Your Xmas Eve/Monday Night Football Combo Thread

Whine/Rant Alert:

Okay, there’s a bunch of sports-hungry folks that have the day off today. Imagine them (me) sitting down in front of the tube, ready to drink in the puck/football/curling stone/basketball/shuttlecock/sheep’s head/Quaffle and Thunderball action with their oh-so thirsty eyes and there’s…nothing. Hey NBA, college football, college basketball, NHL, EPL, Badminton Super League, Quidditch Juniors Alliance, Central Asia Buzkashi Association and Amalgamated Consortium of Corporate Interests-every one of your sports leagues dropped the damn ball today. There’s no excuse for this. I was raised to be a consumer from Day 1 and I’d like to consume and you’ve all let me down. For Shame!*

*does the word ‘shame’ have any relevance anymore, though?

There’s one other thing that no one has made any mention as far as I know and it’s that ESPN is reporting that Christian McCaffrey has engaged in domestic violence-check it out-

Panthers’ McCaffrey sets NFL mark, beats dad.

It’s right there in the headlines. First things first, I admire this particular christian for thinking outside the box. Most believers would take it right to their spouse/girlfriend but this fella was not looking for an easy way to prove his masculinity. Dude’s hardcore. Best wishes for a speedy recovery to ‘Pops’, btw.

TO THE GAME!

Bronchitis/Poison Oak:

Much as Herr Gruden would deny it, his leadership at this point in the season is modeled after the example of Erwin Rommel and his exceptional tanking strategy. I’m thinking Denver in a walk.

If you’ve got a rant or a whine I’m all ears.

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Senor Weaselo

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals. I am no longer playing Midnight Mass so I can just chill for now.

Brick Meathook

I hope they didn’t kick you out or anything.

Senor Weaselo

Miscommunication with the contracting. Happens.

King Hippo

You need us to go fuck some fuckers up?

King Hippo

oh, just precious

Mr. Ayo

You were correct. These guys HATE Vance.

Brocky

One of my new favorite Christmas past times is trashing the notion that die hard “is a Christmas movie”

You dumbfucks are being contrarian and you know it

Brocky

And fyi this isn’t directed at anyone in particular, just hilarious how riled up people get, tend to be hipster types, call me when you start watching iron man 3 and batman returns every December

Mr. Ayo

Why do you hate Christmas?

King Hippo

he’s the hidden Imam?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I see Elway has moved from the box down on to the field, so Vance Joseph is less likely to avoid this:comment image

Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

What happened to the die hard blog?

ballsofsteelandfury

WCS got high and sort of wandered off…

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe somebody schießen’d his fenster.

Redshirt

Once again, the End Zone is hallowed territory. Unless you (a) score a touchdown, (b) score a safety, or (c) make a successful 4th down Goal Line Stand, you shouldn’t celebrate in the endzone!

King Hippo

AGREED

Viva La Tabula Raza

The players are getting a little bit carried away with these celebrations. It was cute for a while, but has become tiresome.

Redshirt

Paul Brown had it right when it comes to celebrating: Act like you’ve been there before and you’re planning on doing it again soon.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lady BFC’s family is officially out of whiskey

King Hippo

Step 2: Acquire a mistress

Mr. Ayo

Disowning on the table?

King Hippo

Predict WC matchup slots!

Sat afternoon: Tits at 500s
Sat night: SeaTruthers at Non-Gendered Cowpersons
Sun early afternoon: Vikes at Bearistocrats!
Sun early afternoon: Clippers du Merde at Ratbirds

Viva La Tabula Raza

As old as I am and as long as I have been watching football, seeding messes me up. A 12-4 wild card team will visit a 10-6 team because Division Winner, is that correct?

King Hippo

That’s right! I guess less egregious because BAL just beat them in SD, but still…

ballsofsteelandfury

CARSON!

Brocky

Did someone tell john Gruden that if the raiders win this game, all criticism of the mack trade goes away?

King Hippo

Tomorrow’s Lesser Footy #HAILGAMBLOR! offerings are limited to Israel, the Muslim world, and a Vietman/North Korea friendly

Viva La Tabula Raza

Perhaps one of those matchups will lead to a small but interesting war.
Edit: so only Hebrews, Muslims, godless Communists, and the NBA are willing to play on Jesus’ Birfday.

Mr. Ayo

Gruden has no idea how challenges work.

Senor Weaselo

Lovie Smith challenges it.

King Hippo

YOU CAN’T CHALLENGE A SCORING PLAY, FUCKWAD

King Hippo

/should still count as his 2nd and final challenge for wasting everyone’s Holiday time

Mr. Ayo

At least it cost him a timeout.

King Hippo

and I guess a mild public shaming

Mr. Ayo

NINE MORE YEARS!

Redshirt

He’s already coach of the Raiders. Isn’t that punishment enough.

Brocky

Mildly in his defense, that wasn’t a rule when he started coaching.

And remember, a shitty call pretty much ruined his first tenure in Oakland

tomsellecksmoustache

Guilt trip Catholicism (an oxymoronic statement) means that I have to be the lone member of my family, that after 30 some years is still the only one up to hear an old man mumble in Latin. You assholes get pissed that I don’t want the Catholic wedding but don’t stay up for Pope Diddler IV’s mumbles.

Brick Meathook

There’s a lot goin’ on here

King Hippo

Between Sabado with Clippers du Merde and tonight…that’s some shitty groundskeeping

Redshirt

I just saw the 99 yard Punt Return TD. Its awesome, but I thought once the punting team touches the ball, its dead. Do they need to get full possession of it or something?

King Hippo

until the ball is officially possessed or clown dead (but after kicking team touches), returning team can pick it up and advance the ball without risk (i.e., even if they fumble it goes back to where the kicking team touched it).

Redshirt

Huh. So its a legit awesome play. Good!

tomsellecksmoustache

Christmas specials watched: 0
Glasses of bourbon consumed: Unhealthy

King Hippo

Same, just swap “pills” fer “glasses of bourbon”

Redshirt

Wow. I knew the Broncos were Painfully Average, but not this bad.

King Hippo

this is even worse than the Jest loss now

Redshirt

How did we let this happen? How did we as a Society allow this to happen?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cUz-zAATNI

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

I fall and drown in the lake. They pull out my body. “It’s so bloated and grotesque” says one. “He only fell in a minute ago” says another

King Hippo

Jordy Goddamned NELSON?

tomsellecksmoustache

Boobs.

Mr. Ayo

Approved

tomsellecksmoustache

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Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s the gift that keeps on giving!

Mr. Ayo

h
ttps://i.imgur.com/ytk8lb1.jpg

Brick Meathook
King Hippo

this is the best Xmas thing EVAR

King Hippo

oh, we can HAZ GAME!!??

Petronel

There ya go

King Hippo

Our Equine Lord and Saviour DOES look like he wants to strangle a hooker!

Viva La Tabula Raza

But he took off his gloves!!!

King Hippo

HERE WE GO, about time got some MUTUALITY in the DERP

King Hippo

TWO whole series without a score allowed!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, it is the Raiders.

Redshirt

My favorite thing about Rocky I and Rocky II.

Rocky I (immediately after the fight ends)
Apollo: “Ain’t gonna be no rematch. Ain’t gonna be no rematch.”
Rocky: “Don’t want one.”

Rocky II (after arriving at the hospital – probably 30 minutes later with Apollo internally bleeding and Rocky’s face swelled shut)
Apollo: “I want a rematch!”

What the hell did the EMTs say to Apollo in the ambulance in the ride to the hospital?!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Adrian told Rocky he was pussy bitch.

SonOfSpam

“Get your money’s worth – some Russian’s gonna kill you in like two more movies.”

King Hippo

local car dealer had some lame-ass “pastor” giving a message that ad break. Fortunately I had volume muted.

SonOfSpam

Juh-HEE-zus wants you to get this 2004 Saturn with low low financing

Brick Meathook

Jesus what a bargain!

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Buy a car from us this week and get a free plastic Jesus for your dashboard!”
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Primer gray 55 Chevy 2-door post, dual quad tunnel ram 454 with M-22 rock crusher 4 speed that James Taylor drove in Two Lane Blacktop against Warren Oates in his GTO. $145,000 (this auction was 4 years ago).

Brick Meathook

That was the car that was lost for years and then found in a barn in Canada

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

so much RAW SEXY

Redshirt

That look on Gruden’s face of “Holy hell, what did I just do?” is just perfect.

Brick Meathook

He’s smirking in the original

King Hippo

Case Keenum is a real piece of shit. I hope his wife and kids box up some cat turds for him to open tomorrow.

King Hippo

I am gonna lose $48 on Donks WOO!! – but make $155 on Arnett Gardens FC.

/in other words…EAT SHIT, RAIDERS!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Either Jack Daniels got stronger or my eyes aren’t lying and the Raiders really are winning.

King Hippo

21-17 final would be delicious

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow. Denver sucks.

ballsofsteelandfury

They’re… they’re not…. they’re not good.

King Hippo

Like I’ve said all season…6-8 win team gon’ win 6-8 games.

King Hippo

/looking MOAR like 6

King Hippo

Also, you know how a team plays to save its coach’s job? This is the antithesis. They don’t respect Vance one iota.

ballsofsteelandfury
theeWeeBabySeamus

I did not need to see that right now.

Later, yes.

SonOfSpam

But if you’re watching that, how can you watch the Very Special Gwen Stefani Christmas Performance???

King Hippo

I really could give two shits what LeBron has to say. About ANYTHING.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nawt Raycess!!!!!

King Hippo

ah voted for OBAMA FOUR TIMES!! 😀

/more a criticism of ESPN than anything, they would show LBJ’s stools if he’d let them

SonOfSpam

LeBron: “I would like to give King Hippo one million dolla-”
King Hippo: “OMG SHUT UP YOU STUPID ATHALEET.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s highly unlikely that it will happen, but man, it would be hysterical if KC and LA Chargers both choked next week, then Pats beat Jets and take over number one seed. Eat your liver, haters!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Arrest this man

Redshirt

Me while spending two hours at the Casino table:

Three people won $300, and I saw three people win $300 whilst slowly giving my money to the casino in increments of $15-$20 at a time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Whilst” is a very regal yet underused word these days.

Good on you.

Redshirt

I wax philosophical when I lose money.

King Hippo

agreed, make it seem like it serves a higher purpose

SonOfSpam

I feel like casinos in Cincinnati would have games like “Pick a Number”
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ballsofsteelandfury

Redshirt: Four!
Dealer: Seven. Lose again.

Redshirt

Almost. The game I played was High Card Flush. Literally the point is to get a higher card flush than the dealer. It so simple, its two steps above Pick a Number.

Its a game where I can make $100 last for over an hour, because even min beating $5 could net wins $10 with a four card flush, $35 with a three card straight flush or pushes with a three card flush assuming the dealer qualifies.

The $300 wins are some people catching a four card straight flush. I was flirting with a five card with a 8♠ , 9♠ , J♠ , Q♠ , but the 10♠ was MIA.

Brocky

Soulless cash grab aside: vegas vacation was far better than it had any right to be

Redshirt

Vegas Vacation was better than European Vacation (nudity notwithstanding), and I’ll fight anyone who disagrees.

Brick Meathook

Two absolutely great movies that were cash grabs where they gave the filmmakers total control because they didn’t care what the movie was about as long as it moved product: A Hard Day’s Night starring The Beatles and Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory starring Gene Wilder.

Brocky

Stupid question:

Does this game have any playoff implications? Like strength of schedule since the AFC west played the AFC north this year?

Redshirt

Maybe, if Baltimore ties and Pittsburgh wins, giving them both records of 9-6-1.

Baltimore beat both Oakland and Denver.
Pittsburgh lost to both Oakland and Denver.

ballsofsteelandfury

But Steelers have a better division record, so it wouldn’t come into play.

King Hippo

so as much as I would LOVE #ThePauls to go 7-7-2…cost is too high.

Redshirt

Can’t we have both? I would giddily take a tie next week against Pittsburgh.

King Hippo

ok, that’s pretty good

Redshirt

Good point; didn’t do the homework. I’ve been avoiding the AFC North standings for the past five weeks for obvious reason.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Even though it’s a rerun, some mighty fine automobiles on the block over on Motor Trend TV.

Brocky

I’d typically make a joke in bad taste about this, but for some reason I don’t want to:

That black and white image of matt millen legtimatley made me think he had died, and I really wish they had presented that differently.

And I say that with no allegiance to any of the franchises he’s been associated with

King Hippo

I guess I’m fine with his not-dying, so long as he stays out of the broadcast booth

Viva La Tabula Raza

Also, out of the management of any NFL franchise that I root for.

Brick Meathook

Also not flying any aircraft or operating heavy machinery near me

Brocky

Call me crazy he’s not that bad an announcer. Are there better ones? Yes, but it could always be worse

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder if Al Davis and his son Mark had a relationship much like that of Buford T. Justice and his son Junior.
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Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

At least my random Jamaican Lesser Footy bets are coming good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Petronel

Correct use of the “repent” option should fix that.

/Or sum SAINT(s).
//NEEEEERD

Brick Meathook

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Viva La Tabula Raza

My weather app tells me its 56 degrees in Oakland. Why the hell is Elway wearing gloves? What a pussy.

King Hippo

Not much blood flow to hooves ,, ppl forget that

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s Christmas Eve; he probably plans to strangle a hooker later.