[looks at entire slate of games] “Jesus! I guess the bye weeks are all over and done with.”
Shall we? TO THE GAMES!
Bal/Atl:
On the outside looking in it appears that the Falcons have had a disappointing year as they sit at 4-7. However it’s important to note that 6 starters have been sent to the IR. There’s only so many times you can yell, ‘next man up!’.
Den/Cincy:
Who has two working thumbs and is starting for the Bengalis? Not Dandy Andy Dalton, that’s for sure. Third year fella Jeff Driskell out of Florida or Louisiana Tech or both gets the start. What does he bring to the table for the last five games of the year? He can run on designed plays or to escape pressure and according to one observer, is willing to throw the old pig bladder into risky spots that Dalton wouldn’t dare consider. That might be fun to watch or he might go down in flames against a D the likes of the Broncos.
LAR/Det:
Tate is gone and Jones is out so Golladay gets to go up against a returning Aquib Talib. Ouch. Speaking of cb’s, the Lions Teez Tabor is the 114th ranked guy at his position so feel free to start Woods or Reynolds if you have them.
Ari/GB:
This is the kind of blah game that not even Rodgers can make watchable. Much like him, I’ll pass.
Buf/Mia:
The starting qb’s in this one have a combined 9/9 TD/Int. ratio. The starting rb’s have a combined 2 TD’s. The top receivers for each team have totaled 862 yards and 3 six-pointers. No thanks.
Chi/NYG:
Truth Biscuit was throwing this week but you don’t need that much to get the W vs. the Giants so we’ll be treated to at least one more Chase Daniel Experience.
Car/TB:
If you throw out the first 4 weeks of the season when he was finding his footing, the first wr selected this year in the draft has put up some quality numbers. D.J. Moore leads all rooks in yards after catch, yards after contact and yards per catch.
Indy/Jax:
The Colts have put together 5 straight W’s and are ready to take on Tom Coughlin’s Unguents. Man, Jax is in a lousy free fall, aren’t they?-Fournette is suspended for this one and is definitely unhappy. Norwell, their best lineman is on the IR and the team is moving on from Bortles. Here’s your (second? third?) chance, Kessler.
Cle/Hou:
Is this here a trap game? Them Brownies have all those young playmakers at the skill positions and sport a league-leading +14 turnover differential with 27 in total.
Talk away.
Curtis Riley-you are a stinker.
By my count, the Gints have dropped 3 easy picks
But, the ball is slippery because there’s a fine mist falling. No one has ever played in these conditions before!
great, Chris Harris, Jr. is ded too
If there is such a thing as a Houston Fan, do they know anyone else on the team other than DeAndre Hopkins?
Watt, but that’s about it.
He’s still on the Texans? I had some sort of idea that he retired, but maybe just because the press fucking shutup about him
Hey, remember when the Rams were in St. Louis and were Internet Dad’s team and weren’t the maybe best team in football? Fuck NFL ownership.
Channel Guide says NFL Football is on FOX, but it looks at lot like Shrek 3 to me.
bahahaha
The glasses of scotch do nothing for those Buc’s uni’s. Ahhhh.
Drink more.
Hey, what a nice day for that guy in a Jackson jersey right by the Jackson TD :Heart;
fantasy teams both losing as heavy favourites, too. I bet on nil-nil and feel this is all my fault.
Gotta like the Bears on 3rd and 2 putting the ball in Chases’s hands and him throwing at the Giants best cb. Well done.
Bears bad or Giants good?
Chase Daniels bad?
MWAHAHAHAHA
hehe
he
hehehha
teehee
Bucs always play the Black Panthers tough, last time was a shootout,.
I am looking at the teevee, but can’t see anything. GREAT JOB DARKEST TIMELINE, you’ve broken me fully now
Just grab a bottle of Bacardi 151 and drown the disappointment away… Also known as the George Best diet!
Have a “fasting” physical at 8a tomorrow, all that’s stopping me
Wait, you were sober for the game?! COMPLETELY SOBER?!
1 pill, that’s it
Good God, man, I’m sorry for the jokes.. I assumed that you were watching the game God and massive multinational booze corps intended – sloshed and not in the worst possible way this side of a FOB in Afghanistan
no worries, you anti-bottled your Derby, and deserve the high spirits
Saquon just pulled ahead of Tuffy Leaman’s 1938 rookie rushing record. That’s 80 years of Giants rook backs not running for at least 830 yards.
You jive. Dickerson got the rookie rushing record at 1808
I’m talking Giants futility. It’s a very special kind of futility.
Ah, team records. Gotcha. A special sort of jive.
Fun Fact, my parents had a realtor in the 80s who also had the name Kessler. Probably no relation, but WHO KNOWS??
come on chicago defense!!!!!
stop those G-men!
Go horrible sweater Dolphins? Funny how they celebrate horrible sweater patterns, despite living in a place where you really never need a sweater
DRISKEL TIME!
Ouch! Two veins, Buccs, aqua Panthers
Figures that the Bears are already getting spanked early in FetLife Stadium.
I think I just had a vein burst because I saw Houston/Clevelande
Balls, you can do my Monday column now
Please still do it. I would rather read some actual commentary than just look at shitty chick pics
Remember when kickers booted the ball out of bounds on kickoffs fairly regularly? I can’t recall the last time I’ve seen that.
Hippo is currently burning down his house if you need him.
Yeah, I just saw that the USGS seismographs have recorded his wail. I’m bracing for the sound blast that’s bound to follow
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
sorry
Jesus Christ Everton.
That ball was out. I take back my celebration. I’ll do mah penance at the laundromat
SIGN OF THE APOCAPLYPSE: Hit to head of defenseless player on an Offensive Player!
Da Bears
DANIELCEPTION PICK SIX
That was quick!
Damn, I’m still wrapping up my Civ game and I’m already missing stuffs
I assume you started at 4am
Earlier. I fell asleep at 3 pm, been up since 10 pm I think? Don’t even knoe
Does Case Keenum have no neck or does he wear pads high?
…Both?
Am suppose to care about George HW Bush?
Pass.
He was the last Republican President that everyone can admit wasn’t completely incompetent and/or evil.
No new taxes! Just tariffs!
He got into groping late in his career, ever the GOP man.
I’m on the phone with Satan trying to get the Bengals to be good, but he says I already sold my soul twice. Anyone got a soul I can have?
I’ve got a bunch from high school that I bought for candy, but not sure how legit they are. Totally yours if you want them, but you’ll owe me like…I dunno, three drinks?
SCHNAPPS
Got MY OWN
DoktOR Hippo
Oklahoma gets into the playoffs, isn’t that 3 out of 4 teams the same as last year?
Doesn’t matter. Alabama will beat anyone.
“BuT cOuLd AlAbAmA bEaT tHe RaIdErS???!” – idiots and assholes
?w=1000&h=600&crop=1
OK is a horrible state. We shouldn’t give it validation for sports or anything. It should just die.
Well on the bright side, I get to see Oklahoma and Notre Dame get destroyed. That’ll be fun.
Can we see ND get killed twice please?
The only sports betting advice I ever give, ALWAYS bet against ND, because they have stupid fans
Remember your basic pesto recipe?
2 cups of basil leaves
Handful of toasted pine nuts
3 cloves of garlic
1/2 cup of extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup of freshly grated parmigiano reggiano?
Good. Because it’s going to come into play today.
Double the garlic. ALWAYS double the garlic. Even if it’s a recipe for roasted garlic.
There WILL be garlic bread!
All the garlic. Never too much
While it’s indeed a full slate of games I’m having a rough time finding a watchable one. Maybe the Rat birds and ATL? I can always have fun watching Detroit lose.
Fuck it. Breakfast first.
No, Cleveland! They’re fun now!
Guinness is an under rated breakfast.
When I went to music festivals in the UK I would have a Guinness and a Screwdriver and I called it toast and marmalade.
Bagpipe convention?
Guinness is a swill we give out to foreigners making the pilgrimage to the old country and tourists, so they don’t touch the good stuff (So akin to Fosters, only marginally less pissweiser-y)… They let you in on the secret when you get your passport 😀
What’s the good stuff?
Bleeding Watney’s Red Barrel!
Become a citizen and it’s in the papers, lol… It’s right next to some killer hangover cures and 1001 basic jabs at the Brits. Seriously, tho – a proper Irish cider, so chill even Idris Elba gulps when it sees a solitary droplet of condensation trickling down the pint glass. Devil’s Bit or Carson’s…
Who the hell is out there rating it badly? Give me a name and a location and I will deal with them appropriately.
Who here skis? Aspen, Tahoe, or that place in Utah?
Alta and Park City in Utah are great and cheaper than the other two. I am going to Aspen/Snowmass in Feb if you go please give me the lowdown!
I grew up down the mountain from Tahoe. County program took us to Heavenly every Sunday. Of all the bad things about Arizona, the lack of good skiing is a big knock.
Tahoe.
me on skis is every bit as humourous as one might imagine, a non-raycess Cosmo Kramer
I used to ski and now snowboard, and I have been to none of those places.
Oh, wait, I guess I’ve been to Tahoe. But the conditions sucked at the time.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/tv/2018/12/02/snl-does-parodies-mariah-carey-and-wham-christmas-songs/2182423002/
♪♫♬ Mueller, please come through / Because our only other option’s a coup. ♪♫♬
SNL is just a satire of the people who watch SNL.
Very true. Well put.
Not sure this OAK squad is SEC material.
Christ almighty
Picked up Darrell Williams of the waiver wire. UDFA RB out of LSU. Read that KC elevated him to the 53-man off the taxi squad because they didn’t want him to get poached. I’m not starting him or anything. Just curious to see if they get him some run in the second half v OAK today. Why not, right?His LSU highlights show a one-cut banger who has pretty good hands out of the backfield (SO MUCH PHRASING!). Maybe baby!
I thought Damien Williams was the backup?
10am RAMMIT? I think they’ll start off sluggish today.
I agree. Off the bye too. Also, the plane landed in fucking Detroit.
OK, watched the video, and while I’m glad the NFL/Chiefs are taking a hard stand on this, it’s no where near Ray Rice, it’s not even really Beaty Mixton territory. Kareem Hunt is a violent idiot who hangs out with other violent idiots, but that doesn’t say domestic abuser to me. That says drunk fucking idiot in a melee.
Never forget that the NFL hired Robert Mueller to investigate the Ray Rice punching and he fucked it up.
Mueller is a homer.
Rice did a better job covering up his crimes than Trump did.
Also, the deep state loves anti-American actors (read: black men).
Did he fuck it up? Or did he do exactly what he was hired to do?
Aw, hell. We’re screwed.
I thought the Mixon video was way worse. But since it was pre-NFL employment, he got a pass.
Or did I misunderstand this?
and Beatie didn’t lie to his employer about it
Lying – please. Does every player who pisses hot get cut for lying?
can’t lie about this stuff, PR hit is too much
PR hit? The first time he breaks one off on SNF, Cris and Al praise his work ethic and how he’s learned a real lesson.
The NFL partners can’t NOT praise electric players. The PR hit is effectively nothing. Nothing. Zero.
Both are completely bad, wrong and dumb, didn’t K.Hunt hit her more than twice, once when she was on the ground? That seems worse or at least equal to one right cross.
From the video, he never seems to hit her, he pushes her, but there are multiple people around and if he’s drunk there’s no way he’s targeting her. She’s collateral damage. He does try to kick her later, but at that point it seems like he’s in full melee mode, this isn’t a 1-1 situation where you know who you’re hitting.
Ah, didn’t see the video, as I try to avoid those.
Still the same lesson remains from this that was the lesson in Mixon and Rice: If you have a nice, profitable life or near certainty of a nice, profitable life in the future, DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS!!!!!
Honestly, this was a big group, the lesson is don’t drink to excess. It’s probably a good lesson, but I haven’t learned it.
Drinking only brings out your inner, true personality. If you’re an asshole or monster on the inside, don’t drink to excess.
I don’t know about that. It pulls out instincts, if you feel cornered, you’ll strike out, but if you’re sober you might recognize that you’re not cornered, you’re with friends who are being dumb. It goes to fight or flight or fuck.
I assume it was the pre-NFL thing why he got a pass. Def worse than Hunt. Intentionally targeted a woman because she wasn’t responsive to him.
Mixon rocked that chick. Like, that’s how you hit another guy when you’re trying to put him down. Some chick running her mouth — that is like way too much (considering any striking is uncalled for).
It was straight up uncalled for, unless you’re IN a fight, there’s no reason to throw a punch like that on anyone. The lack of consequences = NFL hypocrisy.
Flacco to the Jags.
This… would actually be a pretty good idea for JAX.
JAX, eh?
Afternoon, folks. It’s a fine day to listen to some Canadian Brass and do some day drinking while wrapping presents and watching the games. Hope you’re all well!
The chili tumbler is a nice offering.
Neutral site spreads per ESPN:
Georgia vs Oklahoma: GA by 3.5
Georgia vs. Ohio State: GA by 8.5
Oklahoma vs. Ohio State: OK by 2.5
Also surprisingly, Notre Dame would be underdogs to all three teams above.
here to hoping Jordan Howard has a big game against the Giants!!
freaking fournette had to get suspended….damnit.
My option is either howard or Ware. (Yes I picked him up)
If I was you, id go with Ware. seems like more of a sure thing.
https://cincyshirts.com/products/factory-of-sameness
Lazy