This is my weekly outlook as to who will make the playoffs, who won’t, who will win, and who won’t.
As promised, I’m keeping track of what I say week to week so you can call me out on any bullshit you may see. TODAY, I’ll recap and highlight in BOLD any Divisional Round predictions I got right. In the next few weeks, I will continue making playoff predictions so you may mock me for my crystal balls being cloudy.
Without further ado, TO THE STANDINGS!
AFC
For historical purposes, here are the final regular season standings with my correct predictions in BOLD.
| # | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | Actual |
| 1 | KC | KC | KC | KC | KC | KC | KC |
| 2 | NE | NE | NE | NE | NE | NE | NE |
| 3 | PIT | HOU | HOU | HOU | HOU | HOU | HOU |
| 4 | HOU | PIT | PIT | BAL | PIT | BAL | BAL |
| 5 | LAC | LAC | LAC | LAC | LAC | LAC | LAC |
| 6 | BAL | BAL | BAL | PIT | BAL | IND | IND |
AFC Playoffs
I was right all along in picking a New England- Kansas City AFC Championship, except for that momentary lapse in judgment in Week 12 where I thought Pittsburgh actually had a shot to make it. I don’t know what I was thinking/drinking.
Here is the table with this week’s prediction:
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | WC | DIV | Actual | |
| WC1 | PIT>BAL | PIT>LAC | PIT>LAC | PIT>HOU | PIT>LAC | HOU>IND | HOU>IND | IND>HOU | ||
| WC2 | HOU>LAC | HOU>BAL | HOU>BAL | BAL>LAC | BAL>HOU | BAL>LAC | BAL>LAC | LAC>BAL | ||
| D1 | NE>PIT | NE>HOU | NE>HOU | NE>BAL | NE>PIT | NE>HOU | NE>HOU | NE>LAC | NE>LAC | |
| D2 | KC>HOU | PIT>KC | KC>PIT | KC>PIT | KC>BAL | KC>BAL | KC>BAL | KC>IND | KC>IND | |
| C | NE>KC | NE>PIT | NE>KC | NE>KC | NE>KC | NE>KC | NE>KC | NE>KC | NE>KC |
NFC
For historical purposes, here are the final regular season standings with my correct predictions in BOLD.
| # | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | Actual |
| 1 | LAR | LAR | LAR | NO | NO | NO | NO |
| 2 | NO | NO | NO | LAR | LAR | LAR | LAR |
| 3 | CHI | CHI | CHI | CHI | CHI | CHI | CHI |
| 4 | DAL | DAL | DAL | DAL | DAL | DAL | DAL |
| 5 | CAR | SEA | SEA | SEA | SEA | SEA | SEA |
| 6 | SEA | CAR | PHI | PHI | PHI | PHI | PHI |
NFC Playoffs
My anti-Rams bias kicked in as I had them exiting the playoffs early. They are at the NFC Championship game and if they can win that, I will not only donate $100 to the charity of Hippo’s choice, but I will be buying a nice bottle of whisky for a co-worker.
If, however, the Rams lose, then Hippo will call tWBS, who will be pissed, and they will meet at the Capital Cabaret for some drinks, a lap dance, and perhaps an altercation or two.
Here is the table with this week’s prediction:
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | WC | DIV | Actual | |
| W1 | SEA>CHI | CHI>CAR | PHI>CHI | CHI>PHI | PHI>CHI | PHI>CHI | PHI>CHI | PHI>CHI | ||
| W2 | CAR>DAL | SEA>DAL | SEA>DAL | DAL>SEA | SEA>DAL | SEA>DAL | SEA>DAL | DAL>SEA | ||
| D1 | SEA>LAR | SEA>LAR | LAR>PHI | CHI>LAR | SEA>LAR | SEA>LAR | SEA>LAR | DAL>LAR | LAR>DAL | |
| D2 | NO>CAR | NO>CHI | NO>SEA | NO>DAL | NO>PHI | NO>PHI | NO>PHI | NO>PHI | NO>PHI | |
| C | NO>SEA | NO>SEA | NO>LAR | NO>CHI | NO>SEA | NO>SEA | NO>SEA | NO>DAL | NO>LAR |
You’ve got to give me credit for riding the Philly train as far as it went. I was 100% on that one.
As for the rest, as I’ve noted before, the NFC Championship will be the real Super Bowl as the winner will handle New England in The Asshole.
Superb Owl
Saints beat New England.
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | WC | DIV | Actual |
| NO>NE | NO>NE | NO>NE | NO>NE | NO>NE | NO>NE | NO>NE | NO>NE | NO>NE |
***
Go ahead and tell me I’m stupid! You know you love to!
(9/69)
I hate how right you’ve been
By following and modifying to the obvious?
Hey now, that’s not true. I’ve been pretty transparent on my picks and why I’ve changed them, when I did. That’s why I put on the history table.
Plus, I called the Philly run perfectly from way back. At the very least I should get credit for that.
Now with regards to football: I think we’ll see an Andy Reid return to form. Here’s why: Andy Reid, both on a macro (offseason, bye week) and micro (in-game) is at his best when he has enough time to figure things out. The Chiefs looked completely unstoppable in the first half against the Colts, and then faded…just like they did last year against the Titans. Without an extra week to prepare, I don’t think the Chiefs jump out to a lead, and there’s no way that they can hold the Patriots offense at bay in the second half. Belichick is just way too good at in-game adjustments.
I have never tried that. Gotta imagine women would appreciate the sensitive word choice.
Threadjack with POTENTIAL INFINITY WAR SPOILERS:
Okay, so apparently the trailer for the new Spider Man gives away that at least some of the deaths will be undone. Here’s my theory/suggestion on how the whole “kill half the universe” thing actually worked. Thanos didn’t actually kill half of everyone in the universe – he split the existing universe in two! So everyone that faded into ash wasn’t dying, they were being shunted off into that split universe. From *their* perspective they would have seen the *other* half of everyone disappearing. And it’s important to remember that not everyone was in the same place when it happened, so the combination of people that survived aren’t even necessarily ending up in the same universe!
Anyhow, that’s an idea I had that I thought would be kinda neat. And then of course someone (Banner, probably) figures out that there’s a second universe, and the movie itself is about how they recombine the two.
Also, given how many billions of people there are in the world, there were tons of people that were having sex that had their partner suddenly fade away mid-stroke. I bet that felt really freaky and unsatisfying.
I’m thinking New England takes the L this weekend. something like 35-31.
KC defense seems to be legit…..to legit to quit.
Hey hey!
Me hopes you be right!!
Just in case y’all need MOAR reason to like to RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! yeah – they will be playing for Planned Parenthood on Sunday!
/unless Los Pelotas fears excommunicationado?
Planned Parenthood? Isn’t that Philip Rivers’ deal?
teh LAWD’s will, cockwallet!
Missionary position ONLY! NO SQUIRT BLOCKERS!! MARMALARD MAN-YOGURT MUST DO THE LORD’S WORK AND SWIM TO GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORY!!
The IUD Game?
So many audibles at the line coming.
We’ll know if that’s true if the defense uses an audible of “condoms *and* the pill” to switch to a Cover 2.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOO!
ZERO BLITZ!
That sounds like something Brett Kavanaugh and a buddy would yell while trying to rape a young woman.
Oh, I was thinking cunnilingus would be the code word to switch to zero cover blitz.
Dick jokes aplenty!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Tbi4yRYx7I
the biggest take-away from this is learning that Booger McFarland’s handle (revealed while he was making a Popeye’s fat joke re CJ Anderson) is @ESPNBooger.
Chefs will beat Saints in the Owl. I won’t go so far as saying RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! has no chance, but my luck is for shit. Think we will get two good games, NFC being close, AFC being Glorious P*ts Schadenfreude Day!
I hope both games are good. The Divisional Round was underwhelming to say the least.
There are some interesting storylines to watch:
1) In the first game of each rematch, the home/veteran side took a big early lead, then held on for dear life as the road/young side adjusted at halftime and stormed back.
2) If anything, NO’s run defense is even a little better than DAL’s. Can Gurley Man and Tons of Fun (aka Thicc RB) keep steamrolling?
3) X-factor related to point 1 – Chefs will have home field in their re-match. I expect Mahomes-y (based on what we saw last weekend) to be less impacted by the elements than Old Man Brady. Plus, Arrowhead is probably more of a 4-5 point advantage, as opposed to the standard 3.
Except for the P*ts game they were enjoyable, I’m sure the massholes enjoyed that one.
Saturday’s weren’t super close, but both were intellectually engaging, agreed. Plus, the teams I wanted to win, did so.
I mostly did other stuff during P*ts/CdM
Hey, as long as what you wanted to happen happened, the world is a better place. While RAMMMMIT was in control, Dallas fought, and they had to make a lot of plays to remain in control. I still like watching a good complex power run game work, and they did it against a good defense. Plus they did it with a guy that likes Popeye’s and doughnut shops. I was disappointed in the Colts, but have to give credit for KC having a great game plan and kicking their ass at every step, including their defense playing well for once.
Yes, the winning gameplans were both very good.
Think Buster will have to shoulder more of the load this week, and not sure he is up to it. Will be interesting to watch, all the remaining coaches are very, very good.