First, obligatory The Shield Updates brought to you by Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., only on ABC and your ABC steaming app.
- I believe there really is nothing that cannot wait until tomorrow.
- Well, Arizona cut 1st round bust Robert Nkemdiche this weekend.
- He was due a $400,000 bonus has he been on the roster for the 5th day of training camp.
- “Out of shape,” per Guy in the Head Coach position, Kliff Kingsbury, and still on the PUP (ACL), Nkemdiche leaves Concentration Campazona with 4.5 sacks in four years. So there may or may not be much left in the tank.
- Lazy sportswriters are commenting that he’ll be on Tampa Bay by Thursday as part of Bruce Arians’ getting the old gang back together agenda in the Big Swampy.
- Pay no attention to the way Nkemdiche was perpetually in BA’s doghouse during his first two years.
- Speaking of the Bucs, fire the canons because Vincent Testaverde has inked a deal to play QB for the franchise 22 years after they drafted his father.
Vincent backed up Patrick Mahomes at Texas Tech before transferring to Miami and then FCS Albany.- Vincent joins Blaine Gabbert Gabbert and six-year veteran Ryan Griffin (I know, I’d never heard of the dude before either), as the third hyena looking to
eat a baby liontakeover the offense when Rapey J inevitably gets injured, suspended, or deported.
And then we got tonight’s TV line-up, brought you by 24 Hour Fitness. 24 Hour Fitness: Don’t Worry About It, You’ll Make It Over LaterTM.
- ESPN — Atlanta Braves at Washington Nationals — 5PM
- ESPN2 — UFC 207: Nunes vs Rousey (From Las Vegas, NV) — 8pm
- ESPNCLS — 2012 Cincinnati at Louisville (Teddy Bridgewater piled up 416 passing yards as the Cardinals stayed unbeaten with a 34-31 OT win) — 7pm
- NBCSN — US Poker Open — 8pm
Alright, and with that, we are on to Night 1 of The Bachelorette finale on ABC. Get caught up on the happening here and here.
Grab the rosé and let’s roll!
I also feel lame that I got this, but also Cuomo does seem like a giant dick.
Fuck Boston.
And Vishnu bless The Onion.
Evenin’ folks. Today I quit my job and will open my own office by Week 1. The security cam caught me after I handed my resignation letter:
Need any paper towels? I know a guy.
Mostly used on Ivanka’s back.
Hey, everybody! Drinks on El Presidente!
Given the chance I’d spray all over Lynda Carter, too
Congrats! Felicidades a todos los abogados sin jefes
Way to go amigo. Feliz Navidad! (Thus ends my Spanish knowledge)
Congratulations. Need a west coast office?
Another video for may spank bank.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=iS68LmqFVeA
So, per our earlier shenanigans, I checked it out, and GoDaddy will sell us tombradyissuchafuckingfraud.com for $4.99 a year. Somehow tombradyissuchafuckingfraud.net is $9 more.
That is surprising. The only thing that I can think of is maybe tombradyissuchafuckingfraud.net once actually existed and has occasional traffic.
I’ll check the Way Back Machine in the morrow.
No activity.
https://web.archive.org/web/*/tombradyissuchafuckingfraud.net/*
Rack Star
Rambone
Rambutt
Romancing the Bone
Saturday Night Beaver
Schlong Blade
Sex Toy Story
Sex Trek: The Next Penetration
Shagnet
Shaving Ryan’s Privates
Sheepless in Montana
Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
Sinderella
Sleeping Booty
Sleeping with Seattle
Sorest Rump
Space Nuts
Spankenstein
Sperminator
Star Prick – The Next Ejaculation
Star Whores
There is also a fine film Tittie Tittie Bang Bang
not sure if there were any lawsuits.
Romancing the Bone’s characters gotta be archeologists.
I’m going out on a limb, controversial opinion, contrarian attitude.
S.J. is attractive.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=SR5kfWXfxto
If it’s 2 AM and we’re the last ones in the bar? Maybe. Maybe she asks me what time it is.
found a funny:
all the
small kinks
my new
wife brings
roleplay
bondage
and some
light whips
say it ain’t so / here’s a blindfold
wax the pubes off / peg my asshole
That joke is on fire, much like Travis Barker once was.
Okay, a while back I mentioned how awful the group bedroom in Love Island must smell. That was, of course, *before* I saw the contestants eating in there. I’d sooner eat a candy bar that fell on the floor of a Tampa Bay locker room than spend a night there.
I’ll bet if you shine a black light in there it can be seen from the ISS
Not as bad as Milf Island ppl forget it was originally a navy weapons test site in the 50s.
FYI, tombradyissuchafuckingfraud.net is $12 a year on Google Domains.
Ha I just said the same up top before scrolling down. .com is a bargain!
My Monday was apparently incomplete without having a truck back into my car in a parking lot when I was pinned between two others, while hoping that laying on my horn would solve the problem. It did not.
At least you’re OK.
Physically, yes. Mentally, we’ll have to wait until I’m done filling a claim.
I know your pain. I just got my car back after someone backed into the front of my car, because they decided they couldn’t make the light. Dealing with insurance companies is a bitch.
This is why I can’t believe I know people who work insurance defense. It cannot pay that well to be evil.
I’ll be positive for once and say that my one time dealing with an insurance company over a totaled car went pretty well and was much less painful than I had expected it to be.
The one thing I like about Mercury so far is they seem to pay for good staff, because they certainly don’t spend it on their commercials.
Plus you weigh 38% as much there.
That they spend as much as they do means that for a heavily-regulated industry, those regulations don’t seem to mean jack shit.
Shit, the guy stopped? Normally they drive off giving you as many birds as humanly possible.
The US Poker Open has all the glamour of a particularly depressing evening at a Rust Belt American Legion.
Seriously, how many times can you jab at a fireplace and pretend that it’s a sport? What’s next? The Straw Broom Sweeping Championships? smgdh
Cornhole is shown on sports channels. Cornhole.
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Movie wasn’t a parody, it was a premonition.
Televised poker tournaments are still a thing? What is this? 2004?
I miss that era. Everyone thought they could do it. Everyone went to the casino to play live poker for real money. Everyone loses $300, goes to ATM, returns with $200, loses $200, goes to ATM, returns with $300, loses $300.
It really must have been a glorious time if you knew what you were doing.
Met a guy who flew to Vegas almost every weekend to sports book (made six figures as a young single lawyer) . He started every Friday by going to the Strip and playing poker. Said all the tourists came in “knowing they could lose $X” and so he’d clean up and use that cash for his non-betting expenses for the weekend.
Aw, jeez.
I thought middle America was against arranged marriages. Isn’t that what The Bachelor & Bachelorette is? Arranged marriage via Showrunners and producers?
But these are all white god-fearing christians, so it’s ok.
“Robert Nkemdiche was cut? He shouldn’t have tried to return those sun glasses to the head coach’s office.”
-OJ Simpson
And in something I don’t get to say often, but Cincinnati is actually beating their nigh-eternal bully from up river Pittsburgh 10-1. That’s right. The Steelers were somehow able to score the rare, elusive one-point safety, but Cincinnati is…what? A baseball score? Wow.
Well scoring 10 runs in a game is a nice effort by the Reds and its nice to know that they are not calling it a…what? One inning? Shit.