinois at Western Michigan – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • Basketball:
      • Legends Classic – Championship Game (from Barclay’s Center)
        • St. John’s vs. VCU – 7:30PM | ESPN2
      • Maui Invitational:
        • Duke vs. Xavier – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN5
        • Arizona vs. Gonzaga – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN5
      • Hall of Fame Classic – Championship Game (from Kansas City, MO)
        • Texas Tech vs. Nebraska – 9:30PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown Live! – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

I leave this as a counter-argument from someone who wonders why Aaron Donald won’t watch a guy die in Atlanta to help his QB win a Super Bowl:

https://twitter.com/drewmagary/status/1064746513707032576

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening

1
Beerguyrob

Squire.

1
Wakezilla

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jOk8dk-qaU

0
Wakezilla

Flash S4: It took them 20 damn episodes to reveal Devoe’s plan. CW must have been told they can’t use Gorilla Grodd as a season big bad because the plan seems more of something Grodd would come up with.

Still hoping for an explanation why Thinker isn’t taking an hour out of his day to plow his wife. Otherwise, it’ll just be a way to get Marlize to leave him.

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1
Beerguyrob

From what I understood, they couldn’t focus on Grodd because he was too expensive for a CW TV budget.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Savannah, Georgia ain’t as exotic as it sounds.

Got a late start driving back today, had to stop here.

Great googly moogly.

1
Brick Meathook

Go to a bar downtown! Stay until last call!

“Always stay for one more drink in Savannah.” They ain’t lying.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’re watching a show called The Good Doctor. It is clearly not based on the life and career of David Chao.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dr. Cliff Huxtable?

3
Senor Weaselo

It’s Padre Weaselo’s birthday and he wanted to see Creed II. Hermana Weaselo, who gets home tomorrow and is still mad we left her to see the first one, is not amused.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hell yeah I wanna see Creed too!” – Zach Miller (?)

/trying to think of an overtly Christian white tight end and that’s the best I could do.

0
Brick Meathook

Look at that gimlet-drinkin’ beatnik in the frame-right foreground. The artist didn’t even bother finishing painting his head because this beatnik was so un-American. Christ how did they let him on the plane in thr first place?

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1
Brick Meathook

The artist at the ad agency was probably also an un-American beatnik. Those fucks.

0
WCS

For all of it’s flaws, and there are many, Jurassic World is still a fun movie to watch and have some drinks.

1
herodotus450

The drinks are to forget the movie after you’ve finished watching?

0
Wakezilla

Yeah, it was pretty good. I hear Jurassic World 2 is awful. Though, that’s not surprising considering they apparently ripped of Jurassic Park 2

0
Senor Weaselo

Friends, Romans, lizard people.

6
rockingdog

found a funny:
If Schrödinger has taught us anything it’s that, until you actually see them, the boys are both back in town and not back in town at the same time.

11
Brick Meathook

Yeah but she’s still driving the old men crazy.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My favorite reaction to last night’s game, from a Buffalo fan:

“I refuse to believe that this is the same sport the Bills play.”

11
blaxabbath

Dude it feels that way though. You see OAK/ARI this week? Shit, can you believe how much of the country they gave that to? Like, “we are going to broadcast the equivalent of a car crash this week as kind of a novelty episode. We like to try some creative stuff sometimes so we think this would be more fun for us, rather than Chargers/Whoever that no one cares about.”

2
blaxabbath

Like, they should also give our markets like a lingerie football league game one week. Or that new league forming — I don’t know the name but we have the “hot shots”, which is kinda a PC version of a tasteless Arizona Backdrafts!

I would seriously watch the fucking CN native broadcast of the CFL. I’ve never seen it but I GUARANTEE YOU I would enjoy it. This is something UPN or whatever WB networks should get on.

1
Brick Meathook

In last night’s game we witnessed Arena Football in a huge stadium with a fire cauldron broadcast on national TV. I loved every minute of it but neither of these teams are going anywhere if they play defense that badly and commit that many penalties. Offense sells tickets, defense wins championships (see Super Bowl L, DEN vs CAR)

2
King Hippo

Of course, what defensing team could come out of the AFC? Jaguras offense has collapsed to where they can’t even make the playoffs, nobody trusts the 500s or the Shitty Clippers. Maybe Balmer if they keep Flacco benched?

0
blaxabbath

I like HOU.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, we like hou too!

0
King Hippo

9 complete forward passes. Against the fucking Raiders.

0
blaxabbath

Blaxito has a bit of a fever and isn’t feeling well after his vaccinations yesterday (fighting off that autism) and wife is also a bit under the weather. So we grabbed those like Kim chi cup o noodles and now she’s inside watching the view with the kid while I blaze out on the back porch.

I cannot stand the view and Meghan McCain is as dangerous as Paul Ryan.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I got my flu shot last week via Kaiser Permanente and they didn’t charge me money or even check my credentials. It seems like any schlub could walk in there and get one for free, if so inclined.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

The people at CVS practically begged me to get one.

I didn’t.

1
King Hippo

I was married to a (primarily) flu drug clinical research manager for night 13 years. Always, ALWAYS get your flu shot.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

This explains a lot.

1
Brick Meathook

Please don’t ever be a vaccination not-getter. I have a World Health Organization card that I received in the United States Navy showing that I have received every shot that a person can get, and I’m only a little fucked up.

4
ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve gotten all my shots.

Except the flu shot.

0
Brick Meathook

I’m sure you have your reasons. I’ve done my due diligence I shall say no more.

1
blaxabbath

Re: Sanchez getting another shot

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2018/04/18/nfl-speakeasy-stories-operation-mockingbird/

3
King Hippo

God, I want him to play in the Thanksgiving match, SO BADLY

3
blaxabbath

One of those times we all nod our heads that the degenerate gamblers is on to something here.

3
Senor Weaselo

Would there be an O/U on buttfumbles? Not on the Hippo books, but in the Vegas/AC ones.

2
King Hippo

Enjoy your shuddering (per Rotowire’s injury dude):

At least one of Smith’s lower leg bones pierced the skin and the extent of the damage to the skin and muscle must be determined. This problem will require additional treatment that would be amplified if any neighboring nerves were also damaged.

0
Redshirt

It get better. The breaks were a spiral fracture. Which means the bone broke rotationally the length of the bone.

0
King Hippo

Honestly have no idea how his entire lower leg didn’t turn to Goody’s headache powder.

Also read/heard today that the final score was THE EXACT SAME as the Theismann game. 23-21.

2
blaxabbath

“Gotta get rid of the ball sooner.”

-D. TRUMP

1
Spanky Datass

The HOF list has been cut down to 25. Hope this list embeds!?!

Steve Atwater, S – 1989-1998 Denver Broncos, 1999 New York Jets | (Times as a Semifinalist: 8 – 2012-19)
Champ Bailey, CB – 1999-2003 Washington Redskins, 2004-2013 Denver Broncos | (Times as a Semifinalist: 1 – 2019)
Ronde Barber, CB/S – 1997-2012 Tampa Bay Buccaneers | (Times as a Semifinalist: 2 – 2018-19)
Tony Boselli, T – 1995-2001 Jacksonville Jaguars, 2002 Houston Texans (injured reserve) | (Times as a Semifinalist: 4 – 2016-19)
Isaac Bruce, WR – 1994-2007 Los Angeles/St. Louis Rams, 2008-09 San Francisco 49ers | (Times as a Semifinalist: 5 – 2015-19)
LeRoy Butler, S – 1990-2001 Green Bay Packers | (Times as a Semifinalist: 2 – 2018-19)
Don Coryell, Coach – 1973-77 St. Louis Cardinals, 1978-1986 San Diego Chargers | (Times as a Semifinalist: 11 – 2005, 2010-19)
Alan Faneca, G – 1998-2007 Pittsburgh Steelers, 2008-09 New York Jets, 2010 Arizona Cardinals | (Times as a Semifinalist: 4 – 2016-19)
Tom Flores, Coach – 1979-1987 Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders, 1992-94 Seattle Seahawks | (Times as a Semifinalist: 1 – 2019)
Tony Gonzalez, TE – 1997-2008 Kansas City Chiefs, 2009-2013 Atlanta Falcons | (Times as a Semifinalist: 1 – 2019)
Torry Holt, WR – 1999-2008 St. Louis Rams, 2009 Jacksonville Jaguars | (Times as a Semifinalist: 5 – 2015-19)
Steve Hutchinson, G – 2001-05 Seattle Seahawks, 2006-2011 Minnesota Vikings, 2012 Tennessee Titans | (Times as a Semifinalist: 2 – 2018-19)
Edgerrin James, RB – 1999-2005 Indianapolis Colts, 2006-08 Arizona Cardinals, 2009 Seattle Seahawks | (Times as a Semifinalist: 5 – 2015-19)
Jimmy Johnson, Coach – 1989-1993 Dallas Cowboys, 1996-99 Miami Dolphins | (Times as a Semifinalist: 6 – 2014-19)
Ty Law, CB – 1995-2004 New England Patriots, 2005, 2008 New York Jets, 2006-07 Kansas City Chiefs, 2009 Denver Broncos | (Times as a Semifinalist: 5 – 2015-19)
John Lynch, FS – 1993-2003 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 2004-07 Denver Broncos | (Times as a Semifinalist: 7 – 2013-19)
Clay Matthews, LB – 1978-1993 Cleveland Browns, 1994-96 Atlanta Falcons | (Times as a Semifinalist: 3 – 2012, 2017, 2019)
Kevin Mawae, C/G – 1994-97 Seattle Seahawks, 1998-2005 New York Jets, 2006-09 Tennessee Titans | (Times as a Semifinalist: 5 – 2015-19)
Karl Mecklenburg, LB – 1983-1994 Denver Broncos | (Times as a Semifinalist: 8 – 2012-19)
Sam Mills, LB – 1986-1994 New Orleans Saints, 1995-97 Carolina Panthers | (Times as a Semifinalist: 2 – 2016, 2019)
Ed Reed, FS – 2002-2012 Baltimore Ravens, 2013 New York Jets, 2013 Houston Texans | (Times as a Semifinalist: 1 – 2019)
Richard Seymour, DE/DT – 2001-08 New England Patriots, 2009-2012 Oakland Raiders | (Times as a Semifinalist: 2 – 2018-2019)
Zach Thomas, LB – 1996-2007 Miami Dolphins, 2008 Dallas Cowboys | (Times as a Semifinalist: 1 – 2019)
Hines Ward, WR – 1998-2011 Pittsburgh Steelers | (Times as a Semifinalist: 3 – 2017-19)
Darren Woodson, S – 1992-2003 Dallas Cowboys | (Times as a Semifinalist: 3 – 2015, 2017, 2019)

1
Brick Meathook

Jerry Jones will surreptitiously block Jimmy Johnson.

3
blaxabbath

I was just wonder how he isn’t in.

1
King Hippo

He’s just such a fucking asshole.

0
King Hippo

Atwater, Flores, Coryell, and Tony G should all definitely get in. Have to ponder who gets the 5th vote on my ballot. Probably Torry Holt.

1
Redshirt

Well, maybe Ken Anderson will sneak in as a Senior Finalist in 2020. If he didn’t have “Bengals” next to his name, his stats would’ve gotten him in.

1
King Hippo

to be fair, this is an exceptionally strong list of 25

0
Spanky Datass

It’s just an insane list. O-linemans gonna get passed over en masse I fears.

1
King Hippo

It’s so hard distinguishing between all these consistently excellent OL, that I’d likely punt (and agreed, it’s shameful).

Maybe Mawae should get in over Holt.

1
Redshirt

Oh yeah. You could make an argument for enshrining all 25.

1
King Hippo

very unlike last year’s list (including at least 2 who actually got all the way in). If I could, I’d vote for 24/25. Because fuck Jimmy Johnson and his penis pills.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Why do you hate Jimmy Johnson so much?

1
King Hippo

Face of the Cowboys when they had waaaaayyyyy more talent than anybody (so he is overrated), was slimy at Miami, is still a mumbling idiot as a commentator.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Tough but fair

0
tomsellecksmoustache

His Super Bowl ring with the Steelers should push him across the line and become the SECOND Bengals Hall of Fame player. Maybe Chad Johnson and Corey Dillon can coach better teams and sneak in.

1
blaxabbath

I am looking forward to DFO previewing Hines’ HOF speech.

1
tomsellecksmoustache

Boselli is so hard to evaluate. On one hand, he was so dominant when healthy, On the other, his career was so short compared to other left tackles in the HOF. But if you use your third hand you’d grab and look at players that reached really high highs, but pooped the bed not long after.

2
King Hippo

yeah, and one’s judgment clouds due to the “but what could have been” factor.

0
Redshirt

Yesterday the electric went out for four hours and when it went back on, the cable and internet didn’t go back on. So l spent my first night in 10 years completely unplugged from society. It was nice. I watched DVDs of The West Wing, a great show. Even thought it was a “Liberal Show”, it showed the most accurate depiction of Democrats and Republicans and the attitudes about each other that not to “we’re great; they’re evil”. I only watched five episodes of Season 2, but overall it was a very enjoyable night.

So how was Monday Night Football?

4
King Hippo

Too bad West Wing was a fairytale (in essence), because I agree it did show how intellectually honest conservative and liberal visions could co-exist (while competing) and make the country better for the diverse exchange of ideas.

I also really dug Ainsley. Holy shit.

1
herodotus450

I’ll take Marlee all day. I tried to tell her that once but she just walked right past me…

4
Redshirt

It existed in the 1980s. It was like the political version of the old Sam and Ralph cartoons. On the clock: enemies. Off the clock: drinks at the bar. Robert Bork’s nomination was the top of the slippery slope, and that’s why the nation is sliding out-of-control headfirst at 29 MPH right into a tree.

0
herodotus450

Some say Newt Gingrinch was the tipping point. Some say it was half the country disagreeing from the outset about the value of black people. I say it was when two founding fathers who disagreed on federal power got in an actual duel over it and one died. Actual murder, murder most foul.

2
Redshirt

You say that know, but if dueling existed today…

I cannot complete that comment without getting a call from the Secret Service.

But yeah, Gingrinch didn’t help. The 90s Republican Party was like the Prototype of today Republican Party. Too extreme. Shut down the gov’t twice so the President looks good before relection. You nominate a Lifetime Achievement Award winner instead of a winnable candidate. And you go for impeachment when its painfully obvious you don’t have the votes.

0
Senor Weaselo

I’m gonna not sing all of Hamilton here right now, I promise.

0
King Hippo

I do think Bork laid the foundation. Wonder how history changes (or if just a time-delay) if Reagan never nominates him.

0
Brick Meathook

Bork had to pay the price for his role in the “Saturday Night Massacre” of 1973, when President Nixon ordered his Attorney General Elliot Richardson to fire independent counsel Archibald Cox. Richardson refused and resigned. Nixon then ordered Deputy Attorney General William Ruckelshaus to fire Cox; he also refused and resigned. Nixon then went to the number three man at the Justice Department, Robert Bork, and ordered him to fire Cox. Bork fired Cox. He was a gutless toady.

5
King Hippo

Oh, and I 100% agree that Bork had no business being on the Supreme Court. Reagan was entitled to nominate a conservative, and there were plenty of qualified, intellectually honest, ethical options to choose from.

It was a fight Reagan picked (or was convinced to pick by advisors) with vast consequences. Not that Dems/liberals are without blame in the spiraling.

0
Redshirt

As it was 1987 and his age was up there and Alzheimer’s was on the On Deck Circle, I have a feeling someone suggested him to Reagan and he trusted his judgment.

0
King Hippo

True, that’s just about the time his son tells that story of being on the airplane back to CA with him, and he doesn’t recognize what has always been his favourite view on the trip.

That was such a heartbreaking anecdote.

0
Brick Meathook

Despite Bork’s Watergate notoriety I’ll bet Reagan had honestly never heard of him before.

0
Redshirt

Ah, Alternate History. My favorite.

The Change: Reagan nominates Anthony Kennedy first instead of after Bork is rejected.

There would be no animosity. The 1988 Election wouldn’t have been as negative because the Democratic Convention wouldn’t be too spiteful against Dad Bush, though Bush would still win riding on Reagan’s momentum. The Clarence Thomas hearings would’ve still been close due to the accusation against him. Clinton would still win in ’92 as Bush would be unbeatable at first but the economy still sours. Republican Revolution would still happen, but it wouldn’t be as Earth scorching. No gov’t shutdowns. Clinton wins reelection. Monica-gate still happens, but Clinton isn’t impeached as Republicans aren’t bloodthirsty looking for revenge. Since Clinton WH isn’t as disgraced as before, Gore wins in a close one.

After that its harder to predict due to 9/11. Since Clinton missed bin Laden too, there’s a change Gore misses it too. If Gore prevents 9/11, he wins reelection in ’04 as everything is still the ’90s. If Gore doesn’t prevent 9/11, a Republican wins ’04 because everyone is afraid and GOP runs on fear to win like what W did. After that both branches would separate out too much to continue.

2
Senor Weaselo

Hooray for delaying the inevitable?

0
scotchnaut

“Look! Up in the air! It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s a Harry Turtledove!”

0
Wakezilla

That show did more damage to a generation than a bunch of ISIS videos. I cant watch any show that pretends politicians are trying to do the right thing. It’s insulting

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

JUST ONE MORE NIGHT UNTIL I CAN DRINK AGAIN!

1
Spanky Datass

Aw, I JUST NOW mixed a rocks Manhattan for you! Tell you what, Imma go ahead and drink this ’cause it’s just gonna melt. CHEERS!

3
Brick Meathook

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2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s kind of fun to imagine that plane, but instead of being made out of alumninum and such it is made out of school lunches and vaccinations for third world countries.

1
Brick Meathook

Ha ha that plane was made back in the 1950s when there were school lunches and vaccinations for Americans.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sometimes when baby boomers get sentimental about their childhoods I wondr whether they are remembering the United States in the fifties or are mistakenly thinking of apartheid-era South Africa.

1
Brick Meathook

I’m a Gen-Xer, but I get my childhood in suburban Washington DC confused with South Africa all the time.

1
Brick Meathook

Also, given the speeds the B-58 flew, if it was made out of school lunches I don’t think the airframe could withstand those stresses, particularly during supersonic flight.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Sounds like somebody has never had some of the overcooked pizza that Lunchlady Iris makes!” – Eli Manning

1
Spanky Datass

This jet became sentient and invented the computer we carry around and make comments on dick-joke blogs with. It also started a nudie magazine. Check my history it’s SOLID!

2
ballsofsteelandfury

This jet owns a strip club and a dive bar.

1
Brick Meathook

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2
Brick Meathook

This jet owns a casino and is wheel-chair accessible.

2
Spanky Datass

There it is!

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

This is the one I see every day when I leave work. There are only 8 of them left on display, and I have seen 5 of them.
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2
Senor Weaselo

Will Sasso in Kenny Rogers Jackass, this time AS Will Sasso!

0
Wakezilla

They made Devoe so powerful, I’m going to assume his wife is going to kill him/join team Flash. They better explain Devoe’s motives soon and why he’s become asexual before this season ends because this is way too much of a character shift. Dude went from worshiping his wife but not being able to bang her for years, to being able to bang his wife and treating her like shit because plot demands it.

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1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That girl looks like poison.

2
King Hippo

goddamn, that midriff.

0
Wakezilla

Wonderful zinger!

0
Brick Meathook

Who is this guy?

0
tomsellecksmoustache

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1
Brick Meathook

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1
tomsellecksmoustache

My god, this Emma girl on Jeopardy is going to haunt my mind forever with her voice. Simply terrifying.

0
scotchnaut

Apropos of nothing-

Back in the day, I could dunk on a 9 foot rim and rim a 19 year-old.

1
Beerguyrob

comment image?itemid=5458260

1
herodotus450

[Crosses “Jerry Sandusky” off the list of possible Scotchnaut identities.]

7
Beerguyrob

Don’t sleep on it being Mary Kay Letourneau.

3
tomsellecksmoustache

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Presented without comment, the latest from lizard person and “artist” Jon McNaughton:comment image?t=1542729509

2
WCS

Why is it that if I feel like stare at this long enough, my face will melt a la Raiders of the Lost Ark?

2
tomsellecksmoustache

Moving pretty well for someone with crippling bone spurs.

4
scotchnaut

Walt Frazier doesn’t look a day over 102.

1
Wakezilla

Currently watching Season 4 of The Flash. It’s an OK season that would be better if I knew Devoe’s motives (the main baddie). I am about 18 episodes in and I still don’t get why Devoe is messing with Flash or what his end game is.

Devoe’s wife, Marlize, is purrdy. Love her ride or die attitude

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1
scotchnaut

This tune-I’m fascinated. I “like” it but I want to know how it makes me like it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaZzAGR0VNk

0
herodotus450

Well you gotta expect Eric Andre’s band would be weird.

0
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