Gazing Into Balls’ Crystal Balls – Divisional Round

This is my weekly outlook as to who will make the playoffs,  who won’t,  who will win,  and who won’t.

As promised,  I’m keeping track of what I say week to week so you can call me out on any bullshit you may see. TODAY,  I’ll recap and highlight in BOLD any Divisional Round predictions I got right. In the next few weeks, I will continue making playoff predictions so you may mock me for my crystal balls being cloudy.

Without further ado, TO THE STANDINGS!

AFC

 For historical purposes, here are the final regular season standings with my correct predictions in BOLD.

#111213141516Actual
1KCKCKC KCKCKC KC
2NENENE NENENENE
3PITHOUHOU HOUHOUHOU HOU
4HOUPITPIT BALPITBAL BAL
5LACLACLAC LACLACLAC LAC
6BALBALBAL PITBALIND IND

AFC Playoffs

I was right all along in picking a New England- Kansas City AFC Championship, except for that momentary lapse in judgment in Week 12 where I thought Pittsburgh actually had a shot to make it. I don’t know what I was thinking/drinking.

Here is the table with this week’s prediction:

 11121314151617WCDIVActual
WC1PIT>BALPIT>LACPIT>LAC PIT>HOUPIT>LACHOU>INDHOU>IND IND>HOU
WC2HOU>LACHOU>BALHOU>BAL BAL>LACBAL>HOUBAL>LACBAL>LAC LAC>BAL
D1NE>PITNE>HOUNE>HOU NE>BALNE>PITNE>HOUNE>HOUNE>LAC NE>LAC
D2KC>HOUPIT>KCKC>PIT KC>PITKC>BALKC>BALKC>BALKC>IND KC>IND
CNE>KCNE>PITNE>KC NE>KCNE>KCNE>KCNE>KCNE>KCNE>KC 

NFC

For historical purposes, here are the final regular season standings with my correct predictions in BOLD.

#111213141516Actual
1LARLARLAR NONONO NO
2NONONO LARLARLAR LAR
3CHICHICHI CHICHICHI CHI
4DALDALDAL DALDALDAL DAL
5CARSEASEA SEASEASEA SEA
6SEACARPHI PHIPHIPHI PHI

NFC Playoffs

My anti-Rams bias kicked in as I had them exiting the playoffs early. They are at the NFC Championship game and if they can win that, I will not only donate $100 to the charity of Hippo’s choice, but I will be buying a nice bottle of whisky for a co-worker.

If, however, the Rams lose, then Hippo will call tWBS, who will be pissed, and they will meet at the Capital Cabaret for some drinks, a lap dance, and perhaps an altercation or two.

Here is the table with this week’s prediction:

 11121314151617WCDIVActual
W1SEA>CHICHI>CARPHI>CHI CHI>PHIPHI>CHIPHI>CHIPHI>CHIPHI>CHI
W2CAR>DALSEA>DALSEA>DAL DAL>SEASEA>DALSEA>DALSEA>DAL DAL>SEA
D1SEA>LARSEA>LARLAR>PHI CHI>LARSEA>LARSEA>LARSEA>LARDAL>LAR LAR>DAL
D2NO>CARNO>CHINO>SEA NO>DALNO>PHINO>PHINO>PHINO>PHI NO>PHI
CNO>SEANO>SEANO>LAR NO>CHINO>SEANO>SEANO>SEANO>DALNO>LAR 

You’ve got to give me credit for riding the Philly train as far as it went. I was 100% on that one.

As for the rest, as I’ve noted before, the NFC Championship will be the real Super Bowl as the winner will handle New England in The Asshole.

Superb Owl

Saints beat New England.

11121314151617WCDIVActual
NO>NENO>NENO>NE NO>NENO>NENO>NE NO>NENO>NENO>NE 

***

 Go ahead and tell me I’m stupid! You know you love to!

(9/69)

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hate how right you’ve been

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

By following and modifying to the obvious?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now with regards to football: I think we’ll see an Andy Reid return to form. Here’s why: Andy Reid, both on a macro (offseason, bye week) and micro (in-game) is at his best when he has enough time to figure things out. The Chiefs looked completely unstoppable in the first half against the Colts, and then faded…just like they did last year against the Titans. Without an extra week to prepare, I don’t think the Chiefs jump out to a lead, and there’s no way that they can hold the Patriots offense at bay in the second half. Belichick is just way too good at in-game adjustments.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I have never tried that. Gotta imagine women would appreciate the sensitive word choice.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Threadjack with POTENTIAL INFINITY WAR SPOILERS:

Spoiler

Okay, so apparently the trailer for the new Spider Man gives away that at least some of the deaths will be undone. Here’s my theory/suggestion on how the whole “kill half the universe” thing actually worked. Thanos didn’t actually kill half of everyone in the universe – he split the existing universe in two! So everyone that faded into ash wasn’t dying, they were being shunted off into that split universe. From *their* perspective they would have seen the *other* half of everyone disappearing. And it’s important to remember that not everyone was in the same place when it happened, so the combination of people that survived aren’t even necessarily ending up in the same universe!

Anyhow, that’s an idea I had that I thought would be kinda neat. And then of course someone (Banner, probably) figures out that there’s a second universe, and the movie itself is about how they recombine the two.

Also, given how many billions of people there are in the world, there were tons of people that were having sex that had their partner suddenly fade away mid-stroke. I bet that felt really freaky and unsatisfying.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog
rockingdog

I’m thinking New England takes the L this weekend. something like 35-31.
KC defense seems to be legit…..to legit to quit.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey hey!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Me hopes you be right!!

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King Hippo

Just in case y’all need MOAR reason to like to RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! yeah – they will be playing for Planned Parenthood on Sunday!

/unless Los Pelotas fears excommunicationado?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The IUD Game?

Ian Scott McCormick

So many audibles at the line coming.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’ll know if that’s true if the defense uses an audible of “condoms *and* the pill” to switch to a Cover 2.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ZERO BLITZ!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That sounds like something Brett Kavanaugh and a buddy would yell while trying to rape a young woman.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, I was thinking cunnilingus would be the code word to switch to zero cover blitz.

King Hippo

Dick jokes aplenty!

King Hippo

the biggest take-away from this is learning that Booger McFarland’s handle (revealed while he was making a Popeye’s fat joke re CJ Anderson) is @ESPNBooger.

King Hippo

Chefs will beat Saints in the Owl. I won’t go so far as saying RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! has no chance, but my luck is for shit. Think we will get two good games, NFC being close, AFC being Glorious P*ts Schadenfreude Day!