Your “Let’s Do Some Playoffs” Saturday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Dearest Elizabeth,

I hope this letter finds you well. I hope that Dolly successfully calved by now. Please give all my love to Bathsheba, Caleb, Horace, Moses, Ruth, Levi, Ambrose, Solomon, Rowland, Little Anna, Hester, Esther, Fester and Mary.

Excuse me for saying so but my beard becomes dewy when recalling that Sunday after church when we walked alone and sat next to the lilac bush by the stream. I praise our dear Lord and Savior that you were in heat that day. I think of your nethers quite often and my pants become strained. These clothes that I wear on this journey are called ‘uniforms’ and aren’t nearly as comfortable as a good cotton undershirt and a dependable wool jacket.

I know that I’ve broken my promise to never engage in war but the sad truth is that we live in a world not of our making. The English now determine our fate. We’ve had success these last weeks and have marched through the cities of Seattle, Nashville, San Francisco and Cincinnatti. (I call it ‘Sinnsinatti’) Please forgive that tasteless joke.

I am consoled by the thought that we are bringing these assorted heathens the word of Jesus as we sack their home places. The captain of our unit says that I can throw the bomb ball the longest of anyone he’s ever seen. I try to remain humble before God.

Now we march on the city of Houston so that we can convert others to our cause. There will be no Compromise as there was in 1850. I’ve grown quite close to a man by the name of Thee Young Hilton. He is a fast runner and leads the way whenever we are under fire. I hope he is fully healed from our last battle. There is no one quite like him in our regiment at leading the way.

I must finish up quickly. (much as I did by the lilac bush) Please forgive my humor. We are on our way to certain victory!

As Always,

Andrew Jebediah Elias Luck

P.S.: Don’t make a cuckhold out of Luck. Please forgive my humor.

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Moose -The End Is Well NighDoktor ZymmCol. Duke LaCrosslitre_colahippofant Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Seattle has a pretty good history of winning wild card games, with a specialty in winning wild card games against the NFC East

Doktor Zymm

“50% may not sound like much, but it took less of the electorate than that to put Trump in power!”

Doktor Zymm

GO SLIGHTLY LESS REPREHENSIBLE TEAM!

Gratliff

As my TL’s get more and more full of hot taeks over Rashida Tlaib’s very good opinions of the President, this is how my brain interprets every negative reaction:

MAGA Chud: *clutches pearls* In my days, we didn’t use profanity when talking about impeaching presidents. We used ethnic slurs like good god-fearing adults.

Doktor Zymm

How dare she use profanity while talking about a legal procedure laid out in the Constitution rather than sexual assault!

hippofant
hippofant

Once I got bumped from a plane with no explanation, and when I told the ticket agent, “I just want to know what the hell is going on,” she got very offended and said that she doesn’t take kindly to being sworn at.

It took me a few minutes to even figure out when I swore at her.

Doktor Zymm

I can’t wait until Israel denies her entry on an official trip because of her support for BDS.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, I couldn’t have been more wrong in the first game re roundtable predictions, so congrats to the cowboys.

Doktor Zymm

Holy Shit, Fox even has creepy generic blonds doing sports. Is there some sort of pouch where they breed them?

King Hippo

California?

yeah right

So they’re marsupials?

hippofant
hippofant

The secret is that none of them are actually blonde.

yeah right

Anyone else thinking about Indy and the money line against KC?

I’m thinking it real hard.

King Hippo

I think this performance will keep the line around 4 or 4.5, which is probably enough for me to bet the Chefs

yeah right

I’m going to try and jump on that fucker right away. That could be a fun game.

King Hippo

oh, I surely hope they make that the Saturday night fixture

Doktor Zymm

San Jose, where there are literally DOZENS of sportsball fans!

WCS

It pains me to see Ray Wise in those Fansville commercials.

King Hippo

hey, his kids have to buy drugs too

King Hippo

Here’s MOAR of Dok Zymm and her band:

herodotus450
herodotus450

I don’t know, bunch of white people with shaved heads talking about power…

King Hippo

probably Fulham supporters too if u noe wut I mean

Gratliff

Yes, Fox. Let’s start building the Cowboys up as the new big dog of the NFC so the collapse is that much more hilarious.

WCS

Aw, man. That means Buck and Aikman next, doesn’t it?

King Hippo

if it means they can’t ruin Iggles/Bearistocrats! then so be it.

Col. Duke LaCross

No, we get Collinsworth for that.

King Hippo

I put $60 on Non-Gendered Cowpersons -1/2 to win the first half. Don’t really care if they collapse in the second.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

off for dinner, back soon to see the lolboys fuck up

Redshirt

If I’m an interviewer, if an applicant hands me a laminated resume, I’m rejecting him on the spot, because he doesn’t think I’d want to write notes on his resume and expects that I would accept what he says and doesn’t want anyone giving their opinions to his words.

Doktor Zymm

Dude, you can write on a laminated resume, do you not own a dry erase marker?

Doktor Zymm

Or really, any sort of marker if you don’t want to edit

Redshirt

Still its too different. I don’t want someone’s resume to stand out. I want the applicant to stand out.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I get called into HR interviews all the time for two reasons.

1) HR has zero fucking clue what we do as a company and god help us if they tried to find field engineers on their own…

2) We end up with a lot of folks that are ex-military.

I once had a guy from overseas basically put in his resume that he was part of a military unit that committed war crimes during the Yugoslav civil war and he maintained an affiliation with a group that was outlawed by the EU.

I didn’t bring it up during the video interview (he was remote calling from Serbia).

HR: I really like him

Me: No. HARD NO.

HR: Why? He seemed really nice.

Me: Does he realize he will have to leave Serbia to work for us?

HR: I’m sure he knows…

Me: Methinks Interpol is going to get involved the moment he tries to fly to the states.

litre_cola

Litre Cola: I fucking love Interpol

Doktor Zymm

I wonder if terribleness is evenly distributed, and we just see it more in politicians etc because they’re more visible?

King Hippo

that’s mostly it. And their horribleness is kept to themselves less often because of the predominantly extroverted “alpha” personalities they have.

Spur
Spur

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

IND-KC? Can I blindly bet the over?

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

Rembember tho, Playoff Andy Reid Intensifies

herodotus450
herodotus450

Chain was noticeably crooked on that measurement; they got the first down by at least 10*cos(3) more yards.

Doktor Zymm

I was wondering about that, didn’t think it was supposed to be a hypotenuse of at least 10 yards

herodotus450
herodotus450

I tried to actually calculate it once, and the difference was disappointingly negligible. Only a couple inches, even if the spot was off by a full yard.

Redshirt

Wow. Almost 11 yards.

King Hippo

I mean, you called timeout anyway, why not challenge? You can’t do it anymore afterwards.

King Hippo

Buttchinski will challenge the spot, because we ain’t suffered enough

Fronkenshteen

I’m a moron, so I wouldn’t know this except for fantasy football, but Holy Shitbananas, Darius Leonard is amazing! Between that OL from Notre Dame and having the onions to take a LB from fucking South Carolina State (!!!) who turns out to be DROY, I’d say the Colts had a fruitful draft.

WCS

Suffice to say, this is all the evidence one would need to know that Ryan Grigson is a complete fucking moron.

King Hippo

yeah, the Irsay Week of Sobriety seems to have paid off

/Hippo pops the day’s 4th pill

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

GAH

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