Your “Losing Money I Never Had & Wasn’t Mine SUCKS!” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • In a rare bit of Cardinals good news, Larry Fitzgerald is going to take time & decide on coming back.
    • If he does come back & play under Kliff Kingsbury, it’ll be Fitty’s 16th season & delay his Hall of Fame induction until 2024.
  • Jim Caldwell is going to join the Dolphins staff under Brian Flores.
    • He will become a “senior advisor” on offense.
      • Likely to be paired with a younger hire for him to “mentor”.
  • In fresh “Fuck you” mode, Gary Kubiak is interviewing for the Jaguars Offensive Coordinator position.
    • Likely spelling the end of Blake Bortles in Jacksonville.
  • Speaking of “fuck you” tones, Jerry Rice is doubling down on the AB wants to go to the Niners rhetoric.

Finally, Matt Nagy was “not happy” with Cody Parkey’s appearance on the Today Show today.

  • They wanted to talk to him about the double-doink, and he gave his reactions & sentiments.
  • Nagy was upset because, “We win as a team and we lose as a team. I didn’t necessarily think it was a ‘we’ thing.”
    • GM Ryan Pace followed that with this gem about the kicking position: “We’ve just got to evaluate that [position] now. That position is an emphasis for us. We understand that we need to get better.”
      • “Our goal, of course, is to hit on every draft pick and every UFA. But that’s just not reality.”
  • If the Bears cut Parkey before June 1, Chicago would carry a dead cap number of $5.1 million, per Over The Cap. If they did so after June 1, that number drops to just a little over $4 million. Either way, that’s a lot of space to eat up just to change kickers.

My brother has a friend who is known as the “Porn Baron”, because he lives in Vegas & represents adult film companies. In Week 15, he put $600 down on the Eagles, and for the last few weeks he’s let the bet ride. Here’s what yesterday looked like:

Thanks to Alshon Jeffrey,

 

I don’t get to spend Super Bowl in Vegas at the condo of a guy nicknamed the Porn Baron.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: the Habs, Leafs & Oilers are all regional broadcasts in Canada
    • Blues at Capitals – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Canadiens at Bruins – 7:30PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Hornets at Spurs – 8:30PM | Sportsnet1 / NBATV
  • NCAA:
    • Syracuse at Duke – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
    • Baylor at Oklahoma State – 9:00PM | ESPNU
    • Texas at Kansas – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
  • WWE:
    • RAW – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
  • Australian Open:
    • Day 2: First Round – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN

Reminder: [DFO] Hate Week will return for Week 2 of the buildup to “The Big Game”.™®© So whichever teams make it, I will be requesting your vitriol for those dates. MAKE ME LOVE IT!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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ALXMACBrettFavresColonoscopyyeah rightGratliffBrick Meathook Recent comment authors
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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Schitts Creek isn’t bad.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Whenever I hear the name “Kliff Kingsbury” I think of “Klinton Spilsbury” who was the male model who was cast as the lead in the 1981 big-budget flop feature film The Legend of the Lone Ranger. He was very difficult on set, even though he had only acted in minor soap opera roles before. Eventually, all of his lines in the final edit were overdubbed.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

How do I get a job with the porn baron? I will flay Alshon Jeffrey alive, no questions asked.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

I didn’t think you could post double creampie gifs on here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The rule is if a cuck starts eating it.

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Bukkakke is ok tho

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

bukakke did not spell-check.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

***************SPOILERS***********************

I really liked the first episode of season three of True Detective.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Accurate to the last two seasons, and probably this one:
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Gratliff

Then how did the Eagles win the Super Bowl?

yeah right

Agreed. The characters make the story. Mahershala has an ability to express so many emotions without saying a word. I’ve got a similar buy in on Ozark on Netflix. Anyone can write a captivating story but without good direction and acting it’s nothing.

I’ll watch.

Sharkbait

I’ve been invited to a black tie optional wedding in Chicago in April. I’m 100% showing up in a tuxedo.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

But don’t wear a tie.

Game Time Decision

Or *just* wear the tie

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Or blackface

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

I want to be invited to a white tie event, but I don’t want to find tails.

Sharkbait

I’m going to try and convince Mrs. Shakrbait that a custom made tuxedo is better than renting one for this occasion.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Buy one at Jos. A. Banks. They’ll alter it close enough.You can even wear the jacket casually with jeans. A gentleman should own a tuxedo, even if it is the last pair of clothes he owns. You can then be buried in it and look good at the wake.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Make sure and wear brown shoes with it.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Or . . . no shoes at all . . .

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why did I make myself go to the gym? This just sucks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt
LemonJello
LemonJello

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Senor Weaselo

Hmm, in terms of affecting coaching Andy has the insulation but Grumblelord’s heart approaches absolute zero…

Redshirt

If I won a National Championship, got to go to the White House and saw Big Macs and Whoppers and cheap ass Side Salads, I’m following Forrest Gump’s example when I meet the President.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I think Trump might like that, though.

scotchnaut

Cuse beats Duke in OT. 95-91.

theeWeeBabySeamus

/tWBS snickers a little
//remembers it’s ‘Cuse

Dammit

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

On the plus side, nose picker pissed his pants in the excitement.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Jim. That’s just embarrassing.

Maybe it’s just sweat? No, that doesn’t make it better.

LemonJello
LemonJello

WCS

The first time I saw this, I laughed so hard, I nearly jizz in my pants.

Sharkbait

Porn Baron must have been bullshit at Alshon.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I mean, how do you not walk away with six figures in your pocket?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

When you’re a Porn Baron it ain’t no big deal.

Game Time Decision

Made homemade chicken nuggets with youngest GTD for dinner tonight. They turned out pretty good. Surprisingly the whole family liked them.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s no surprise that they would be impressed, that’s fancier food than would be served at the White House!

Game Time Decision

Hahaha. I saw that today. Seriously wtf.

Senor Weaselo

I’m a little impressed he left the wrappers on, I would have expected him to pass them off as his own family recipe for steamed hams.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If the Rams win the Super Bowl I am thinking I will invite them over my house and serve them Carl’s Jr.

theeWeeBabySeamus

If the Rams win the Super Bowl, I won’t have to go to the titty club.

DAMN YOU KINGHIPPO AND BALLSOFSTEEL!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I could also eat a burger and fries too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

More will show up than the other place.

Redshirt

That cautionary tale is why whenever I get lucky at the Casino and hit a “Holy Shit” winning (not a jackpot, but something where they reach for the black chips or purple without even thinking about it), I set a “Get The Hell Out of Here” limit. I’ll keep playing with their money, and maybe even raise my bet and have some fun, but when I reach the new limit, I get the hell out of there! I go to the Casino just play, but if I can leave with more money, so much the better.

To hell with letting it ride fun; money is more fun!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Casinos have an uncanny ability to reach into your pocket after you’ve finished playing with your winnings above the GTHOOH limit. A classic example is making your “last bet” at the blackjack table and your cards end up coming out as an 11 against a dealer 6.

Redshirt

Good point. I’ve had 88 vs a 6 once. Three splits and two double downs later, I’m staring down at $150 in play.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dude on radio just told me Dave Grohl turned 50 today. That makes me a little over two years older than Dave Grohl.
For some reason, that’s really annoying me.

Oh well, Happy Birthday Dave.
(no, the other one)

rockingdog
rockingdog

theeWeeBabySeamus

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

When I miss my parents I put 12 expired salad dressings in my fridge and it feels like home.

ballsofsteelandfury

Forget the Super Bowl, see if the Porn Baron can get you into the AVN Show. Now THAT is worth a trip to Vegas!

Also, stay tuned for my AVN posts next week.

SonOfSpam

I hope you see a boob or, failing that, a haboob.

WCS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

David Cross, Kristen Schaal, H. Jon Benjamin…that’s a hefty basket full o’ guest voices in that one.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Someone set the office thermostat to Auschwitz. This day cannot end soon enough.

SonOfSpam

I warned you about working for Zyklon.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Ovens or prisoner barracks in winter?

Gratliff

Sans football, I’ve decided to go about watching all the Q episodes of TNG, just so I can get to this amazing exchange:

“What must I do to convince you people?”
“Die.”
“Oh, very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?”

WCS

From Chestnut Hill, Philadelphia. I talked to him on the Germantown Avenue in Mt. Airy, the next neighborhood down in 2013. Really nice guy, funny.

Gratliff

My 4th grade teacher went to high school with Jonathan Frakes in Bethlehem. TNG keystone roots run deep.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[immediately starts drafting press release that books are not, in fact, edible]

– Chairman of the Board of Trustees of the Kansas City Public Library system.

Redshirt

My personal favorite is in his “Oh, please” in Q Who? when Riker complained about him sending the Enterprise to the Borg and costing some people to die. It was like a subtle reminder that this trickster is a god who can snap you out of existence.

Plus, Tapestry is a great lesson to never be too careful with your life because you only get one chance to do it right. If you’re too cautious with life and not like to take any risk, you’ll waste it.

Senor Weaselo

It’s important to have an earnest Borg line.comment image