Your “All Is Well” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL Notes:

  • In a sure sign the Jets are ready to challenge for the AFC East, they have fired general manager Mike Maccagnan & named head coach Adam Gase interim GM.
    • And now, a look in at Jets HQ:

    • No word on why now, or just why, but people have thoughts on what’s next:.

  • Stephen Gostkowski re-signed with the Patriots.
    • A two-year deal, followed by a comment designed to infuriate non-Patriots fans:
      • “My daughter’s been to three Super Bowls and she’s not even three yet. My oldest son has been to five,” Gostkowski said. “It’s a dream come true. I wouldn’t change anything for the journey I’ve been able to have and look forward to trying to make a couple more memories.”

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Sharks at Blues – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
  • NBA:
    • Raptors at Bucks – 8:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet
      • note: the Canadian broadcast gets Canadian announcers

  • MLB:
    • Cardinals at Atlanta – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
  • Futbol:
    • Club Friendly Soccer:
      • New England Revolution vs. Chelsea – 8:00PM | FS1
    • MLS:
      • Toronto FC vs. DC United – 8:00PM | TSN
      • Whitecaps FC vs. Atlanta – 10:00PM | TSN
Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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ALXMACBrettFavresColonoscopySenor WeaseloRikki-Tikki-Deadlyballsofsteelandfury Recent comment authors
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Virginia McCaskey’s cobwebbed cunt makes better personnel decisions than the Jets.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I also may have just found next year’s fantasy football team name

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m on a train!

Specifically, on my way home from Santa Barbara. I do not feel like the hangover that is developing was properly earned.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Was Dule Hill there?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Hand of Meier!

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

yeah I’m pretty sure that’s one of those that they can’t overturn on the review. Also the puck may have hit his own stick after he batted it, which if true, would mean that it wasn’t a hand pass.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

It’s so weird that in the age of replay, some things are not allowed to be reviewed.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Yes but I think most of the leagues are trying to find that balance between getting it right and not having a 5 hour game.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Only thing worse than a 5 hour hockey game is this.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Ask the Astros about a certain MLB ump, or the Rockets about a certain NBA ref. Tennis chair refs get calls wrong all the time but at least that can be challenged by the players on replay.

Senor Weaselo

…So Houston is the new Baltimore?

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Haha I realized I picked two Houston teams when I gave examples, but only b/c both have been in the news this year about how much they despise certain refs/officials. I’m sure every team has their “favorites”

ballsofsteelandfury

I knew the refs didn’t have the balls to overturn that call. They could see it on the screen, plain as day.

I blame St. Louis for not dumping sodas and popcorn on them. If there was a REAL home ice advantage, that call gets overturned.

Fronkenshteen

What the fuck are the Jets…like….doing?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Jets gonna Jets

Dunstan
Dunstan

Sharks tie it up late in the third, making them almost as grateful for their next period as the women of Alabama.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

All eyes are back on the Adam Gase meme after Jets name him interim GM

https://twitter.com/i/moments/1128711063443312640

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Dunstan
Dunstan

There hasn’t been this much scoring in St. Louis since Wilt Chamberlin was in town to play the Hawks.

SonOfSpam

+20,000 or so

King Hippo

quality!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Slow burn funny
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Ian Scott McCormick

That was awesome. Everything that could fall did fall.

Senor Weaselo

Well, the doorframe didn’t.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why does St. Louis suck so badly?
And to be clear I’m talking about the hockey, not the rest. That’s a discussion for another day.

King Hippo

GET A BRAIN MORAN!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Heheheheh.
Best response evar.

SonOfSpam

Missourah can’t be any higher than like 45th on the list of best states, right? MS and AL are awful, and Arkansas is probably a nightmare, but what other state is worse?

King Hippo

Iowa and Indiana smell really bad.

SonOfSpam

But Kevin Costner said Iowa was heaven in that one movie.

Then again, Steve King. Ok then.

Senor Weaselo

After today, Alabama drops to 52nd.

rockingdog
rockingdog

SonOfSpam

We’re gonna get rain in SoCal tonight/tomorrow. The hatches have been battened down. (By that I mean I have enough beer to get through tomorrow)

King Hippo

imagine y’all manage rain like we does snow

SonOfSpam

Probably not that well, but you get the idea.

Reading downthread…you have twin 18 year old girls???? Gads, the medication seems much more mandatory than previously thought.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Also, Hippo, pics?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Insta or Snapchat handles will suffice too.

King Hippo

oh they have those, I just have sense enough NOT to know what they are

LemonJello
LemonJello

The Lady LemonJello deals with monitoring OrangeJello and TangerineJello’s social medias. I just remind them that I have a shotgun, a shovel, and I’m proficient in the use of both.

King Hippo

have I caught two teenage boys hiding in one twin’s closet? Yes, yes I have.

/at least everyone was clothed

SonOfSpam

(multiple) Hole-ly shit.

LemonJello
LemonJello

What he said.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Give this man all the pills.

SonOfSpam

DadHippoSuxLOL and FatherIzBaked69

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL.
He needs more.

King Hippo

twin daughters that live almost exclusively with me (b/c their mom can’t handle their bullshit)

/yeah, I just stay in my room an awful lot

LemonJello
LemonJello

Thoughts and prayers.

SonOfSpam

Thank you. We shall overcome. Because it’s been a while for me.

King Hippo

y’all should wear ribbons in the aftermath

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

This thread and down below is why I don’t have sex.

It isn’t because women aren’t interested in me that way, no, not all.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Same

theeWeeBabySeamus

Got him in the five hole.
I hate it when that happens.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

How has that cat not died from walking through fan blades?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Because he has a big sense of ‘Smells good……DO NOT WAAAAAANT’

Redshirt

Unsanctioned DFO Trivia Question Time! Category: Who said it?

“No more cockamamie ploys! … I don’t work for you! I am the only one who keeps you from ruining this company with your brainless plots!”

Was that like spoken by…

Zan Owlson a female owl in DuckTales (2017), speaking to Scrooge’s rival, Flintheart Glomgold?

OR

Redshirt, a male human in real life, speaking to another department head at his place of employment?

theeWeeBabySeamus

The answer is obviously Cheryl/Carol Tunt.
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Senor Weaselo

I’m gonna say you, simply because it would be too easy to say Owlson.

Also, Owl Jolson > Zan Owlson. HE LOVES TO SINGA.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Happy fucking Wednesday you cunts…..

and cuntesses.

King Hippo

“Cuntess” should absolutely be a Royal title

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It is.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I read it first as “Cuntless” and thought….

YOU DON’T KNOW US AT ALL!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“She lost it in a bowling accident.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Big heavy balls will do that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

The Reptilians’ Mark 1 synth-flesh suit needs some work.

Redshirt

Eil’s real first name is Elisha? Why wasn’t I informed of this?!

King Hippo

you thought we just called him that to be meanies? 😀

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Elisha Nelson Manning IV is an American football quarterback for the New York Giants of the National Football League. He played college football at the University of Mississippi from 2000 to 2003. He was drafted as the first overall pick in the 2004 NFL Draft by the San Diego Chargers and was immediately traded to the Giants who in return gave up a package, hi…

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
Ocean pollution is a huge problem but there is an obvious solution. Raccoons love to eat garbage. Therefore, if we trained a raccoon navy, they’d be able to go out into the sea & eat the ocean garbage. I don’t see how this plan could go wrong. We should also give them swords.

Clipboard Jesus
Clipboard Jesus

Do you want Rockets? Because that’s how you get Rockets.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

— Hamas

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Ian Scott McCormick

It’s cool that IHOP is donating to the children of fallen patriots. Lord knows Aaron Hernandez’s kid has been through the wringer.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Hell, Vince Wilfork Albert Haynesworth is still trying to get up.
/Did Al ever play for them? Might have messed that joke up.

WCS

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herodotus450
herodotus450

(Puts down color wheel)
St. Louis playing Patrick Maroon against San Jose was a terrible decision, because you know Sharks go into a frenzy when they see red in the Blue(s) water.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was not good at Jeopardy tonight, in case anyone cares.

Wow, I’m stupid.

scotchnaut

‘I’ll take, “Things I Thought I Knew But I Didn’t”, for $600, Alex.’

-tWBS

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?”
– Cliff Clavin

(still cracks me up)

theeWeeBabySeamus

King Hippo

Tried watching #BFIB on ESPN instead of mlb.tv, but all I have really gained from the experience is that David Ross REALLY wants to bone Chipper Jones.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I do not want to watch that.

King Hippo

he basically snogged him at the outset, but settled for intense eye-fucking since

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I, for one, enjoyed Larry’s stories.

scotchnaut

/gives teen-age son a fair amount of latitude

//teen-age son enjoys said latitude

///finds out that son has lied about several things regarding that latitude

////severely restricts son’s latitude and longitude

THE ARISTOCRATS!

Senor Weaselo

Why’d you say you have a teenage son four times?

scotchnaut

You spelled ‘twice’ wrong.

King Hippo

as a parent of two teenagers (and one who has graduated to age 20), I presume he is trying to talk himself down from murder

theeWeeBabySeamus

She already graduated?

King Hippo

Oldest is in 3rd year at university, twins seniors in HS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I misunderstood. I thought you were saying oldest already graduated from Greenville.

King Hippo

nae, graduated from becoming a teenager is all

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good for her. I hope to get there someday myself. Everyone tells me I act like I’m 12.

They are not necessarily wrong.

LemonJello
LemonJello

ECU graduation is…something. I will offer up sacrifices to BOLTMAN on your behalf.

{LimeJello graduated this year. Now he needs to find a damn job and stop eating all my groceries}

King Hippo

parents get to partake of complimentary bath salts?

LemonJello
LemonJello

/adjusts Oakleys backwards on ball cap

We brought our own. But we shared.

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least no one showed up in Raleigh and trashed our stadium this time. LOL. Sorry, not sorry.

scotchnaut

I thought we had an understanding. I was wrong.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, that’s what I’ve been saying to the girl formerly known at tWLS for months!!!!!!
It ain’t quite worked yet.

King Hippo

Teenagers lie habitually. It’s what they do. Imagine having TWO IDENTICAL of him, whose only real loyalty is to the other (even though they fight constantly).

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have twin nieces. They’re a pain in my ass. I can’t imagine having twin daughters.

You should drink more heavily.

King Hippo

Let him spend some time with Marc Trestman. He’ll keep a good eye on him!

Redshirt

My parents gave me some sound advice when I was going to my first party at the age of 12.

“We know you. We raised you. We trust you to make good decisions. Just remember that your last name is our last name, your sister’s last name, and your grandparents, and your aunts, uncles and cousins. Just remember your actions reflect on all of us.”

Six years later my uncle pulls me aside:
“Redshirt, your making the family name a good name. That’s not necessary a good thing.”

scotchnaut

“OBJ will have one above-average year in Cleveland and then will continue to self-destruct.”

-The Hobo Piss Gazette

LemonJello
LemonJello

“Ask the Hobo King” by J. Tomsula is my favorite recurring feature

theeWeeBabySeamus

I actually have to drive to Baltimore this weekend. Not only that, but because I’m a fucking idiot I have agreed to have a locksmith meet me at the girl formerly known at tWLS’ house, and have her house re-keyed, and check on the place while I’m in town. And find her car title and mail it to Florida.

On the bright side, I will get to see the Yankees beat the living shit out of the Orioles while I’m there.

Ain’t life fun?

(oh, on the seriously bright side, Imma get to meet WCS live and in person finally….and we might even do a BoTG thing if we get drunk enough)

King Hippo

As Hippo always say – All I got to do is stay black and die

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Redshirt

I’m sure what is more irrational at this point. You keeping nee tWLS in your life or me still keeping the non-Trumpsucker faction of the Republican Party in mine.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m trying to rebuild a friendship, not a romance, with the former tWLS. She’s a good girl, just not in a good place right now.

Trump can suck my balls. And probably would for the right price.

Redshirt

I retract 26.7% of my comment. Good luck to you but be careful.

As for the last 43.3% of my comment, hopefully I’ll see the light.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, and I do get to see the Avett Brothers again on my way back south after the game.

So at least there’s that.

King Hippo

you see how the P*ts are basically gifted a 6-0 head start every season. Maybe has sommet to do with their title run?

Redshirt

Wow. Compared to the Giants and the Jets, the Bengals offseason strategy of “flooring it in Neutral” seems brilliant by comparison.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

What the hell is up with these goddam “Town House” crackers? They’re advertised as “light and buttery” but they just disintegrate in your hand if you try to put anything on them! Are these things made by those fucking elves?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Flimsy paper thin layers in a hastily put together Town House, what is this, the post-war building boom?

King Hippo

they is glazed with dried elf cum

LemonJello
LemonJello

/Jeff Sessions looks up from his latest issue of Klan Komments

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Senor Weaselo
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Ian Scott McCormick

This is just great. The Giants are somehow having a worse off season than a team that let their GM make all their moves before getting fired prior to the start of training camp.

King Hippo

quite the “Hold Mah Beer” contest y’all got goin’ up in Yankeeland

Ian Scott McCormick

Gettleman hasn’t so much asked anybody to hold his beer as he traded his beer away for hobo piss, citing a lack of culture during the beer’s time in NY.

King Hippo

indeed

scotchnaut

This tune goes out to the 4 waitresses that rested their large breasts against my arm while I was trying to do a crossword puzzle.

scotchnaut

14 books down. The advanced analytics tells me that I’m at a 2.6 BPMR*. Gotta pick up the pace!

*Books Per Month Read

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s pretty fucking good!

Redshirt

I’ve watched five episodes of DuckTales and a few levels on Division 2. Does that also count?

WCS

Jets’ front office: “TV laughs with me, not at me!”comment image