Alas, no Lesser Footy (outside the minor league/GAMBLOR realm). Doggone international breaks make my arse chafe. But we have a reasonably decent September slate to keep one sane-ish.
Cincinnati (+16) at Theeeee Ohio State (Noon, ABC)
As much as we would all like to see JV WKRP do a thing…I wouldn’t bet on this being competitive after Q1. But Redshirt will no doubt keep us updated.
Syracuse (+2) at Maryland (Noon, ESPN)
The Orange might be the 2nd best side in the ACC. Though that might be damning with faint praise, I still think they’re better than B1G cannon fooder like the Turtles.
West By God Virginia (+13.5) at Missouri (Noon, ESPN2)
Another spread I don’t get. Yes, Fuckers du Cousins looked pretty anemic Week 1, but they didn’t lose to fucking Wyoming (though my GAMBLOR balance appreciated it). Also, this:
Texas A&M (+17.5) at Clemson (3:30, ABC)
Yes, sadly, Son de Clem is indeed that good. Even I can’t talk myself into betting Bonfire Cult here. Depressing.
Nebraska (-4) at Colorado (3:30, Fox)
Ah, the memories of the old Bill McCartney “crips v. bloods” game. Go watch that 30 FOAR 30 if ya haven’t already.
Illinois (-20.5) at UConn (3:30, CBSSN)
No respect for the Fightin’ Horatios, I tells ya!!
San Diego State (+7.5) at UCLA (4:15, PAC-12)
Chip Kelly is failing so hard in Westwood, it’s hard not to masturbate to it. Aztecs are always a tough out.
BYU (+3.5) at Tennessee (7:00, ESPN)
Prior to Week 1, this looked like a pretty good matchup. Now, Team Big Love gets to feel the vengeance of a Vols squadron that’s mighty embarrassed. Seriously, Georgia Fucking State??
LSU (-6.5) at Texas (7:30, ABC)
Look, I hate Steer Fuckers South as much as anyone. But last weekend showed us that no non-Alabama SEC PAWWWWLLLLL side out to be laying points on the road to a legitimate opponent.
Arkansas (+6.5) at Ole Miss (7:30, SECN)
I will end up watching lots of Pig Sooey/Johnny Reb. FOAR REASONS (see banner pic).
Cal (+13.5) at Washington (10:30, FS1)
Nap strategically, they’s two interesting tweaker matchups. The Golden Shower Bears are always a weird team, and UW is replacing lots of talent. At home, they should still pull it out (PHRASING!).
Stanford (line pending) at Southern Cal (10:30, ESPN)
This was more intriguing before Troi Boiz’ QB done had his leg tore off, but it’s highly likely they have another dude MOAR capable than whatever shitmonkey the Trees trot out. Plus, quality pervert times.