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Your “Making Do With What I Found” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL Nuggets:

  • Doug Baldwin, fresh off being cut by the Seahawks, has intimated his impending retirement via social media:

  • In other Seahawks news, they’ve signed Geno Smith!
    • He will compete with Paxton Lynch to be Russell’s #1 backup & clipboard holder.
  • Darren Woodson is leaving ESPN.
    • He’s claiming “business interests” are taking up too much of his time.
    • Reminder: he won three rings with the 1990s Cowboys.
  • If you are still upset about last night’s “Game of Thrones”, you can throw some blame at Aaron Rodgers.
    • He apparently had a cameo in last night’s episode, and gets cooked when a dragon lays waste to the town.

Finally, it appears Christian McCaffrey has spent the offseason under the tutelage of Laron Landry, based on his new, “swole” look:

The NBA has no games scheduled until the Western Conference opener on Tuesday, so in its stead I present to you some madman who synch’d up the audio from Tiger Woods’ Masters chip from 2005 to Kawhi Leonard’s game-ender from yesterday.

Okay, that’s pretty good.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Blues at Sharks – 9:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
  • World Hockey Championships:
    • Canada vs. Slovakia – 7:30PM | TSN2
      • This game was played earlier today, but it was fucking bonkers to watch.
        • Slovakia is the host country, and the fans turned part of the game into a bottle fight.
  • NBA:
    • no game scheduled; Tuesday starts the West, Wednesday the East.
  • MLB:
    • Brewers at Phillies – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • It’s “live from London”, so you can get spoilers early & decide whether it’s worth watching.
  • NCAA:
    • College Baseball:
      • Miami at Wake Forest – 7:00PM | ESPNU

That Verne Lundquist call is pretty great, but it’s no Jim Ross.

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Brick Meathook

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yeah right

Holy shit Chernobyl is fucking INSANE.

2
Unsurprised

Imagine if it were real. That’s ahrnentjrbtbdvgxyvvysb

1
Unsurprised

Building on RTD’s idea, I propose DFO as a whole sends orchids to Robert Kraft’s eventual funeral.

4
Mr. Ayo

And the Kraft Singles

4
Unsurprised

D’Oh! Of course. We can’t forget those.

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Unsurprised

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Beerguyrob

We could also send him a KD Shaker, in case one of the ladies wants to jerk something for him one last time.
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Unsurprised

OMG

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Beerguyrob

On sale at Costco Canada for $7.99.

2
Unsurprised

I shouldn’t be shocked since I use shaker parmesan all the time, but the fact that it’s yellow is throwing me for a loop.

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Unsurprised

I’m watching Gladiator for the first time in a while. The first melee battle in the Coliseum owns so fucking hard. Ridley Scott is a Hell of an action director.

2
Col. Duke LaCross

That was the first DVD I ever owned. We’d pause that scene where that dude got sliced in half over and over.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Get ready for work tomorrow.

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Darell was always jealous of Darell’s above ground pool.

5
Unsurprised

Oh God. I just realized one of the insane people people are dunking on on Twitter about GoT is a practicing lawyer in this city and I’m not and now I am depressed. I suck. Everything sucks.

1
Wakezilla

Is it that woman from Portland? She smells of domestic terrorism

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Unsurprised

Yep. That reminds me of something I have to send into the bar by tomorrow afternoon.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OK; let’s get the alignment checked, then.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, this was fun tonight with you weirdos.
Now I gotta go have a conversation, which will likely devolve into an argument.

I wish I was gay.

3
Mr. Ayo

Think that would only change the target of your argument. But good luck!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Last ditch effort

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Or maybe Maximum Effort?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OolW52eZA88

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Mr. Ayo

Go out there and make a difference today!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s never easy when you fall in love with a girl who is more less insane.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh shit, I should probably delete that comment. She might be watching.

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Unsurprised

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is a PERFECT use of this image.

2
Unsurprised

Thank you.

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Mr. Ayo

If she can’t handle that joke you two love birds will never make it anyway.

3
Col. Duke LaCross

Godspeed amigo.

1
Wakezilla

My BIL is gay. I assure you, gays have the same quarrels. The only benefit is that you and your partner can share the same clothes and it be deemed normal by society, as opposed to a man Wearing his wife’s clothes

1
Unsurprised

There’s still time for some #MondayMotivation

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe we otter relax and have a swim.
(Yes I think I’m clever)

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wide eyed otter……

2
Unsurprised

This is a genuinely good idea. I need to get myself a membership at the sports club everyone else in my building uses (we have a small gym I never use, but they have a pool and basketball and other fun stuff).

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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These new ads for Excedrin are quite effective.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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They ARE playing On the Road Again …… what of it?

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Repeat; still one of my favorites.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

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Unsurprised

WTF

0
Unsurprised

I am genuinely intrigued by whatever the backstory to this gif is

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theeWeeBabySeamus

For a Monday, we’re in a weird mood tonight.

1
Unsurprised

Everyone was edging yesterday in respect for moms.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

At least he was wearing a helmet.
Safety first.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Relax; still under warrantee.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

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Mr. Ayo

The car or the jack?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. I’m not saying it.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

YES I AM….MY JACKS ARE GUARANTEED TO DELIVER.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good work Mr. Meeoff.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Was that the karate movie?

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wang’s brother is driving that in a straight line…..

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Remember back when Wang Computers’ advertising was….

My Wang Never Goes Down?

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He likes that and his wife just thinks he’s a blue screen.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

His name is Wang.

1
Mr. Ayo

Of course. A good jack always keeps a Wang up.

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Unsurprised

I have to give them credit for persistence and creative problem solving.

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Brick Meathook

I give that jack another 30 seconds before the wheel bearings disintegrate.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Their heirs can get the warrantee work done.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Mr. Ayo

Hahahahahaha!

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Brick Meathook

Well Brad, it sounds like Lara puts out. Give her a call, she’ll do the rest.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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blaxabbath

The Trundle exchange will never not be funny.

https://coub.com/view/byplz

1
Unsurprised

Full clip

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8-LoYPWS-s

2
Unsurprised

It’s so much funnier after seeing people say hat it was supposed to be spelled Chrundle, because at least trundle is a real word.

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Unsurprised

Señor Weasalo’s spirit animal.
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Senor Weaselo

Senorita Weaselo will cut a bitch. Probably.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Let’s not get hasty. Let me talk her down.
So to speak.

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

Sending Seamus to talk a woman down from cutting a bitch is like sending Michael J. Fox to disarm a nuclear bomb.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO. You are not totally wrong.

2
Unsurprised

I’m always right.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

And to clarify, I’m referring to the girl in that gif, not Senorita Weaselo.
The girl in that gif definitely needs to be gone down on…errrrrr talked down.

meh, screw it she needs to see my wee wee.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sure, sure….

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Unsurprised

meh, screw it she needs to see my wee wee.

We should try to arrange this around the pub crawl.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Good Lord.

1
Mr. Ayo

I’ve got some sauce for her.

1
Brick Meathook

HOT SAUCE EATS DROPS TOMORROW

What does that mean? Is she going to take a horrible shit right there?

3
Unsurprised

The Instagram account is @Eats.Channel

0
Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

St. Louis did a good.

(what is the least likely sentence ever spoken, Alex?)

1
Redshirt

“And Cincinnati moves on to the next round.”

6
Redshirt

(bloody fingers appear at the top of a bottomless chasm; painstakingly force myself onto the surface)

“I only went to Youtube for one song. That was two and half hours ago! It was only supposed to be one song!” (breaks down crying)

1
Senor Weaselo

Meanwhile, on TV Tropes…

2
Senor Weaselo

Questionable call? PUCK DON’T LIE!
/Sharks shorthanded makes it 2-1 Ice #BFIB

0
Mr. Ayo

SHARKS!

Never trust a rookie goaltender.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Granted, I’m half asleep and not drunk enough to care, but I thought that hit the pipes and bounced out.

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Unsurprised

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Redshirt

Liberals: “Trust yourselves. Do what feels right.”
Conservatives: “Trust us. Do what we tell you.”

1
BC Dick

What if feels right is way too young? Filthy liberal deviants.

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...

They’re gonna flinch and nominate Biden and I’ll scream.

2
Redshirt

Biden would be the safe choice. Warren or Sanders would be a bold choice.

Either way, they got to thin the herd and fast. If we learned anything from 2016, its the crap floats to the top.

1
Unsurprised

Whoever they nominate will lose.

1
BC Dick

Indeed. Blame the identity politics. Racism in a PC non-gender specific clothing item. That’s what spawned the Donald.

1
Unsurprised

Is this a bit?

2
BC Dick

A bit? Me? No. If the dems want to win they need to realize that condemning 1/3 of the electorate as evil people because they don’t have a victim complex is not a winning strategy. Spend their time helping those in need rather than pandering and they’d be fine. Same could be said for the other side too.

2
blaxabbath

I like Warren a lot. I mean, can you imagine having a smart person actually running….anything?

0
Unsurprised

.

0
Redshirt

Book smart or street smart?

0
Unsurprised

Street smart people are better because they just whack the book smart person with their book.

1
Unsurprised

It’s funny because I was re-reading Mark Fisher’s essay, Exiting the Vampire Castle about the clusterfuck that is the American left and why liberals are the worst. It takes skill to have the name of your ideology be a pejorative term by people on the right and left of you.

1
Unsurprised

FYI, this @haleyybaylee character with Paige Spiranac is a freckled cutie and a rookie in this year’s swimsuit issue.
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Unsurprised

https://amp.si.com/swim-daily/2019/05/09/sports-illustrated-swimsuit-2019-rookie-year-voting
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Unsurprised

WhyEaglesWhy

To be honest, the most hurtful and least accurate part of this is calling us “Shitty Boston”.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2019/05/13/hahahahahaha/#comment-657880

*ahem*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jMhoGUiIkk

1
rockingdog

Goooo sharks!
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Unsurprised

[Aaron Rodgers] gets cooked when a dragon lays waste to the town.

Weird flex, but I gotta give him credit for commitment to avoiding his family at all costs.

6
rockingdog

thats a funny

2
scotchnaut

The Rock And Roll Hall of Fame is a lot like Houston-at the very least, 500 performers will get in. Whether they deserve to is an entirely different question.

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Senor Weaselo

They will all get in, but fuck prog rock.
/King Crimson, ELP, Tull, Kansas, Supertramp, Dream Theater… all of them are not in. So the Hall can fuck right off.

2
BC Dick

All halls of fame are jokes. Your hall of fame is what matters. One day Taylor swift will be in the hall and what will that mean? That a tall piece of ass with well-paid songwriters (I assume) is worthy of some sort of bronze bust.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well I for one am not going to stop making jokes about it until the day Kraft dies, and I have half a mind to send a beautiful set of orchids to his funeral when he finally does.

4
LemonJello

Handjobs* are now still called Kraft singles, right?
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*when performed by sex trafficked slave labor

4
Unsurprised

I second this motion. All in favor?

5
ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t understand why people are upset about Game Of Thrones. I mean, Dany killing everyone is pretty badass. What’s the problem?

1
herodotus450

Everything else, apparently.

1
Unsurprised

every white woman sad about Daenerys right now definitely voted for Hilary Clinton

— PROBLEMATIC BLACK HOTTIE (@HE_VALENCIA) May 13, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Because her motivation for doing so was not developed well.

0
Unsurprised

…

0
ballsofsteelandfury

From the recaps I’ve read, she mentioned she would do this exact thing several times. If no one took her seriously, doesn’t that make the act more shocking?

If the writers had her portrayed as a kind leader that every once in a while when she’s pissed off says these kinds of things, shouldn’t that have been a clue?

1
Redshirt

“[Rodgers] apparently had a cameo in last night’s episode, and gets cooked when a dragon lays waste to the town.”

…must…resist…flaming…joke…

5
SonOfSpam

“I am Aaron of The North, Lord of the Packers, the Golden Bears and the Manly Protector of the Realm. Head of Wiskonseen, Quarter of the Great Back, Baron of Receiving End, The Companion of Beards, Consumer of Chodebroth, Last of His Name, Scourge of Family.”

8
Porky Prime

The Double Checker of Discounts…

5
BC Dick

The worst son in the world

3
Unsurprised

Lord of the Packers

Oh, god fucking damn it!

Scourge of Family

/DIES. HARD.

0
Redshirt

Disney Channel Mother’s Day Episodes:

Spoiler

Duck Tales:
Della Duck: “Kids, I’m your mom you’ve never seen in your lives. I’m back!”

Star vs. the Forces of Evil:
Moon Butterfly: “Yes, Star. I’m the person who is trying to overthrow the kingdom. Sorry for the betrayal.”

As the years and the world change, Disney will still keep trying to give kids issues.

1
Senor Weaselo

They actually showed Huey, Louie, and Dewey’s mom? Has that ever happened before? CAN THEY DO THAT?

2
Redshirt

They got Paget Brewster to voice her. I’m going to allow it.

1
Unsurprised

😯

0
rockingdog

found a funny:
“Drogon” is still a fucking stupid name for a dragon. you wouldn’t call your horse “Harse”. come on

4
SonOfSpam

My son is also named Bort.

6
Unsurprised

We need more Bort license plates in the gift shop. Repeat, we are sold out of Bort license plates.

1
Unsurprised

Actually Drogon was a derivation of Khal Drogo. I, the person correcting you on this trivial point, am the monster.

2
BC Dick

If you named your cat “Katty” because your aunt’s name was “Kat” would that make it better? Monster.

0
scotchnaut

In my opinion, McCaffrey had no choice but to inject himself with hyper-oxygenated kangaroo blood. Given his usage rate and his size, he’ll be lucky to be a relevant rb by the time he hits 27.

6
scotchnaut

I don’t have very much invested in the Raptors but I’m happy they got over the hump. The Toronto sports media (spits on ground) they can drill down on this win all they want… as long as the next story isn’t about the Fucking Leafs.

2
Senor Weaselo

Oh, it will. And then way down the list will be that Vlad Jr. isn’t hitting .800.

1
Senor Weaselo

Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
It’s “live from London”,

Oh sweet, 1 AM local time!

2
Unsurprised

1 A.M.: when Madrileños go out for the night, so it’s weird they’re doing it in London instead.

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