2018 Quotables – Wild Card Weekend (Submissions) & Week 17 Goodell (Results)

Hey everybody, welcome to another (late) week of Quotables. I will be taking over this segment for Blax from here until the end of the season, unless my worst possible outcome occurs, in which case I’l have drank until my heart stops and someone else will have to take over following the Superb Owl. I promise going forward that Quoteables will be back to its usual Tuesday/Friday schedule starting next week, with this week’s results on Monday. As such, I am cramming the quick results from last week’s feeble attempt at this segment in below the usual Gif-y goodness. And yup, I had to pick one of my own. It felt fittingly Goodellian.

Anywho, go forth and make me laugh like a maniac at work!

“Uhhhh, he did it!”

Definitely not a foreboding metaphor for things to come

JJ Watt plays whack-a-mole on his teammate’s head

“Ho-dor!”

DAKDAKDAKDAKDAK

Andy Reid has the same look when the buffet starts closing for the night.

Goodell Results:

“And that’s why being a Senator’s son is the exact opposite of privilege. Thank you for coming to my TED talk” – BrettFavresColonoscopy

Goodell (sotto voce): “Ok, Ron…we’ll get someone to toss you another anchovy in a minute.” – SonOfSpam

“Note to self, make sure to check for wallet later.” – ArmedandHammered

“Must’ve been a great joke about CTE.” – Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

See you next week. And yes, I’ve been reduced to rooting for the Patriots this weekend. Don’t cry for me, I’m already dead.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers is a native North County San Diegan with an affinity for the Padres, beer, whiskey, punk rock, video games and the end of days. If you eat a fish taco with a fork in his presence, you may lose your hand.
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

“I came here on tWBS Friday orders.”
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Horatio Cornblower

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You guys see me land on my head that last play? Man, that was awesome! Didn’t even feel a purple monkey dishwasher!

Horatio Cornblower

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Man, my neck just hasn’t been the same since that last barn-raising.

Horatio Cornblower

The uterus? Oh yeah, it’s right…
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OVER THERE!!!!

Senor Weaselo

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I think the Superfans finally got their answer to Ditka vs. Hurricane Ditka.

Your “Well I Guess That’s Music Allegedly – #3” Friday Evening Open Thread – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] But regarding yesterday’s Quotables Submissions  … […]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“This is the church,
This is the steeple,
Get on inside,
AND WATCH FOOTBALL YOU PEOPLE! THE SHIELD IS YOUR GOD NOW. ALL GLORY TO THE SHIELD!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oops, this was an old one. Carry on.

SonOfSpam

You’ll be hearing from my attorney.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Got nothing for a caption, but it’s eerie how his movements synchronize with those of the guys behind him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“No, it doesn’t work when you pat *other* people on the head, J.J.” – Lindsay Vonn

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“When I said I wanted to put a bounty on his head, I wasn’t talking about a towel!” – Gregg Williams

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Not so sure about the “lock” part, but Philip Rivers certainly has the “pop” part down.

Redshirt

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Tiffany River’s uterus: (screaming internally)

Horatio Cornblower

Goddammit. I knew I should have scrolled down before going with a “Phillip Rivers-uterus” joke.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Can’t even beat the Colts? Quit chewing cud and go out back to the old yeller section.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Guess who earned some time in the JJ Watt Wood Chopping Cabin of Greatness!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Canned ham can’t melt steel beams

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Oh no, too sexy!

SonOfSpam

BREAKING: Tim Tebow engaged to be married; ancient Tebow sperm rejoice at the prospect of fleeing testicular prison.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well-that is-certainly happy-news. Good-luck to-the happy-couple!

/you have to look up who she is for this joke to make any sense.

SonOfSpam

Good-stuff quality-joke.

Redshirt

Based on his accuracy, he’ll probably miss future Mrs. Tebow and end up impregnating the neighbor across the street.

SonOfSpam

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Sharkbait

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I’m NOT HAM!…Assholes.

King Hippo

we know, we know, processed ham product

SonOfSpam

You called?

Enrico Pallazzo

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Let’s see Peyton Manning try this, Fat Humps.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

+1 NeckAIDS

nomonkeyfun

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And Mrs. Rivers gets pregnant, again.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I thought he had to be present in the insemenatory for that to happen.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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The “I’ve got some butter you can churn” mating ritual would work like a charm if any Amish women actually watched tv.

Sharkbait

And yes, I’ve been reduced to rooting for the Patriots this weekend. Don’t cry for me, I’m already dead

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nomonkeyfun

“Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will.”

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Game Time Decision

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The Terrible Towel’s Non-union cousin strikes again.

SonOfSpam

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Looks like Andrew finally got around to seeing “Night at the Roxbury”

SonOfSpam

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Sadly, Rivers’s 12th attempt at dabbing wasn’t any better than his first 11.

nomonkeyfun

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“And I thought I like white defenders.”

-R. Spencer

SonOfSpam

“What’s wrong with defending whites?”

– Rep. S. King

nomonkeyfun

“And you people thought I was an asshole.”

-Rep. P. King

nomonkeyfun

Da Bears fans have a collective erection related coronary.

Sadly, a cumulative 6″ of penis had to be amputated for safety reasons.

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nomonkeyfun

Man, these cyborg necks are so much better than in Peyton’s day.

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nomonkeyfun

I don’t care what McNair said. You’re one of the good ones.

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Game Time Decision

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Yo Mom

Send help, we’z getting our asses kicked. Bring Ray-ray and Little john.

Winny

Game Time Decision

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Dearest mother,

We have beaten back the Generic Texan folk. The battle went according to plan. We live to fight another day.

Your son
Hodor