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Your “Can Ambivalence Breed Contempt?” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

/

,

NFL Nuggets:

  • Franchise tag update:
    • The first application – the 49ers, on Robbie Gould.  
      • As discussed yesterday, the tag is $5 million for kickers, relatively cheap compared to $23 million for QBs & $16 million for running backs.
      • Gould has made 72 of 75 field goals since joining San Francisco in 2017.
        • They have until July 15 to work out a long-term deal.
          • I doubt a kicker would go the Le’Veon Bell route.
  • It’ll be the Oakland Raiders for 2019, with an option for 2020.  
    • Given the other news of the week I don’t think nfl.com meant to phrase their reaction this way:
      • “The deal ensures somewhat of a happy ending and a chance for Raiders fans to bid farewell before the Raiders leave for good.”
  • Someone is suing the AAF claiming the idea for the league was his.
    • Robert Vanech, the co-founder and current CFO of Trebel Music, said he had a “handshake agreement” with Charlie Ebersol about founding the new league.
      • Further, he claims most of Bill Polian’s ideas for fan engagement also came from him.
    • The lawsuit is allegedly about the direction Ebersol went in after a failed meeting with Vince McMahon to try & buy the rights to the name “XFL”.
      • Vanech claims he had a handshake deal to be brought in as a 50% investor, but that Ebersol broke their agreement and went in the Polian direction instead.
    • You legal types can read the entire 92-page filing here.
  • The Ravens have cut Michael Crabtree weeks before he was due a $2.5 million salary bonus.
    • He was also due $7.5 million base salary in the second year of a three year contract.
    • Salary cap math dictates this frees up $4.667 million in cap room for 2019.
    • This gives people the impression the Ravens will use a couple of picks on the wide receiver position, ones that will compliment Lamar Jackson.
  • The No Fun League is threatening a return, by targeting “excessive participation” in TD celebrations.
    • They are looking into an amendment to the celebration rule that will prevent players leaving the bench to join in the follies.
    • Anyone leaving the bench beyond the 11 on the field at the time of the score would be subject to a 15-yard penalty.

Finally, Randy Gregory has received

his fourth suspension for violating the league’s substance abuse policy.

  • In addition to violating the terms of his reinstatement after his third suspension, where he was out for a whole season.
  • As nfl.com notes, in four years in the league, Gregory has been suspended for more games (30) than he’s played (28).

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Sabres at Flyers – 7:00PM | NBCSN
    • Sharks at Bruins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Dallas at Vegas – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Celtics at Raptors – 8:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
    • Thunder at Nuggets – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Duke at Virginia Tech = 7:00PM | ESPN
    • Alabama at South Carolina – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Providence at Butler – 7:00PM | FS1
    • TCU at West By-God Virginia – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • Wisconsin at Indiana – 9:00PM | ESPN
    • Texas A&M at LSU – 9:00PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown Live – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
  • Futbol:
    • 2019 CONCACAF Champions League:
      • Toronto FC vs. Independiente FC – Leg #2 – 8:00PM | TSN

For those of you following along, voting in the Banner Brackets begins on Friday. Check back daily to see who’s going to lose to Spam. IT COULD BE YOU!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I can’t stop laughing at this…
https://www.vice.com/en_nz/article/9kv5b8/stoned-kiwi-breaks-into-zoo-gets-bashed-by-tiny-monkeys

John reportedly told zookeepers that he’d broken his leg while jumping the boundary fence—but his attempted monkey heist was ultimately foiled by the fact that monkeys are not, as it turns out, just hairy little children with tails. They are savage acrobats that will beat the living piss out of anyone who wanders into their territory unannounced. And in this case, that someone also happened to be a wanted criminal.

Police had been chasing John for a string of unrelated offences over the previous seven months, including an unprovoked assault on a man waiting at traffic lights, an alcohol-fuelled attack at a convenience store, and assaults on a Wellington City Council community safety officer and a night shelter resident who refused to hand over cigarettes, the New Zealand Herald reports.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

“…gets bashed by tiny monkeys”
LMFAO

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I get to sleep at home threw nights this week!

0
Mr. Ayo

Ban cameras!

Then no more replay reviews and life can be good again.

1
Mr. Ayo

Cancel this game. I’ve seen enough missed shots and free throws in these overtimes to last an entire month.

0
Mr. Ayo

And, as always, fuck these terrible refs.

0
Unsurprised

In case it gets missed being on the bracket page.

litre_cola

Only half your body feels numb after a Kubiak, the Kraft is full body relaxation.

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2019/02/26/better-know-a-banner-bracket-gamblor-regional/#comment-638030

4
King Hippo

WHAT A MONSTER

1
Fronkenshteen

Was Gaetz auditioning to be the new Cohen by threatening Cohen?

2
SonOfSpam

Gaetz and Nunes are really neck-and-neck for most punchable congressdick.

1
Fronkenshteen

Those two & Linz HAVE to be compromised, right?

3
SonOfSpam

I mean, if not, then what the everloving fuck?

1
Unsurprised

BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING SCUM!

Jesus Christ. This isn’t particle physics. They’re shitty people in a shitty party. They don’t give a fuck about you or me or anyone but themselves and how they can use their position to benefit themselves. In this case, kissing Trump’s ass benefits them when 90% of the GOP supports him and approves of his job performance. This is keeping them employed, rich, and in political favor with everyone who matters.

2
Fronkenshteen

PUNCHABLE CONGRESSPERSONS LIST!! WOOT WOOT!

I’ll take Louis Gohmert.

4
King Hippo

he’s apparently considered the dumbest even amongst the mouth-breathers

1
Redshirt

We can only choose one?!

4
King Hippo

he wants to hold the Fuhrer’s balls while he shaves

1
WCS

Just ask Matthew Gaetz to down five shots of, most likely, Sex on the Beach, then down three Bud Light Limes, and then drive his SUV to test it’s “sobriety testing.”

2
King Hippo

Speaking of Hitler, do you think anyone ever went through the rubble and ejaculated into the eye cavity of the skull? Because that seems important.

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herodotus450

Russians supposedly burned* the corpse.
*But we all know they took it back to SIberia and tried to clone him into mechahitler but all they got was Gorbachev**
**Where do you think the birthmark came from?

3
King Hippo

teh pieces FIT

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Fronkenshteen

comment image

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King Hippo

can I get the Hitler jism on teh side?

0
WCS

Just a horrifying concept of food, though, a terrific scene.

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Fronkenshteen

His last meal

0
WCS

Still not worth it.

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Redshirt

That would be wrong. Unless it was a Jewish man who cleans himself with Mein Kampf when he’s done.

1
SonOfSpam

I have a fucking GREAT idea that’s gonna win an AVN award next year.,..

TO THE TYPEWRITER WITH THE KEYS THAT STICK!

2
Redshirt

Please don’t. I already have a lot to answer for in my Final Judgment. Busting a nut to Hitler may be the final grain of sand that sends my ass to Hell to burn for Eternity.

2
King Hippo

I’m hoping that God skips my list of wretchedness just because it would take too long.

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Redshirt

My hope:

God: “Did he eat a puppy?”
St. Peter: “Our records doesn’t say so.”
God: “Are we sure?”
Jesus: “I can vouch for him, Dad. He didn’t eat a puppy.”
God: “Send him to 10000 years of cleaning up the dog poop at the Rainbow Bridge. If we can’t find proof he ate a puppy by then, let him in.”

3
Fronkenshteen

Fucking Winnipeg…

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Redshirt

“When the Conservatives were in I cannot tell you how much I hated them. But I realise how shallow I am because I now hate the Labour Party as much.”

I suddenly have a newfound respect for the Fourth Doctor.

1
King Hippo

Not that I really understand British politics much, but if my choices are Teresa May and that Corbyn weirdo. I’d probably vote Lib Dem.

/or maybe whatever Anarchist party Nigel from The Young Ones was in

//the name is probably wrong, was like 35 goddamned years ago

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SonOfSpam

Alls I know is Teresa May is pretty worthless, but Corbyn is Trumpesque.

1
Unsurprised

Yeah, the avowed Socialist who got arrested protesting Apartheid in the 1980s is so much like Trump.

WTF are you are all smoking, and where can I get some in edible form?

0
Unsurprised

/or maybe whatever Anarchist party Nigel from The Young Ones was in

I’m going to be honest: I was absolutely expecting that to be Nigel Farage, who is a fascist cunt.

1
Brick Meathook

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Redshirt

Four steps? You took a shower today?

1
King Hippo

his feet move a lot when he self-abuses?

2
Redshirt

“Wow. Your Apple Watch says you ran a seven minute mile! How’d you do it?”

“Practice. Lots and lot of practice.”

2
Brick Meathook

I used to have a FitBit that I clipped to the pocket of my shorts, and sometimes it would go through the washer and dryer. It always survived, and I’d get credit for climbing like a hundred stair cases.

2
King Hippo

that’s even better than clipping it to a tweaker

1
Unsurprised

POINT seven-minute mile.

0
WCS

H used the toilet rather than just pee in the pot he carries around.

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King Hippo

don’t we all use piss jugs like Ray now?

1
SonOfSpam

Today’s carpeting is surprisingly absorbent.

3
Redshirt

Some of us don’t have the aim to hit a bucket.

comment image?itemid=8497484

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Brick Meathook

It’s a FitBit Charge2 wrist device sitting on my desk. I think I moved it.

1
Gratliff

4 steps for Brick, 4 zetabytes of personal data for FitBit

3
Brick Meathook

I only wear it when I exercise, which is apparently never. Mine even records heart rate, and that’s the data they really want that they can pair with the microphone data from your Alexa so they know what ads you were listening to or watching that got you all excited.

1
King Hippo

I self judge enough that I don’t need technology to tell me I’m a fat, sedentary piece of shit.

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SonOfSpam

Maybe you believe (like Trump) that humans have a finite usable amount of energy over their lifetimes, so any exercise depletes that reserve and results in a shorter lifespan. If that’s the case, huzzah!!!

1
Brick Meathook

If I really wanted to go for the joke here I’d say “But goddamit I’m in a fucking wheelchair!”

But that would be awful so I won’t.

3
SonOfSpam

Then why did you build a ramp on your porch?

(Then why did I have the bowl, Bart???)

1
Unsurprised

So that’s why your repetitive forearm motion numbers are in the tens of thousands.

0
King Hippo

I am excite for tomorrow, because my $1,050 in fake moneys will be able to be xferred to my 5dimes account.

#HAILGAMBLOR

/really, truly, I have nothing left in this world to live for

0
WCS

Absolutely nothing makes sense in the NHL’s Eastern Conference, other than the Lightening will inevitably be another President’s Trophy winner to flame-out in the playoffs.

2
Gratliff

Take the west’s wildcard spots away imo

0
Brocky

To echo what redshirt said, detective pikachu looks dope as hell.

And no coincidence, they have my favorite and officially most badass pokemon of all time:

MUTHA

FUCKING

MEWTWO!!!!
comment image

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litre_cola

Better than the Pokemon #metoo

0
Gratliff

Goddamn, the Red Wings are getting fucking murked out there. I hope they’re bad forever.

0
herodotus450

Sweet merciful crap, 8-1!? Almost as bad as the Sens…

0
JustStopDude

Downer comment. If you don’t want to be depressed…ignore.

I got customers coming in for training next week. The manager in charge of the project is MIA. Usually he is really good. I can’t find him till today. I corner him in his cubical.

“Kevin…where the hell have you been. You MIA mother…okay…let’s go outside”

He had the look. I stopped immediately giving him shit because right away, I wasn’t getting the response I was expecting. I saw the look I saw in people when I was a contractor for the Army…post enlisted in the navy. I had boots in bad places. Kevin had that look of someone in the shit. The look of someone barely holding it together.

We go outside. He opens up. He has three kids sweet, great kids I have met. His 12 year old, the youngest, he had to put her into a rehab center for anorexia. He opens up how yesterday, the docs interviewed him and his wife independently to asks if he had be sexually abusing his daughter.

I don’t know how a parent fields that question without throwing a punch. Kevin is a better person than me because in his place, I would have gotten arrested.

I hug a grown man today. I can’t imagine what he is going through. So I am getting scary drunk on whatever day of the week it is…because I hate the world. A kid and a family should never had to go through this.

I swear, this is the last depressing comment from me on this thread. I just kind of need to unload and I apologize.

4
SonOfSpam

Hey man, don’t apologize. You were there for him, and everyone (parents, rehab docs, etc.) is trying to do the right thing for this little girl. With any luck, she’ll beat this and everyone will be stronger for it.

But yeah, go ahead and drink. It’s that time.

2
Sharkbait

Hey man, No need to apologize. Be glad you were there for him, and we’re all here for you. Vent away.

2
Redshirt

The correct answer to that question is:

“I am not, but I appreciate that you are protective of my child. But I must warn you that if you ask me that question again, I will expose your vital organs to daylight.”

2
WCS

That doc has some kind of balls, though I get why he/she had to ask. That said, that’s a world of shit to put on someone, regardless.

Nothing to worry about, bro. That’s far too much to have to absorb for anyone.

2
JustStopDude

I dated a woman for a while, we are still friends, who is a juvenile oncology nurse.

Holy shit how she could do that I never understood.

1
SonOfSpam

Many moons ago, our newborn spent two weeks in a children’s hospital oncology ward (no cancer, just a weird condition that turned out ok, she’s fine, etc); one day, a cute little girl came into the room and asked if the baby was okay. We talked to her for a minute, then her dad called from the hall and she left the room. The nurse said quietly, “Poor thing – the cerebral palsy is hard, but the tumor on her kidney is what’s really the issue now.” Not saying I became an atheist right then, but it gave me a bit of a shove.

2
Redshirt

They have to. When I was a Day Care Teacher, I was taught how to see signs of a sexually abused child.

A part of me died that day.

1
Unsurprised

I didn’t even like having to go through mandatory reporter training. That must’ve been unbearable.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

You’re a good man, JSD.

1
Unsurprised

If they bleed, then we can kill them.

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Brick Meathook

They also make good rockets.

3
SonOfSpam

Or food for hungry pigs.

Fertilizer for plants.

They’re as useful as dead hookers, and more fun to flay.

3
Gratliff

“Oh my god, you killed a Nazi!”
“You mean a race realist!”
“No, Cyril. When they’re dead, they’re just Nazis.”

6
King Hippo

We really need to incorporate Mr. Wu’s pigs into modern-day, actual real life.

2
Gratliff

You knew who else shot Hitler? That’s right. Hitler.

5
Gratliff

Philly needs fucking 95 points to even have a 50% chance at the ‘yoffs. What even is this year?

0
Unsurprised

1) So you’re saying there’s a chance?

2) Damn. When did they move to Cleveland?

1
Unsurprised

I ran across a fan page for a model who quit ten years ago and it’s so comprehensive that everything about it just makes me feel gross. I wish it was because it seems obsessive, but who was the one binging retired models anyway? I’m gross.

0
SonOfSpam

You use Bing???

Fucking weird-ass perv.

4
Unsurprised

It’s the best search engine for porn.

2
SonOfSpam

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1
Gratliff

lol Blue Jackets are gonna drop from 3rd in the division to 9th in the conference tonight

0
nomonkeyfun

Jacon Wohl has been suspended from twitter for running multiple fake accounts.

Is that what happened to OSZ? Did he get in trouble for for what NSZ told us about the NFL mines in the future?

1
Redshirt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bILE5BEyhdo

Guys, something is seriously wrong with me, because “Detective Pikachu” is starting to grow on me. Help!

0
nomonkeyfun

Using a loofah when you shower should help.

0
Beerguyrob

I would try to talk you down, but since my brother is a producer on said spectacle I’m obligated to encourage you to keep pursuing this jones.

4
Redshirt

Tell Beerguybro we said “Good luck”!

3
Unsurprised

Do you have any idea how incredible it is to see all of these fuzzy CGI characters in a full-length movie? I can still remember when hairs had to be drawn particle by fucking particle. Monsters, Inc. was a fucking watershed moment for animation given that at one point it would’ve taken about 50 years to draw and render Sully in that level of detail.

So, yes, I understand.

0
Redshirt

Not only the furry ‘mons, but everything. Charizard, Bulbasaur, Mewtwo. They all looked real.

1
rockingdog

is it weird that I kind of want to watch this Michael Cohen public congressional testimony tomorrow?

5
Brocky

No. A vested interest in the nations well being is perfectly normal

4
SonOfSpam

There’s gonna be hooker talk. It’d be weird if you didn’t.

3
blaxabbath

Abortions.

0
SonOfSpam

Stop – I can only get so erect.

1
Redshirt

Don’t worry. Once the Democrats take control, you’ll have all the Abortions For Wants you want.

(takes bite out of beer bottle)

0
Unsurprised

I doubt there will be anything interesting.

0
Gratliff

Flyers desperately want that 17th draft pick

0
herodotus450

Why is beef shoulder called chuck, but pork shoulder is called butt? What a country!

1
Brocky

As always……

Fuck Christian Laettner!!!

5
rockingdog

LOL!
comment image

0
blaxabbath

Abortions for the rich!

0
Redshirt

Mandatory abortions! If we’re gonna kill the Earth, why put another life onto a doomed planet?

3
Unsurprised

I’m all for aborting everyone worth over $10 million no matter what trimester.

3
Unsurprised

President Xi, please end this fucking nightmare already.

1
rockingdog

found a funny:

date: if you won the lottery what’s the first thing you’d buy
me: (say something normal) milk

3
rockingdog

HA ANOTHER FIGHT!!!!
cool!

1
rockingdog

HA!!! FIGHT!!!!
Evaneder kane aint takin shit….comment image

0
rockingdog

GODDDDD DAMMMIT!!!!
4-1 bruins
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0
Redshirt

Live Shot of San Jose:

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3
Redshirt

Vince McMahon just screwed over a black man during Black History Month from a once-in-his-life chance to put over a white man. Not to be outdone, tomorrow the GOP is going to propose to repeal the 13th Amendment because “it was passed with massive government overreach”.

3
rockingdog

Damnit…. now 3-1
Not good for sharks
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0
herodotus450

We’re gonna need a bigger [power play]

1
rockingdog

Shit. that was a hell of a shot by McAvoy.
bruins up 2-1

0
SonOfSpam

You watching a hockey game or Tin Cup?

1
scotchnaut

Cuse is playing the University of Always Cheating North Carolina and I don’t get the game. The ACCNetwork is the fuckbastardshitmonkeycarwreckemptyballspancreaticcancercheatingpartnerlitebeermortgagedenyingslowdrivernetwork of all-time.

1
herodotus450

Panguins up 2-0 early on the Columbus West Senators. They tried to wobble Chad Ruhwedel but he wouldn’t fall down, and assisted on the second goal.

0
scotchnaut

Don’t even know the name of the Blue Jackets GM. What I do know? He pretended to burn a copy of the copy of Pierre Dorion’s dick pics. Next year Thomas Chabot is traded to Columbus for a spare net.

0
herodotus450

It’s something like Jarmo Kekalienen. Between him and Cheveldayoff you got enough letters to make a third GM and/or invade Ukraine.

1
scotchnaut

“Invade Ukraine, huh? Wait’ll they get a load of me!”

-Eugene Melnyk, just before he crashes a dinghy into a nude beach in Portugal.

3
rockingdog

Go sharks! CHOMP CHOMP!

0
scotchnaut

“I’d love to take in a game but I’ve no idea how to get to San Jose. Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa, etc..”

-Dionne Warwick

3
rockingdog

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0
scotchnaut

“Randy Gregory? He’s one of the Good Ones.”

-Aaron Hernandez

1
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArAQifuFiOs

1
King Hippo

Why would anyone sue FOR being left out if the last football boondoggle? His damages could be in tens of negative millions!

3
ballsofsteelandfury

The No Fun League can suck my dick like a Chinese masseuse!

– R. Kraft

5
SonOfSpam

That’ll be $59 please

– Trent Green (dressed as a Chinese masseuse)

3
WCS

“That’ll be $59 on Boston Market giftcard.”

— Kellen Winslow II

2
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“That’ll be $59, please.”

— Warren Sapp

5
Beerguyrob

“I’ll take the under.”

— Art Schlichter

2
Unsurprised

“Push.”
— Hippo

5
scotchnaut

“That’s Right! PUSH IT REAL GOOD!!!”

-Salt-N-Pepa, Hippo’s bookie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCadcBR95oU

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