Your “We Are All…, You Know The Drill” AFC Champagne-ship Game Open Thread

My diary is filled with various loving tributes to the many, many blades I have in my collection. (Thankfully, no one talks about Knife Control) Much like any artist I’ve felt the need recently to expand my skill set, but how?

The non-profit I visited did so many things for those without a home. They seemed to have an answer for every issue for guys and women trying to get back in the work force. No address? They set up a phone number that prospective employers could leave a message at. Lost ID? They provided assistance to those jumping through the various hoops required to get birth certificates and Social Security cards. Lack of transportation? Temporary bus passes and volunteers to drive the newly-employed to work. I had a Dodge Caravan and this was my way in.

Four guys every day. That was the routine. I’d drop them off in the morning, maybe pick up one or two at night-the rest would get back to whatever passed for shelter one way or another. The organization would subtly lean on me to grab their most promising prospects at night. Giving them a bit more structure than most made their ‘numbers’ look good in the long run. I knew the game-funding doesn’t just bubble up from empty space. Stats matter when the board is making a presentation.

Jason was a likable kid-he was that long-limbed, gawky type that never quite grew into his body. He was-I’m guessing-about 24 or so but looked as though he was 10 years older. Deep down the youngster was an optimist but his back-story was one I’d heard before. When he was 16 he got his 15 year-old girlfriend pregnant. He lived in a small town and his parents were prominent members in the church and business community. His Dad claimed to have sent him off to a boarding school but when they arrived at the bus depot he was handed $200 and a one-way ticket to a city three states away. After the money ran out he was sleeping in parks and hanging out with addicts-“I’d been beaten up so many times, I stopped counting after a month and a half”, he once told me.

After I did a rudimentary calculation I asked him one time, “Did you ever get your driver’s license?” He said that his dad let him drive down some back roads when they went hunting but he was out the door before he was legal. “Tell you what-maybe sometime I can let you behind the wheel and you can see what it’s like to drive again. The way things are going, you’ll have your own car in no time.” His face lit up and his grin stays with me to this day.

Back at the office I’d been letting hints drop to the effect that I had suspicions that my boy was back on drugs but I wasn’t quite sure. Everything was set.

It was a Friday heading into a long weekend and Jason was so excited. He shared with me that he’d recently met and was dating a girl he chatted up at Walmart. She was a cashier and things were going great. “Well, somebody better start practicing their driving”, I said. “I know of a lonely old road about three miles from here but I’m gonna be the passenger in the back seat and you’ll be the chauffeur like I’ve been to you.” He tipped his battered cap-“Yes Sir!” and smiled that smile.

A garrote that you’ve fashioned with your own hands is a thing of beauty in its simplicity. A small length of rope, two pieces of wood with a hole in the center that the rope can loop around and be tied to? Less is indeed more. I asked him to keep his eyes on the road and to slow down as I slipped directly behind him. I had been looking forward to the sound that would be made as I crushed his windpipe but, as I learned after doing a bit of homework online, no air to carry it, no sound. Jason, you let me down…

TO THE GAME!

DACA Killers/Time-Out Squanderers:

[prays to non-existent football gods for result that temporarily brings balance to the world]

You know what you’re here for.

 

 

 

 

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Spur

Just one play KC. Just make one play

Ian Scott McCormick

There’s number three

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mother Puncher

They’re going to confirm the call and penalize KC a time out anyway

Fronkenshteen

Ger, I wonder which way the officials will see this?

Gratliff

Inconclusive so we tossed a coin

Sharkbait

Incomplete unfortunately

Senor Weaselo

Not a catch, but call will stand.

Spur

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Don’t look like the ball touched the ground.

Edit: to me.

Recovery Whiskey

No catch

litre_cola

Bullshit call coming up.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I bet this one actually gets overturned.

Fronkenshteen

Hello! This game is killing me.

...

NAWT UH CATCH

Brocky

God damn it..

I had this comment already typed

Gratliff

Need the spirit of Brandon Graham to strip sack Brady again

Brocky

He’s not dead, do need, dare I say it…… belcher?

Ian Scott McCormick

That’s two

Unsurprised

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Spur

there will be at least 1 roughing the passer flag here

...

I love how we’ve all been so conditioned by the last two decades of Patriots wins to assume they’re winning here,

...

I mean, it’s not crazy. It’s just a testament to how broken we all are.

Mr. Ayo

Brady PICKERCEPTION coming up.

...

Thank you for trying

Mr. Ayo

It’s all I can do.

Brocky

I might cum. I’m not even joking

WCS

35 yard return? Sounds right.

Gatoraids

KC should just let New England score on first play

...

*prays to the blood moon*

Please smite Brady and break him once and for all thank you and hail Satan

Unsurprised

For Satan Gave Us His Only Son …

I hope to see a bunch of flags, the color yellow excites me.

Sharkbait

Two minute drill. Here we go.

Recovery Whiskey

Anybody think New england can lose this game

Petronel

Yes. Very easily.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Too much BLEERGH on both sides to guarantee anything at this point.

Ian Scott McCormick

Over under on Tony Romo sloppy blowjobs on Tom Brady is 6.5. He’s already got one.

Senor Weaselo

Welp, P*ts win.

Gratliff

TOO SOON, EXECUTUS! YOU HAVE SCORED TOO SOON!!

— Cassandra, Pudgy Nobody (@ChrisWarcraft) January 21, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

litre_cola

Here comes the timeline we live in at ya in a hurry.

LemonJello

Romo’s been fellating the P*ts on all these pick plays, then wonders why KC didn’t get called for the same shit? Fuck this guy with Troy Aikman’s dick.

Spur

Too much time left. Pats will win this.

Petronel

Two minute drill time

Col. Duke LaCross

I’m happy they scored, but two minutes and four timeouts, shit.

The Maestro

Fuuuuuuuuck me am I goddamn nervous for this shit

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m gonna be chopping washers for the next few minutes.

Brocky

Seriously, what the fuck is up with bradys coat?

Mr. Ayo

One defensive stand, please.

...

Someone I follow on Twitter tweeted five minutes ago this game ends 31-28 so… lol

Sharkbait

Too much time

Senor Weaselo

DAMMIT, too much time.

Gratliff

Pats win.

Ian Scott McCormick

Uh guys, you’re leaving Brady too much time now

...

It’s nice we have Romo to inject the energy into this commentary that Nantz refuses to give.

Mr. Ayo

CHEFS!

Gratliff

Hot taek: Don’t one shot this shit or brady is gonna walk his stupid ass back down and score

WCS

That’s why Watkins falling down is better.

herodotus450

Mahomes “Let’s throw it into double coverage late” Mahomes.

Unsurprised

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THE BLOOD MOON ECLIPSE BEGINS

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