Request Line: Eli’s Slumber Party Mixtape – Volume 5 (The Fear)

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

ASHLEY MANNING releases DANIEL JONES’ wrist and he steps back, rubbing it.  At that moment…

— [door flies open] —

ELI MANNING: …so about those pizza rolls…

ASHLEY: [frowns]

ELI: Oh, hey Ashley.

ASHLEY: Hello, Eli.  [looks at him more closely] Eli, what’s going on with your eyes?  Did you catch pinkeye again?

ELI: [nervously] No no, I just, uh…I got something in my eye and was rubbing it.

ASHLEY: Both eyes?

ELI: Uh, yeah.  I accidentally sprayed, uh, cologne on my face.

ASHLEY: [smiles knowingly] Trying to be your best for all the ladies, eh?

ELI: Yup.

Everything in the kitchen is silent for a moment.  

ELI: So…just gonna get some pizza rolls.

ASHLEY: Sounds good, kiddo.  You help yourself.

As ELI takes a step towards the refrigerator, DANIEL sidles over to him and speaks softly in his ear.

DANIEL: Ashley can tell.

ELI: What?

DANIEL: Ashley can tell how high you are. She can tell how high you are and she’s gonna tell your brother and he’s gonna tell your mom and then you’re gonna be grounded. Probably for like two whole months.

ELI: I’m not…wait…am I high?  Is this what being high is like?  [looks at ASHLEY] Can she…can she hear us?

ASHLEY nods.

ELI: Oh man oh man oh man…

DANIEL: And it’s even worse than that.  You see, Eli, you and me, we’re just figments of Ashley’s imagination.

ELI: Huh?

DANIEL: She’s asleep right now.  She’s having a pretty ordinary dream, and the two of us are characters in her dream, and as soon as she leaves the room, you and I are going to cease to exist.

ELI: [freaked out] No…

DANIEL: Yes.  Sweet oblivion awaits.

ELI: But…

ASHLEY: [has finally had enough] Okay, okay, that’s enough, Daniel, stop fucking with him.  You’re making him paranoid.  Eli.

ELI freezes.

ASHLEY: Eli, look at me.

ELI: [refuses to make eye contact] You’re gonna yell at me.

ASHLEY: No I’m not, Eli.

ELI: [finally looks at her]

ASHLEY: You’re going to be fine, Eli.  You’re just a little high.  What did you take?

ELI: I…uh…

ASHLEY: [to Daniel] What did you give him, you asshole, and how much did he have?

DANIEL: [giggling] Just some CBD gummies.  He’ll be fine.

ASHLEY: How many?

DANIEL: I don’t know, like a dozen?

ASHLEY: Jesus.  Welp, Eli, looks like you’re gonna be riding high for a little while.

ELI is now staring at the refrigerator, eyes glazed.

ASHLEY: Let’s get your stomach settled, at least.  I guess I’d better give you a hand with those pizza rolls so you we don’t end up with the fire department showing up.  Again.

Today’s topic is FEAR.  Should be pretty straightforward, and there’s no limit, so go wild!  Sorry for my absence, I was sicker than I can remember being in the last ten years.  If only I had known the “t” in “tWBS” stands for “typhoid”.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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ALXMAC
ALXMAC
ALXMAC
ALXMAC

(One of my top 5 favorite Morrissey songs)

ALXMAC
ALXMAC
ALXMAC

1st Round Pick right here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KutXyPEEbQs

ALXMAC

This song makes my shortlist for “songs I might want to be played at my funeral”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SneuvKIkM3A

ALXMAC

“There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3M_Gg1xAHE4

SonOfSpam
ALXMAC

Damn fine pick right here!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

If only I had known the “t” in “tWBS” stands for “typhoid”.

Hey!!!!! I told all of you I was sick BEFORE the pub crawl. I stayed to the periphery to try to keep from infecting anyone. But had I not showed up you’d all have given me hell.

And all of you should be ashamed for leaving this on the board this long.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD-E-LDc384

theeWeeBabySeamus

Like I haven’t heard that before.
But usually a restraining order follows.

Senor Weaselo

I’ll just get this in before tWBS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-45sR2rDhlE

theeWeeBabySeamus

You magnificent bastard.

Polka dots ftw.

King Hippo

I have done that with dry cat food, but felines just look at you as if you’ve offended their dignity

King Hippo

finally, can’t believe I overlooked what should have been mah 1st pick:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG8fugqFn9Q

King Hippo

Hey, this is some purty scary Goth shit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bMM61Y5CEU

King Hippo
SonOfSpam

These magnificent weirdos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yaPp7fiPBI

SonOfSpam

Dude’s afraid of being CUCKED like a sheeple or whatever idiots say

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGdGFtwCNBE

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I know it’s a lot of responsibility, but someone had to UP THE IRONS!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p32b5nNq1zw

SonOfSpam

I mean come on DOUBLE SHOT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qanF-91aJo

SonOfSpam
Cuntler

DOUBLE SHOT with the impending fear of a fascist government. Good thing we can’t relate to that here in the old U.S. of A.

Burn the Witch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yI2oS2hoL0k

Cuntler

(Psst. Look at the end of the article.)

SonOfSpam

Oh. Yeah. I shoulda done that.

yeah right
nomonkeyfun

The fear of being the third wheel with your good friend and the girl you love.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3xIib0VE_4

King Hippo

LOVE this band.

/also, just masturbate quietly in teh corner = everyone wins!

SonOfSpam

Maintain eye contact while doing that, of course. Pointing with the other hand at the person adds to the effect.

scotchnaut
scotchnaut

Okay. Fine. [sighs] I’m afraid of some Canadians as well.

King Hippo

Hippo thinking of the outside world be all like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZFK2lhJJXA

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’d be horrified if I was accused of the things the West Memphis 3 were jailed for.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbGlhVHvBkU

nomonkeyfun

The irony or honesty, singing this song in concert.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6QxPkXzEQ4

Porky Prime

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qYQHc8hwuM

I will defend Shannon Hoon’s talent to the death. My death, of course. He’s already dead.

King Hippo

He’s another one who at least went out doing what he loved (heroine), yeah?

LemonJello

A blast from the past to all those listeners in the 9th Ward:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwiTs60VoTM

SonOfSpam

I don’t think Elisha would go to a place called Terrordome.

Also, Public Enemy was really fucking great.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4Zey7o04Qk

King Hippo

damn skippy, a full album listen was always great FOAR Hippo’s white liberal guilt.

SonOfSpam

Huh. Great minds and whatnot.

Cuntler

Modest Mouse – Shit Luck

THIS PLANE IS DEFINITELY CRASHING!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tmhp_NEH12Y

Cuntler

Talking Heads – Life During Wartime, from the album, Fear of Music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3oQyz3Gya8

nomonkeyfun

Is there a greater fear than nuclear war?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La4Dcd1aUcE

SonOfSpam

Can you imagine the depression he felt when Trump (ok, Putin) called off the bombing?

Poor guy.

Unsurprised

Putin deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. He’s kept us out of land wars in Syria, Venezuela, and now Iran. He deserves it a lot more than Obama ever did.

King Hippo

it’s hard for my kids to understand, but on my OPTIMISTIC days growing up, I felt like nuclear annihilation was a 50/50 proposition

/and reading now about how many close calls there were during the Cold War, me calculus weren’t far off

SonOfSpam

Yep, I was in high school during St. Ronnie the Forgetful’s admin, and I thought it was a coin toss.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You guys remember Offspring’s first album that is entirely horror metal? Just me?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hQx2cWzwSg

Cuntler

So there is going to be a lot of metal in this thread, I am assuming? Or is that just me? Anyway, DOUBLE SHOT!

Trapped under Ice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwDftMCOMZE

Cuntler
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Oh, and tour busses!

SonOfSpam
scotchnaut

This I like.

SonOfSpam
Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

Oh no – there goes Tokyo!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muUZjovOFRg