AFL Beat 2019 Round 5

This week,

That’s apparently not a push in the back,
That’s apparently not a wet man holding another wet man,
And apparently Dr. Evil grew a mullet and plays for Carlton.

Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!

Round 5 Recaps and Highlights

The schedule was a bit weird this week with games starting on Australian Thursday night and going on until Australian Easter Monday and TWO games on Good Friday, including a midday encounter between the Kangaroos and the Bombers.

The Lions and Pies started the Round off in Queensland and really I should have rewritten the sentence to say the Pies started off the Round in Queensland.

The Lions never really got going and apart from a relatively close first quarter, the game was all Pies. Here are the highlights:

Brisbane Lions 61 Collingwood Magpies 123

The next day, on Australian Good Friday a little bit after Jesus was crucified which was late North American Thursday Night, the Roos hosted the Bombers at Marvel Stadium.

Much like the Lions in Queensland, the Roos put up an effort for a little bit and then the Bombers took over. From about midway through the second, it was all Bombers.

Here are the highlights:

North Melbourne Kangaroos 58 Essendon Bombers 116

Even later on North American Thursday night leaning into Friday morning, the West Coast Eagles hosted the Port Adelaide Power in Perth.

Imagine my surprise when I put the game on as I was getting dressed for work and saw that the Power were not only winning, but winning handily!

The game had been over since about the first quarter. Here are the full-game highlights:

West Coast Eagles 53 Port Adelaide Power 95

On proper Friday night, the GWS Giants “hosted” the Fremantle Dockers in Canberra in what turned out to be a heck of a game. The two teams battled hard for three quarters and then something clicked for the Dockers as they pulled away for the win.

This was yet another upset in a week of upsets although it was closer than any game so far in the Round.

Here are the highlights:

GWS Giants 82 Fremantle Dockers 106

The next game had the red-hot St. Kilda Saints taking on the lowly and sinking Melbourne Demons.

While the game was close for about a half, the Saints turned the jets on in the third and cruised from there to a comfortable win.

The pressure is now on big time at Melbourne, who fans and press alike thought were headed for a top four spot. Instead, it’s the Saints comfortable sitting at the top of the table with only one loss.

Here are the full-game highlights:

Melbourne Demons 55 St. Kilda Saints 95

The only late late night game gave us the injured Richmond Tigers hosting the Sydney Swans at Marvel Stadium, for a change.

Both clubs have struggled this season. Richmond has suffered injuries to top stars while the Swans haven’t really managed to get their stars going.

As was the case last week, Richmond coach Damien Hardwick leaned on the youngsters and they again paid off dividends. The Tigers pulled away from the Swans in the second and never looked back. If you’re a Richmond fan, this is a VERY good sign for the rest of the season.

Here are the highlights:

Richmond Tigers 89 Sydney Swans 67

North American Saturday night brought only two games. The first had the winless Carlton Blues playing the Western Bulldogs at Marvel Stadium.

Despite not winning a single game, the Blues had looked good and were probably unlucky not to have won yet. A mistake here and there had cost them.

In this game, the Blues managed to put together a complete effort from start to finish. It was the Doggies that were wasteful with chances, settling for behinds instead of goals. At the end, the Blues got their first win in deserved fashion. Here are the full-game highlights:

Western Bulldogs 57 Carlton Blues 101

The second Saturday night game had the upstart Gold Coast Suns visiting the Adelaide Crows for Eddie Betts’ 300th game.

Given that background and how milestone games are important in AFL, the outcome was really never in doubt.

Eddie scored six goals and the rout was on. Here are the full-game highlights:

Adelaide Crows 119 Gold Coast Suns 46

The last game of the Round had the Hawthorn Hawks hosting my Geelong Cats at a packed MCG on Easter Monday.

I decided to take a nap on Sunday and stay up late on a work night to watch this. I’m glad I made that decision. The Cats and Hawks put on a helluva show and my Cats managed to hold off a late fourth quarter Hawks rally to take the four points.

Here are the full-game highlights:

Hawthorn Hawks 90 Geelong Cats 113

This week we had more upsets as, just when you think you know who is good and who isn’t, the tables keep turning. The competition is as tight as ever with no winless teams and no unbeaten teams.

Let’s take a look at the ladder, shall we?

PTEAMWLTPTS%
1Geelong Cats41016136.6
2St. Kilda Saints41016115.1
3Fremantle Dockers32012128.2
4Collingwood Magpies32012125.2
5Port Adelaide Power32012115.3
6GWS Giants32012112.2
7Essendon Bombers32012109.5
8West Coast Eagles32012100.3
9Brisbane Lions3201294.0
10Richmond Tigers3201293.2
11Gold Coast Suns3201283.5
12Adelaide Crows2308108.5
13Hawthorn Hawks2308100.2
14Western Bulldogs230893.3
15Carlton Blues140493.4
16Sydney Swans140484.3
17Melbourne Demons140472.5
18North Melbourne Kangaroos140467.8

Here is the Balls Graph:

[gview file=”https://www.doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/AFL-Ladder-2019R5.pdf”]

The Cats are still on top, which is good for me, but it’s still super tight and every other team is breathing down their neck. The top eleven teams are only separated by percentage and one game. Everyone is still alive for finals contention.

***

Footy Tipping Contest

Here is where we are after Round Five:

PTIPPERRound
Tips
Round
Margin
Total TipsTotal Margin
1Litre_cola65426150
2BC Dick65324206
3Yeah Right66223204
4BALLS56722182
5SonOfSpam55421178
6Sharkbait51321181
7Blax56220154
846219166
9BFC44419212
10Why Eagles Why36618163
11Dolph Ucker56218166
12Game Time Decision48418191

This time, Litre_cola managed to hold on to the lead with a very good week. Yeah Right climbed back onto the podium while there was movement in the middle of the table.

Thank you to all of you that put the tips in! We had no one forget this week.

I’ll keep the link up for one more week just in case anyone wants to join in. Click the link below and sign up!

https://mobile.footytips.com.au/competitions/?competitionId=401652

It’s free to join and it’s the ESPN Australia website, so it’s secure. Join in the fun!

DONT FORGET TO PUT THE FOOTY TIPS IN!

***

AFL Round 6

Here is the schedule for this week (all times Pacific):

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

2:35 AM (Late Tuesday Night!) – Richmond Tigers v Melbourne Demons at the MCG

It’s ANZAC Day in Australia and New Zealand, hence the Australian Wednesday night game. THAT’S TONIGHT! All I can say is DON’T FORGET TO PUT THE FOOTY TIPS IN!

10:20 PM (Late Wednesday Night) – Essendon Bombers v Collingwood Magpies at the MCG

The Bombers will have to win this game if they are to say they have truly turned their season around. Fun fact: the Pies also call the MCG home.

Friday, April 26, 2019

2:50 AM (Late Thursday Night) – Port Adelaide Power v North Melbourne Kangaroos at Adelaide Oval

The Power come off an impressive win in Perth and host the last-placed Roos. Blowout City?

8:45 PM – Gold Coast Suns v Brisbane Lions at Metricon Stadium

The Queensland Derby actually means something this year as both teams are in the middle of the ladder and not at the bottom.

11:35 PM – St. Kilda Saints v Adelaide Crows at Marvel Stadium

Saints fans still can’t believe their team is so high up on the ladder. Is this the week they fall back down to earth?

Saturday, April 27, 2019

2:25 AM – Sydney Swans v GWS Giants at the SCG

We get another Derby this week with both Sydney teams facing each other. Will the Swans play badly at home again?

3:10 AM – Fremantle Dockers v Western Bulldogs at Optus Stadium

The Dockers and Doggies go at it in Perth. The Doggies just lost to the previously winless Blues and the Dockers have a huge home-field advantage. Make your bets accordingly.

10:20 PM – Hawthorn Hawks v Carlton Blues at University of Tasmania Stadium

I think this is the first time this year that the Hawks play one of their “Home” games in Tasmania. Can the Blues crank out another win and keep the momentum rolling?

11:40 PM – Geelong Cats v West Coast Eagles at GMHBA Stadium

The Cats take on the defending champions as their opening schedule does not get any easier. Meanwhile, the Eagles will be wanting to make up for their embarrasing home loss to the Power.

***

Bonus: Understanding Australia

I think I was sitting on the can this week when I was reminiscing about my love for Australia and thinking about exactly WHY I have a thing for Australia.

Sure, there was my initial foray into Aussie Rules in the 80s on ESPN 2, The Deuce, back when they showed sports from around the world.

Then, there was the hot Aussie blonde that I met/”dated” at UCLA, but that’s a whole other story.

I’ve always thought Australians were the best surfers, both male and female.

I grew up listening to Men At Work, AC/DC, and INXS.

https://youtu.be/psDTiUV0PNI

I’ve partied with Australians and they’re some of the funnest people I’ve ever met.

I was putting avocado on toast before people thought to charge idiots $10 for it.

I love meat pies!

I guess you can say I have an Aussie boner.

In any case, I was thinking about how to make Australia relatable to Americans. I think I’ve hit on one good way of looking at it.

Australia is roughly the same physical size as the United States. However, instead of 50 states, they only have 6 states and 2 territories:

  • New South Wales (state)
  • Victoria (state)
  • Queensland (state)
  • South Australia (state)
  • Western Australia (state)
  • Tasmania (state)
  • Northern Territory
  • Australian Capital Territory

Statehood for Australians is a big deal and which state a person is from is considered very indicative of what the person is like. This is similar to the big American states.

So, Australia, to me, seems like if the United States was made up of only the biggest and most notorious American states. Imagine a United States made up of only California, Texas, Florida, and New York with some random states like Montana mixed in.

Here’s how I see the US and Australian states lining up:

New South Wales = New York

The most famous and recognizable American city is New York. For Australia, it’s Sydney. They both have iconic buildings and bridges and both pride themselves on having culture and class above the rest of the country.

Victoria = California

Victoria is Australia’s “second” state and Melbourne is Australia’s “second” city like California and Los Angeles. Victoria was also home to a Gold Rush and has a large amount of farmland that feeds the country and the world.

Queensland = Florida

They are both called “The Sunshine State”, both have miles and miles of beaches, and both have some seriously crazy people. Also, young Australians go to Queensland for their version of Spring Break.

Northern Territory = Montana

Both are gigantic open spaces with nothing but wilderness, wild animals, and very few people. They are seemingly worthless save for their geographical strategic importance and their natural resources.

South Australia = Texas

South Australia is unlike any other Australian states in that it was never a penal colony. Similarly, Texas is the only American state to have been its own republic. They each sing to their own tune and don’t care much about what others think of them.

Western Australia = Washington

Both are their respective countries’ gateways to the Far East and have important business ties to the rest of the world. However, in their own countries’ national discussions, they are largely forgotten. Interestingly, the climate changes drastically within each state.

Australian Capital Territory = Washington D.C.

That one is fairly obvious…

Tasmania = Michigan Upper Peninsula

Much as the UP is slightly detached from the rest of the state, Tasmania is slightly detached from the rest of Australia. It’s small and very rural, yet wild, beautiful, and cold. Just like the UP.

Thoughts?

I’d specially like to hear from Why Eagles Why, who moved from LA to Australia, to see if this makes sense. It does in my head, but a lot of things do and I’m not always right.

One thing I’m always right on, though, is that Aussie rules footy is awesome.

***

That’s all for this week! See you next week!

(53/69)

0 0 votes
Article Rating
ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
Subscribe
Notify of
12 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
litre_cola

Tasmanians is comparable to Newfoundland up here. People are kinda backwards with a very distinct accent but just fucking lovely.

Woooo Saints! Still will finish 10th.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also, screw you for leaving out Illinois and all of its similarities to Australia like…um deep dish pizza is kinda like a meat pie.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THESE GWS GIANTS I CALL THEM A QUESTIONABLE ELEVATOR BECAUSE THEY’RE UP AND DOWN AND I HAVE NO IDEA IF THEY’RE GOING TO CRASH

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alternatively,

THESE GWS GIANTS VS FREMANTLE, I CALL THEM BALLSOFSTEELANDFURY BECAUSE THEY SEEMED TO PREFER SCORING BEHINDS RATHER THAN JAMMING IT HOME UP THE MIDDLE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Essendon Bombers still climbing…

Game Time Decision

Wooden spoon baby!!!
/goddammit do i suck at picking these

Sharkbait

I spent a month in Sydney when I was 14. I need to go back.

blaxabbath

America with fewer states?

comment image

Unsurprised

It’s all Dumbfuckistan. Those blue states have lots of shitty people in them. Lots of those red states are full of good people and a lot of them have large minority populations (which makes liberals writing them off really expose their racist asses to the sunlight). Fuck it. We all suck.

LemonJello

C’MON GIANTS! DO BETTER!!!
comment image