Your “We Are All…, You Know The Drill” AFC Champagne-ship Game Open Thread

My diary is filled with various loving tributes to the many, many blades I have in my collection. (Thankfully, no one talks about Knife Control) Much like any artist I’ve felt the need recently to expand my skill set, but how?

The non-profit I visited did so many things for those without a home. They seemed to have an answer for every issue for guys and women trying to get back in the work force. No address? They set up a phone number that prospective employers could leave a message at. Lost ID? They provided assistance to those jumping through the various hoops required to get birth certificates and Social Security cards. Lack of transportation? Temporary bus passes and volunteers to drive the newly-employed to work. I had a Dodge Caravan and this was my way in.

Four guys every day. That was the routine. I’d drop them off in the morning, maybe pick up one or two at night-the rest would get back to whatever passed for shelter one way or another. The organization would subtly lean on me to grab their most promising prospects at night. Giving them a bit more structure than most made their ‘numbers’ look good in the long run. I knew the game-funding doesn’t just bubble up from empty space. Stats matter when the board is making a presentation.

Jason was a likable kid-he was that long-limbed, gawky type that never quite grew into his body. He was-I’m guessing-about 24 or so but looked as though he was 10 years older. Deep down the youngster was an optimist but his back-story was one I’d heard before. When he was 16 he got his 15 year-old girlfriend pregnant. He lived in a small town and his parents were prominent members in the church and business community. His Dad claimed to have sent him off to a boarding school but when they arrived at the bus depot he was handed $200 and a one-way ticket to a city three states away. After the money ran out he was sleeping in parks and hanging out with addicts-“I’d been beaten up so many times, I stopped counting after a month and a half”, he once told me.

After I did a rudimentary calculation I asked him one time, “Did you ever get your driver’s license?” He said that his dad let him drive down some back roads when they went hunting but he was out the door before he was legal. “Tell you what-maybe sometime I can let you behind the wheel and you can see what it’s like to drive again. The way things are going, you’ll have your own car in no time.” His face lit up and his grin stays with me to this day.

Back at the office I’d been letting hints drop to the effect that I had suspicions that my boy was back on drugs but I wasn’t quite sure. Everything was set.

It was a Friday heading into a long weekend and Jason was so excited. He shared with me that he’d recently met and was dating a girl he chatted up at Walmart. She was a cashier and things were going great. “Well, somebody better start practicing their driving”, I said. “I know of a lonely old road about three miles from here but I’m gonna be the passenger in the back seat and you’ll be the chauffeur like I’ve been to you.” He tipped his battered cap-“Yes Sir!” and smiled that smile.

A garrote that you’ve fashioned with your own hands is a thing of beauty in its simplicity. A small length of rope, two pieces of wood with a hole in the center that the rope can loop around and be tied to? Less is indeed more. I asked him to keep his eyes on the road and to slow down as I slipped directly behind him. I had been looking forward to the sound that would be made as I crushed his windpipe but, as I learned after doing a bit of homework online, no air to carry it, no sound. Jason, you let me down…

TO THE GAME!

DACA Killers/Time-Out Squanderers:

[prays to non-existent football gods for result that temporarily brings balance to the world]

You know what you’re here for.

 

 

 

 

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pretty classic clock management

Mr. Ayo

C’MON CHEFS!

Gratliff

doitdoitdoitdoitdoit

...

Yeah the Pats jumped offsides there

Recovery Whiskey

I love Mahomes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Don’t do stupid shit Kermit, like take a 20-yard sack.

Fronkenshteen

This shit is so very fixed.

...

So someone asked on Twitter if the Bulls were as unlikable as the Patriots during their 1990’s run. I’m biased here so… thoughts?

Unsurprised

FUCK NO

Unsurprised

Everyone loved the Bulls.

Mother Puncher

I would say the Bulls were the last true “America’s team”

Mr. Ayo

What? Not even close. Bulls weren’t hated at all.

Mother Puncher

No. Bulls were exciting to watch.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As always, people on Twitter are idiots

Ian Scott McCormick

I always rooted against them because rooting for them seemed like rooting for gravity. But no. They weren’t hated at much as NE.

Senor Weaselo

Everyone loved MJ, even if he might not be the greatest person.

Brocky

The hating on Jordan is all from lebron nut huggers. Seriously

Unsurprised

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Ian Scott McCormick

Brady just dumped a fourth load all over Romo’s face

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Booooooooooo

...

super blood moon yadda yadda

🙁

Spur

I hate Football.

Sharkbait

DEFENSE!! DEFENSE!! DEFENSE!!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m still not counting out Mahomes.

clint greasewood

Andy Reid keeps a vile of Donovan McNabb’s blood around his necks to make sure he keeps the blood oath to lose in conference championship games.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like the Patriots are just mocking the Chiefs by still having three timeouts left.

I’m absolutely convinced Goodell is a sleeper agent for the NBA

Mr. Ayo

Too much time left for Mahomes-y

Gratliff

Never count out Shithead McGillicutty

LemonJello

Confirmed: We can’t have nice things.

herodotus450

Whoever said let the Pats score on the first play was right.

Unsurprised

I appreciate how it only took Pornhub like three-four years to stop autoplaying videos by default. This is why I prefer xvideos.

The Maestro

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Alas.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Recovery Whiskey

Most fixed sport: NFL, NBA or WWE

Unsurprised

Yes

Brocky

My Cub scout pinewood derby

Mr. Ayo

NBA, but yes

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Berry fucks over KC twice.

herodotus450

This game BETTER come down to the Chiefs not having that third timeout wasted on a challenge earlier.

WCS

The Reidening

Mother Puncher

Jesus. Romo is great

...

Chiefs are losing. The moon decrees it.

Ian Scott McCormick

Feel free to burn a TO Andy

Brocky

Damn it all

Gratliff

lol here we go

Senor Weaselo

Stop doing stupid shit Chefs!

...

AHAHAHAHAHAH everything sucks

Col. Duke LaCross

You’ve gotta be fistfucking me.

Recovery Whiskey

Theres the third bailout ne call

...

………………….

Gratliff

FACK

clint greasewood

They need Josh Gordon here.

WCS

Yep.

Spur

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...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

OMG OMG OMG