It’s WineWife’s birthday today, so forgive me if I don’t hang out with you fine folks this evening.
Also, it’s “Star Wars Day”, because ‘May the Fourth be with you’, which requires a slight lisping of the voice to make work that would have gotten you called quite the names back in my high school days. And probably beat up a little bit, because the 80s. Having been called them, I know of which I speak.
But, in honour of the event,
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Blue Jackets at Bruins – 7:00PM | NBC / CBC
- Avalanche at Sharks – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Warriors at Rockets – 8:30PM | ABC
- MLB:
- Athletics at Pirates – 10:00PM | FS1
- NCAA:
- Women’s College Beach Volleyball: NCAA Tournament – 6:00PM | ESPN2
- From Gulf Shores, AL
- Women’s College Beach Volleyball: NCAA Tournament – 6:00PM | ESPN2
- Fútbol:
- Liga MX: Tigres UANL vs. Guadalajara – 7:55PM | UNI
- Tijuana vs. Puebla – 9:55PM | FS1
- Boxing:
- Top Rank Boxing on ESPN – 10:00PM | ESPN
- Main Event: Beterbiev-Kalajdzic (light heavyweights)
- Top Rank Boxing on ESPN – 10:00PM | ESPN
Other stuff:
- SNL – Adam Sandler / Shawn Mendes – 11:30PM | NBC / Global
- Sundance – “Platoon” – 9:00PM
- Showtime
- “Full Metal Jacket” – 6:30PM
- Best in Sex: 2019 AVN Awards
I think I know what will occupy the sports intermissions.
And just so we’re clear, this is the best Triumph bit:
Don’t @ me.
Sheeit….moar overtime.
Oooooops, I spoke too soon.
Why’d you say a thing?
Yeah, I’ll take responsibility for this one.
Some day, in the not too distant future, scientists will discover that the cause of falling birthrates in developed nations is directly caused by the non-stop repetition of shitty car commercials featuring annoying kid actors.
Have we discussed how fucking awesome Javy Baez is?
Because we should.
Let’s go Cubbies!
Some home Kukan on that goal!
/BJs aren’t at home
//Also not any kind of bad call either
TIED GAME!
Dzingel Dzlivers one to the back of the net, Columbus back to within 1.
Some Holmesian reviewing in Bahston: if the puck isn’t outside the net, we must accept the only other possibility: that the puck is in the net, even if we can’t see it.
I haven’t seen this many colons since fisting night at the fetish club.
Schrodinger’s puck.
C’mon ice VAR! Give us a goal here.
found a funny:
On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system
Considering I have four ears of corn in the pot right now (seriously), I’ll take manycorn for $400, Alex.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEghu90QJH4
Many?
I would rate it one cob of corn.
And it will remain corn throughout the digestive process.
Marty, I think I’ve invented the flux capacitor!
Sorry but the Sunday Gravy test kitchen is going full throttle.
Holy shit we’re inventing shit over here!
that was a nice block
Ralph Sampson and Hakeem Olajuwan in the house tonight.
It’s a total NC State ’83 hatefest up in there.
Yes, I am giggling.
Does the NBA not have any rules anymore? These fuckers are shifting the pivot foot and double dribbling all over the place. This, and lack of defense, is why I stopped watching the NBA years ago.
Bruh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYS6EIhfSZ8
Whut’s up with Harden’s left eye?
Looks fine.
Seriously, what happened? I only just clicked over from hockey.
Draymond Green poked him in the eye last game.
It seems physically impossible that Draymond Green is responsible for every interesting moment of the last 5 years, but here we are
Man, that’s it? Mortal Kombat’s gone downhill then.
Traveling is like phrasing, in that it’s no longer a thing.
Supposedly, there’s a Knights of the Old Republic movie in the works that will 1000% be fucked up and give me a sad and will almost certainly not have the Very Good Droid.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg1gTas7OAA
gooooooo dubs!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI-FHFp8x40
http://time.com/5252381/uranus-stinks-smell/
Yes, the rings are made up of particles the size of a fist near Uranus.
And yes, Uranus is strangely tilted and off center.
Yes, I am giggling.
Dammit Columbus!!!!!
– Everyone ever
“Yeah, now you’re on our side”
-Residents of Samana Cay
There is a show on Lifetime right now called “Pregnant and Deadly”.
Is it just me or does that title seem redundant?
Planned Parenthood documentary?
“The Third Diemester”
FOOD BONER!
Holy shit.
That’s gonna leave a mark.
And a crushed pelvis.
They don’t fuck around over there.
Thats great!
After review, the tree has been DQ’d.
Horses are not smart.
And who can forget Star Wars: Darth Maul II: GI Joe. It’s funny that the only memorable movie where Ray Park is actually recognizable as himself is the one where he doesn’t do awesome ninja shit (Toad in X-Men)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7v-UkAIQ3o
Real talk: The MCU has rendered Star Wars obsolete. They deliver everything Star Wars pretends to be (a sprawling universe filled with diverse characters) and falls short of (95% of the franchise is just the Skywalker family and/or some mention of The Force). Say what you want about the problems with any various MCU film, when is the last time you were swept away by a Star Wars film? Has it happened in the past 30 years? Because the only ones that have done anything for me since Empire were Rogue One and Solo, and those are considered the bonus movies. And were prequels that they can’t really build off of. Other than that they’ve just been telling some variation of the same story for the past 40 years.
“Something something Dark Side, something something something complete.”
I actually have yet to watch Solo. I don’t have any problems with the new movies. In fact, I quite like them despite Twitter’s best efforts, but holy fuck one a year is too much for Star Wars.
I told myself “I’m not watching Solo. No more prequels, and one of the main reasons we like Han Solo was because we don’t know anything about his mysterious past.” I wrote MANY comments regurgitating that very same point. And whoops, it was actually the good one ?♂️.
Meanwhile the prequels were God awful, I don’t care what the contrarian Internet has to say, Ep 7 was fan service porn, and Ep 8 was a slapstick comedy for about 30% of the movie for some reason, combined with a healthy dose of “Who the fuck cares about Finn and Rose?”
Donald Glover is great in it, but it’s otherwise forgettable and passable.
The jokes work and the action is there. The plot is pretty clean. The characters have enough depth to not be called one note. And there weren’t many cases of characters doing dumb things to move the plot along. It’s a good movie.
That’s a hell of a lot better than episodes 1, 2, 3, 6, 7 and 8.
This is why we need to reboot Flash Gordon and Hopalong Cassidy.
That’s depressing.
damnit padres lost the series opener to the dodgers.
they play again tonight. should be good!
Welp, WWE’s going back to Saudi Arabia, and the bigger US indies are falling over themselves to replicate their shitty behavior, so it looks like I’m down to *checks list* DDT Pro, the land of dick magic and kayaks.
This is not a DDT Pro gif, but I just found out this is a thing now and it needs to be shared.
I haven’t seen someone go down with Michael Jackson like that since Macauly Culkin.
“DeBrusk has got to do a better job of taking away the eyes of Bobrovsky”
Whoa there, hockey talking guy, don’t let Guillermo del Toro hear you say that.
Winner of the derby got disqualified? What did he do, use his influence as a horse to get discount tattoos?
Hockey the the only place where men named both “Boone” and “Patrice” compete against each other.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIgZS5tieeE
If Episode 1 was just the Darth Maul bits during Duel of the Fates, it would have been the 3rd best Star Wars
I haven’t seen that much controversy over a horse race since Frank T. Hopkins had his alleged story made into a Viggo Mortensen movie.
That wiener circle bit is indeed gold. You haven’t lived til you’ve ordered a chocolate shake from there.
Looking good; ready to go out and hit the bars.
Paul F. Tompkins weighs in…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72XBnJFJeDM
ep 3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARWr0VpgI0w
Iggy Pop will outlive John Popper because there are no guiding principles governing certain aspects of this universe.
Drama! Controversy! Intrigue!
“Uhh actually the best Triumph bit is:”
-Charles D.
Cue the music!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqE7bm11WJo
I just want to say I LOVE the fact that you included the AVN Awards show on the rundown.
It was a week’s worth of #content, so why wouldn’t I?
In 30 second intervals.
“What are you some kind of marathon man?”
-R. Pitino
I think I should eat some spacecake and then go watch televison about space.
And you should watch the series Spaced with Simon Pegg!
Today is also a special day for the rest of the world who use the Day-Month-Year format, it’s Taco Bell day! Since 4th May sounds like someone’s special cousin saying “Fourth Meal.”
“Do you want this wiener to go or do you want to shove it up your ass right here?” is an all-timer, especially in the Kenneth character
It is truly magical. That video is hilarious.