Your Anti-Toronto Saturday Evening Open Thread

I’ve said it before – I’m not a basketball fan. I don’t “hate it”; I just don’t find watching a whole game enjoyable. I can handle a few minutes near the end of a half or game, but – even during the Madness – you’re going to be hard-pressed to make me sit through an entire half. Especially sober.

I’m also not a fan of most modern hip-hop, or “the rap music” as it’s called around Tipper Gore’s house.

  

    

The 80s really were a special time.

No one is forcing me to listen to it. But I get the appeal of the genre. And as a Canadian, I’m supposed to take pride in Drake’s accomplishments, because he went to the States & made it big. But since I’m not from “The Six” & I don’t listen to the genre, I also – Mr. Cutler?

Now add in the majesty of the Canadian sports media FILLING the public airwaves with assertions that all Canadians deeply care about the Raptors and their playoff run. Every sportscast is fifteen straight minutes of the Raptors, Drake & their (other, plebeian) fans. My passive disinterest has been turned into actual hate.

I am now openly hoping the Raptors somehow lose out & don’t make the finals. If that makes me a bad Canadian, then so be it. I’m already rooting for the Bruins – how much worse can it get?


Tonight’s sports:

  • NBA: Game 6 – Raptors up 3-2
    • Bucks at Raptors – 8:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet
  • MLB:
    • 7:00PM | FOX – Geography determines your game:
      • Red Sox at Astros
      • Atlanta at St. Louis
      • Dodgers at Pirates
  • Futbol:
    • MLS:
      • Whitecaps FC vs. FC Dallas – 7:00PM | TSN
      • Colorado vs. Columbus – 9:00PM | TSN
  • Australian Rules Football:
    • Melbourne vs. GWS – 11:00PM | TSN2
  • Fights:
    • PBC Fight Night: Trout-Gausha (super welterweights)
      • Prelims – 7:00PM | FS1
      • Main card – 8:00PM | FS1
    • Top Rank Boxing on ESPN:
      • Main Event: Ito-Herring (super featherweights) – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN5

Just two more days until Game 1 of the Cup Final. Mr. Scott?

***

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

This is your friendly neighborhood Balls of Steel here reminding you that if you wake up super early tomorrow morning,  you can catch the beginning of the Greatest Day In Motor Sports: The Monaco Grand Prix!

BeerGuyRob is, in his words,  oot and aboot, so he asked me to write a little bit about the race.

If you’ve been watching any F1 this year,  you know that Ferrari has,  in British terms,  lost the plot and that every other team is chasing Mercedes for a place on the podium.

Valtteri Bottas and Lewis Hamilton have swapped first and second in every race this year and the only real intrigue this season has been whether Bottas will be allowed to win the championship this year ahead of his teammate.

For Monaco,  Hamilton has the pole and Bottas lines up right next to him.  The race may come down to a drag race to see who is ahead at the first turn.

FWIW, my sentimental choice to win the race is Daniel Riccardo because he’s Australian,  hilarious,  and a dang good driver.  Unfortunately,  he’s stuck on bad teams with bad equipment.

So, won’t you join me after the last AFL game of the evening for the race?

You can do like I do and enjoy watching the crowd and playing the “which Countess/ Duchess takes it up the ass?” game!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Race (first lap) is over!

Col. Duke LaCross

Best Monaco race in years.

ballsofsteelandfury

Race time!

scotchnaut

Just as suspected: TSN is nothing but wall-to-wall Raptors. Probably about 40-45 minutes out of 60.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

So I was at a party tonight and the former Duchess LaCross was also in attendance. The one that broke me off via vague “I just don’t see us going to the next level” text message earlier this spring. Made some small talk, which was nice. But I was kinda hoping for some actual answers as to where I went off the rails with her, which never really came. I suppose I maybe should’ve asked the question, but I didn’t want to inadvertently cause a scene in an inappropriate venue. A couple months ago I laid out exactly how I felt to her and to be honest, I don’t ever think I’ve felt more vulnerable in my life. I’ve never really done that before. And I know it’s over for good and have known for weeks now, but I don’t know why I’m feeling extra bummed right now. Seeing her tonight brought a lot of feelings back that I thought I’d moved past.

I probably shouldn’t have gone tonight. I really thought she was some kinda unicorn.

Don T

Being civil and keeping your dignity (i.e., not making the needy questions), is part of the heartbreak rehab. Well done, man.

Col. Duke LaCross

Thanks buddy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

I’m constantly filing away a future reference.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

I’m declaring myself KING OF THE NORTH!

I don't know who needs this right now but both Minneapolis and Portland are north of Toronto

— 'Weird Alex' Pareene (@pareene) May 26, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

yeah right

King of the North!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what’s underrated? Irish nachos.

yeah right

They are definitely rated.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Time to eat shitty pizza, watch a movie, and forget all wimminz hate me.

Unsurprised

Shitty pizza beats no pizza. Unless we’re talking about that gross-looking St. Louis style junk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Bad Idea activewear

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wearing a target does seem regrettable in retrospect.

yeah right

I did one of those things today.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Forgetting why women hate you is the best thing

Unsurprised

Shitfuck. I had some ideas walking to the store and back and now I forgot them because I didn’t stop to write them down.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Can I get this order to go?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

.

Unsurprised

.

Unsurprised

.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

We are soon to be very beef-centric for the next 48 hours.

I’m writing this down now because I probably won’t remember a goddamn thing.
That’s why I take food photos.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DRUNK ON BEEF.

*Queef.

Unsurprised

So are you going to be doing Sunday Gravy the day of the L.A. pub crawl? I’m going to be there from Thursday to Tuesday is all.

yeah right

Let’s figure this out.

I would be honored to host. Fuck yeah.

I’m going to be at the crawl and I’ll cook a proper Sunday Gravy for you.

Fuck yes. Got anything in mind?

Unsurprised

Not really.

Unsurprised

I’ll think about it some more.

Unsurprised

Ohhhhhhhhh. BEEF!

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yeah right

Every once in awhile it’s important to remind the constituency how amazing Exile on Main Street is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvpMeq_4BPM

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Look at the dick on that turkey!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I DID NOT PUT MY DICK ON A TURKEY.
probably.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, not since last Thanksgiving, anyway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

STUFFING!!

yeah right

Howdy neighbors!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

Good to see you Moose.

How’s your garden doing?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It snow and was down to 30-degF this week, but the stuff survived. Next up; tomatoes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I will put some mesh up this year so the hail storms won’t kill it…. maybe.

yeah right

Stay diligent.

Unsurprised

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Senor Weaselo

Critical hit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

RIGHT IN THE TIT!!

Unsurprised

Good hustle, tWBS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I might watch that all night.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Well, I didn’t CROSS the road……

theeWeeBabySeamus

That is one fine looking cock.
The chicken ain’t bad neither.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Toronto is a great city to visit. I hate their centRe of the universe mentality that we up here get. I am happy they made the finals but they won’t win. They must not. Sweet Jesus that would be awful for all of Canada. They are portrayed as “Canada’s team” and it would be cool they won this title before a Stanley Cup because durrrr hockey.

Ontario people who have left that province are like expat Cowboy and Steeler fans combined. THEY. ARE. THE. WORST.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

How are the strip joints, then?

litre_cola

Fucking superb.

Brick Meathook

Bullshit. All the best Canadian strippers are in Florida.

theeWeeBabySeamus

NOW YOU TELL ME???? I WAS JUST IN FLORIDA!!!!!!!

litre_cola

Listen, we import all of our strippers. The good ones are in Riyadh as the orb foretold.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The pants orb.

Brick Meathook

Also, the strippers expect $5 tips because you can’t put $1 and $2 coins in a garter. Fortunately, $5 is really only $2 American, but the real judo move is to put a US$1 bill in her garter and say “there ya go sweetie buy yourself some new mittens.” She’ll know you’re a Yank and a playa.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Orioles win. Holy shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That guy was already up there when I got here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Rc1ko8mpIU

Mr. Ayo

Maximum effort!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ENEMA, HELL! DAMN NEAR KILLED HIM!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Out walking around, it was a warm day. I think I like women.

litre_cola

Good, are you growing hair in strange places and getting a deeper voice? If so I have a Vanna White shoot for you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Being as old as I am? Yeah; the ear hair sucks.

litre_cola

Seriously Moose, my barber ran the clippers around mine last week.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, I was talking about ears……

Porky Prime
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttp://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9nxq1qe2e1qjipi2o1_r2_500.gif

Just need to work of some of this alkeehol.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Thought I’s gettin’ some pussy, miscalculated.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh thank Christ Moose finally showed up.
(did I leave the stove on?)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr3GY1pLeVw

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I’d like to interrogate a couple of ’em.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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