Your “No Injuries. No Injuries. No Injuries” Saturday Night Open Thread

There’s a Sirius XM station that is completely dedicated to fantasy but there are no women on it (that I have heard). So you know what that means-men screeching at the top of their lungs about how much they love those big and fast Men In Pads. I’ll do my usual ticking off of the tilts on offer tonight and tell you what I’ve gleaned by listening to these fellas that like to holler. TO THE GAMES!

Hou/Dal:

No one likes Lamar Miller and everyone was disappointed on the news that D’Onta Foreman was IR’ed. Everyone lines up on the side of management with respect to the Zeke Elliot Debacle. One guy called the whole situation, and I quote, “uppity”. Wow. Oh, btw, they will all be taking him third or fourth if they have the opportunity.

Chi/Ind:

The 5’6″, 180 pound Tarik Cohen is getting no love at all except as a PPR play. Mike Davis, who has 37 pounds on Tarik isn’t liked by anyone either. All the love is centered on rook David Montgomery.

N.O/NYJ:

Kamara is the consensus #2 behind Saquon. No one expects Latavius Murray to fill the stat sheet the way Ingram did last year but the talkers lament the fact that they have to grab Murray later because he’s the handcuff. The collective wisdom states that Jared Cook will go on a tear like Jimmy Graham did way long ago.

S.F./K.C.:

If Jimmy G doesn’t show out tonight he’ll fall even further down the rankings. (is there that much more to go?) That tidbit of him throwing 5 straight picks in practice has gained a lot of traction. Also, the bloom is off the rose as far as Damien Williams is concerned. Many are stating that he’s over-ranked.

Broncs/Rams:

Courtland Sutton is getting all the love-the logic being that he’ll take the second-year jump with the help of a competent qb. I didn’t hear a single Jake Butt joke.

Sea/LAC:

Chris Carson is gaining traction after an initial crush on Rashaad Penney slowly dissipated. Hunter Henry is set to go second among the second tier of te’s, right after Evan Engram.

Aside from this stuff there’s some baseball and a college football game! Entertain yourselves as you see fit, as usual. And if there are any reprobates from last year skulking about, give us a little hello to let us know you’re back on board when the games get all ‘real’ and stuff.

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I had a perfect comment. But no one is here so I refrained.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Not wasps!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus Christ this helicopter has been circling over my house for the length of two full episodes of Chernobyl.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Not at all a metaphor for your life.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It was weird because it was the episode where they were using helicopters to drop sand and at times I couldn’t tell which was which.

Game Time Decision

That’s one of the scariest shows I’ve ever watched. even when all done up for Hollywood to think it’s based on a real event.
And the use of the Geiger counter sound at the end of the show always gave me goosebumps

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I know Colts fans are understandably upset about Andrew Luck’s retirement from football and it’s a very emotional time for them, but it’s important to remember that David Koch is dead and will soon be six feet underground, becoming compost to feed into the cycle of life on earth that he so desperately tried to ruin.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

May he rest in piss forever.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I, for one, love DIEt Koch.

Doktor Zymm

Good night bitches and bitchettes, which is possibly similar to a baguette

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Sunday Gravy teaser? Tune in tomorrow morning to find out!

Doktor Zymm

And yes, I just ordered 100 1.5″ rubber ducks.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

For “research”?

Doktor Zymm

I get in earlier than anyone else on my team. I’m gonna hide them EVERYWHERE in/on people’s desks

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That workplace is going to become a madhouse of duck squeaking.

Great job. Guaranteed promotion.

Doktor Zymm

4 containers are lost off ships every day. In 1992, a container of Rubber Duckies was lost. THIS is the story of those duckies. DUN DUN DUN!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Damn you.

Doktor Zymm

So…..you probably don’t want me to link to the techno remix?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Quite the opposite! Link away!

Doktor Zymm
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

das ist gut

Doktor Zymm

Barnacles have the largest penis to body ratio of any animal

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Pfft. Showoffs.

— Cuttlefish

Doktor Zymm

I’m in Iceland for 1.5 days in Jan….I was just going to go to the Blue Lagoon, but I bet I have time to go to the Icelandic Phallological Museum

Doktor Zymm

“I would like a grande whale milk latte please”

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Gather all the baggies. We still got another 6+ hours.

Doktor Zymm

How can you tell when you need a new mattress? I think I don’t, I’ve just seen too many mattress commercials, BUT WHAT IF I’M WRONG AND MY BED EATS ME

Brocky

Did someone say…. bed that eats?

https://youtu.be/01l1WIC9mBo

Brocky
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Or…

Spur
Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

400!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

When did this turn into a Houston live thread?

Spur
Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

Don’t kid yourself; what that cat is doing is the equivalent of me checking the meat thermometer to make sure the roast is done.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t Twitterr. How many people have noticed that “Suck” “Luck” and “Fuck”, or possibly “Cuck” all rhyme?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Well #pewdiepie is trending right now, so you’ve made a wise life choice.

Spur
Spur

The tubby 4th guy on Ghost Adventures is crying in the dark. It appears he ghosts wont communicate with him

Gratliff

Bothered by the fact that the kid in episode 2 is playing a gameboy color even though the Gameboy Advance had been out for 4 years at that point

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Doktor Zymm

Does wine prevent scurvy? I’m gonna go with yes.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I, for one, have partaken of wine and do not currently have scurvy. Ergo, yes.

Horatio Cornblower

Fucking science man; you can’t argue with it.

Spur
Spur

GLOW season 3 was lacking

Doktor Zymm

So in addition to doing my open water diver cert, I’m also re-obtaining my motorcycle license and taking some additional handgun training in the next couple months. I’m not out of line in feeling SUPER badass, am I? What if I wear a wet suit on a private jet to Las Vegas? Too much?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Are you an organ donor? And are your organs in good shape?

If so, proceed.

Brocky

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Doktor Zymm

Just remember, the Spartans put up a hell of a fight at Thermopylae, but they DID all die

Spur
Spur

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Spur
Spur

Col. Duke LaCross

This ain’t Hot Rod magazine, pal.

Brocky

So in unrelated unsexy news, my dad got attacked by fucking yellow jackets right before the game started.

I got home, noticed him riding on the lawnmover. Being the good son i am, i move the lawn furniture to an already mowed portion so he can mow the side yard.

He finishes up, he gets to talking about landscaping he wants to do, points to one of our planters/light holders is tipped over halfway. He goes and sets it right….

Then he swats at something. Then he slaps himself in the neck, like as fucking hard as he can. Then he does it again, this time hard enough to send his glasses flying.

I’m standing like 15 feet away wondering what the fuck was going on, then i see the littler little fuckers flying around him. He starts running towards the garage, i notice no less than 6 fucking wasps just fucking hanging on the front of his shirt. I yelled for him to take it off. He did, runs into the garage then finally lets out with a big GOD FUCKING DAMN IT .

Got him inside, gave the pain killers, and started applying ice packs. He got stung 8 times. Twice on neck, one on his right temple, one on left wrist, two on his right hand and twice on his right leg.

I wasn’t about to take this shit lying down. I had a thing of ant spray in the garage, i changed into jeans and a hoodie, waited for the sun to go down a little more, went out, kicked the planter, and started spraying anything that moved. 25 minutes later the planter stopped buzzing, I kicked it twice more, and i was out of spray. If those fuckers aren’t dead, they ain’t happy.

Also, bonus cosplay chick for reading all this

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I am hoping for a followup tomorrow morning that involves gasoline and a controlled burn.

Horatio Cornblower

Me too.

There’s no way the yellow jackets are gonna take this laying down.

Brocky

If they’re still there tomorrow they’re gonna wish they had followed luck’s lead and gotten the hell out of Indiana when they had the chance

Gratliff

You’re going to boo them mercilessly?

Brocky

Sure. Lets go with that.
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WCS

Brocky

If it comes to that. Gonna get proper bee spray and a a weed wacker tomorrowa. Gotta remove the foliage.

Doktor Zymm

Those fuckers deserve death. Just the 8 stings ain’t awful for caught in a swarm. Well done taking em down.

Brocky

I honestly stopped counting at 8

Doktor Zymm

eek

Spur
Spur

Spur
Spur

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

She’s a treasure.

Doktor Zymm

My ridiculous trip is merely days away! I’m flying SFO-TPE-BKK (bike tour) BKK-CMB (bird watching, food tour) CMB-DXB-SIN (overnight) SIN-DXB-CMB, CMB-DEL-AMD, AMD-SIN-SFO. This is all over about 6 days, I leave 1 am Thursday, return 9:40 am Wednesday

Gratliff

Restarting Always Sunny and shocked at how bad the early episodes look now

Spur
Spur

that show didnt start until DeVito joined

Doktor Zymm

“The Gang Goes on Welfare” is still my fav

Spur
Spur

The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention or Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody’s Ass

Horatio Cornblower

The abortion wars one is one of my favorites.

Gratliff

Big fan of the Eagles’ Super Bowl two-parter, myself

Gratliff

And let’s not forget The World Series defense

WCS

“Oh shit, there’s stickers.”

Gratliff

I know what it is. It looks like a shitty British TV show. Like they borrowed their cameras from Eastenders, which reminds me: i heard this a billion times as a kid, and it still blows.

Brocky

I remember watching it when it debuted and not thinking it was that great. Wasn’t till like 5 years later people told me to give it another chance

Spur
Spur

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Damn. The White Walkers finally got ol’ HODOR

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, someone’s got some catching up to do.

Allow me.

STOP WATCHING AFTER THE FIRST TWO EPISODES OF THE FINAL SEASON.
They stop trying and it all goes to shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sweet dreams.

Doktor Zymm

Is this some sort of Warrant music video?

Brocky

If you’re hitting hay, holdup, i got a long story im writing

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Great. Now I have epilepsy and a pathological craving for cherry pie.

Doktor Zymm

Farewell Andrew Luck. Now, if you pee blood, you have only yourself to blame.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Possum has been extracted with no shots fired.
(I was joking about the shotgun, fwiw)

SonOfSpam

They’re quite slow and stupid. I feel a kinship.

Horatio Cornblower

We have one around us that will sit in our recycling bin for hours if there’s a peanut butter jar in there. Cute little fella.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To be fair; I’ve done the same.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Dead, alive, or maimed?

SonOfSpam

Just killed a black widow outside the garage. Feeling kinda badass.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED???

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Not without pictures or video.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

Make sure it did lay eggs comment image

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not even on Tinder and I’m swiping left on this.

Horatio Cornblower

Hadn’t Coretta Scott King suffered enough?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are so Thích Quảng Đức tonight!!!

Brocky

I killed some insects earlier, I’m writing that story now

Spur
Spur

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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Brocky

So if you play season mode on madden with the colts, does he retire in franchise mode?

Doktor Zymm

The madden franchise should be updated with CTE, early retirements, behavioral suspensions and fines for not talking to the press

Spur
Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh, but when I do it…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

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Horatio Cornblower

I played two 21-year olds in Wiffle Ball tonight and while I held my own, dear god does everything hurt right now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Which one was shirts and which was skins?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Well there goes my plans for this evening.

You’ve been spared, widowed sock.