I decided to toss this thingy up a bit before the messiness that will begin at 4:30 eastern because there is quite a bit going on sports-wise on this fair Saturday.
The Autonation Cure Bowl sounds like a nasal remedy invented by Robert Smith-if you scan it quickly as I did. That one already started.
There is the New Mexico Bowl starring the good folks at Utah State and North Texas. Will they play football or have a tent-pitching/land-clearing competition. The natives in the area won’t be pleased no matter who ends up winning.
At 5:30 the Raycom Media Camellia Bowl featuring Georgia Southern and Eastern Michigan will kick off. Reports of members of the Eagles suffering from dysentery was proved to be false. Damn those scribblers at The Times-Picayune!
For those that like college basketball a number of top 25’ers are on in this window. #5 Michigan, #14 Buffalo(!), #25 Indiana, #23 Furman(! again), #19 Kentucky and #20 Arizona State all look to throw another W in the left-hand column of their record.
TO THE GAME!
Texans/Jets:
Any way I look at this tilt I can’t see New York winning. They just don’t match up well vs. Houston. Sure, that’s an easy thing to say of any 4-9 team playing their betters but them Jets are down to McGuire and Cannon running the ball in this rush-heavy offense. They are both below the 4 yards per carry threshold. The Texans have the league’s best or second-best rush D depending on what combo of stats you want to prioritize. So DARNOLD! with his 55.9% pass rate and 19 total turnovers is going to have to win the game with his arm to…. who? Robby Anderson is the best of a bad lot but he only stands out because Enunwa is down, Pryor is gone and Kearse is invisible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure at some point DARNOLD! is going to make some sort of throw that will cause my jaw to go slack but the Jets O is a shambles but I don’t blame the players one bit.
Huh. Cuse is up 3 on Old Dominion already…
Jesus, that’s a rugby TD if I’ve ever seen one.
Well, except he didn’t actually touch it DOWN like you gotta, but yeah, SCRUMBLE!
Do you have to officially change your name to add an apostrophe? Cause why not D’Arnold?
Why not two? D’oh’Arnold!
D’A’R’N’O’L’D
Be honest . Do you think LegoHead could fuckin spell his name if it had an apostrophe? He’d fuck it up constantly. Da’Rnold, Dar’Nold, all that, and never get it right.
That sounds pretty fun actually
Yes, an apostrophe is considered a letter. Also, why not Darnol’d?
Would that make him “Of the Arnold?”
I mean, I feel like that’s were the name had to have come from?
I think it means missing letters.
That’s coming back
I am hilariously wrong
I’ve achieved full Saturday NFL football mindset. Finished the grocery shopping, shit load of cold beers on hand. Ordered a tasty, tasty sausage, ham, bacon and jalapeno pie and I’m on lockdown for the rest of the weekend.
Let’s get crunk people!
Beer or liqueur? I plan to get weird tonight!
get??
My thoughts exactly. Batten down the hatches kids.
YES! Plus I’m about to smoke one.
It’s almost 4:20 on the West Coast!
I’m pretty happy because now I feel like it’s Sunday, but then I’ll go to bed, will sleep in, and it’ll be Sunday again!
No challenge, and Bowles should be fired IMMEDIATELY
Jets are going to win this.
Jets are dumb.
Texans “Hold my beer!”
500s timeout instead of a Jets challenge that should be!
Is this asshole really explaining “Kill Kill Kill” right now?!
Better now than at a dinner party
I won’t have to attend the dinner party.
this guy GETS IT!
You don’t have to watch this with sound either
challenge the spot, then miss the FG. C’mon, u noe u want 2
Damn, I just realized the flannel I’m wearing is more than old enough to drink
I have on mah sweat pants and Donks Obama 2012 shirt. THIS MUST DO!
Hippo is going to lose his thumbs tonight.
nah, me in GAMBLOR timeout
I’ve got a bunch of little bets going. I’m not shitting you but the Bulls and the under are hitting about 75%
Those bets are keeping me going while I miss EVERY other bet I make.
“me in GAMBLOR timeout”
Translation: Hippo has no thumbs, and is typing with his nose.
Alicia Keys don’t know!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ST6ZRbhGiA
HAWT TAKE: Matcha Pocky is the best Pocky
If both teams get a field goal, we got a Scorigami. Of course, that assumes that (a) the Jets kicker makes a field goal, (b) the Jets even bother to attempt a field goal and (c) the Jets kicker isn’t just walking aimlessly around New York City in full jersey and pads after that 2nd missed extra point attempt.
No, he’s walking up and down the Turnpike.
fuckadoo, Touch of Downs done made a nice footbaw play!
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/raiders-wide-receiver-martavis-bryant-suspended-by-nfl-for-substance-abuse/ar-BBQYjyM?OCID=ansmsnnews11
I need to make him the target of all my weed jokes moving forward.
Josh Gordon and Martavis Bryant walk into a bar…
While Donte Stallworth idles the car outside.
But I already killed him off a couple of spooky Halloween stories ago.
I like Vodka.
“The key word right there? Check down.”
That’s what I want to hear about the supposed savior of my franchise, guys. Tell me more about how he’s also “more of a game manager.”
you know sometimes, when one gets the strong impression one is being ghosted, but you show up anyway to complete the circle of shame? Why we do that?
Because you can’t feel morally superior unless you’re sure
I assure, I can only feel morally superior in front of Redshite fans
/side-eyes DonT
Speaking from experience, sometimes the ghosted doesn’t know they’re being ghosted. When you realize you’re getting ignored, you just simply walk away.
Its a wonder I survived Middle School.
That’s worth a goal or two, right?
Two?
“No, just one.”
-Nate S.
I don’t know. That looked like a direct hit. It might be three now.
One twig, two berries….. confirmed.
I wonder what happened on his THIRD kick, because he was set for the rebound.
Krieg, huh! Jaaah…Wozu ist es gut? Absolut gar nichts!
“Not sure, let’s deport her to French anyway” – NSA Agent assigned to DFO
mom’s making tamales Monday, I took the day off. The rule is, if you dont help make you can’t take any home. I’ll man the masa station all day to take home 4 dozen.
I usually bring to work a dozen and play the office drones off each other for them.
Nice. All the tamales are delicious
home made chicken pot pie is the way to go. I like to add extra broccoli to mine.
“I make it the same way except instead of extra broccoli I add extra brisket.” – Andy Reid
Speaking of Andy, do you think his kids call him from prison during games? Say shit like, “how are you gonna fuck up THIS kid, Dad?”
Kid, it’s “Kid” now.
Daaaaaamn. I think he felt that one.
Ryan Shazier felt that one.
Bullshit. The only extra thing Andy adds to pot pie is apple pie.
My family is mushrooms and scallions.
Ah yes, the “blitz but cover NO ONE” call.
CASINO BLITZ!!
/Gets called to dinner, turns off TV as Jets are punting.
/finishes dinner, turns TV back on, Jets are punting
/spends rest of the night looking for wormhole between the kitchen and den
There’s that Bowles magic.
what Bowl game is this?
The Fire Todd Bowl…es.
Folks.
Wow. An actual stop.
Man, it’s so weird to think that Browns/Broncos might actually be a good game
I’m gonna party like it 1987!
(grabs juice box and booster chair)
Juice BOX?! Where your Capri Sun at!?
We are all Browns Fans tonight (expect your racist uncle)
Not quite.
yeah, fuck all y’all!
“About half the country hates browns.”
Tucker C.
If you’re a cornerback celebrating tacking a receiver after making a seven yard catch, you’re celebrating your failure.
Unless it is 4th and 12.
Is Watson trying to count to 7 in his head before throwing?
Having attended Clemson, “trying” is the operative word.
You forgot the “one thousand…”
It’s hard to count to 7 when you only have 1 free hand
Depends on how good you are at masturbating at the computer.
Amazingly, they don’t test that at the combine
Publicly.
Shrine with a tackle without a flag? When was the last time that happened?
U*NC people came and sat two stools down. Forgot that those cockwallets play at 7. One libation shall be all, then.
Is a cockwallet the dude equivalent of sticking money in your bra?
Ummm…. no.
/thinks
THIS CHECKS OUT
Voice Over Announcer: “We’ve put a two pound weight on one tip of every kicking football. Let’s see if anyone notices.”
THAT’s SO JEST
–Blair Walsh
Woo?
Jets look somewhat competent right now. I dont like it.
I like it cause I wants continued throwing
[kicker misses his 2nd point after]
It’s a trick!
We’re gonna find out Bowles actually DID make an adjustment…. but just for one series.
Okay that wink that McCown shot Darnald is making me a bit uncomfortble.
I just bought a used tire, cash under the table. I feel super Libertarian!
You’re practically off the grid.
Somebody is ready to join the Posse Comitatus…
just remember, you can’t get arrested for anything as long as you shout “AM I BEING DETAINED?” over and over again.
Take your phone out and start recording. Based on what I’ve seen and read, cops are Lens Vampires and cannot perform any function while being recorded by the public.
“Just wave that cloth at the bull, it’ll make it freeze”
I’ll start reading my pocket Constitution at them!
(I actually do kinda want to get one of those, or a bunch so I can hand them out)
I know some legislatures, executives and some judges that need a refresher. Specifically in the 10th Amendment, which I think has been ignored since the early 1800s.
Yeah, that’ll never fly. Most currently, because the Constitution doesn’t say anything about regulating immigration. Naturalization, sure, but not immigration.
In spite of his desire for such.
Nope…its all about the Articles of Confederacy and whether or not the US flag in the court room is a maritime flag or not.
(this only works if you’re white)
(No. No it REALLY doesn’t. )
Or paying a dominatrix for it…… so I’ve heard anyway.
You bought a used tire? Can’t help thinking that 2019 will be a good year.
I just needed to replace one, and it has about the same amount of tread as my current tires. At half the price, sounds good to me
Artie Lange looks like shit.
It was bigger before it was smaller.
Then it got….
Glasses don’t fit any more.
So was Mount St. Helens.
Having wings at a sports bar that specializes in depression.
Clearly the wings aren’t hot enough.
You found a Browns bar?
Hooters?
Spearmint Rhino?
Pills are still good. Calm now.
So I went out an found a beach flag football thing or whatever today and let me tell you, life is too short for activities run by tyrants.
Though it did feel good to play (and score)
The real test of a person’s character is given him power and seeing what he does with it.
Through SOME bad years?
So, I actually really like Baker Mayfield, mostly because he’s the only reason my fantasy team only sucked about a quarter of a ball instead of multiple balls, but he’s on the Browns. This interview is just gonna be depressing because you know it’s just a matter of time before his spirit, and probably a tendon or two, are totally crushed.
Michael Irvin sounds like Miles Davis reading a bowl of alphabet soup
on crack.
BWHAHAHAHHAAHA!
Fresno St. QB ran about 30 yards in the backfield, set his feet and threw a interception.