2019 [DFO] Banner Tournament: Second Round, Day 3

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn’t doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn’t happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Senor Weaselo

I believe we’re still owed a region of results before we move onto today’s portion of the bracket. Your BOLTMAN Region first round results:

16. “THESE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS I CALL THEM ROBERT MULDOON, BECAUSE THEY GOT EATEN ALIVE BY THE RAPTORS.” BEATS 1. “[Is] there also a Cripso’s on another corner in Compton?” 21-13

And with that, Bludso’s Barbecue can rest comfortably, knowing that they are the supreme barbecue place in Compton. Even though Cripso’s never existed. This is truly a moment. And it was never really in doubt!

9. “‘Punch and Pie’ perfectly encapsulates Johnny Manziel’s philosophy on dating.” beats 8. “Just think what Dan Snyder could do with the name ‘Redblacks.’” 18-16

5. “No problem.… I’m a Bengals fan, Buckeyes fan, and Moderate Republican. I’m used to be taken in the backdoor.” beats 12. “Kicking zebras are the number one cause of Lion concussions.” 25-8

13. “I haven’t seen a group of Saudis go down in flames like this since 9/11” beats 4. “The Gang Wins a Game” 25-8

Senor Picks Good Upper Seeds

11. “I’ve got Rivers on the bench for FF, which just goes to show you that, like Rivers himself, you should never pull him out.” beats 6. “The closed captioning on the bar tv just implied Janay Rice was hitting in the celebrity softball game. I thought it was the other way around.” 24-13

3. “Wow, free porn?!?!?!? Are they also giving away a free email address and 40 hours of AOL?” beats 14. “Wow. I always knew AJ Green would snap and attack someone. But I always thought it would be Andy Dalton or Marvin Lewis.” 23-15

10. “I haven’t been this anxious for a period to start since a broken condom scare junior year of high school.” beats 7. “if you take a bunch of tires, put them in a dumpster, and set them on fire, would you describe it as a dumpster fire or a tire fire, or should I just keep calling it the [Redacteds]?” 22-12

2. “I’ll take one poster, a beer coozy, a bottle opener, and a pack of HRTN condoms – because nothing says ‘appropriate DFO branding’ like a condom named ‘Hard Ride to Nowhere.’” beats 15. “I have picked up and put down Infinite Jest so many times that I now have tennis elbow.” 24-10

Anyway, already onto the GAMBLOR Region’s second round. So that’s nice.

Second Round, GAMBLOR Region

  • 16. “THESE PROVIDENCE FRIARS, I CALL THEM LEX STEELE BECAUSE THEY ARE PUSHING THESE TROJANS TO THE LIMIT!” (51%, 22 Votes)
  • 8. “My name is Bond. Denied Bond. -Paul Manafort” (49%, 21 Votes)

Total Voters: 43

Loading ... Loading …

Second Round, GAMBLOR Region

  • 4. “Man that is messed up, and right after he [Jonathan Martin] shoots Richie Incognito, I really think we need to take his guns away from him.” (58%, 25 Votes)
  • 5. “As they say in Japan, a draw is like sniffing your sister’s dirty underpants.” (42%, 18 Votes)

Total Voters: 43

Loading ... Loading …

Vote, and listen to fast things!

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Please Login to comment
6 Comment threads
11 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
12 Comment authors
RedshirtballsofsteelandfuryKing HippoHoratio CornblowerLow Commander of the Super Soldiers Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Redshirt

Aw, hell. I ain’t going out of the 2nd Round. I’m going to go down like my opponent’s punchline.

Horatio Cornblower

Good god. Watching spring training baseball and they’ve got the Cardinals on and the announcer is fellating Jim Edmonds, (who to his credit seems mortified), about how he belongs in the Hall of Fame, (he doesn’t), because Harold Baines is in, (who also shouldn’t be in), and marveling at how many people have worn red to the game.

YOU’RE PLAYING THE PHILLIES, FUCKSTICK!!! THEY HAVE RED UNIFORMS TOO!!!

BFIB can eat all the dicks, except Hippo, because he’s one of the good ones, unless he has a bet on how many dicks he can eat, in which case give me the under.

King Hippo

Don’t forget Internet Dad and the Good Rev. Mayhem!

/they just leave me alone to fight the good fight all season BUT I’M NOT BITTER

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s the day after St. Patrick’s Day and I made it to work on time and I’m not even remotely hungover. Is this what being in your 30’s is?

Horatio Cornblower

Wait until your 40’s.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m hoping our pathetic response to climate change kills me before that happens.

Horatio Cornblower

Please. As though we’ve had any response, even a pathetic one.

“Turn mah thermomerthingie below 78!? You crazy!? Momma’s bunions’ll freeze right off if’n the tempermature drops less’n 78!!”
/Shovels coal onto a fire started using furniture painted with lead paint.
//farts an endless stream of methane

King Hippo

We just sit around all month, waiting for that day we have a really good poo.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I see one of my creations has died. I feel like Tony Dungy, except less hateful.

SonOfSpam

Hang in there!

ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

Don T

THIS JOKE SETUP I CALL IT EQUINE JASON VORHEES CAUSE ITS A DEAD HORSE THAT WONT FUCKIN DIE

Old School Zero

“Fri-Neigh the 13th Furlong” Starring John Elway and Sarah Jessica Parker!

nomonkeyfun

This 16 seed is going deep. It will be a hard one to beat. I’m getting so much pleasure from watching it destroy everything in its path.

Horatio Cornblower

But what it really wants to do is direct.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I think we’re all going to have to relax, see what kind of stamina it has, and then see if it can peak at the right time to really give us all the most enjoyable experience possible.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought the quote authors were supposed to remain anonymous! Way to tip off everyone that it was written by Rex Grossman.