Your “Very Hastily Written And Poorly Researched” Carolina Panthers Preview

OK, so even though I live in North Carolina, and not by choice by the way, I am not a Panthers fan.  In fact, if we’re being honest, it did my cold black heart good last season to see them….  Well they more or less tanked down the stretch.  A 6-2 start.  Then a 1-7 finish.

Hehehehehehehe.

–

Offense

The Panthers do have some good players on offense.  That little pissant McCaffrey being one of them.  I still don’t know how he hasn’t gotten broken yet, but he’s slippery.  In a good way.

Wideout DJ Moore is a steal for your fantasy league dealings, me thinks.  Curtis Samuel too.  Well assuming Newton can get the ball out to them.

Speaking of which, the Panther’s offense will only go as far as Cam Newton’s thrice rebuilt throwing arm takes them.  Because of the three surgeries he’s had on that shoulder, he’s been working on a new throwing motion during workouts, in order to lessen the wear and tear.  But old habits die hard.  He’s gonna fuck it up.  Plus he listening to Norv Turner and we all know how that works out.

And the Panthers know it too.  They know his days are now limited.  You don’t get your shoulder rebuilt three times, then try to learn a new way of throwing and then last for long.

Enter Will Grier.  Panthers got the steal of the draft (IMHO) in the 3rd round on that one.

Even though he’s not yet NFL ready, I expect Grier to be the starter, the heir apparent, before the season’s end.

–

Defense

Now, here’s the bigger problem.

Luke Kuechly is easily one of the best Linebackers in football.  Assuming he doesn’t get concussed again.  Or Leukemia.  He’s one of the smartest and best positioned linebackers I’ve ever watched.  But he doesn’t have much help beside him.  One man can only do so much.

The Panthers’ defensive secondary kinda sucks.  The key word there being “sucks”…. not “kinda”.

But honestly, on the defensive side of the ball, the Panthers biggest problem is their D-Line.  Their defensive front is both too young and too old.  Their pass rush hasn’t been good for a couple of years, and it’s only going to get worse.  Riverboat Ron actually stripped away the D-coordinator’s responsibilities last year.  Which is when the Panthers tanked and finished 1-7

The good news is that they don’t have very far down to go.

–

Prediction

5-11, last place in the NFC South.

Riverboat Ron loses his job by week 11.

Will Grier eventually becomes a Hall of Fame QB.

But it’s gonna take a while.

–

Schedule

Seriously, when they lose to the Bucs, Niners and Titans in succession…and then get taken out badly by the Packers?

Ron is history.

–

Also, if you buy this shirt I’ll come to your house and kill your pets.

Not joking.

–