Request Line: Eli’s Slumber Party Mixtape – Volume 5 (The Fear)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

ABBY MANNING releases DANIEL JONES’ wrist and he steps back, rubbing it.  At that moment…

— [door flies open] —

ELI MANNING: …so about those pizza rolls…

ABBY: [frowns]

ELI: Oh, hey Abby.

ABBY: Hello, Eli.  [looks at him more closely] Eli, what’s going on with your eyes?  Did you catch pinkeye again?

ELI: [nervously] No no, I just, uh…I got something in my eye and was rubbing it.

ABBY: Both eyes?

ELI: Uh, yeah.  I accidentally sprayed, uh, cologne on my face.

ABBY: [smiles knowingly] Trying to be your best for all the ladies, eh?

ELI: Yup.

Everything in the kitchen is silent for a moment.  

ELI: So…just gonna get some pizza rolls.

ABBY: Sounds good, kiddo.  You help yourself.

As ELI takes a step towards the refrigerator, DANIEL sidles over to him and speaks softly in his ear.

DANIEL: Abby can tell.

ELI: What?

DANIEL: Abby can tell how high you are. She can tell how high you are and she’s gonna tell your brother and he’s gonna tell your mom and then you’re gonna be grounded. Probably for like two whole months.

ELI: I’m not…wait…am I high?  Is this what being high is like?  [looks at ABBY] Can she…can she hear us?

ABBY nods.

ELI: Oh man oh man oh man…

DANIEL: And it’s even worse than that.  You see, Eli, you and me, we’re just figments of Abby’s imagination.

ELI: Huh?

DANIEL: She’s asleep right now.  She’s having a pretty ordinary dream, and the two of us are characters in her dream, and as soon as she leaves the room, you and I are going to cease to exist.

ELI: [freaked out] No…

DANIEL: Yes.  Sweet oblivion awaits.

ELI: But…

ABBY: [has finally had enough] Okay, okay, that’s enough, Daniel, stop fucking with him.  You’re making him paranoid.  Eli.

ELI freezes.

ABBY: Eli, look at me.

ELI: [refuses to make eye contact] You’re gonna yell at me.

ABBY: No I’m not, Eli.

ELI: [finally looks at her]

ABBY: You’re going to be fine, Eli.  You’re just a little high.  What did you take?

ELI: I…uh…

ABBY: [to Daniel] What did you give him, you asshole, and how much did he have?

DANIEL: [giggling] Just some CBD gummies.  He’ll be fine.

ABBY: How many?

DANIEL: I don’t know, like a dozen?

ABBY: Jesus.  Welp, Eli, looks like you’re gonna be riding high for a little while.

ELI is now staring at the refrigerator, eyes glazed.

ABBY: Let’s get your stomach settled, at least.  I guess I’d better give you a hand with those pizza rolls so you we don’t end up with the fire department showing up.  Again.

Today’s topic is FEAR.  Should be pretty straightforward, and there’s no limit, so go wild!  Sorry for my absence, I was sicker than I can remember being in the last ten years.  If only I had known the “t” in “tWBS” stands for “typhoid”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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ALXMACRikki-Tikki-DeadlytheeWeeBabySeamusSonOfSpamSenor Weaselo Recent comment authors
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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

(One of my top 5 favorite Morrissey songs)

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

1st Round Pick right here:

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

This song makes my shortlist for “songs I might want to be played at my funeral”

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

“There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt”

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

SonOfSpam

Ah yes, the good shit

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Damn fine pick right here!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

If only I had known the “t” in “tWBS” stands for “typhoid”.

Hey!!!!! I told all of you I was sick BEFORE the pub crawl. I stayed to the periphery to try to keep from infecting anyone. But had I not showed up you’d all have given me hell.

And all of you should be ashamed for leaving this on the board this long.

Senor Weaselo

I’ll just get this in before tWBS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You magnificent bastard.

Polka dots ftw.

King Hippo

finally, can’t believe I overlooked what should have been mah 1st pick:

King Hippo

Hey, this is some purty scary Goth shit

King Hippo

MOAR Bowie!

SonOfSpam

These magnificent weirdos:

SonOfSpam

Dude’s afraid of being CUCKED like a sheeple or whatever idiots say

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I know it’s a lot of responsibility, but someone had to UP THE IRONS!

SonOfSpam

I mean come on DOUBLE SHOT

SonOfSpam

I mean come on

Cuntler

DOUBLE SHOT with the impending fear of a fascist government. Good thing we can’t relate to that here in the old U.S. of A.

Burn the Witch

Cuntler

(Psst. Look at the end of the article.)

SonOfSpam

Oh. Yeah. I shoulda done that.

yeah right

Most apropos.

nomonkeyfun

The fear of being the third wheel with your good friend and the girl you love.

King Hippo

LOVE this band.

/also, just masturbate quietly in teh corner = everyone wins!

SonOfSpam

Maintain eye contact while doing that, of course. Pointing with the other hand at the person adds to the effect.

nomonkeyfun

scotchnaut

HAH!

scotchnaut

Okay. Fine. [sighs] I’m afraid of some Canadians as well.

King Hippo

Hippo thinking of the outside world be all like:

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’d be horrified if I was accused of the things the West Memphis 3 were jailed for.

nomonkeyfun

The irony or honesty, singing this song in concert.

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

I will defend Shannon Hoon’s talent to the death. My death, of course. He’s already dead.

King Hippo

He’s another one who at least went out doing what he loved (heroine), yeah?

LemonJello
LemonJello

A blast from the past to all those listeners in the 9th Ward:

SonOfSpam

I don’t think Elisha would go to a place called Terrordome.

Also, Public Enemy was really fucking great.

King Hippo

damn skippy, a full album listen was always great FOAR Hippo’s white liberal guilt.

Cuntler

Modest Mouse – Shit Luck

THIS PLANE IS DEFINITELY CRASHING!

Cuntler

Talking Heads – Life During Wartime, from the album, Fear of Music

nomonkeyfun

Is there a greater fear than nuclear war?

King Hippo

it’s hard for my kids to understand, but on my OPTIMISTIC days growing up, I felt like nuclear annihilation was a 50/50 proposition

/and reading now about how many close calls there were during the Cold War, me calculus weren’t far off

SonOfSpam

Yep, I was in high school during St. Ronnie the Forgetful’s admin, and I thought it was a coin toss.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You guys remember Offspring’s first album that is entirely horror metal? Just me?

Cuntler

So there is going to be a lot of metal in this thread, I am assuming? Or is that just me? Anyway, DOUBLE SHOT!

Trapped under Ice

Cuntler

Creeping Death

SonOfSpam

Stay in control…

scotchnaut

This I like.

SonOfSpam

Good song about anxiety

Beerguyrob

Old school!

Beerguyrob

Oh no – there goes Tokyo!