MNF Open Thread – Week 13

It had been a typically gorgeous Southern California winter day.  Yeah,  it had started out in the 40s as I walked out the door to head to work, but it had warmed up considerably on the drive to Downtown.

The hookers weren’t there this morning.  Was it because of the cold or something more nefarious?

I brushed that thought off and optimistically decided they were working.  The holidays must be rough for the ladies.  Those babies and/or abortions don’t pay for themselves.

As I drove home in perfect 73 degree weather,  I realized I was hungry.  I thought about it and knew there was a football game to watch,  so I made the decision.

I called and ordered.  ETA 30 minutes.  Perfect timing.

After I got home,  I was undressing when the doorbell rang.  I quickly jumped to answer. I was REALLY hungry.

She was standing there wearing stiletto heels and a brown trenchcoat.

“Hi”, she purred as she opened the coat to reveal what she wasn’t wearing.

“Hi”, I answered.

She asked,  “Who’s playing?”

“Eagles and Potato Skins”

“Cool.  No need for doggie then.”

“Yup”

TO THE GAME!

The Eagles need to win tonight to have any chance of defending their Super Bowl championship.

That’s as short and to the point as I can make it.  Anything else would be verbose and self-indulgent.

Comment away!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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scotchnaut

Shout-out to dude wearing a Maclin jersey. He was a great wr2.

herodotus450

Bad cell reception plot point: check.

scotchnaut

If she sprains her ankle while running away from the baddy…

Spur

It’s clear the Packers will want a Sean McVay – type coach for themselves (as will most teams this year). If they do get a sharp young coach will Rodgers listen to him? The stories came out already Rodgers was changing the plays. I dont think Rodgers will take well to having a young coach. The Packers are going to be struck with getting a retread coach.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I thought you said “r*tard coach” at first glance and I’m thinking didn’t they just fire that guy.

WCS

comment image
“You rang?”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The white supremacist’s favorite coach— always finishes 8-8.

Unsurprised

I know there’s a Rex Ryan foot fetish joke to “retread coach” but I’m blanking.

herodotus450

Not pregnant-pregnant teen isn’t the villain, of course, she’s being controlled by another MAN. Another DRUNK man.

Spur

you watching Lifetime channel or MSNBC?

herodotus450

It’s called A Deadly Adoption. Gay best friend tried to be a hero, rip.

King Hippo

I don’t accept that penalty, extra chance for an automatic first down BLEERGH

Unsurprised

Female superhero movie trailer drops tonight. I’m sure this won’t cause a shitshow online.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It will cause one in my shorts though

King Hippo

Needs MOAR Ertz next drive

Col. Duke LaCross

Indeed. I’ll happily take 20, four yard receptions out of him.

Gratliff

Legit surprised they didn’t just throw a roughing flag for the fuck of it

King Hippo

refs don’t want to see any more of this McCoy shitshow than we does

King Hippo

McCoy able to escape Cox

yes, I giggled

King Hippo

False start, everybody but Colt McCoy

King Hippo

DO NOT LIKE AP getting near the red zone.

litre_cola

We all dont. He shouldnt hit his kids with sticks.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

IT’S A SWITCH MOTHERFUCKER

Gatoraids

Colt McCoy wants some sex
http://dopplepoppolis.tripod.com/hesh2.jpg

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Get him away from Dolphin Boy

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

AP Flour is actually just dead skin from after a beating, I read.

Romonobyl

Not even watching the first half, got One Strange Rock on Nat Geo instead. Pretty good series IMHO. I might disinterestingly have the game on later for background noise.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I prefer “One Strange Cock, the Kaitlyn Jenner Story”

The Maestro

Evening, folks. Just tuning in now. Seems like a very NFC-East-ish game so far.

scotchnaut

Really? It’s not that boring! Yet.

The Maestro

Not so much boring as just chock-a-block with inane color commentary. But I guess that’s most games, then.

scotchnaut

Not very many folks know this but the Bumblebee Transformer origin story starts with a Hollywood executive wanting to make a 5 million dollar year-end bonus.

Spur

I called in sick today. I’ve been watching the early season Office episodes all day. Pam was a bitch.

Gratliff

I’m glad we’ll get to hear Jason Witten mutter like a fucking imbecile while Ertz breaks his records

Spur

It will take a long time for Ertz to catch up the Iron Spleen. Ertz is injury prone.

herodotus450

Pregnant teen shower scene, is she faking the pregnancy this whole time?!

Gratliff

Gonna wince every time Sproles so much as stumbles from this point forward

Petronel

Yay Tiny Darren!

*squashed*

litre_cola

TINY DARREN SIGHTING!

King Hippo

Letting Sproles return punts seems a little stupid.

Gratliff

Skins RBs gonna walk off mid-game

King Hippo

would rather AP wheel off

Spur

Can both teams die of dysentery by the of end of regulation?

Romonobyl

Messy, but fair.

King Hippo

I like the big fat 0 by AP. Did NAE like getting him a receiving target.

/STOMP TEH SHOULDER

Gratliff

BAH GAWD THAT’S HIS BEATING ARM

Gratliff

FUCK AP

Gratliff

Looking forward to the evisceration of Colt McCoy

Spur

Folks

herodotus450

Lake boat motor restriction sublot?!

scotchnaut

Tell me there’s motor boat restriction. Please.

herodotus450

Pregnant teen is trying to seduce Will, a motor-boat-bait if you will. And the town they live in is called Storm Lake, I wonder if things are going to get rough?

scotchnaut

Keep an ear out for lightning cracking during a certain piece of dialogue. Total giveaway.

Romonobyl

There will never be a restriction on motorboating at Casa de Nobyl, not since The Dame had her “personal investment” medical procedure. They were…I mean it was…money well spent.

scotchnaut

My chances of squeaking out a win look Golden.

Gratliff

Hoo baby, that was some Wentz shit

Gratliff

Adams looks like he’s getting injured on every play. He’s just gonna fly apart next time he gets hit.

Col. Duke LaCross

Need lots of catches and yards by Ertz but no touchdowns.

Fantasy football sometimes doesn’t make sense.

King Hippo

I can live without the TD if enough PPR plus yardage

Col. Duke LaCross

I need another 20 PPR points out of him in my booze league, but need him held below 18 non-PPR points in my money league.

herodotus450

Gay best friend for the wife: Check.

Romonobyl

All women seem to need at least one gay bestie.

Gratliff

STOP DROPPING THE FUCKING BALL PLEASE

Gratliff

Skins on some serious Skins shit

Romonobyl

Have they done the military fly-by yet?
comment image

Gratliff

Bombing civilians is the most accurate way to remember HW

herodotus450

[Flips dictionary open to “foreshadowing”]
[Dictionary plays the scene in this movie of Kristin Wiig saying “I think we’re gonna be very happy” after inviting a pregnant jealous teen into their home]
One helluva dictionary…

Gratliff

Eagles should win this by 80, so I hope you all did the smart thing and picked the Slurs straight up.

King Hippo

just knock AP the fuck out the game so I can go to sleep

herodotus450

I suggest instead of whatever shit moonday night commercial fest is on, all assembled instead watch this Will Ferrell Lifetime movie for free on youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izoEf7FW4oI

herodotus450

Director of Photography: Adam Silver, in case you need a sprots connection that badly.

herodotus450

I’ll just say it: Kaufmanesque.

scotchnaut

Maybe a guy needs to watch these sorts of movies and provide the rest of the commentariat with his take on it. Hmmmm…?

herodotus450

Kristin Wiig and Will Ferrell, SNL-caliber dialog played all straight. I think a teen whose pregnant is going to stab people.

scotchnaut

Fox News Spins Historical Events:

“Vlad The Impaler showed us the powerful effects of gravity and what it was capable of.”

scotchnaut

“Bernie Madoff mastered the art of ‘Trickle-Down Economics’ for quite some time.”

herodotus450

“I have some of the best trickle down in the world, Natasha says so, Anatolia says so, they all say so.”
Donald T.

scotchnaut

[Says not a word]

-Natasha and Anatolia, lying in a shallow grave 30 miles outside Moscow

scotchnaut

“Ted Bundy was just exploring his sexuality.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Doggy style is also what commissioner Goodell calls it when a team begs him to share if he’s going to suspend someone indefinitely so they can preemptively waive them before more bad pub comes.

Brick Meathook

Kareem Hunt: “Well, she needed kicking. What of it?”

scotchnaut

“Seriously. Imagine if she hadn’t been given a good kicking. I shudder to think where she would be 20 years from now if I hadn’t done her that favour.”

-Kareem H.

litre_cola

I am in the winter wasteland of Edmonton. I did find a pub with wing night and my fave craft beer…….from Calgary.

Wakezilla

Whatcha doing in Deadmonton?

litre_cola

Work. My old boss is the director here and fired my peer for uselesness.

rockingdog

really need Jake elliot to make field goals tonight.
fly eagles fly!!!

scotchnaut

Need a TD and at least 40 yards out of Alshon to beat a guy that’s 2-10. Gah!

Wakezilla

C’mon, Eagles! Not to be confused with come on Eagles.

litre_cola

If in a National Park the parkies will confiscate your truck boat and gun…

Viva La Tabula Raza

Not for long if I have my way.
—Ryan Zinke

King Hippo

Fuck Adrian Peterson!

Wakezilla

A backfield of Peterson and Khunt next year is going to be measty and very abusive

Unsurprised

/Swtich Flies Off A Tree

scotchnaut

“Needs more dead hobos. Sorry.”

-C+

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