Your Saturday Evening NFL Prelude Open Thread

The first week is over and boy-howdy am I ready for some hard drinking. I so far have registered 30 at-risk students in my program. That’s more than double last year’s first-week total, and is already close to the point where I will have to close registration because I don’t have enough room or materials for beyond 40 kids.

No risk of cool theme songs coming out of my classroom.

Also, I may have to learn Tagalog, given how many Filipinos I have in my program. Parents in the district are screaming for French immersion, but my risible French serves no useful purpose when my classroom sounds like the back alley of a Manila Jollibee.

He haunts my dreams.

So, I’m spending this evening with my wife, my dogs, and a bottle of the good scotch from last summer. FOR TOMORROW I FOOTBALL! Three hours down the road is the Seahawks home opener, and I will be there sucking every last drop of fun from my weekend, $5 at a time. Hopefully, if I can keep it between the ditches on the drive home, I have some good pictures to show you during the week.


Tomorrow’s broadcast maps:(courtesy 506sports.com)

CBS SINGLE

 Anchorage
 Fairbanks
 Honolulu

█ Tennessee @ Cleveland – Jim Nantz, Tony Romo

█ Kansas City @ Jacksonville – Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts

█ Buffalo @ NY Jets – Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon

█ Baltimore @ Miami – Andrew Catalon, James Lofton

█ Indianapolis @ LA Chargers (LATE) – Greg Gumbel, Trent Green

Cincinnati @ Seattle (LATE) – Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta

Really? Tennessee vs. Cleveland gets the CBS A-team? Holy hell are they already in the hole hard for the Browns to make something of themselves.

Meanwhile, the Colts would be better off starting Trent Green.

FOX EARLY

█ Washington @ Philadelphia – Kevin Burkhardt, Charles Davis

█ Atlanta @ Minnesota – Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman

█ LA Rams @ Carolina – Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston

█  NO GAME due to blackout enforced by home team on CBS

Can’t argue with much here. Each game looks solid, and has solid announce teams.

FOX LATE

 Anchorage
 Fairbanks
 Honolulu

█ NY Giants @ Dallas – Joe Buck, Troy Aikman

█ San Francisco @ Tampa Bay – Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber

█ Detroit @ Arizona – Dick Stockton, Mark Schlereth

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME SHILLIN’?! The over/under on Troy referencing Emmitt Smith’s holdout is 7.5. The rest of these games are dogshit, but at least listening to Ronde Barber snicker every time Jameis gets hit will be worth it.


Tonight’s sports: so much college ball, I’m only going with the name-brand matchups.

  • NCAA:
    • BYU at Tennessee – 7:00PM | ESPN
      • If the Vols start 0-2, prepare for the “Peyton, find us a coach!” cries.
    • LSU at Texas – 7:30PM | ABC / TSN2
    • Buffalo at Penn State – 7:30PM | FOX
      • Didn’t Penn State buffalo the Sandusky investigation?
    • Tulane at Auburn – 7:30PM | ESPN2
    • California at Washington – 10:30PM | FS1
    • Stanford at Southern California – 10:30PM | ESPN
  • MLB:
    • Jays at Rays – 6:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Phillies at Mets – 7:00PM | FS1
    • Giants at Dodgers – 9:00PM | Sportsnet
  • CFL:
    • Stampeders vs. Eskimos – 7:00PM | TSN / ESPN+
  • International Rugby:
    • Canada vs. USA – 10:00PM | TSN

Enjoy your evening everyone. I am.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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JustStopDude

Just saw a crowd shot of a sobbing and screaming Texas fan.

The dude is in college and is sobbing like a baby…

Unsurprised

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Brick Meathook

Back to the strip club lady your kid’s diapers aren’t going to pay for themselves.

Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
yeah right

Chicken enchiladas tomorrow!

Unsurprised

WOOHOO!

yeah right

this time I MAKE MY OWN SAUCE!

WCS

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Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bad pantie lines/ would not ba……. damn it.

Spur

Gumbo Defensive players are dropping like flies.

Mr. Ayo

Another one bites the dust. They can’t take the heat!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One should wait three hours minimum after eating gumbo before playing tackle football. It’s in the manual.

King Hippo

u noe how them teenagers is

yeah right

Don’t care.

Greatest live band right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDbS5Fmk3LY

Brick Meathook

T-2.5 hours until liftoff!

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Spur

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JustStopDude

Holy fuck this wedding is finally over.

I swear to God, I will Never understand why anyone thought having an outdoor wedding in Charlotte, on a golf course was a good idea.

I’m supposed to continue drinking, but I am so damn exhausted and dehydrated….

Also, at the wedding reception, for reasons I do not understand, a husband and wife sat on either side of me. Both were vegans, and the husband is an incredibly annoying financial lawyer and the wife has blue fucking hair. I kept offering to switch seats so they would stop talking with me in between.

I think I told them each five times that I don’t speak polish and please for the love of God, stop asking me what the Polish people at the table were saying.

Fuck it… I’m going to sleep…

Senor Weaselo

Was the wife in Stinkoman 20X6?

yeah right

Should have had a keilbasa drop.

Brick Meathook

You should have told them that you DO speak a little Polish and it seems the Poles were talking about the couple and how ugly the wife was and all sorts of stuff like that

BugEyedBoo

“He…he said the bride’s a pig! Don’t get mad at me, man, he said it!”

Spur

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Spur

Cal vs Huskies or USC vs Stanford?

Mr. Ayo

I’m gonna start with Huskies.

Spur

extra bonus the Huskie game is in 4k

WCS

ESS EEE SEE ESS EEE SEE

Losing just means more.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It just means there are more asshole fans of these teams.

Spur

BUSH PUSH!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

Big Love > Tea Bags

blaxabbath

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Got blaxito at the local park concert. Rode him over in the Burley, the band stinks, but the food trucks are good and have beer that’s *only* $5. So all in all, not bad.

Spur

looks like a nice night.

blaxabbath

Well, so long as no MAGAShooters show up and start thinking all these Asian gals (many being very hot) are Mexican.

Brick Meathook

That’s very nice lighting.

Spur

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King Hippo

dagnabbit, now I want the strip club

Spur

Tennessee ekes our an answer.

King Hippo

approaching bananacakes?

Mr. Ayo

In range. Need at least 3 OTs.

King Hippo

agreed. Or a double-donk

Spur

pancakes does sound good tomorrow morning

King Hippo

I wonder if either Vols deep safety is related to Rahim Moore?

Spur

Tennessee in BIG trouble here

King Hippo

when you are getting beat in the trenches by Big Love?? YIKES

Spur

nice play calling for Big Love

Mr. Ayo

Tough spot for tea baggers now.

King Hippo

The slant is always open!

apologies to Coach Parcells

Spur

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Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

BYU-Tenn apparently in a kicker battle between Oldroyd and Cimaglia. You can clear either of those up right quick with some antibiotics.

King Hippo

over the crossbar by a gnat’s pube!

/but if this goes into enough OT, won’t they have to forfeit at midnight??

Senor Weaselo

Yeshiva vs. BYU. WHO YA GOT? On Monday, because dueling Sabbaths.

herodotus450

Texas has an Olineman named Shackleford. If his first name isn’t Rusty, by god, I say we give the whole dang state back to Mexico.

WCS

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POCKET SAND!

Senor Weaselo

So did anyone see if JD Martinez grabbed some lady’s boobs while going for a ball?

WCS

HOLY SHIT BIG LOVE

Spur

too bad that receiver had no wheels

King Hippo

I mean, he’s black, but still like Mormon black

Spur

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King Hippo

I do appreciate how courtesan-ish UT-Austin’s cheerleaders are.

Spur

I’ll watch the last minute of Big Love in Tenn

King Hippo

Big Love needs some AMAZING gold plate shenanigans now

Spur

Prayers answered

King Hippo

that’ll show them apostates

Spur

LSU receiver got wrecked. that shit looked like it HURT

Game Time Decision

if anyone’s interested, they are live streaming the Mann cup this year, link here.
ow.ly/4MzD50w14ec

Spur

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herodotus450

LSU – Texas turning back into a game

Spur

we need a good 2nd game to watch. Texas?Gumbo is on commercial.

ballsofsteelandfury

Pac 12 insanity!

King Hippo

ain’t started yet

herodotus450

Miami UNC is close. And Auburn appears to be strug-a-ling with Tulane

King Hippo

but U*NC could still win, so fuck that noise

King Hippo

end of Vols/Team Big Love (Original Recipe)

Don T

This “chasing your dreams” thing is treacly shit. On the other hand, I don’t wanna die before dating a nurse. Or health technician, for the equipment jokes.

ballsofsteelandfury

Having dated a nurse, I can tell you it’s worth it just for the stories/jokes. It’s tough, though. That’s a rough job/ lifestyle.

Spur

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yum

Col. Duke LaCross

Okay, so in five days I’m driving from Salt Lick to Colorado Springs to meet/hang out with a possible new Duchess for the first time. I’ve known her online for a decade, and have been giving her golf lessons via video clip for the last three years. Right after that godawful breakup I had with the previous Duchess last Spring, Colorado girl started messaging me out of the blue saying that now that her divorce was final, she wanted to come to Utah to play golf and “hang out.” We started trading messages back and forth when I was back in Florida for PGA school a couple months ago, and we’ve either messaged or talked every day since. She hasn’t been able to make it out this way yet, but I thought the Bears v. Donks game next week would be a good excuse to head over that way for a visit. I’m giving her an actual in-person lesson and then we’re playing golf a couple times and going to the game. I kinda feel like there’s something there developing.

At the same time, I’m nervous as shit. I’ve never in my life done anything remotely like this before. 400 miles seems like a long way to drive for a first date or three.

Am I gonna wake up in a motel bathtub full of ice, missing a kidney?

Spur

And you’re SURE you’re not being Catfished?

ballsofsteelandfury

Are you sure he’s not tWBS?

Col. Duke LaCross

I’m kinda hoping he weighs in.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why does everyone massively upvote every comment which makes fun of me?
Oh yeah, I forgot….carry on.

Col. Duke LaCross

99.9% sure. We’ve FaceTimed several times and her socials seem to check out.

But that .1% chance is living in the back of my brain, man.

Mr. Ayo

Get in the hole!

You’ll be fine.

ballsofsteelandfury

Just remember to pull out the 3 Wood, not the putter…

WCS

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Only if you run into the Scooby Gang.

Don T

That sounds like great news. She seems into you. Hope you have a wonderful time.

yeah right

Good luck. I’m rooting for you seriously. You’ve got a good heart. Just don’t get your dick stepped on because of that.

King Hippo

yeah, good on you not giving up on love

Col. Duke LaCross

Thanks, pal.

Senor Weaselo

I thought Duchess was married? Or at the least had kids. Or kid.

Sharkbait

Good luck man. Any contacts in Colorado Springs for backup? Just in case?

yeah right

Gotta have a wing man.

Col. Duke LaCross

Two of my old junior college golf teammates live in Denver.

Sharkbait

Give em a call. Worst case you get to hang out with them again.

Col. Duke LaCross

Already done. We’re going out on kind of a double date with them and their wives Friday night.

Spur

Speaking of Tequila – is tres amigos worth the extra cost?

Mr. Ayo

NTTAWWT

ballsofsteelandfury

No tequila is worth the extra cost unless you’re sipping it like a brandy.

Spur

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WCS

Ladies and gentlemen, the role of Moose tonight will be played by Spur.

Unsurprised

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Spur

I love that the the new LSU offense involved making sure the players could read a playbook.

WCS

Or just read in general.

Mr. Ayo

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Spur

You guys trust Ed Orgeron with a lead?

WCS

JVGUMBOJVGUMBOJVGUMBO

King Hippo

speaking of, Les Miles losing to Coastal Carolina, Q4

Spur

Good News, the lawn has been mowed all chores, trips, to-dos are done. I have a kitchen full of food and enough liquor on hand to kill a small size Asian family. Am ready to do jack shit but watch football for the next 32 hours.

I may shower, havent decided yet.

yeah right

I just showered.

herodotus450

For some wonderful reason my espn stream is still on the stadium halftime show (terrible by the way, you can totally mess with Texas on this one) instead of whatever brain dead halftime show the rest of you chumps are stuck with.

herodotus450

Crap it just switched over.

Unsurprised

You jinxed it

WCS

Stumptown looks otherworldly stoopid.

Unsurprised

I need a hobby. There’s no other reason to even acknowledge the Internet except DFO, but I have also apparently forgotten how to read whenever I try to read ebooks. A reasonable man would use this as an excuse to get off my ass and workout or do something to lose weight, at least. Maybe socialize. Anyway.

King Hippo

nah, just go back to actual paper books. I’m glad to ship ya some.

Unsurprised

I should. I’ve just been trying to utilize the larger … library … available through my library.

yeah right

Dude, I’ve got years of reading entertainment for you.
Reading is even more important than cooking in my brain.
And I think you know how much that means from this guy.

yeah right

Life starts by continuing to feed your brain.

Viva La Tabula Raza

OK, here we go. There is no one with whom I have shared this recipe that has not totally flipped out about it and started mainlining it. It is totally fungible, I have never even tried adding normal tequila adjuncts like Grand Marnier or Triple Sec to this recipe, and I encourage experimentation, please report your findings. I learned this in Mexico at a Roger Clyne concert at Rocky Point/Puerto Penasco a few years back. The original recipe I learned was:

12 oz cheap-ass tequila
12 oz Mexican beer (I use Modelo, but I am sure that Corona, Sol, Pacifico etc. will work just fine. Shit, my dad makes them with AB Natural Light).
12 oz 7-Up
12 oz lime-aide juice concentrate

over the years I have tailored the recipe to my taste, and here’s what it looks like now when I prepare it:

12 oz cheap-ass tequila
12 oz Mexican beer
12 oz club soda (7-Up too fucking sweet)
6 oz lime-aide juice concentrate (12 oz too much)

Give it a shot and let me know what you think.

theeWeeBabySeamus

12 oz cheap-ass tequila
12 oz Mexican beer

OK, seriously….I cannot believe Balls hasn’t shown up.
Sucking ass.
Cheap ass tequila.
Mexican beer.

Unsurprised

That probably describes his afternoon.

King Hippo

TOTES SAD at the collapse of Westwood Klavern

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, I know they suck. No sadness here.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m here. And I’ll be making this!

Spur

i do love me some modelo negra

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least Sparty ain’t fucked up.

…..yet

nomonkeyfun

I think the Nasser case gave them a surplus of fuck ups to last the next 100 years.