Were you not entertained yesterday? I certainly was. We had safeties, plenty of derpage, surprises, comebacks, new stars (if only for one week) and the usual disappointments. All in all, a great bag of tricks. I’ll throw a few cogitations at you. Think of it as an addendum to the much-beloved “Hippo Thoughts”.
Fallout:
-sure glad I didn’t invest in Baker Mayfield. I know he’ll be just fine but his line is going to make things rough for him here and there.
-next week’s Bills/Jizziants game is going to redefine the word ‘uglyball’.
-slam the brakes on this Hollywood Brown guy. He only had 15 snaps all game and the Ravens aren’t going to reverse direction and fling the ball all day all of a sudden. He got a bit lucky. Look for major regression next week.
-Alex Mattison. He’s got major talent and the Vikes would be wise to develop a package of plays for him rather than just use him as a fill-in for Cook.
-I’ve said this to anyone who’d listen and several who didn’t: Calvin Ridley is such enormous value in fantasy. Julio will always get the best cb and safety help to boot. That leaves Calvin on a lesser talent and he flourishes. “But he only had a couple of big games last year, that’s why his TD total is inflated”, you say. I say he scored 10 as a rookie finding his way in the offense and will be even better this year. Matt Ryan trusts him and the Falcons will be throwing all year long. Don’t be afraid to play this guy.
-I predicted that Jordan Howard would be left behind at some point but week 1 was a surprise.
-congrats to those that played Desean! You’ll be paid back next week with 2 catch, 23 yard outing. Such is the nature of that beast.
-Mustache Minshew’s fall back to reality is going to be even more painful than a broken collarbone.
-don’t pull the plug on Damien Williams just yet but it sure doesn’t look promising.
TO THE GAMES!
Texans/Saints:
Houston’s O-line gave up a league-high 62 sackeroos last year. The Tonsil (intentional) trade might make a wee bit of difference but that line play is affecting qb Watson’s development. Them Saints are psyched about a UFDA they found by the name of Deonte Harris, a wee lad that goes 5’6″, 170 and played DII football at Assumption College. He holds the all divisions record for most career return TD’s at 14. You know what they say about players that ball out at Assumption…
Den/Oak:
You know what fans of the Broncos new qb are called? Flaccolytes. (I thunked that up all on my own! I probably read it somewhere and forgot about it ) Most folks slept on rb Lindsay during draft season because of the yapping about Freeman but I don’t buy it at all. I guess we’ll see if the hubbub around te Darren Waller was justified.
Pluck those strings folks!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNTo34xOwoM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukmobha2krY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2CsUYAP6AU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03mS-ibqQxQ&ab_channel=SlayerVEVO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIbtcSJSSeU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROMBKaOf9cg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AI8njky2Nrs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1d-fUcT05g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HwCGSjwq4Y
FUCK YEAH DEFTONES
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkFqg5wAuFk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Tl3Y_pP_EY
Going deep into the archives for this one.
I’m used to this by now. No more “Request Line” so for me it bleeds over into the game threads.
She has pretty eyes but the ‘stache is killing my skin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsntlJZ9h1U
https://youtube.com/watch?v=RWJbQllN6iQ
What are the chances I don’t witness an offensive touchdown in that Bears v. Donks game next week? Even money?
Take the under.
Just get me a live cam on the BART after the game.
Just watch The Purge. Same thing.
Don’t forget Tony! Toni! Toné!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jfoxsfhi-kk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D00M2KZH1J0
This video brought to you by Cocaine. Cocaine: Everything’s a Good Idea At the Time!
I’ve seen better Bronco tosses this season from Inertia Labs.
/The joke is that Bronco also hasn’t won this season
//I do need to watch the Hydra fight even if I know what happens
Hydra fight you say?
They do look a little angry. I think.
Aren’t those the things that can’t die from ageing?
Ding ding ding.
Good answer there, Yinzer.
John Barr vs Pendleton: discuss?
Nevermind. The correct answer was “both”.
Hall & Oates next album cover art?
That’s disturbing.
I think I’ve met this guy. That’s disturbing.
Tackled by the shortstop????
4 more possessions and DONKs can tie it up.
make that 5, good thing plenty of time left!
The announcers have informed this is still a 2 possession game.
I believe the implication is 2 non-flacco possessions though.
most FGs win, right??
High score in the no-money league, low score in the moneyed. FIGURES
Stumptown sounds an awful lot like Vernon, Florida
We have found the hometown of Florida Man!
If the nickname’s origin were even remotely that interesting, Portland would be a lot more fun.
It’s because of the stupid logging industry. The Slabtown neighborhood where the offices I work at are is called that because it’s where they rolled logs down the hills onto the river.
Guess what gave the Sellwood neighborhood its nickname.
Oh, God. I forgot where I was. On second thought, don’t guess.
hmmm, don’t think we is gonna win after all.
— me, five minutes into last night’s game
Do you mean Saturday’s game? WOOF
Take your pick.
YES
Holy crap, I won in FF.
How in the holy hell did that happen?
Trump’s in the Oval Office. Weird things happen, man.
This is God. You’re suffering from a Ketamine-soaked delusion.
Don’t I wish.
There’s still time.
I’ve seen enough cats waking up from ketamine in my day.
No chance I’d ever try it.
Interestingly though, the FDA has apparently approved a low dose ketamine spray for depression. The former tWLS and I had quite the argument over whether she should take it.
Yeah. Ketamine, LSD, shrooms (which I expect will be legal in Portland if not Oregon by end of 2020), even GHB are all being explored. Personally, I’m sticking with the normal drugs for now. I’m waiting on one of those DNA tests to get more info. Shit, maybe I should have been using shrooms since high school after all. 😀
I agree with Dok. Leave the lines on for baseball. If you catch a fly ball in the endzone, it’s 3 runs to the better.
How about the Wild Card Game being on a football field? It’s a 3-run homer if you hit it through the uprights.
If you catch it inside the 20 you can try to return it. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE BENCHES CLEARING TO TACKLE THE GUY????