Food and football go together like water off a duck’s back, right? Let’s go back, Jack and do it again.

Chargers/Broncos:

When I was but a wee lad me parents broke up and the mother raised two of us on a bank teller’s salary and it didn’t go well. So this item is my favourite sammich as a kid. Take white bread, margarine, olive loaf with cheese bits, mustard and American cheese and assemble. So horrible.

Raiders/Chiefs:

A growing boy needs fuel (read: carbs) and that’s what I got from Momma’s Pasta Speciale! It was a generous helping of spaghetti warmed in tomato sauce with a dollop of Cheez Whiz on top. I was reminded of starving children in Africa or China more than once.

Niners/Rams:

Snack Time! That was medium cheddar cheese, bacon-flavoured crackers and sweet yum-yum pickles. This habit came to an end one time after I barfed the whole conglomeration back up and couldn’t get the taste out me mouth for 48 hours. Gah.

Bears/Vikes:

Mies van der Rohe famously said, “Less is more” and I’ve no doubt that his philosophical musing regarding architecture informed my own special recipe. White bread (two please!) toasted with butter and ketchup. That’s it. Mmmm, filling!

Bengals/Steelers:

/cut to post-university days when I couldn’t find a job

Fried potatoes with salt and pepper. That was supper too many times to count.

Cards/Seahawks:

/still jobless

Spaghetti with mixed condiment sauce. Have you tried relish and mustard on pasta? Don’t.

Eagles/Potato Skins:

/skip forward to trying to drop my body fat % to less than 10

Canned tuna, onion, kidney beans and vinegar. I eventually got to where I wanted but I don’t think I did it properly. But young-ish bodies bounce back so quickly, you see.

Browns/Ravens:

The summer of ’85 I was working like a dog for the daddy and also putting in about 2-3 hours of basketball (in hopes of making my university team-dream crushed, btw) and a girlfriend. About 80% of my diet was eggs, spoonfuls of peanut butter and chocolate ice cream. Poor choices have consequences and in mid-August I fainted in the middle of a mall, cracked some teeth and got 13 stitches in my chin.

Don’t do what Donny Don’t does.